Help needed...cousin's boss won't let her pump @ work *Update posts 7 and 22 - Page 2

[alllyssa]

Did someone mention the Whisper Wear pump:

http://www.babybungalow.com/whiswearbrea1.html

[miamomma5]

I spoke to my cousin again today. She is still really upset about all of this. She cannot afford a new pump, certainly nothing like the Whisper Wear pump, and she told me that since her work shirts are fitted, there is no way that she would be able to get away with wearing it anyway There no break room where she can pump. There is only the kitchen, the bosses office and a single staff bathroom (which she cannot occupy for the length of time she needs to pump...as someone else may need to use it) There is also no place where she can store her milk.

The daycare she is going to place her son in is much to far away for her to walk to and nurse on her break. She only gets one half an hour break per shift, and it would take her almost that long to get there, so nursing her son on her lunch is not an option. She is also afraid of being harassed for pumping on the bus (especially since she has found out that there are no laws protecting her right to breastfeed)

She has some benefits through her work, but she doesn't get WIC or any other kind of government assistance. She is getting some social security I believe (however I am not 100% on that...I am not versed on the American system when it comes to benefits) Although she cannot afford a car and has to return to work soon, she is not so poor that she is about to end up homeless. She isn't able to qualify for foodstamps or other housing, and like I said before she kind of got a deal on the place she is living at now, and it is in a safe neighborhood and she doesn't want to leave. Basically right now she is making enough money to afford food, a place to live, the daycare where her son is going and other necessities. She just doesn't have anything left over for extras.

She has asked me not to give out the name of the restaurant where she works, or to file a report with firstright.org, so as much as it pains me I have to respect her wishes. Basically her plan is to get her son used to a bottle over the course of the next month (with pumped breastmilk only) and then start giving him formula and solids when she returns to work (and no more breastmilk) I know it sucks, but she really and truly feels back into a corner and like she has no other choice. I have tried to tell her that she can make this work, but she doesn't feel as though she can. I want to be supportive and I feel like I failed her. Now I know it sounds like she is giving up, but please everyone just understand that she is a new mom, she is young and since she is single and the only one in our family with kids (besides me so far away) she feels so alone and overwhelmed. She is really is a good mom, and she is not taking the decision to give her some formula lightly. It is such a sucky situation, but on the phone she tells me (through tears) that leaving her job is not an option (even if her boss does suck) because then she would probably have to leave her home as well and she would not be able to afford daycare.

I just wanna say on her behalf, thank-you for all the support. It is a comfort to know that there are lactavist momma's out there. If we work hard we can change the laws and get protection for BF'ing moms, other moms won't get discouraged like my cousin did.

[eclipse]

Can I ask why she's not planning on giving him any more breastmilk at all? Or do you mean no more breastmilk while she's working? Because she can definitely continue to breastfeed, even if her son drinks formula while they are apart.

I really feel for her

[New_Natural_Mom]

Perhaps we can start a fund to help her buy a whisper pump, or double pump, or car .

[SwanMom]

Originally Posted by Turkish Kate

A few questions about her financial situation: Does she receive any sort of government assistance? Has she applied for social security since the baby's father is deceased? Has she applied for WIC, foodstamps, housing? There has to be some option for her other than returning to a dead-end job that treats her and her baby like this.

Social Security provides the baby with several hundred dollars a month if the father is deceased. This amount goes up to adjust for inflation. My husband's first wife died when DS1 was born, so I know. If DH had made less money, he would also have gotten monthly social security payments after his wife died, too...

Not to mention WIC, foodstamps, and other programs. I know she wants to work, and that's great, but a better work situation would be good.

...seems like if she got assistance from that and didn't have to contend with daycare costs, she could look into some other options.

[Sugermama]

She is a single mother working a low end job she HAS to be able to qualify for WIC and other state aid. If she would look into other options she may be able to continue. Ultimately her all or nothing attitude will hurt her in her quest to breast feed her child longer. It can be done.

At the very least if she looked into making a claim with first right she may be able to advance not only HER cause but other mom's in her situation in her state.

She can get child care vouchers that can lower her daycare fees greatly as well.

[elanorh]

Since her little one will be about six months when she returns to work, she may be able to make this work while minimizing formula-feeding, and continue breastfeeding - to the point where, by a year of age or so, babe is back to 100% breastmilk and solids, if she wishes.

dh cared for Ina during the day while I was WOH. Once she started solids at 7ish months, we had him give solids during the day while I was at work (so I never gave her solids while I was at home). She still took bottles but she was reverse-cycling like mad, so she only was taking two small bottles (2-3 oz each) each day (I nursed at lunch time). So for your cousin this would be like 9ish oz. of breastmilk (or formula if that's the way it has to be) during the day while she's at work ..... With babe doing some serious nursing with mom when she gets home in the evenings!

