You and I are in the same boat at the same time and I felt exactly as you do.
However, after much prayer, I have finally come to a place of peace about our decision in the last 24 hours. I only have a few technicalities to consider, but other than that, I'm at peace. Why? Knowledge is power. It started when I decided to lurk in the UC board (I thought these ladies were nuts...not anymore) and started doing tons of research on UC. All these questions I had about the whole birthing process were answered for me and wow, like a lightbulb went off. God's design for our bodies is absolutely amazing and perfect. When we understand that our bodies were designed and created to birth without much or any intervention, those fears begin to diminish. A hospital birth is so far from God's design, I now ask, why on earth would anyone want to give birth in a hospital if they don't have to?
Your body and intuition will let you know if you need to do something different and it will certainly let you know if you need emergency care. Your body tells you when to wee and poo, you don't need a professional to tell you when to let loose and push, do you?
When we don't understand the unknown, we naturally begin to fear, but when we understand the unknown, our fears begin to dimish or go away entirely.
Wish I'd known before what I know now when I gave birth each time before, I wouldn't have been so fearful and given into so much.
As a side note, planning a water birth also calms my fears, but that's just me. It'll be my epidural!
Even if it doesn't get used (birth too fast or whatever), just the thought calms me down.
My heart goes out to you! This is what helped me. You may not want an UC, but I do recommend any mama (hospital birth, homebirth, whatever) to get educated on the
whole process. It will relieve unnecessary fears.
You can do it, Mama!!!
mama -- everything is fine. You can do this. And it can be as wonderful and lovely and sweet and peaceful as you imagine.
