Originally Posted by kkj323
We have to remember that in the case of the OP, the EW was not only the former life, but part of the current life that she experienced with her DH. He took a time out from their relationship to contemplate whether he wanted to return to the ex. I'd assume that wasn't wholly based on his wishful thinking, but a sense that the ex was desiring, or at least open, to renew the relationship.
So I wonder who was feeling more territorial--the OP or the EW?
kkj, in that case, it's even clearer. He chose.
I was with one guy for 7 years, and his Heartthrob Ex was still around and part of our social circle. She was very goodlooking, bright, accomplished. Even if she'd changed her mind, though, forget it. Once someone leaves him, he's done. (Which is part of why his current gf's jealousy surprised me.) I didn't care for her at first because his story made her out to be heartless, but eventually I realized that was "dumped" talking, and that she's very likeable. She's moved an hour or so away now with her husband, but works in town, so I still have coffee with her occasionally.
If the op's husband's xw is some desperate schemer...well, that'd be kind of sad. But jealousy, I think, would be warranted only if he was the kind of guy to vacillate and cheat, and if that's the case, the main problem isn't jealousy.
About the bed -- you know, I never thought about beds when it came to bfs or my husband. I never heard a guy complain about my bed, either. I mean don't get me wrong, I can see it, just saying it's never come up for me. The only time I ever made that kind of association was with a friend who's been almost daughter-close to our old teacher, a Famous Person with a very dominant kind of personality. My friend's involved with our teacher's son, hopes to marry him (yeah, I know, don't ask) and the other day was helping to set up some kind of heirloom bed at his house. The mattress was original and had belonged to our teacher and her ex. Apart from the fact that the mattress had to be disgusting after 20 years in the basement, if there's one person I wouldn't want looming over my sex life, it'd be this teacher, esp. if she was going to be my MIL. I mean it'd be beyond incestuous. They're getting a new mattress.