Would someone please call my mother...

[Hokulele]

... and tell her that I'm not interested in what a pain it would be if she had to reschedule her hair appt if I have the baby on such-and-such a date. And that I can't have the baby until after Wednesday because that is the day they are coming to fix the roof, etc etc etc.

My mother plans to travel to us the minute she hears I'm in labor and/or have had the baby. (Highly unlikely we'd call when I'm in labor, since she stresses me out so much, so she won't know until after the fact). First she started with the "If you REALLY want me to come" and the "if you think I could actually help" type of conversation, indicating she's trying to get out of it. (I've told her it is up to her if she comes or not).

Now she's calling every other day with some new request on timing. First it was a dinner party she was planning, then her hair appointment, the roofer... whatever! AAAAAAAAAARgh!

Am I the only one dealing with irrational relatives?

I've started not answering the phone when she calls because I don't want to hear the latest request on labor timing. Only now every day there's a voice mail about how "maybe you're in labor right now" ... oh, except for the message where she said "we think you must be out of town because we haven't heard from you" Yeah right, out of town? When I'm due to have a baby any minute!!?

[neomia]

Ugh. My relatives aren't irrational, just rude! (See my Noooo! thread if you want). I would totally stop answering too! But then again, I would have no trouble speaking my mind to my own family. I just can't talk to my inlaws! Have you said anything to her along the lines of not being able to predict when labor will start? I would try once then really space out my talking to her!

[nfpmom]

That is quite annoying. I have received a couple of requests for when not to go into labor as well.... but being my own mother, I have no hard time telling her that it is ridiculous... she has 9 mos to know about MY plans

[Hokulele]

Eerrrrrrrrrgh! So my mother just called again .. with ANOTHER request. I asked her to stop calling with requests like this because it only causes stress when I feel like she's pressuring me. And she said sarcastically "have a nice weekend" and HUNG UP ON ME!!

My mom's always difficult but in extreme moments like this she gets 10x worse.

Does anyone else have a mother like this? How do you handle it? I just feel like of all times right now this month, is the last time I want to spend my energy tiptoe around her irrationality.

[elfinbaby]

Do you need her around at all? Frankly, to stop her nonsense, I would call and let her know that you won't be needing her after all. The baby will come when he/she will come and you'll let her know afterwards. I would also add that you have no control over the baby's birth-day and it's difficult for you to relax with the incessant pressure she putting on you. Then add "Have a nice weekend"

If you need to tell her that you won't be taking calls or you'll be screening (and only answering emergency or calls that require immediate attention), then do. I would cut all contact off immediately. Seriously. I'm not in your situation but I have to get my head straight and shake some stress off. I'm not going to make apologies to anyone about anything because I need to begin my birthing in peace, love, and comfort. Whatever doesn't fit into those categories gets the boot. Do yourself a favor and put up a road block on this one.

[sunnymw]

Just very nicely say "Okay mom, can you give me all the dates for your hair appt/dinner party/etc?" Then write them all down... have the baby anyway... and wait until after all her events and requests are done (however many days that could be) and call her then.

She won't do it with the next baby, I guarantee it

[bvnms]

I had a grandmother that was like that and I've already had a request to have this baby on a certain date, 2 months before I'm due. This was by my brothers friends girlfriend because it's her birthday. She's a nut and thinks because we're due at the same time that means I want to be her best friend. Anyway, I'm sorry your mom is like that, I finally had to just have as little to do with my grandma while I was pregnant but I know that might be harder to do with one's mom.

[Blueena]

sorry, my father took the month of July to take a vacation (my dd was due August 3rd)) and he kept saying "wait until August, wait until August", like if I had a choice and low and behold she was born July 20th, he was soooo upset, but hellooooo, babies don't have timers and you can't control when they are coming, so just tell your mom to stop calling and you'll call her after the baby's born and see what she says.

[neomia]

I really hate to say this because my mom just passed in May, but she really was a negative person most of the time and would say terrible things sometimes. I screened her calls alot and would call back when I felt like I was in the right frame of mind.

If you just stop talking to her until after the birth, what is the worst that would happen? If I was you, I would ask myself how I would feel wondering what she is thinking if I shut her out versus how I am feeling right now. Which state will give you more peace of mind?

Just as an aside, I was completely disowned by both my parents when I was pregnant with my first just because her father was from Belize. Nobody was even allowed to speak my name in their house. Well, guess what? They were calling within days of the birth. I don't know your mom, but I am guessing even if she is home freaking out on you, she will come around. And if she is the type to harp on you about it when you do reconnect, well, you might just have to wait until you feel like you are done babymooning and up to dealing with it.