Nooooo!

[neomia]

I don't even know what to think or do right now. I think I am in shock. My SIL just called to tell me she is coming to OR with her two year old on Sunday along with my MIL. I knew my MIL was coming, and that was fine with me. In fact, I was really hoping to birth when she was here to help with Orion. Now I will have a kid in the house Orion tends to fight with and a parent who handles situations in ways I think are horrible. I don't want to tell her not to come. She is all excited and saying she has never been to OR before. But I don't want her in the birth room either. I have no idea what to do. The first thing my DH said is she would have to stay in a hotel, but then we found out she just got laid off 2 days ago as well. (He doesn't really care for her either). I feel like I am going to cry.

[klink2]

Oh no! You have your space and your energy just right and now..? Why is she taking a trip when she just got laid off?

[meenajo]

That sucks! Why do family members think it's ok to do such things when you're in the middle of having a baby?! My SIL wants to come visit during my dh's time off as well and I really don't want to deal with her :

As far as I can see, the only way around this one is to be up front and honest about this being bad timing and her needing to stay out of your space (whether that means your house or your birthing room). Maybe you could say something about it being too stressful for Orion w/ a new baby coming? Oh man, it's going to be tough no matter which way you slice it

[funfunkyfantastic]

I'm just a pain in the ass but, i'd tell her not to come. Make it seem like it'd be better for her to stay home anyway with her money situation... and make it seem like it'd be really REALLY difficult for you to accommodate any more people in your house (which is true right?) and that everything would be just such a big hassle (cus it will be) and just find anything you can tell her to make your home situation seem less and less appealing. lol.

[MamaHen2J&J]

Do what you need to do mama... This is your day, your call!!

Strength!

[Kylahroo]

That totally sucks. I agree with pp's that you should ask her not to come. If you're not comfortable doing that, can you afford to put her up in a hotel?

[JustVanessa]

Tanya took the words outa my post! Just say no, she cannot stay with you....period.

Can your husband (or you) discuss this with MIL?

[Nimbus]

If you feel like you must host her, can you ask her to come after the birth? Maybe say you could use her help then or something?

[neomia]

Thanks everybody! I totally know I should just tell her not to come, but I don't know how. And the truth is, she has done alot for my family in the past, so I feel bad hurting her feelings. The ironic thing is I am always annoyed with her for taking off to Europe, Hawaii, etc for weeks without her son, but the one time I think it would be more appropriate to come alone, she wants to bring him. I am really thinking that is just the angle I need to take and tell her I don't think it is going to work with both boys in the house. I mean, who is going to watch them? I don't know if she even realizes I want it as quiet as possible and won't want the boys in the birthing room. So she won't be able to be at the birth anyway.

Originally Posted by Kylahroo

If you're not comfortable doing that, can you afford to put her up in a hotel?

Um, no. My husband has been out of work for over a month. We don't even know how we are going to pay our mortgage next month.

Originally Posted by JustVanessa

Can your husband (or you) discuss this with MIL?

That is actually our plan. We have both left several messages for her today, though, and no answer yet.

Originally Posted by Nimbus

If you feel like you must host her, can you ask her to come after the birth? Maybe say you could use her help then or something?

I thought about that, but the problem is, her mom's trip here has been set for awhile now. She was hoping to be here for the birth and then to help with the house and things right after. So she wants to come with her mom.

[neomia]

Oh, and Kristin, I think she still has money set aside. She has done pretty well for herself even if she was saying she didn't want to spend much this trip. I could insist she go to a hotel, but that won't keep her from being at the birth, which is more the issue...

And Amoreena, thanks for your reply. I was going to mention that Amoreena knows me IRL and knows I always worry too much about what others think.

[MamaHen2J&J]

Seriously the good thing is... If you go off on a hormonal rampage no one can blame you...

I'm soooooo all about it being ALL about the mommy...screw everyone else, everyone else is details!!

[neomia]

Hmmm, I never thought about that Lea.... How obvious! I can claim temporary insanity for whatever I do!

[MamaHen2J&J]

PRETTY MUCH!

I told Dh I'd kill him if this kid came out 9 pounds, and that I'd get away with it! :P

[neomia]

Lordy, I am so expecting like 11 or 12 pounds. I have had them at 10 and 10,2 so far, and I *know* I am bigger than last time. My husband says so too. I just hope I don't tear horribly.

Oh, and I keep forgetting to say this, but I am going to try to go in for an acupuncture induction tomorrow. Assuming I can get into somebody. I have a couple local recs to call. I know it probably won't work, but I figure it is worth a try.

[Halfasianmomma]

I don't know if this is still applicable...but how about writing your SIL a short note explaining what you want, tactfully? Then perhaps your DH can have SIL read the letter or read it to her. That way you get to word things carefully, and you don't have to gather up your courage while in front of the person in question.

Basically, this whole issue is about you feeling as though you're going to step on some toes by expressing what you want for YOUR birth. You shouldn't have to worry about that; it's YOUR birth. At all other times in your life, you can worry about other people's feelings and egos.

I really really hope that you're able to get the message through to your SIL about what you want.
Good luck!

[greenbeing]

Oh my! I hope your dh does get ahold of your MIL today. Like the pp said, this is your birth. You need to have it your way. Hopefully, you won't feel you're stepping on toes and can just get the point across. I can't imagine having 2 little guys running around!

[elfinbaby]

Protect your space. Don't feel guilty. Birth is a private, intimate event. Say whatever you need to say - lie, exaggerate, whatever. Tell her you're concerned about distractions, her kid seeing too much b/c you'll be walking around the house naked most of the time and that certainly will make you feel uncomfortable.

I hope this gets sorted out. The more threads I see about this, the more angry I get. Women should protect their space and not be made to feel guilty about it. I don't know what these univited people are thinking:

[PiesandAbrosmama]

This is YOUR birth!! You have to do what's right for you, perhaps you need DH to talk with her. One thing I think we forget to mention sometimes is. . . You were not here for the conception and I feel as private about the birth, I appreciate your excitment but in order for me to do the work of labor I need to focus and I just can't when I feel subconcious/distracted.
Hoping this works out.

[AKA_PI]

Tell her to stay her azz at home and your MIL to not invite anyone without asking if it was ok with you first. This is YOUR birth. Who cares how excited she is? This is your time not hers. you should just be up front and let her know or let your DH do it. you can't stress about anything right now.

[BaMo]

Your DH should be handling this one since it his sister - he should tell her ASAP that now is not the time to come.