One thing you wish you knew before you UCed - Page 3

[tabitha]

mine might repeat some things others have said, and they arent UC-specific... just about birth in general.

• it wont be painless if i am only 'relaxed' enough
• pain is not failure and it is not bad. it is part of birth for me and is nothing to be ashamed of
• some women vomit for the entire duration of labor. i am one of them.
• for many women, there is no such thing as 'early labor'. i expected to be baking cinnamon rolls and none of my labors have been like this. from the first contraction they are screamin' labor-land labors.

[bobandjess99]

Originally Posted by tabitha

mine might repeat some things others have said, and they arent UC-specific... just about birth in general.

• it wont be painless if i am only 'relaxed' enough
• pain is not failure and it is not bad. it is part of birth for me and is nothing to be ashamed of
• some women vomit for the entire duration of labor. i am one of them.
• for many women, there is no such thing as 'early labor'. i expected to be baking cinnamon rolls and none of my labors have been like this. from the first contraction they are screamin' labor-land labors.

YES, yes, YES, that last one.....i NEVER had any of that crap they show in tv where the women have a contraction, but then are talking and chatting in between..my contractions STARTED at excruciating and got worse from there. There was no happy in-between time...i NEVER had 10 or even 5 minute apart contractions..from the onset of labor, it was every 3 minutes, maximum, then 2, then right on top of each other at the end...... both times.

[sacredmama]

Not a UCer, but maybe someday?!

Just about birth in general. I wish I had known right when I started pushing to push exactly like I am trying to poop. Once I figured that out it went really quickly!

[laneysprout]

Subbing

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by tabitha

[*]for many women, there is no such thing as 'early labor'. i expected to be baking cinnamon rolls and none of my labors have been like this. from the first contraction they are screamin' labor-land labors.[/LIST]

Originally Posted by bobandjess99

.i NEVER had 10 or even 5 minute apart contractions..from the onset of labor, it was every 3 minutes, maximum, then 2, then right on top of each other at the end...... both times.

Please reassure me that your total labors didn't last as long as the labors of people who can make cinnamon rolls and chat. You did at least (small comfort) get shorter (<8hour) labors, yes? Please?

[triplembride]

i'm subbing too! what a great idea for a thread!

[bobandjess99]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

Please reassure me that your total labors didn't last as long as the labors of people who can make cinnamon rolls and chat. You did at least (small comfort) get shorter (<8hour) labors, yes? Please?

i'm not sure i want to answer..you're only about a couple hours drive from me and could conceivably drive up here and slap me....

no, they weren't short, ..but they weren't TERRIBLY long either. Unfortunately, I seem to have really long transitions..*sigh*

First birth was 16 hours of HARD active labor after a lot of prodromal labor(like weeks), i call it a 16 hour labor. 7.5 of that was "transition" - horrible, awful right on top of each other contractions stuck at about 9 cm.

the second was 10 hours from water breaking and onset of contractions, to birth, but okay, I will say the first 2 hours or so weren't *that* bad and I could rest a little bit betwen the contractions..so it was a 10 hour labor with 8 hours of HARD labor. Again, a longish transition, about 3 hours.

[L J]

I too, had one of those labors where, from the first contraction to the last, I was in labor-land only. No baking for me. And yes, it was a really short labor for a first baby - less than 6 hours.

What I wish I had known, or at least done, because really, I knew, was to take it easy after the birth. I tried to take a shower just a couple hours later, and ended up falling in the shower and cracking my tailbone. It took me much, much longer to recover from that that it did the birth itself.

[majikfaerie]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

Please reassure me that your total labors didn't last as long as the labors of people who can make cinnamon rolls and chat. You did at least (small comfort) get shorter (<8hour) labors, yes? Please?

not to scare anyone, but I attended a birth last year where the mama started right in from the get-go with very hard 3 min ctx, which got down to 2 min ctx within an hour. and then went on for 8 hours before bubba finally showed his head.

I was quite the opposite - 60 hours of labour, and most of it having ctx too hard, and vomiting and diarrhoea too much to even consider cinnamon rolls. but we ended up with a gorgeous UC babe after it all.

[Bad Horse]

Originally Posted by bobandjess99

That it might be awful. I think i sort of set myself up to "fail" because i only read positive birth stories, and I REALLY bought into the "if you do everything right, it wont hurt that bad" line. And for me, it DID hurt that bad..like was said earlier, I really thought death would come before the unimaginable pain I experienced...but than again, it was not just my first UC, it was my first birth, so i had NOTHING to compare it to, or any way to be prepared....a first time UCer who has already experienced BIRTH is i think going into it with a little more foundation, you know?

This is my 3rd birth, first in a hospital cause I was scared of giving birth, and hadn't found a good support system, just horror stories
That was very intense and PAINFUL, but then when I pushed, it stopped hurting as much and just became intense on its own.

