Help needed...cousin's boss won't let her pump @ work *Update posts 7 and 22

[miamomma5]

hello all. My name is Mia, I am a stay-at-home momma and lactavist. I very much believe in attachment parenting, and each one of my boys were breastfeed until around the age of 4. The reason I am posting here is because my cousin needs help, and I have no idea as to how to go about helping her (both because of the distance between us, and also because I have no idea about American laws regarding breastfeeding etc)

I have family on both sides of the border, both here in Ontario and also in North Dakota. Out of all my family in both here and North Dakota, my cousin is the first (besides me) of our generation so far to have children. She is a single mother (sadly the father is deceased) of a baby boy who just turned 5 months old today. He is exclusively breastfed, never had a bottle or anything. Her leave is about to run out, and she has to return to work on Monday. She is a waitress full-time, working at a very busy restaurant, one that is independently owned and operated (not a chain) Last week she went to her boss (the owner/manager of the restaurant) to talk about pumping: the breaks she would need, as well as a room to pump and a place to store the milk. Her boss FLAT OUT refused and told her that she will not get extra breaks to pump, and that if she wants to pump on her regular break she can, but only in the bathroom. She (the boss) also said that my cousin will NOT be allowed to store any pumped milk in any of the fridges or anywhere else, because it is a bodily fluid and therefore unhygienic. The boss also said that my cousin cannot sneak away and have someone else watch her tables (this boss is very anti-smoking break or any other kind of break and has apparently fired people for sneaking away and having someone else watch their tables for whatever reason) My cousin also does not have a car or anywhere else that she can go to pump while at work, she has to take the bus there everyday.

My cousin is very upset because she does not want to give her baby formula. I have tried to give her all the support I can, but I am so far away from her that it is hard. The rest of the family there in North Dakota is also supportive, but the older generation has long since raised their children, and the younger generation (my other cousins) do not have children yet,so they have no idea how to help. She is so upset she just called me crying, she has no idea what to do. She has been through so much this past year already, and don't want her to lose anymore by having to have her son go on formula. I told her that there are laws in place which are on her side, that she has rights and her boss has to let her pump at work, however since I am not American I have no idea how to go about getting my cousin help. To all you American mothers who know more about American law then me...What can my cousin do to make her boss realize that she has to give her pump breaks by law, as well as giving her a place to store her breastmilk?

[ewp11100]

Oh my goodness it sounds like she has been through the ringer lately, I'm so sorry! I'm not too sure on laws; however, the storing breastmilk is a concern in the resterant setting. I'm managed resturants, your not even supose to have employees food from home in with the food served to customers. If they have a fringe that is soley for employee food then that would not be agaist any codes. Does her pump have a insulated bag (most do) with freezer packs? My heart goes out to her and i hope some other smart MDC'er knows more for you!

[treemom2]

From what I've found so far in researching bfing laws, North Dakota is one of the nine states that offers no protection for bfing moms. Unfortunately your cousin doesn't seem to have a legal leg to stand on with her boss. Perhaps a new job?

[evlu]

Kudos to your cousin for trying to work this out.

Unfortunately, according to LLL's website, North Dakota has no legislation pertaining to breastfeeding. http://www.llli.org/Law/Bills31a.html That means that your cousin's boss is under no legal obligation to give her a place to pump or to store milk.

If she wants to argue her case, she could cite the studies that show that breastfeeding moms on average miss less work (because their kids are sick less); she could also give a doctor's note saying that she NEEDS to pump every x hours or risk health problems (e.g., plugged ducts, mastitis). In terms of breastmilk being "unhygienic", she could cite the CDC's statement that breastmilk is NOT a biohazard, although I imagine that in a restaurant, storage of ANY outside food/liquids in with restaurant food would be an issue.

Honestly, though, from the way her boss sounds, I'm not sure that even the most rational, well-presented argument would sway him; I'd be concerned that he'd get fed up and just fire her rather than having to deal with it any more. I think I'd be inclined to just do the best I could with the situation as is (assuming I wanted to keep the same job and not start hunting for a new one).

Where does everyone normally take breaks? Is there even anyplace that would be suitable to pump? If not, although the bathroom is far from ideal (and really pretty gross), at least her boss is willing to let her pump there -- and it's certainly better than formula. She could bring in a clean towel each time to set pump parts on (and of course wash hands before and after) so nothing would get contaminated. She'll need a double electric pump to be the most efficient at pumping. She can bring a small cooler with ice packs to keep the milk cool. She could get to work a little early and pump right before her shift started, on her break, and then right after her shift ended before catching the bus. Agsin, not ideal in terms of length of time between pumping sessions (depending on how long her shifts are and when she gets to take her break), but it could work.

[mamajake]

http://llli.org/Law/Bills31a.html No legal help in North Dakota.

Someone at http://llli.org/help_form should be able her find the latest info on pumping in short periods (even if her only option is a gross bathroom), storage outside a fridge, and maintaining supply.

So sorry for her.

[DWAXSMOM]

Even in the states where there are laws stating that the employer has to accomadate pumping, there is no stipulation that there be extra breaks to do so. This is what I would suggest if she can not find another job:

1.) Store breastmilk in an insulated cooler

2.) Pump right before getting to work and right after to decrease the amount she needs to do at work

3.) Take her break away from the restaurant. When you are on break they can not dictate where you are. Ask her if there are any other areas nearby that she could pump and then return to work.

4.) Have her buy the pump that goes in your bra so you can walk around and work. Unless she is wearing a skin tight uniform she will probably be able to camoflage it.

Also you can reassure her that as the baby gets older she may be able to go to work and not pump except for right before and right after work.

[miamomma5]

Wow! Thanks so much for all the replies. I thought responses would be a little slow because it is the weekend and everything. It is nice to know that there are so many wonderful lactavist momma's out there. I CANNOT believe there is no law protecting breastfeeding mothers in North Dakota. Nothing. I am so sad and angry about that. I took it for granted that women everywhere were protected when it comes to breastfeeding, and had rights under the law. Breastfeeding is a natural thing, I don't understand why some people have such a problem with it. I wonder how many momma's are discouraged because of no laws and no protection for them in the workplace. I spoke to my cousin again after I posted and this is what she told me (She doesn't have a computer right now and so that is why I had to post here...she is really appreciative of all the support):

To the poster who mentioned my cousin's boss: Her boss (the owner/manager of the restaurant) is a woman and a mother! She is 56 years old now, and the mother of two grown sons. They were born in '75 and 77' and both of them are doctors. One works for a pharmaceutical company, so he is all about how great formula is, and the other is a plastic surgeon, whose mantra is that breastfeeding makes a woman's breasts flat, saggy and ugly. Her boss also believes in formula (neither of them had a single drop of breastmilk) as she says it stopped her from being "chained" to her children, and allowed her to go out and work (The boss actually said all of this word for word to my cousin) My cousin is unable to get a doctors note, and although she presented the argument that a breastfed baby gets sick less often, her boss didn't buy it, going on the advice of her doctor sons. She also believes that the worldwide weaning age is "so high" because people in developing countries don't have the option of formula or other nutrition for their babies, so breastfeeding is all they have. My cousin's boss says that we are lucky to have formula here in the developed world

Also my cousin found out that she cannot use the bathroom to pump. The staff bathroom is only a single room, and she can hog the bathroom all to herself because by the time she gets out her pump, pumps the milk, and then cleans up it will be way to much time, and there may be someone else who needs to use the bathroom (Staff are NOT allowed to use the customer washrooms) So besides the staff bathroom there is the kitchen and the bosses office, and neither of those is a place where she can pump. There is nowhere else close where she can pump, the restaurant is a stand alone building. My cousin gets one half an hour break per shift, and there is no where she could walk anywhere where she could pump in that time (plus she has to eat as well) Then there is the issue of her pump: she has a single one, she cannot afford a double one or that quiet one that she could hide under her shirt. She tells me the shirt is fitted so it would most likely be seen and her boss would probably not allow it anyway.

She is so upset and distraught about this, she feels like a failure as a mom. Getting a new job isn't really an option for her either. The only jobs she has ever done is waitressing. At the place where she is now her pay is well above minimum wage which allows to afford daycare (which she needs because she is a single mom) and her condo payments, which she also could not make if she took a pay cut, and she can't afford a house or rent in a neighborhood that is safe (she kind of got a deal on the place where she is living now) She only has to take one bus each day, she has say in what hours she gets, she has benefits, lots of sick and vacation time and some seniority among the waitressing staff. She tells me that except for this pumping thing this job is actually not bad, especially with her being a single mom. She was able to use some of the vacation time she had leftover from last year to get another month off (is now returning to work on July 8th) however she has no idea what is going to do about this pumping thing. She wants so badly to breastfeed for longer, but she is losing hope and says she may soon have to transition to formula and solids Her baby has never even had a bottle, he has only ever has breastmilk and she only bought the pump (one she could afford) so she could pump breastmilk at work. I am so mad about this, I wish that I could help her more and be there for her. I don't want her to be upset, she is a good mom and not a failure, yet she believes she is. None of this is her fault, and it is all so upsetting. I don't want her to feel like she is a horrible mom (like she does now)

[tylerin]

You might have her try MilkShare; obviously someone else's milk isn't quite as nice as your own, but would keep her from having to give formula if she found a donor nearby, and could just acclimate her body to not pumping during that particular time period (I'm guessing 6-8 hours?) Or, being in outside sales myself, I've pumped numerous times in my car with the car adapter, they're only about $15 for the Medela adapter. Otherwise, she could try to pump an extra session during off hours, so she has her own milk to feed. So sorry for her!!! That boss is clearly misinformed and unreasonable. Best wishes.

[LittlePeanut]

Since she now has the extra month off, here's what I'd do... Since she doesn't have the luxury to pump at work easily and child-led solids may not be in the cards - I would offer solids a little earlier and offer a little water (or other liquids she is comfortable offering)... She can also pump like a madwoman between now and her date of return to build up a decent freezer stash for baby. This way the baby will have other foods/liquids which can sustain her while mom is away at work. Mom can pump right before and after work and inbetween (if at all possible) and nurse on demand at all other times. Her body should adjust and make milk during the times when she is demanding it.

Does that make sense and do you think it could work for her?

BTW - I know what you mean about being surprised that breastfeeding isn't protected everywhere (I'm in Canada too). It floors me that you even have to wonder if it may not be So sad. So frustrating. Add to that the little amount of time they are given for their leaves in the US and all that easily explains their relatively low BF rate. So little support.

LP

[eclipse]

Is there an employee break room? I would pump there under a nursing shawl. If ehr boss doesn't like it, she might be more willing to let her use her office or find another spot to do it.

[shllywlly]

Can you or your friend file a report of discrimination on www.firstright.org? Maybe a professional and someone not emotionally involved can help her work it out or at least offer some suggestions to the boss.

[MaryJaneLouise]

Is she on WIC? She might get a better pump through them. Some WIC offices are good about supporting BFing; maybe someone through there might call her boss and give her a talking to.

Argh what a crappy situation

[CallMeMommy]

At 5 months, she may be able to wean during the day but keep bfing at night. Not the ideal solution, obviously, but I day-weaned my son at 6 months (refused bm in a bottle, I kid you not, but gulped down the formula) but he nursed in the evenings and mornings like a champ. Didn't wean until 17 months (my [stupid] choice). I hope she can get the pumping situation figured out, her boss sounds like a complete and utter UAV, but if she can't she may not have to wean completely. This is why we need federal nursing and pumping protection :

[Turkish Kate]

A few questions about her financial situation: Does she receive any sort of government assistance? Has she applied for social security since the baby's father is deceased? Has she applied for WIC, foodstamps, housing? There has to be some option for her other than returning to a dead-end job that treats her and her baby like this.

[Carma]

What a sucky situation!
Things that come to my mind:
- she can use a coolbag instead of a fridge
- a double pump will be cheaper in the end than formula
- could she pump on the bus (using batteries) using a blanket?
- is it possible that she selects daycare very close to work, so that she can nurse during breaks? Maybe an in home daycare?
- it is not all or nothing with breastfeeding. If everything else fails she can supplement with formula and nurse at home in de morning, evening, night and weekends.
- She can try to build a good stash in the month she still has. Also pumping in the evening, morning and weekend when she is back at work can help for during the week.
Send her our good wishes!

Carma

[lacysmommy]

Carma has some good suggestions. The first thing I thought about was pumping on the bus as well, and building a good stash while she's still off work. Perhaps her baby will reverse cycle and not want to take a bottle or any other food while away from mom and nurse the whole time they're together. Tht's what my oldest DD did for two months, and it worked out well.

If she can't do any of that, it's still not the end of her breastfeeding relationship. She can combo feed if she would like, with formula while away from mom and breastmilk with her. A girlfriend of mine did that and it worked out really well for her family. She nursed for around a year I think, going back to work after only about a month.

[LionessMom]

Originally Posted by LittlePeanut

Since she now has the extra month off, here's what I'd do... Since she doesn't have the luxury to pump at work easily and child-led solids may not be in the cards - I would offer solids a little earlier and offer a little water (or other liquids she is comfortable offering)... She can also pump like a madwoman between now and her date of return to build up a decent freezer stash for baby. This way the baby will have other foods/liquids which can sustain her while mom is away at work. Mom can pump right before and after work and inbetween (if at all possible) and nurse on demand at all other times. Her body should adjust and make milk during the times when she is demanding it.

this can work! you can also use the month to try to gte baby either used to a bottle for bm or a soft spout sippy cup.

Originally Posted by Turkish Kate

A few questions about her financial situation: Does she receive any sort of government assistance? Has she applied for social security since the baby's father is deceased? Has she applied for WIC, foodstamps, housing? There has to be some option for her other than returning to a dead-end job that treats her and her baby like this.

check into this. this sounds like it might give her more flexability. sometimes they help single moms go to college (i did this when DS was a baby). then you can pump in between classes and get a degree that will get a better job (after baby is weaned).

[PudnHead]

Does she have a good working relationship with one (preferrably more than one) co-worker? Could she ask someone if she could pump in their car during her break? If she could get a double pump with a car adapter, it could be do-able. I have a Pump In Style (PIS) and it also has a battery attachment (it eats up batteries like crazy thought), so she could pump on the bus if she felt comfortable with that. She could cover up with a nursing shaw (or even a blanket).

You could check the trading post for a pump, maybe she could find one for cheap (if she feels comfortable with that). If she is buying second hand, she may feel better buying the the Purely Yours (PY) versus the PIS. The PY has a hygiene system (quick search show it to be about $50) that makes the pump tranferrable to another person (no change of milk getting into the pump and back into the milk). PIS is one person use (I'm sure someone can explain why, but I'm at work and don't have time to search for the answer right now). Some people don't care, so do.

Another thing is MDC has giving section. You could post her story there and maybe somebody would donate a pump or something.

[MaryJaneLouise]

If the weather is nice (summer months) maybe she could bring a chair and pump outside the restaurant, covered by blanket or whatever. PIS and PY both can be battery operated.

That would really send a message to her boss

[waiting2bemommy]

That sucks. I had a similar scenario at my job. Here was my solution (and nol it has not been ideal): I pump for 10 minutes in the morning and nurse ym sona t lunchtime. I pack my pump in a big tote with all the parts set and ready to go, so all I have to do is push the power button. I pump in a single-student toilet, and there is not even enough room to sit down, so I squat with the bag on the floor and hold the bottles. when I'm done pumping I hold one bottle between my knees while I unscrew the first bottle to pour all the milk into one bottle, then I jet out of there to get back to work. It can be done in a abthroom without touching anything nasty.

On the down side, my son started solids early because of this. I felt a little pureed fruit to tide him over at 5 months was better than starting the slippery road of formula (and he was showing signs of readiness). We haven't had any issues. I don't know what her childcare arrangement is, but it's been really helpful to be able to nurse my ds at lunchtime. If that doesn't work, she may have to skip eating and pump again at lunchtime. It sounds harsh, but that's what I've had to do. I wish her the best.....it's not easy.