Advocate S/O, can DPs "advocate"? - Page 2

[thefragile7393]

Originally Posted by SublimeBirthGirl

Dads CAN advocate but IME they rarely do, even when they plan to going in. Hospital staff, OBs, even CNMs, can be masters of manipulation when it comes to getting their way, and once your partner turns on you there's really nothing left but taking what they're pushing in most cases. There's no way to predict how it will go though choosing an NCB-friendly hospital and 100% supportive birth attendant is the best way to get as close as possible to the birth you want.

This is what I fear with dh....especially since he's refused to educate himself about birth.

[coobabysmom]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

To spin off a bit from this spin off, can doulas do "in progress" education of dps? Like "The doctor said she's not progressing quickly enough, if we supported her in a different position that could help." or something?

YES!!! This is exactly what a doula does! I am responsive to everyone inteacting with mom and if appropriate, I explain, reaffirm and make suggestions to some or all. If an opinion like "not progressing fast enough" came from the doctor, I would definitely suggest position changes and movement to everyone and remind everyone how well mom is doing and quell dad's fear after the doc left. This kind of talk can be demoralizing for mom, so I would take extra care to get mom back into a good headspace, talk to her baby, trust her body, etc. I would also find out when the doc was planning to come back and make sure we were sequestered in the bathroom to avoid more VEs.

At a recent birth, the mom had a cervical lip that won't go away and after 2 VEs within a 2-3hr span, I started to see a "look" on the attending resident's face & could tell she wasn't happy about this. She went aways saying something about calling the mom's practice OB... I knew mom's prolonged resting phase had been good for her but it was making her labor stall out and now it was time to be reactive to the ansy attending. I suggested the mom do a modified
hands and knee on the birth ball and the next thing we know mom is pushing. The attending couldn't believe it!

I guess what I am trying to convey is I really try to read the situation and hope to circumvent "stuff" before inane stuff comes out of the staff's mouths while trying to protect the mom's birthing space.

[coobabysmom]

Originally Posted by sweeetpea

Absolutely
No, I cannot make decisions for the mama or directly challenge stupid recommendations. Yes, I can communicate her preferences and plans to the HCPs without overtly challenging their "authority". Yes, sometimes it sucks not to be able to be more direct.

YUP!

[coobabysmom]

Originally Posted by paquerette

Maybe if there's a pre-agreed upon code phrase that the mom or the doula can say to the dad that means "man up and get aggressive here!"

I like this provided that Dad & Mom are into it. You got to find out what Dad is comfortable with.

[coobabysmom]

Originally Posted by Mama2Xander

Slightly OT but just thought I'd share: my preceptor told me that when she has a hospital transfer (which is extremely rare in her practice), she always advises the dad to take a minute to put some nice clothes on. It doesn't have to be a suit & tie or anything like that (!) just something he would wear to an event like a dinner party with colleagues: perhaps a nice shirt, casual jacket, and pressed pants. She says she notices a HUGE difference in how the couple is treated and the staff tend to be much more respectful and really listen to what the dad says in that case. It makes sense to me.

So funny!!!! I have seen witty and charming dads grease the wheels with the nurses, so to speak.

[sweeetpea]

Then there was the time that Dad bought pizza for the whole L&D nursing staff. They could not bend over backwards far enough to do whatever he wanted.

Note to self: pack Dominos coupons in birth bag...

[paquerette]

Originally Posted by Mama2Xander

Slightly OT but just thought I'd share: my preceptor told me that when she has a hospital transfer (which is extremely rare in her practice), she always advises the dad to take a minute to put some nice clothes on. It doesn't have to be a suit & tie or anything like that (!) just something he would wear to an event like a dinner party with colleagues: perhaps a nice shirt, casual jacket, and pressed pants. She says she notices a HUGE difference in how the couple is treated and the staff tend to be much more respectful and really listen to what the dad says in that case. It makes sense to me.

That was one of our big mistakes! DH is... well, usually I dress him whenever we're going out of the house. Of course that day I could not and he showed up looking extra super scruffy. He had a ponytail and a full beard at the time; added to ripped jeans, stained tshirt and tattered flannel, it did not help.

[jennica]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

: Set up "hospital outfit" for dh.

: