The past couple days I have really been feeling the burden of choosing homebirth. I feel like the weight of it is entirely on my shoulders, because it is. DH is not helping me financially whatsoever (which is hardly fair since he has more money left over to blow on junk each month than I make altogether in TWO months), and although he is "letting" me do this, he's definitely not ever going to be comfortable with the idea. TBH, I don't even want him at the birth at all, because he is the type who freaks out over every little thing (i.e. he starts screaming about how DS1 is deathly ill if he so much as coughs once, no exaggeration) and I already know that his negativity about the very idea of homebirth would pollute the room with bad vibes anyway.
I will be lucky if I can save up half of the MW's fee by the time this baby is born (due in August), and I've recently had to face the fact that I'll have to go back to work much sooner than I'd like after the birth to pay for the rest, depending on what kind of payment plan I can set up with my MW. It would only be part time, and I would quit as soon as the birth was paid off, but I was still hoping for a year at home with my new babe just like I had with DS1. I had been hoping to scrounge up enough money for a car, as well, since we don't have any transportation other than our own feet, but DH is not helping me with that either, so I had to let go of that hope because if I got a car there'd be nothing left to spend on a homebirth. And that has me feeling even more down, because although we can both walk to our jobs, our parent's houses, the park, and the grocery store in just a few minutes, we still live in a very small town with nothing to do and some days I just feel trapped here.
I could really use some encouragement from other HB mamas about how awesome this will be. I know deep down inside that the homebirth will be worth every penny, I really do, but on the outside I am just feeling so frustrated. Don't bother trying to give me advice on how to get DH to contribute, because that's not going to work. Every now and then he pays lip service to the idea of helping out, but so far he's not once put his money where his mouth is, and we've only got two and a half months or so left, so I've come to terms with the fact that he's not ever going to pitch in. It's okay. I would just appreciate some support from my fellow MDCers to help me feel not quite so frustrated and alone in all of this. I plan on working on my birth board soon to boost me up with positivity, but in the meantime some reminders of what I am working so hard for would be great. Thanks.
I will be lucky if I can save up half of the MW's fee by the time this baby is born (due in August), and I've recently had to face the fact that I'll have to go back to work much sooner than I'd like after the birth to pay for the rest, depending on what kind of payment plan I can set up with my MW. It would only be part time, and I would quit as soon as the birth was paid off, but I was still hoping for a year at home with my new babe just like I had with DS1. I had been hoping to scrounge up enough money for a car, as well, since we don't have any transportation other than our own feet, but DH is not helping me with that either, so I had to let go of that hope because if I got a car there'd be nothing left to spend on a homebirth. And that has me feeling even more down, because although we can both walk to our jobs, our parent's houses, the park, and the grocery store in just a few minutes, we still live in a very small town with nothing to do and some days I just feel trapped here.
I could really use some encouragement from other HB mamas about how awesome this will be. I know deep down inside that the homebirth will be worth every penny, I really do, but on the outside I am just feeling so frustrated. Don't bother trying to give me advice on how to get DH to contribute, because that's not going to work. Every now and then he pays lip service to the idea of helping out, but so far he's not once put his money where his mouth is, and we've only got two and a half months or so left, so I've come to terms with the fact that he's not ever going to pitch in. It's okay. I would just appreciate some support from my fellow MDCers to help me feel not quite so frustrated and alone in all of this. I plan on working on my birth board soon to boost me up with positivity, but in the meantime some reminders of what I am working so hard for would be great. Thanks.
s
But yeah, you're right, it's not fair...especially since "my money" is about 1/16th of "his money."
) However, after Faith's birth, when we were all alone in the room, there was a very long bit of silence. Then my husband got a huge grin on his face, looked at me, and said,
. I felt so good I didn't want to go to sleep!
:
