Annoyed at OB nurse

[OrangeblossomB]

I am currently about 10 weeks pregnant with my third baby. At my first OB appointment, the nurse was asking me about things like breastfeeding, circing, epidurals, etc. Maybe I'm being oversensitive, but I was really annoyed that when I answered her questions, she basically blew off my feelings/ experiences. I told her I wasn't interested in having an epidural... I had my first baby fine without one and really wish I hadn't been pressured into it with my second because it slowed my labor down (It was still a short labor -- 5 hours -- but my first was over and done with in two hours) She said, "well, I'll put you down for one anyway, otherwise they won't even offer." I don't WANT them to offer! When the topic came to BFing, I said that I would definitely BF this baby, and mentioned that I had BFed both other babies, going to 17 months with my second, and I hope to continue with this one till at least 2. She gave me this horrified look, and said, "Oh, that's too long!" Then she related a story about running into a former patient in a Wal Mart, and told me how the woman's then toddler aged DD walked up and lifted the mama's shirt up to nurse. She finished up by saying, "that's why you have to wean them... you don't want that." (Why don't I want that, again?) As for the circ thing... I told her that yes, I circed my DS... I was 19 and very uninformed when I had him, and I just plain didn't know that I had the option not to, but that I had no plans to circ this baby if it happens to be a boy. I got, "But if you circed your first son, you absolutely MUST circ this one... you don't want them to be different!" In my head, I was thinking, wow... I did lots of things with my first that I wouldn't do again... I circed him, I only BFed for 8 months, I used daycare, I started solids early.... none of which I would repeat at this point in time. What happened to, "when you know better, you do better?" And why is this coming up at this point in the pregnancy anyway? I wish I could have thought of something snappy to say... my family and DH's are quite supportive and no one has ever really questioned any decision I made concerning my kids, so it took me by surprise, and I couldn't think of anything to say on the spur of the moment. So I've been stewing about it ever since. Hopefully I won't be tongue tied the next time around. I keep thinking I should have at least quoted the WHO recommendations for BFing for at least two years to her... I know that off the top of my head. And I keep wondering how many new moms she's scared off of doing things naturally with that attitude.

[Carita]

wow - all I can say is that she is probably saying this to all the patients and probably influencing some FTM in the process. That's horrible! Maybe an anon call to the office to suggest some additional nurse training is in order .

[go0ber]

what a terrible nurse. i would complain about her. it's not so much what she believes but the fact that she brushed you off, wouldn't listen to you and was forcing her opinions down your throat when you did not request them! i would seriously talk to or write a letter to your doctor. or perhaps switch OBs depending on how much you like your doctor. that sounds awful.

[yarngoddess]

How awfull for you! I'm so very angry for you!

You really need to speak up- to the doc or the hospital! Just her lack of sensativity! OY! I had a ob nurse that treated me very badly- called me a Drug Addict because I have a severe pain condition due to pregnancy (over-seperated hips) So- I told my OBGYN and he about had a Corinary in the office. He told me he had to step out- and his FNP finished the visit. He then went to the hospital and had a MANDATORY meeting (he even called in the nurses at home) and they ALL talked about ME. Very strange...but EVERYONE was suddenly WONDERFULL and friendly and supportive and nice.

I would talk to the doc/midwife and see what they do. If this is the hospital call and ask about the L&D head or managment and talk to them. This is totally unacceptable.

If nothing is done about this issue you can REFUSE to allow this nurse to treat you. PERIOD. Tell her that you want to speak to the shift supervisor, or that you want another nurse. Don't debate, don't explain. Just ask for a new nurse. Even if this is in the OBGYN's office- tell them that you want another nurse, as you refuse to allow "miss knowitall" to touch you. Don't sway on this- because if she's this pushy at this stage then it will only get worse as you get bigger!

Congrats on being Pregnant! The 3rd is interesting! Healthy, Easy, Happy Pregnancy Vibes!!

[OrangeblossomB]

She's actually one of the OB nurses at the local Health Department. I'm stuck with them until my medicaid comes through (hopefully soon!) then I can switch to a regular OB or midwife, as long as they take medicaid. I wonder if just talking to the Dr. would do it, or if I need to speak with someone else, since it's the health department? I feel like I really should say something. Not so much for my own sake, but because of how many young moms or just new, first time moms that go through that place. I wonder what they're telling new mamas that are considering BFing... I could see that toddler lifting the shirt story turning off someone who's unsure and just considering BFing, kwim? That's not so good. For me, personally, I'm just not used to being questioned on it, and I'm annoyed at being treated like I don't know what I'm doing, but it's sure not going to change my mind. But this women is seeing plenty of first time moms, and probably convincing them that they HAVE to have an epidural, HAVE to circ, and HAVE to wean before it's "too late". That bothers me.

[Night_Nurse]

She works for the health department and she has this attitude, esp. about bf???
Please, by all means, report her. I'd send a written letter with the WHO link about bf and how their nurse isn't being supportive toward a very healthy and normal feeding topic.
You should sent the letter to the local health dept. you visited as well as the head of the state department who oversees this local branch. If she is giving this info/attitude to you, she's also giving it to countless others.

I don't at all understand the part about "putting you down for an epidural". Regardless of if she or any other nurse at a private OB office discusses it with you, you will still be asked by your doctor or midwife delivering you at the hospital. Where I work, we always get "drop-in" patients with no prenatal care ever. They are always asked about pain relief methods and epidural info upon admission. That doesn't even make sense to me. Of course, if you don't want one, nobody should pressure you into it.


As far as the circ comment, she is just ignorant. Your sons would be so different on so many different levels, whether they are both circed or not. There is no "must", you are a free person and she really needs to keep her opinions to herself. It would be fine if she offered both sides of the coin on various issues. It sounds like she's just planning your entire pregnancy and birth for you. That is not her job.
Next time she tells you you "must" do something, I hope you smile and tell her she "must" keep her nose out of your business!

[OrangeblossomB]

The whole thing was strange... but I used the health department 8 years ago when I had DS, and I remember going through the same inquisition (minus the circ stuff... I don't recall anyone ever asking me if I wanted to circ DS at all, truthfully). They write in your chart that you do or don't want an epidural and if you're planning on BFing or not. I assumed that the chart goes to the hospital. I don't recall being offered an epidural with DS at the hospital, either, and I can't remember now if I told the health department at the time that I wanted one or not... but then, I had a two hour labor, and it was very... intense. Most of it is a blur. I may just not remember.

You'd think the Health Department, of all places, would be supportive of BF...

[evlu]

Please, by all means, report her. I'd send a written letter with the WHO link about bf and how their nurse isn't being supportive toward a very healthy and normal feeding topic.
You should sent the letter to the local health dept. you visited as well as the head of the state department who oversees this local branch. If she is giving this info/attitude to you, she's also giving it to countless others.

:

I've had a lot of success responding to the two-years-is-too-long attitude with "the American Academy of Family Physicians has a statement that children weaned before 2 are more likely to get sick." Nobody can really say anything after that.

And in regards to the OB nurse, I would have been tempted to say something like, "why do you even bother asking if there's only one 'right' answer?" or "why don't you just tell me what I'm 'supposed' to do, since all my answers are apparently wrong?" Although really, knowing me, I probably would have been too shocked to say anything at the time, and then thought of all sorts of retorts later.

[RachelGS]

Report report report. And don't let them take your baby away from your side for one millisecond.

[Mommy2Haley]

She's a nurse. Her job is to get the H&P, vitals, and answer questions -- NOT lecture you on how to raise your children!

[sapphire_chan]

Hope you've had some luck getting them to throw out that form and fill out a new one for you. (Or better, let YOU fill out the information.)

[rmzbm]

Wow, I agree - speak up, that's not ok!

[mytwogirls]

Originally Posted by Mommy2Haley

She's a nurse. Her job is to get the H&P, vitals, and answer questions -- NOT lecture you on how to raise your children!

YES! I am an OB/GYN RN (formerly a labor/delivery RN) and at the private practice where I work, I don't do the H&P or even ask those questions about epidurals, breast feeding, circ, etc. Those questions are asked by my OB ONLY! It is none of the nurse's business in my opinion about your history. We are there to draw blood, weight, BP, and assist the doc with the ultrasound if indicated otherwise the OB is the one who discusses those things. I am shocked, really shocked, she would even discuss those things with you. WOW! Report her a$$ at once.

[Sanveann]

I ditto everyone else ... report her.

Incidentally, I always laugh at the "you don't want them to look different" argument about circing. FIL is not circ'd (he's English); DH is, but his two younger brothers weren't. I asked DH once if it was ever an issue. He looked at me like I was crazy and said, "Of course not!"

[OrangeblossomB]

Originally Posted by Sanveann

I ditto everyone else ... report her.

Incidentally, I always laugh at the "you don't want them to look different" argument about circing. FIL is not circ'd (he's English); DH is, but his two younger brothers weren't. I asked DH once if it was ever an issue. He looked at me like I was crazy and said, "Of course not!"

I know! I can't figure out why they'd care... or even notice! I'd never heard that brothers compared things quite that much... and there will be almost a 9 year age difference between my son and this baby... are they really even going to notice?

[ldnurse]

as my name might suggest, I am an OB nurse as well and would never say those things! I feel that you should report this nurse to her supervisor and ask them to talk with you once they have discussed this issue with the nurse. That way you KNOW they are following up.