still bf at 8..... - Page 3

[alllyssa]

Hey don't hate me, but honestly, I think that nursing an 8 year old is a little weird.

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by alllyssa

Hey don't hate me, but honestly, I think that nursing an 8 year old is a little weird.

I don't hate you -- but I happen to think it's weird to wean at one year, myself.

I guess each person has a different vantage point!

[veryerin]

"Better than mangoes even!"

I think it is sweet. I saw that video while I was pg and thought, "wow that is waaay too long."

Now I just think it is sweet. Granted, I don't envision myself nursing quite that long, but to each their own

[Sugermama]

Originally Posted by lurve

loved your post Aileen. i would be happy if my DD nursed to eight. after all i have read about primates, i really do think the natural age of weaning is around 7/8.
yesterday i met a mama who nurses her four year old (and in public!). i was just about bowing at her feet and telling her how proud i was to have met her. it is because of this board that i even learned about clw and it is what my i will be doing with DD and any other wee ones i may be blessed with.

I agree with you (and Aileen I loved your post I am currently still nursing my 2 yr old much to the dismay of my family) I am studying Lion-tailed Macaque's very briefly for a summer biology class. They reach sexual maturity around 4 years they are breastfed for 1 year. Which means around 1/4 of their youth is spent nursing. Getting many Americans to nurse for even one year is a battle and we don't reach sexual maturity (the start of it any way) until around 11-16 years (on average there are exceptions) I was thinking about the human nursing relationship/maturity factor compared to primates just last night. Our youth are not nearly breast fed as long as other primates.


Hope some of that made sense I was sort of musing on it.

[heatherdeg]

Originally Posted by kacymoose

My nurslings are just about 4 1/2, and they are obsessed with my breasts.... sometimes. They like to come up and pat them and bounce them (this just started in the last 6 months). A little embarrassing in public. It isn't like that goes on all day though. It is almost like an unexpected kiss or hug. It is like they think there are those wonderful tasty nurses, and I sure do love them so I am going to grab them for just a minute. Then they go on about what they are doing.

What is weird is there is the definite love for my breasts, but there has been a huge decrease in nursing also of late. Mostly down to first thing in the morning & bedtime.

Mine is 4-1/2 as well... and still nursing. When he gets up in the morning he crawls into our bed for "two milks" and if I lay him down at night he nurses then as well. Their names are "Prowky and Chowky"

My little guy is definitely intermittently OBSESSED with my breasts. In fact, we were in the pool and I slid into the water just to get him off the topic and he said "I'm going to pretend the milks are up here" (pointing to the very upper part of my breast) and started to fake nurse.

I watched the video and thought that could've just as easily been my son--who is a very outgoing and social little guy. Nursing never comes up (he's EXTREMELY verbal). We have ground rules about "the milks"--the latest being that you can't just tough anyone else's milks (which went with the general genitalia in public=privacy chat).

I was one of those mothers who actually said (pre-child) that if they're old enough to walk up, pull up the shirt and latch on--they're too old to be nursing. But it's really interesting how slowly, day after day, they get older and you just adjust bit by bit to how big they get and all the other ways nursing manifests in your life... and it's no problem. So I have no clue when we'll be done.

FWIW, I don't exactly broadcast that it still happens because I'm the only human I know IRL that even breastfed past 6 weeks (although I'm meeting lots through HMN)... even my own family was a total FF crew. So no support. It just happened. My son and I spend plenty of quality time together and I'm fortunate to have a dh that's okay with it.

[staceychev]

Great conversation to listen in on as I struggle with my nursing 3YO.

Anyway, to address weirdness... am I really the only one who thinks it's weird and somewhat wrong for a parent to post a video of their nursing 7 or 8YO on YouTube? I'm sorry--I don't post any videos of my child online in the public universe and certainly not any that could come back to haunt her at a later date. It's all well and good that this video is trying to normalize BFing--great for that--but I can't help but think that this child didn't have a voice in her sudden celebrity. It just seems wrong and somewhat exploitative to me.

[mytwogirls]

