Mothering › Forums › Breastfeeding › Lactivism › Grandmother nurses grandson (not lactating)
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Grandmother nurses grandson (not lactating) - Page 3  

post #41 of 60
6/7/08 at 12:01pm
In some cultures men do comfort nurse children....I mean what are MALE nipples for???????????

I nurse other babies, and let others nurse my baby.

I would let someone without milk nurse my baby.

I would like to be asked if it was okay, but I would probably allow it, especially if he was looking for comfort and not food.

My ds LOVES to nurse on others, he thinks its hysterical.
post #42 of 60
6/7/08 at 12:07pm
Quote:
I would be totally up for dh nursing sometimes if he could!
LOL you and me both!!

I have spoken with my mom about whether I'd be ok with her comfort nursing a baby of mine if I wasn't present and I would be fine with that.

I'd be fine with a lactating friend nursing dd if I was unavailable.

But I want to know about it and approve it in advance.

If I had a MIL from another country where nursing across generations is not as taboo as here, I'd have to chalk it up mainly to cultural differences and have a chuckle, while letting her know she didn't need to do that while I was available.

My own very American MIL, on the other hand, I would not be ok with, primarily because of other issues. We aren't close enough for that to be ok.

I think the story sounds odd too, first they find it funny, take photos laughing, then get all upset?
post #43 of 60
6/7/08 at 1:03pm
I find the responses to this on our LACTIVISM board to be really shocking.. Everyone always talks about creating a world where breastfeeding is normal, and to me that means that crossnursing is normal. Most cultures where breastfeeding is normal, crossnursing is normal too. Imagine learning to nurse without the worry that your baby will starve, because if he gets too hungry your aunt can come over and "top him up" while you guys figure out latching on engorged breasts. Or not having to hurry back when your sister watches him, because she's nursing too.

It would bother me a lot more to have a Grandmother who was unsupportive. I doubt it meant anything more than Grandma was from the "old world" where everyone nursed and that's how you soothe a baby. Baby started to fuss, and Grandma did what she had always done. Put the baby to the breast.
post #44 of 60
6/7/08 at 1:35pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by tbone_kneegrabber View Post
I would let someone without milk nurse my baby.
I'd be much more OK with someone without milk comfort nursing DS than a lactating woman nursing him. I work very hard to stick to organic fruits, eggs and dairy; and we are vegetarian. So, unless it was a dire emergency, or I knew the other mom had a similar diet to mine, I wouldn't want DS drinking other peoples milk.
post #45 of 60
6/7/08 at 2:31pm
I would not want someone nursing my child without my consent. There is a BIG difference between cross nursing when it has been agreed upon in advance or an emergency and Grandma latching on the kid for the fun of it.

I wouldn't be okay with it if it were my own Mom (she smokes) or my MIL. If I am right there, what reason would they have to nurse my baby? :

My DH's step-mom fed our 5 month old pie, 10 seconds after we both said no. I thought it was disrespectful of our feelings and I would put the nursing situation in the same category.
post #46 of 60
6/7/08 at 2:38pm
My mother did this once and it made me feel very uncomfortable. Probably this was because it is part of a larger issue of difficulty with boundaries and limits in our relationship and in hers as a grandmother (i.e. she believes and acts on the belief that if she disagrees with me about something regarding my children, it's okay to do it behind my back and lie about it to my face).
post #47 of 60
6/7/08 at 2:41pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by ollineeba View Post
I think the problem is that she did it without talking to the mother or father- out of line, imo.
Yes, this. I would let a lactating friend or family member nurse my child if I couldn't--my friend almost did when I had mastitis a few months back, but she was pregnant and had no milk! But that's only with my consent!
post #48 of 60
6/7/08 at 3:44pm
It wouldn't bother me at all unless the person had non-ideal milk......ex: my mother is a smoker. I wouldn't want my son sucking on her fingers unless she washed first.....would she scrub and wash her breast first? What if there was milk there with nicotene. I understand that the BM of a smoker is still better than formula.....but I DON'T SMOKE so there isn't any reason for my baby to get milk from a smoker KWIM? My bestfriend doesn't smoke, and takes the same antidepressant I take, so she could nurse my baby all she wanted if she was watching him for me.

-Heather
post #49 of 60
6/7/08 at 4:04pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Twinklefae View Post
I find the responses to this on our LACTIVISM board to be really shocking.. Everyone always talks about creating a world where breastfeeding is normal, and to me that means that crossnursing is normal. Most cultures where breastfeeding is normal, crossnursing is normal too. Imagine learning to nurse without the worry that your baby will starve, because if he gets too hungry your aunt can come over and "top him up" while you guys figure out latching on engorged breasts. Or not having to hurry back when your sister watches him, because she's nursing too.

