*This probably does not count as lactavism, but it’s in reference to things I have read on this board so I hope it can stay for discussion.*
I see a lot of references to guilty formula feeding moms on here. I’ve been thinking.
I am a full time formula feeding mom. As I’ve said on here before, I do not feel guilty for the decision that I made after what I experienced and the road I was on. So, I just wanted to offer another perspective.
Guilt is not the only emotion that can stir someone to be defensive or difficult (or seemingly insecure, or whatever).
Perhaps a lot of ff moms you may run into feel defeated. They wanted to breastfeed, but lacked the support that was necessary for them to succeed. It’s just another tick in the “failure” column of their lives.
Maybe some of them feel resentment. They were told breastfeeding was the most natural thing in the world. Then their baby would not latch on and their body would not respond to a pump.
And maybe they just feel real and bitter grief. For a mom who truly wanted to breastfeed and give the most normal and best thing to her baby, to “fail” at it is a huge loss that is inexplicable.
There are a host of other emotions she might be dealing with; these are the ones that were just strongest with me, in my experience.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s not fair to assume that people feel guilty, because that implies that they made a decision that they should not have made; and unless we know their story, that’s not our call to make. Do those moms exist who maybe should feel a bit of guilt for not even or barely even trying? Yeah, I think so. But I also think, overall, when it comes to breastfeeding “failure”, we disregard the fact that women are a complex make up of emotions, expectations, hopes, dreams, past failures, etc. Things are not always so black and white.
And even if people *do* feel guilt, valid or invalid, maybe when they rub us the wrong way, instead of blowing them off as fools, or people who didn’t try hard enough, or people who didn’t take the time to be educated before they had their babies, or people who were stupid enough to trust their doctors, etc; maybe we could get to know them. Maybe help get to the root of their unresolved feelings about breastfeeding, so that they can believe in their ability to try again, or that it *is* natural even if you need to get help, or that if she loses that relationship again with the next child, we will be there to support her in whatever way she needs.
Everything is not always as it seems. A mom who is defensive about using formula might just be a mom who is inwardly feeling defeated, resentful, or just really damn sad. In my experience, the person who is the most defensive and has the biggest walls up does so because she is hiding the biggest hurt.
Just something to think about.
I see a lot of references to guilty formula feeding moms on here. I’ve been thinking.
I am a full time formula feeding mom. As I’ve said on here before, I do not feel guilty for the decision that I made after what I experienced and the road I was on. So, I just wanted to offer another perspective.
Guilt is not the only emotion that can stir someone to be defensive or difficult (or seemingly insecure, or whatever).
Perhaps a lot of ff moms you may run into feel defeated. They wanted to breastfeed, but lacked the support that was necessary for them to succeed. It’s just another tick in the “failure” column of their lives.
Maybe some of them feel resentment. They were told breastfeeding was the most natural thing in the world. Then their baby would not latch on and their body would not respond to a pump.
And maybe they just feel real and bitter grief. For a mom who truly wanted to breastfeed and give the most normal and best thing to her baby, to “fail” at it is a huge loss that is inexplicable.
There are a host of other emotions she might be dealing with; these are the ones that were just strongest with me, in my experience.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s not fair to assume that people feel guilty, because that implies that they made a decision that they should not have made; and unless we know their story, that’s not our call to make. Do those moms exist who maybe should feel a bit of guilt for not even or barely even trying? Yeah, I think so. But I also think, overall, when it comes to breastfeeding “failure”, we disregard the fact that women are a complex make up of emotions, expectations, hopes, dreams, past failures, etc. Things are not always so black and white.
And even if people *do* feel guilt, valid or invalid, maybe when they rub us the wrong way, instead of blowing them off as fools, or people who didn’t try hard enough, or people who didn’t take the time to be educated before they had their babies, or people who were stupid enough to trust their doctors, etc; maybe we could get to know them. Maybe help get to the root of their unresolved feelings about breastfeeding, so that they can believe in their ability to try again, or that it *is* natural even if you need to get help, or that if she loses that relationship again with the next child, we will be there to support her in whatever way she needs.
Everything is not always as it seems. A mom who is defensive about using formula might just be a mom who is inwardly feeling defeated, resentful, or just really damn sad. In my experience, the person who is the most defensive and has the biggest walls up does so because she is hiding the biggest hurt.
Just something to think about.
)
