I'm losing my mind....

[*mama moose*]

I know I know, you guys are probably sick of hearing it. But I'm staring at my little pile of pills that need taking and I want to throw them away! I am so cranky its making me unrational. The cotton root bark is making me crampy, and I HATE cramps. Its not contractions either, just really bad, ugly, period cramps. And today when I looked at my ticker and saw that I have 20 days to my EDD, I just felt depressed. If I could just have a normal pregnancy, I would be GLAD for those 20 days! I still have cleaning and sewing to do! But I'm not glad, because everyday I wake up thinking "I cannot take any more f-ing pills!!"
(actually, they aren't all pills, but I take liquid iron twice a day, alfalfa pills 3 times a day, EPO pills 3 times a day, plus the two inserted vaginally at night, a prenatal pill once a day, mag powder in water twice a day, corn silk tea 2-3 times a day, and now we added in the cotton root bark tincture in water 3 times a day. Not to mention I got a YI so now I'm on probiotics and slathering on the YI cream at night. Oh, and the protein shake I drink once a day.)
Do you see now why I want to scream? Why I am so done? I feel like I can't even go anywhere far or I might miss my scheduled vitamin taking session!

So, now, add the cramps in and I'm just feeling like I'm losing my mind slowly. I know its probably helping my cervix, which is what we are aiming to do, to slowly move things along, but knowing that its not labor, its just cramps that I get to sit through and try to continue my normal life.....it sucks!! SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS!!! and there, my friends, was my 2 year old tantrum. Seriously, I feel like right now if I let out all the emotion inside me I could rival the floor throwing, kicking, screaming, biting tantrums my DD1 throws......

Last night I even said to my poor DH that I had no sympathy for him in a really mean serious tone (I mentioned to a friend I had been away from my house since 10am and he chimed in he'd been gone since 4am for work) and I actually hurt his feelings! That is so not me, I mean, we play around sometimes, but I'm not really MEAN like that to him, he is a great guy and I really appreciate him! Not to mention the reason he was gone all day was for me, I don't know how to drive, so he went from work right into driving to MW apt and then driving around on our hunt for this tincture, so what right did I have to be so mean to him?

Anyways, I better get on these pills or it will throw my whole day off.....
thanks for always letting me vent guys

[BlueMoonBean]

Oh mama! I'm so terribly sorry that you're in that place. Whew.

Don't have any advice for you... just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you and wishing for you to have a joyful, non-stressed day today where everything goes your way and you feel a hundred percent better. Oh, and lots, Lots, LOTS of chocolate should feature in your day.

[BirthFree]

: sigh : That is SUCH a bummer. I'm SO sorry you have to take those. I feel your stress with your update every day and wish I could make it a little better, a little more comfortable and a lot more carefree.

I don't blame you for being done - heck, I'm done with being pregnant and I don't have ANY pills or supplements to take! Will you be checking in about what the cramp bark is doing for you (with your MW) today at all? Maybe ask her about homeopathics? (I know, one more thing to take... but maybe you could skip the icky crampy feeling and just encourage your body that way?).

Either way, you have my prayers and thoughts, seriously, I really feel bad that you're having to work so hard through the last of your pg when you should be able to focus on other stuff. Hugs Mama, you're doing a GREAT job at it though!!

[JustVanessa]

[MamaHen2J&J]

I'm sorry if I missed a post...but do you need to be taking all of those??

I have heartburn at night a I HATE tums, so I can't imagine that times 20, and liquid!!

Get some chocolate, soak your tootsiesand try to relax!! BIG

[klink2]

I can totally commiserate with you! Just making my smoothie in the morning takes a half an hour an probably contains $10 in supplements. And I feel totally cheated that I put all this effort into it all and my body f**d me and I'm GBS +. I know you feel the same about your bp. And its not over yet, I'm already stocked up with a whole new lineup of herbs for pp!

(And just to be a pita, is cotton root bark the same as cramp bark? I had heard that was supposed to make cramps better and be good for bp.)

Ultimately though, I think you are taking great care of yourself, so you should be proud. You have truly done everything possible to manage your bp and keep you and your baby healthy. You should be proud. And you're almost done!

[*Karen*]

Aw, I'm there too mama. My magnesium makes me gag every time too. It is a huge bummer. But I have to tell you that my Epson salt bath did wonders for my BP, I'm off to take another now! Worth a try, it's like $1.50 for a box.

[*mama moose*]

thanks guys, I appreciate it

my BP has gotten better again today, its so confusing when it decides to go up one day and down another! So, I'm just hanging in there I guess....

Cotton Bark is different than cramp bark from what I've read. I'd never even heard of cotton bark before until I googled it. I guess its like cohoshes but a lot milder, less side effects, etc. It still keeping me crampy but nothing too awful, I can sleep through it and was able to clean my house a bit today...

I emailed her about a few things, but haven't heard back from her, other than that I see her on Fri for another apt. So I just gotta hang in there for a week, thats what I keep telling myself, just pull through one more week, to each apt I guess.

I'm gonna try that epsom salt Karen, when I can get to the store, at this point anything is worth a try, right?
(and BTW both our DHs names are Sean, neato! )