It would bother me a lot more to have a Grandmother who was unsupportive. I doubt it meant anything more than Grandma was from the "old world" where everyone nursed and that's how you soothe a baby. Baby started to fuss, and Grandma did what she had always done. Put the baby to the breast.
This is not about lactivism. Baby wasn't fussing or starving, they were all "by the pool" and mom was available. Baby didn't want/need to be nursed, he refused grandma's nipple and she tried again AFTER his mom came back. This is not about baby's comfort, it's about grandma's "need" to bond with her grandson.
post #50 of 60
6/7/08 at 4:10pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Twinklefae View Post
I find the responses to this on our LACTIVISM board to be really shocking.. Everyone always talks about creating a world where breastfeeding is normal, and to me that means that crossnursing is normal. Most cultures where breastfeeding is normal, crossnursing is normal too. Imagine learning to nurse without the worry that your baby will starve, because if he gets too hungry your aunt can come over and "top him up" while you guys figure out latching on engorged breasts. Or not having to hurry back when your sister watches him, because she's nursing too.

It would bother me a lot more to have a Grandmother who was unsupportive. I doubt it meant anything more than Grandma was from the "old world" where everyone nursed and that's how you soothe a baby. Baby started to fuss, and Grandma did what she had always done. Put the baby to the breast.
I don't think that LACTIVISM means that we all have exactly the same feelings about every issue.

If I were to participate in crossnursing circles (for lack of a better description!) there would be some mothers I would not want to participate with just as there are some mothers I would never leave my children with or would not even socialize with. I just happen to be related to some of them.

This is a moot point as my nurslings are well post-weaning after nursing into preschool years and I was neither aware of crossnursing nor close enough to other nursing mothers to consider it when they were nursing.
post #51 of 60
6/7/08 at 4:18pm
My MIL nursed dd once while babysitting because dd wouldn't stop crying and wouldn't take a sippy cup of water.

I thought it was weird and annoying, but I wasn't THAT upset by it. I'm certainly not losing a free babysitter over it!
post #52 of 60
6/7/08 at 4:36pm
:

I gave my own mother permission to nurse DS the first time DH and I went out for the evening, based on that he'd be sleeping and would just want to comfort nurse anyways. She declined the invite, but I see nothing wrong with it.

The fact grandma didn't try to keep it on the down low, I think implies sincerity and that she didn't do it with any negative intent. Maybe the babe got a little fussy, and fussy babies need boobies?
post #53 of 60
6/9/08 at 12:38am
I would be waaaaaay more upset if I found out my MIL gave my baby formula.

I could also see myself doing this as a grandmother! I hope its normal by then.
post #54 of 60
6/9/08 at 12:39am
[QUOTE=tbone_kneegrabber;11413121

My ds LOVES to nurse on others, he thinks its hysterical.[/QUOTE]That is so funny! I wonder what my son would think??
post #55 of 60
6/9/08 at 1:00am
Well, the only time my mil babysat my ds she let him cry, alone, in a dark room and scared for 20 minutes till he passed out. I would have been happier if she'd tried to nurse him. Or comfort him in any way.
post #56 of 60
6/10/08 at 1:15pm
For me, my breastfeeding relationship with my son is something unique and treasured that we share. I had breast cancer four years ago and it's something of a miracle that I even got pregnant with DS, much less that I still have a functioning breast to nurse him with. That's not a relationship I want someone else to horn in on. I suppose that could sound selfish, but so be it.

If there were a serious need (I was not around, baby could not be comforted any other way and/or would not take bottle of EBM), then I would have no problem with crossnursing. But in the circumstances as described? No freakin' way! I can't believe the MIL didn't even ask. And if asked, I would say absolutely not. If my breast is right there, functioning and available, why in the world offer my child someone else's?
post #57 of 60
6/10/08 at 2:48pm
I would have been worried if my child would have gotten frustrated since nothing was coming out (might start a nursing strike...I am dealing with one right now!) and also it is a permission thing. I have nursed a couple of my friend's babies, but they have asked me and everything was totally ok. I don't have a problem with someone else nursing my child, just ASK me though!
post #58 of 60
6/10/08 at 5:12pm
Thread Starter 
I am glad to hear that most of you are not grossed out by the idea, regardless of whether you think it would be a good idea in your own family dynamic.

When presented with this idea on another board, many mothers insisted it was a disgusting concept to cross-nurse, and some even mentioned molestation as the motive behind the grandmother's actions.
post #59 of 60
6/11/08 at 6:50pm

Wow...

I think that is wonderful.
If it would have been either my mother or MIL, I would have just smiled and took the picture.
Funny how the perspective is about FF/bottle babies.

Guess I am in the minority here.
post #60 of 60
6/11/08 at 7:23pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by ollineeba View Post
I think the problem is that she did it without talking to the mother or father- out of line, imo.
yeah. you gotta check in first.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Lactivism
This thread is locked  
Mothering › Forums › Breastfeeding › Lactivism › Grandmother nurses grandson (not lactating)