If your MIL was a midwife..........

[diapers4fun]

would you have her as your homebirth midwife?

[saimeiyu]

If I liked and trusted her, sure! Especially if she was in my area. I probably wouldn't even have to pay anything! Rock on! I hope any future sisters-in-law will feel comfortable enough with my mom to allow her to be their birth attendant.

ETA: Of course, in reality, my MIL never even went into labor. So she knows ABSOLUTELY nothing about birth. Or breastfeeding, for that matter.

[UnassistedMomma]

I absolutely would. My MIL is awesome. I'm very blessed to have her!

[phatchristy]

I'd have to be married to someone else....there's no way that MIL would be a midwife.

Maybe in my next life.

Absolutely if it was my mom, aunt, grandmother, sister...

[texaspeach]

no. I think being emotionally invested can cloud ones judgment.

[Xenopus]

That would be so freaking cool. But I still wouldn't have her at the birth. I'd be so glad to have her around immediately after though. I like MIL. But it's about the least likely thing I can imagine.

In reality, she's a retired surgical nurse who is very very mainstream, and who said to me (not knowing my stance) "You're not doing anything crazy like waterbirth, are you?" like anyone who births anywhere but the hospital is a nut.

/sigh. we can dream.

[xixstar]

if we had a good relationship, I'd have no problem with it. but, not happening -- was talking to MIL this weekend about a party we're having around the time we're due and she even said that if labor starts to let her know so she can hurry up and go home. Went on to say how her 3 births they just knocked you out and you woke up to a baby - she liked it that way I guess.

[zoebird]

nope.

of course, i'm a UCer.

i would think it was cool if my MIL was a midwife, but i wouldn't want her to be that close to me in birth. i consider this process very intimate, and i do not want to have that intimate of a relationship with my MIL.

that is part of why i'm UCing. if i were to utilize a midwife, i'd choose someone whom i didn't know, because the 'veil of professionalism' would keep an emotional distance for me such that i wouldn't feel that she was interfering with something so close.

if my mother were a midwife, i also wouldn't have my mother as my midwife.

as an adult woman, i just don't want those adult women that near to me. but another woman, a stranger and a professional, would be ok, because after the births, there would be little to no contact and therefore no sharing of that intimacy beyond that moment.

i don't know how to explain it. really.

[Juliacat]

Originally Posted by texaspeach

no. I think being emotionally invested can cloud ones judgment.

:

My MIL is extremely knowledgeable about childbirth, but I didn't want her within a 5 mile radius of me while I was giving birth, for that reason and also because she's very pushy.

[Snow~Pea]

If your MIL was a midwife.......... No way!

Sorry, that was my first thought when I saw the title of this thread. Seriously though, I don't think its a good idea. I think that it would jeopardize the professional relationship. Also, it may make you less likely to argue a point that you would have otherwise. So maybe you would end up going along with something that your midwife wants because you don't want to argue with your MIL, kwim?

[Ruthla]

I'm answering this in a completely theoretical way, because I'm done having babies, I don't actually have a MIL at all, and my ex-MIL wasn't a MW.

It completely depends on my relationship with her. Maybe I'd feel great about having my "second mom" there, or maybe I'd feel too weirded out to have "this woman I don't really like but can't avoid because she's related to me" at my birth, or even just "I like her but don't feel THAT close to her" and it could interfere with feeling open and comfy during labor, and potentially mess up our relationship afterwards. It could also be awkward if she attended one birth, and I wasn't fully happy bout it, then had to tell her I didn't want her there for a subsequent birth.

[slave2myprincess]

Yes, only because my mil is so calm and can be helpful at times. But i would only do this if i had no other choice. Sometimes MIL and i can have our disagreements (she thinks everything has to be her way) and that is not something i want to deal while i'm in labor.

[barefootpoetry]

My MIL would make a horrible midwife. So, no.

But, if she was someone I would choose even if we weren't related, heck yes I would. As long as she was able to revert to a more professional attendant/client relationship instead of the MIL/DIL dynamic you're probably both used to.

[kalirush]

I get along fine with my MIL. But I still wouldn't have her as my midwife if she were one. I might well have her at the birth, but I'd have someone else as the birth professional.

I'd hope that if I were close enough to her to want her at the birth, we'd be good enough that when I said "I want a HCP who isn't emotionally invested in things" she'd be cool.

[shelley4]

only if i had a great relationship with, which i don't, so no. it would really depend on my level of trust.

[mamaverdi]

This is a very strange question...is it hypothetical? Is it about yourself?

[Rocketgal]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I'd sooner go to a hospital!

[CTH3989]

HECK NO! I don't even think I want my MIL at this birth. She was at my first and was way too overbearing.

[janasmama]

It would depend on my relationship with her. I definitely would if we had a good, close relationship but I probably wouldn't have her do an VE.

Originally Posted by texaspeach

no. I think being emotionally invested can cloud ones judgment.

Our first team of MW's attended both of her daughters birth. I think it really depends on the experience of the MW's and how they comfortable they are with birth.

[Romana]

Absolutely not. Perhaps if I loved and trusted her and wanted her at the birth, I'd have her there for support - but no way would I see a family member or good friend for midwifery or any other medical need (except something really super-minor).

I'm speaking generally and not specifically WRT my MIL.