When Ina was about 9 months old, we quit giving her bottles during the day. I nursed before work, dh gave her solids at 10 am or so, I nursed her at lunch, dh gave her solids at 2:30/3:00 and I nursed her when I got home (and then, lots and lots the rest of the evening/night).

This makes me want to donate a WhisperWear pump to our local WIC office (which I can guarantee your cousin qualifies for, BTW). Ours is very bf-supportive. If there IS a coworker who'd let your cousin borrow their car and pump in it, I bet WIC would be able to provide your cousin with a double-pump that she could use. I have a friend who got a nice electric dual pump through WIC which she used with both her kids.

My sister wasn't able to let down adequately for her pump. She ended up nursing while she was home, and her kids got formula while at daycare. It's not an ideal situation, but if it allows your cousin to continue to breastfeed some, it's still a good option. There are still the immune properties and all the comfort and so on which will be coming through with the breastmilk he does receive, even if it's not 100% of what he gets.

I can understand her wanting to hold onto this job. Other than this pumping issue, it sounds like it's actually a pretty good job (it's not that common for a waitress job to include benefits!). And tough bosses (who don't allow smoke breaks or etc.) can be great to work for, in that expectations and achievement levels are clear for the staff. It's unfortunate that this boss doesn't understand breastfeeding. I'd bet she thinks she's doing your cousin a favor by being so tough on this, because your cousin will have more 'freedom' once she's not breastfeeding.

One other thing to mention to your cousin though is the potential that she could go to college - there is some excellent financial aid available for women in her situation. And often the university/college day care is very flexible and affordable for students who need to use it (i.e., drop babe off before the 10am class, pick babe up at noon, return babe at 2:00 and pick babe up at 4pm, I think).

[Magali]

This situation makes me so sad!!! What about going to the media? Would that even help in that state? But I guess she wouldn't want to do that because then she may lose her job. So sad...

[Toolip]

Originally Posted by miamomma5

There no break room where she can pump. There is only the kitchen, the bosses office and a single staff bathroom

I know that there are a lot of other things getting in her way as well but I just thought that I'd mention that it is illegal in most states to not have a break room but I have no idea about North Dakota.

[MaryJaneLouise]

Please encourage her to BF at nights / time off work. This will very much help decrease the risks of formula feeding, and keep the close relationship they have developed .

[Heather423]

Please do try to convince her to continue with breastfeeding when she is home. Let her know it is ok that she has to supplement when she is at work, so she doesn't feel so guilty. I have stopped pumping at work all together when my DD was around 14 mo, and we still just nurse when I get home and when we get up in the morning. I can't bring myself to stop even if it is only a little bit since she needs the antibodies. I know it wouldn't bother my DD to stop. She only nurses for about 5-10 minutes.

Her supplementing with formula during the day and not pumping at work seems like the best solution for her. Her baby still gets some breastmilk when they are together (which is important), and she doesn't haven't to worry about trying to make it work with a completely UNSUPPORTIVE boss. Try to encourage her to give it a try at first. She might be uncomfortable for the first few days, but she would be anyway by stopping BF completely. Keep us updated.

[~Yola]

I couldn't pass this thread without sharing a story of EBF a 6 mo. old babe while working 8 hours working out.

My Mum went back to work when my youngest sister was 6 mo. old. and still exclusively BF. My sister refused to take a botle AT ALL...my Mum tried everything, breastmilk, formulas, water...she just wouldn't take an artificial nipple no matter what.

After about a week of my sis getting no liquids while my Mum was at work my Mum and the care provider decided to try a spoon, and that's how my sister ate for the next few months...water and breastmilk off a spoon, as well as homeade babyfoods once she started taking solids.

Mu Mum would BF her when they woke in the AM, at the daycare when she dropped her off, right away when she got there for pick-up, she cluster fed in the evening and 3-5 times during the night. There were no health issues from her lack of food/liquids during the day and my Mum didn't pump at work (she could have, but since there wasn't much use for all the milk she just ended up engorged for no reason) she pumped once in the evening to send some to daycare the next day and it was always more than enough.

I guess I just wanted to share that it IS possible to EBF without needing to pump during the day (remind her, it's a supply and demand system, if she can't pump and baby's not nursing, she'll stop producing at that time of day)

I hope your cousin will at least give it a try..she has a month to get her and babe used to not nursing during her work hours, and get babe drinking water as well as eating if it's ready! And she can totally still nurse in the AM as well as the evenings and at night!