The attendance of MW Assistants that I have never met...

[kungfumoose]

I had a really tough time finding a MW. (I'm doing an HBAC)
I was almost 36 weeks when I finally found one two weeks ago.
This last visit she said that there will probably not be enough time for me to meet her two assistants.
This makes me very uncomfortable. I barely know this MW, but i am grateful to have found her. I just can't shake off this weird uncomfortable feeling.

I guess in a hospital, you expect to have strangers there, you know? I mean, the hospital is their place, they belong there.
Having strangers come into my home, my safe place, feels very very scary...you know?
I wonder if it will inhibit my birth?

Thoughts?

[slave2myprincess]

Did she give you a reason why you wouldn't get a chance to meet her assistants ? I would ask her if you could setup something so you could meet them ahead of time. I would agree...When you in a hospital you expect to encounter some strangers but not in your home. I think that defeats the purpose of the HB, you want to have ppl there you are familar with. i think if you had ppl there you are not familar it could possible inhibit your birth.Talk with your MW and say your not comfortable with not meeting her assistants. Good luck, i hope you are able to meet them !!!

[janasmama]

You should definitely talk to her...she would appreciate knowing how you feel rather than bringing people to your birth that you are uncomfortable with. She wants you to be comfortable....I'm sure she does.

[Thing1Thing2]

You have every right to feel this way. You need to tell her that you don't feel comfortable with having people you have never met attend your birth. It's normal for you to feel this way and I'm sure she will oblige.

[onlyAngil]

Originally Posted by BonnieNova

You have every right to feel this way. You need to tell her that you don't feel comfortable with having people you have never met attend your birth. It's normal for you to feel this way and I'm sure she will oblige.

You might also ask if you could call them and talk to them (when talking with them ask if they have time to meet with them w/o you MW, you might also want to talk that idea over with your MW... that way she dose not think that you are going around her), that way you knew then a little bit and/ or ask that they stay outside (maybe you have a dinner or something close by)/ room were you are (unless needed).

I had never met my MWA, and I liked her more then my MW! They were both so wonderful to me, and everyone there.

[StoriesInTheSoil]

If it has to do with the fact that they live too far away and can't make it out to meet you prior to the birth, maybe you could suggest that you travel to them?

I'm sure that if you trust you're MW and she trusts her MWAs, they're probably good people but if you're uncomfortable you should totally talk to her!

Good luck and congrats on finding yourself a MW!

[Rockies5]

Originally Posted by BonnieNova

You have every right to feel this way. You need to tell her that you don't feel comfortable with having people you have never met attend your birth. It's normal for you to feel this way and I'm sure she will oblige.

Agreed.

If it were me I'd just call and ask which day next week both assistants can be there so you can meet them. Or, invite them over for tea some other time this week or next.

You NEED to meet them.

[srlpenny]

I'd just let your MW know how you feel, and communicate to her (if you would be) that you'd be happy to travel to them, or place phone calls etc. so that you can meet them, but there is so much mental involved in birth tat you really don't want this discomfort to inhibit your birth experience.
BTW I started seeing my MW at 35 weeks, and met both assistants. And thank goodness because only one of them made it to the birth and she was AMAZING!!!
Wouldn't have had it any other way, but it was very important to me and my MW that I be comfortable with everyone.

[wbg]

I think it is really important to have made at least a small connection with anyone who will be at your birth. Just so you can show them a little of who you are and what is important to you during your birthing experience. If they are the first to arrive at your house and you are already deep in labor, they need to be able to meet your needs and you need to feel like they know where you are coming from without you needing to vocalise. I would definitely chat to your MW again about setting up a meeting or at least a phone meeting. All the best.

[kailotus]

I felt this exact same way when I was 39 weeks and still hadn't met the midwive's assistants. Don't be afraid to speak up and make it happen! These people will be present at the most profound and deeply personal moment's of your entire life! Its important you meet them. At my first birth an assistant showed up that I had never met, and my labor slowed considerably because I couldn't relax! We ended up having to ask her to leave. Talk about awkward! With my second birth I didn't meet the assistants until 39 weeks, but when I did meet them I felt totally bonded right away. I felt great going through labor knowing that I loved and safe with everyone around me. No strangers!