Originally Posted by aileen

there is a huge difference between a continuous nursing relationship that goes to term and offering a weaned child a chance to nurse again. i'm not trying to be snarky, but it seems a little bit like you are insinuating that the 8 year old is not having her needs met in other ways. wonder away. the piece was edited up the ying-yang, no doubt to make the girls look odd, and so much so that the mother has posted online separately the entirety of the interview so it seems less biased. i am so tired - like i feel literally physically tired - of coming here to the CLW forum and the discussion centers around someone's conjecture of another mama/child pair's reasons for nursing past 4 or 5 which seem to be the "acceptable" limit. i'm nursing MY 5 year old and MY 1 year old and i, personally, have no interest in delineating any age limits or speculating about anyone else's reasons for nursing "too" long. it has been suggested to me at various times that i am still nursing because i am too permissive, because i have a high-needs child, because i didn't graduate from college, because she has food allergies, because i have no limits, because i can't let go of it, because all weaning even CLW is dependent on parental encouragement that i am not giving, because of the age spacing between my children, because i am lazy.
i am currently so frustrated by a lack of support that i don't even want to spell out here, or in real life, the multitude of reasons that i still nurse my daughter. i want to keep it a secret so that it doesn't get picked apart and wondered over.
this sounds so angry; i don't mean it to. but i am frustrated. i want to trust that all mamas are doing their best. i don't always, but i want to so i am starting to practice it. so wonder away - but, mama, you will never know. i have turned inward, away from my friends, away from this forum, even, to quietly wonder about my own children and relish in my own journey and do what works for me. and my child is not lacking in some element that "drives" her to nurse. in fact, in my home, i would say that she is so supported that she feels comfortable nursing even though it is not the "cultural norm" (her words).
motherhood is becoming isolating for me all over again.
where you are at in your journey an 8 year old nursing needs an explanation.
i honor that.
but be aware that your fellow travelers are all over the freaking map. they are joyfully formula feeding a newborn baby that they never even knew they wanted and they are nursing developmentally disabled 11 year olds and weeping at what they want for them but cannot have. and they are quiet, not talking about how effortless and normal it is to allow nursing to continue as long as both parties delight in it regardless of the wagging fingers looking on from the outside.

and honor them.

I am actually very jealous of you! I WISH WISH WISH my little 11 month old would nurse again. About six weeks ago she bit me while nursing and I yelled and thus a nursing strike ensued and I just now quit pumping for a variety of reasons. I wanted to nurse her for as long as she wanted to, even if meant nursing a five or six year old, seriously. I long to have her in my arms nursing away, but she just won't despite me trying everything under the sun. I still cry when I sit in our nursing chair or when I see someone nursing a baby. I just hurt and mourn it still to this day. You don't know what you have until it is gone and those mamas should NEVER judge a mom nursing...EVER...PERIOD! WHO cares if they think it is strange or weird. They are not the ones nursing the kids so they need to keep their opinions to themselves! I think you are doing a great job and don't let ANYONE ever tell you otherwise! Don't take crap like that, you are right, they are wrong, end of story. Good job mama!

[HybridVigor]

I approached a lot of my parenting decisions from an academic view. I did a lot of research. If you look at the relative age of weaning in other mammalian species and calculated against several factors (life expectancy, age of maturity), you will find that humans as mammals should wean at around 4 to 7 years of age. That is the average, and 8 years isn't that far from 7 years.

Besides, breast milk contains 3 million white blood cells per teaspoon, which is a HUGE immune booster! Pair this with the knowledge that the human immune system doesn't fully mature until 4 to 7 years of age, and you have a great motivation for extended breastfeeding.

Studies have shown that a child's immune system doesn't completely mature until about 6 years of age, and it is well established that breast milk helps develop the immune system and augment it with maternal antibodies as long as breast milk is produced (up to two years, no studies have been done on breast milk composition after two years post partum).

-http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detwean.html

So, whatever society throws at us, I will continue my nursing relationship with my son. Should I ever have more children, I suspect that I shall tandem nurse. If people question me, I can ask them what research they've done on the subject. And that's that.

Originally Posted by mytwogirls

I am actually very jealous of you! I WISH WISH WISH my little 11 month old would nurse again. About six weeks ago she bit me while nursing and I yelled and thus a nursing strike ensued and I just now quit pumping for a variety of reasons. I wanted to nurse her for as long as she wanted to, even if meant nursing a five or six year old, seriously. I long to have her in my arms nursing away, but she just won't despite me trying everything under the sun. I still cry when I sit in our nursing chair or when I see someone nursing a baby. I just hurt and mourn it still to this day. You don't know what you have until it is gone and those mamas should NEVER judge a mom nursing...EVER...PERIOD! WHO cares if they think it is strange or weird. They are not the ones nursing the kids so they need to keep their opinions to themselves! I think you are doing a great job and don't let ANYONE ever tell you otherwise! Don't take crap like that, you are right, they are wrong, end of story. Good job mama!

Oh, mama! I'm so sorry you lost your nursing relationship with your daughter! Have you considered trying to relactate? It is never too late.

[SheepNumber97245]

Originally Posted by staceychev

Great conversation to listen in on as I struggle with my nursing 3YO.

Anyway, to address weirdness... am I really the only one who thinks it's weird and somewhat wrong for a parent to post a video of their nursing 7 or 8YO on YouTube? I'm sorry--I don't post any videos of my child online in the public universe and certainly not any that could come back to haunt her at a later date. It's all well and good that this video is trying to normalize BFing--great for that--but I can't help but think that this child didn't have a voice in her sudden celebrity. It just seems wrong and somewhat exploitative to me.

I disagree with you. In this society you're not likely to witness a woman breastfeeding her toddler in public, like you would witness a woman breastfeeding her baby. Therefor, a lot of people probably don't know that women actually nurse their children well into the toddler stage. The more people see it, the more it becomes acceptable. The less people see it, the more it becomes "weird".

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by staceychev

Anyway, to address weirdness... am I really the only one who thinks it's weird and somewhat wrong for a parent to post a video of their nursing 7 or 8YO on YouTube? I'm sorry--I don't post any videos of my child online in the public universe and certainly not any that could come back to haunt her at a later date. It's all well and good that this video is trying to normalize BFing--great for that--but I can't help but think that this child didn't have a voice in her sudden celebrity. It just seems wrong and somewhat exploitative to me.

So, it seems to you that these parents just made and posted this video without their daughters' consent? Both girls seemed very aware to me, and very involved in the making of this video.

[mammal_mama]

mytwogirls,

[babygrace]

Originally Posted by SheepNumber97245

I disagree with you. In this society you're not likely to witness a woman breastfeeding her toddler in public, like you would witness a woman breastfeeding her baby. Therefor, a lot of people probably don't know that women actually nurse their children well into the toddler stage. The more people see it, the more it becomes acceptable. The less people see it, the more it becomes "weird".

but this is not a toddler. and come to think of it, i wonder in which other societies it is common to witness a mother bf her above five year old in public? this isn't to say that there is something wrong with extended bf, but that children themselves usually start to want to keep it private. just a thought that the child's need about this is to be considered too.

[mammal_mama]

Again, the child seemed to be aware and to be cool with it.

[Kay11]

Originally Posted by babygrace

but this is not a toddler. and come to think of it, i wonder in which other societies it is common to witness a mother bf her above five year old in public? this isn't to say that there is something wrong with extended bf, but that children themselves usually start to want to keep it private. just a thought that the child's need about this is to be considered too.

Sorry, but I think you're talking from an American culture perspective here, which is to be expected obviously! lol Where I'm from, you see 3 - 5 year olds nursing often enough for it to be normal and I don't know any of them wanting to keep it private because it's just what they do. I don't know that any of those mothers have ever considered bf in public to be a problem for anyone.

Ds weaned at 4 years 3 months, which is obviously a long way off from 5 in some ways, but until he weaned I bf him on demand, including in public. He didn't have a need to keep it private, or he wouldn't have asked, and I didn't have a need to keep it private because I can't see the point of keeping something like that private.

[soposdedi]

There was a time in my life in which i would have looked upon the situation with the 8 y.o. nursing, with total bafflement and even, to my shame, disgust. I weaned my daughter at the baby age of 2.5 years, for a variety of reasons. I know that i mourned this, and really still do, for such a long time, and she is nearly 6 years old now. I KNOW, in my heart of hearts that she still needed the breast for long after she had it, because for almost two years past weaning, she would still ask to lay on or hold my bare breast, and of course i let her. Even still, as big and tall and getting her adult teeth, i can imagine many situations in which having the oppportunity to nurse would make life a lot easier for my sensitive and bright little girl. I am almost in tears, just thinking about it. I don't understand, of course, what motivates that mother and that family to continue the nursing relationship at that age, but i DO know that it is not upon me to question or judge that decision. Only to believe that THAT mother knows her child best and is doing all possible to make life easiest and most productively loving for HER child.

[soposdedi]

Originally Posted by heatherdeg

I was one of those mothers who actually said (pre-child) that if they're old enough to walk up, pull up the shirt and latch on--they're too old to be nursing.

This quote makes me laugh and remember my daughter at 10 or 11 months of age, cruising and beginning to try to walk...

I worked at a gym daycare and of course had my baby with me always. And whenever i would sit down for a moment, she would power crawl up to me, yank my top up and squawk at me and fiddle with my bra, demanding to nurse. And in NO way shape or form, was she ready to be done with my breasts lmao. This argument is so ridiculously untrue and makes me giggle every time .

[Hollin]

I have 0 problem with it but if I'm being honest I have to say I would not want to do it myself. I think 4 or possibly 5 is my limit.

[Tangled Hill]

That's the sweetest thing I've seen in ages! It definitely gave me the warm fuzzies. Thanks for posting it!

[Maiasaura]

lots of people have that attitude about the kid being too old if they can get it themselves. whatever i do have to wonder where that comes from, though!

ok. so i am one of the mamas who is nursing a 7yo. if i can even consider it nursing anymore...he's 7 years and almost 5 months old. he last nipped on the solstice. so, saturday? i think. he last nipped before that on...lemme think. the 13th. i'm keeping track now because it's so few and far between that i want to know the very last time. i am going to commemorate our relationship with a tattoo.

i'm way wide open about this (to the right people, ) so if y'all have any questions, ask away. no snarking or flaming. y'all have been right respectful so far, so i'd appreciate it continuing

btw, i'm also a HUGE fan of kathryn dettwyler

pamela

[HisBeautifulWife]

Originally Posted by mercyn

i'm way wide open about this (to the right people, ) so if y'all have any questions, ask away. no snarking or flaming. y'all have been right respectful so far, so i'd appreciate it continuing

I'm just trying to understand this so let me preface my question by saying people have a right to do what they think is best. I'm just a curious person and I don't like to be ignorant so if I don't understand something I have to ask.

My question is, what if your kid didn't want to stop breastfeeding? Based off of that video, it didn't seem like the mom was going to stop anytime soon; so if the kid turns 10,11,12, 13....do you (and by you I mean anyone) see any downsides to breastfeeding at that age in terms of the child's development?