[an_aurora]

I had a similar situation when DD2 was born. My MW's assistant was due about a month ahead of me, and I never met the new assistant who took over. I was in my bathtub laboring and came out to get in the birthing pool and there was the mw, the first assistant and her 3 wk old baby, my aunt, and a woman I had never seen before. It was a little shocking, since I was so far in 'laborland' I had no idea any of them had arrived (except the mw obviously). It was ok, but I remember getting a little ticked at the new assistant because I asked her something and she gave me the deer-in-headlights look and stammered a bit. I gave her a "then why the heck are you here?!" look. Poor thing, it was her first birth but dude she was just standing there staring at me the whole time!

[dziwozony]

i completley empathize with your situation! i live in a very rural area where there is a severe shortage of independant homebirth midwives. there are several midwives at the hospital, but i would easily choose an unassisted birth than to do there, even though i've decided i'd feel most comfortable with a midwife around.

there is only one independant midwife here at the moment & i am really relieved to have secured a place with her. she was the backup midwife for my previous birth & approaches birth in the same way i do (in a very hands-off way, basically).

the glitch is that we have no idea who the backup/second midwife will be. it's hopefully something we will be able to sort out- we have plenty of time before i'm due. but it's already something that is on my mind! our place is very small & i am already crossing my fingers for good weather because i am expecting to request she stay outside & only come in if there's an emergency! that might sound harsh, but i am really not cool with people around that i'm not familiar with. i'm a private person & i know that would slow down my labour.

tell your midwife how you feel! if she knows how important it is for you, she might make more of an effort to help you make contact.

[StacyL]

Originally Posted by kungfumoose

I had a really tough time finding a MW. (I'm doing an HBAC)
I was almost 36 weeks when I finally found one two weeks ago.
This last visit she said that there will probably not be enough time for me to meet her two assistants.
This makes me very uncomfortable. I barely know this MW, but i am grateful to have found her. I just can't shake off this weird uncomfortable feeling.

I guess in a hospital, you expect to have strangers there, you know? I mean, the hospital is their place, they belong there.
Having strangers come into my home, my safe place, feels very very scary...you know?
I wonder if it will inhibit my birth?

Thoughts?

FWIW, on the day of my HB, the first person to walk in the door was a woman I'd never seen before! I'm laying there buck naked like, "Who are you??" She was the other asst. that I'd never met, as the one scheduled to asst. my MW was on vacation that day. But, to be honest, at that point I didn't really care at all, as birth was IMMINENT!! My MW walked in about 5 minutes behind her (different car) and the baby was born about 20 minutes later. I actually look back on it with a sense of humor - it was kinda funny. I never felt violated in the least or intruded upon by it, just surprised.

However, in my hospital birth, a different MW asked if a 3rd year med student could watch and I agreed. But, then when birth was imminent, about 15-20 other people came into "watch." Like, nurses from the other L&D rooms who had nothing going on. THAT felt hugely violating - to have an audience I did not okay first.

I would try to meet the other assts. if you can, but if not, I wouldn't worry about it too much - they're there to help, yk?

[doctormom]

My MW and I had talked about which of her assistants was most likely to attend my birth, so I knew who to expect and was planning to meet her ahead of time - but I went into labor 3 weeks early. By the time my MW arrived I was well into transition; her apprentice and assistant arrived not long after, but I honestly don't even remember them entering the room, I was so inwardly focused. At one point I suddenly became aware that there were quite a few people in the room, and I asked them to wait outside while I labored alone with my DH. They returned when I started pushing, but at that point it didn't matter who was watching - all I could think of was birthing that baby!

I felt a great rapport with my MW assistant after the birth, she felt like part of the team, not like a "stranger." If you are uncomfortable, however, perhaps you could ask your MW for the contact info of the 2 assistants and make arrangements to meet them ahead of time?

[Momma2DoubleCuties]

I didn't get to meet my mw assistants either, I honestly didn't care and it ended up I loved them, so it worked out wonderfully! :

[teachinmaof3]

Definitely ask to meet them! They are coming into your home and you have a right to know who is coming and if you are comfortable with them there.

I firmly believe that if someone is going to assist at births, they need to attend at least the last six prenatal appointments.

[~Megan~]

Ask her not to bring them. I bet she can attend the birth without them.

When I finally called my MW during my HBAC there really wasn't enough time to get her apprentice there so she didn't even call her. It all went just fine. It was nice and quiet too

[nashvillemidwife]

I would not come without my assistants. I also think that when clients come to me at the last minute that they need to understand that they have not allowed enough time for certain things that usually happen. Perhaps she means that you might not have time to meet her assistants before the birth? You're 36 weeks, you could drop this baby any day. I imagine if your pregnancy continues a few more weeks you will indeed have time to meet them.