With my 2nd, it was a hb attended by mws. And it was PAINFUL. Just so very very painful. I was able to "relax" throughout, all I could do was concentrate on keeping my feet relaxed as a focal point of my body, and I would fall asleep BETWEEN (not during, oops, edited!) contractions. It's just my body's way of coping with pain, I've discovered. I thought I was dying, I honestly did. But I just kept telling myself that if I could make it to pushing, then it wouldn't be as painful.

HAHAHAHAHA!!! That was not at all the case. With my 2nd, pushing was only more intense and oh so very very incredibly painful. And once he crowned, the rest of his body didn't just slip out like my first, nope, I still have a few more intense pushes to go.

I honestly felt pissed and betrayed after my birth. Yes, it was the "perfect" hb, everything I had wanted, but after I stopped hemorrhaging and stuffing my face with food, nursing the baby a little, etc, I wanted to go take a shower. I handed the baby to his father. My mom came in the bathroom with me since I'd lost a bit of blood and they were worried about me passing out or something. As I sat on the floor of the shower I told my mom I was glad I knew that it was another variation of normal not to feel that flood of overwhelming emotion towards your baby upon seeing them the first time (with my first I certainly fell immediately and totally, unchangeably in love with him the moment I saw him). Cause I didn't have that for the new baby just then. And I was ok with it.
I told her I was sitting in the shower as long as I damn well wanted, and I was doing everything in my power to etch into my mind how hideous giving birth was so I would never ever be tempted to do it again. I knew I would forget, cause women are made to forget, otherwise no one would do it again. So I was going to try to hold on to anything I could about how horrible it was. I also didn't want to hold my new baby just then cause I was actually angry with HIM about causing that kind of pain.
I mean, I DID bond with him, and fell in love with him endlessly, it just took a little more time and wasn't immediate.

But I think that is something important to remember: that type of feeling is also NORMAL. If you don't have an immediate feeling of intense love for your baby, that is ok! You aren't horrible, and you DO love them, and you WILL feel that intensity of emotion for them soon enough.

And heh, here I am getting ready for #3 So no matter how intense birth is for some people, most of us will end up doing it again! Time and distance and biology take care of that for us!

[Bad Horse]

Originally Posted by tabitha

mine might repeat some things others have said, and they arent UC-specific... just about birth in general.

• it wont be painless if i am only 'relaxed' enough
• pain is not failure and it is not bad. it is part of birth for me and is nothing to be ashamed of
• some women vomit for the entire duration of labor. i am one of them.
• for many women, there is no such thing as 'early labor'. i expected to be baking cinnamon rolls and none of my labors have been like this. from the first contraction they are screamin' labor-land labors.

YES!! TO ALL OF IT!

The vomiting sucked so much. Well, a lot of it ended up being dry heaving. Blech!

And yeah, 5.5 hours for both of mine from the time I had my first noticeable contraction to baby in arms. I don't have contractions before my body starts into transition, which makes for a very quickly intense situation!

[Collinsky]

Well, also not about UC but just birth in general... each labor can be totally different for the same woman. My first birth was 12 hours of tiring but not excrutiating contractions. Second was 3 hours of "this should kill me" pain. Next two were mellow, so-peaceful-they-seem-painless, both around 6 hours. (Could be the waterbirth thing. The only way I will ever have a dry birth again is if it just goes too fast!!)

But with my second birth (second UC) I expected it to be like my first, only probably between 6-8 hours. And it was completely different in so many ways.

[daileyjoy]

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[tabitha]

i dont know how long other mama's labors were and i cant compare experiences when it comes to intensity or pain. all 3 of my births have been incredibly difficult for me to endure, but when each one was over it did not matter to me one bit. after my first, i felt a failure, because i had been convinced that pain was something women only experienced because they were tense and afraid. with my second i tried to prepare myself more and be more relaxed and it did not work. it took me a long time to realize that pain wasnt my fault.

my first labor was 9 hours from start to finish, my second was 27. my third, first UC, was 4 hours from the first inkling that i might be in labor.

like someone else said, another thing i wish someone had told me is that labor can be anything for any woman even after you have had a baby or two. i got caught up, preparing for my second, in the idea that it would be faster. as you can see it was 3 times as long, something i think had a lot to do with my expectations and not being able to let go and let my daughter be born in the way she needed to be.

also about birth in general, the length of a labor does not signify much for me. my second was not more painful or hard to endure than my first or third, despite the length. i have no concept of time passing when i am in labor. it is what it is.

[wombjuice]

Ok, any doubts I might have had about waterbirth have just officially been erased. *off to google different types of birth pools*

[L J]

Originally Posted by bobandjess99

That it might be awful. I think i sort of set myself up to "fail" because i only read positive birth stories, and I REALLY bought into the "if you do everything right, it wont hurt that bad" line. And for me, it DID hurt that bad..like was said earlier, I really thought death would come before the unimaginable pain I experienced...but than again, it was not just my first UC, it was my first birth, so i had NOTHING to compare it to, or any way to be prepared....a first time UCer who has already experienced BIRTH is i think going into it with a little more foundation, you know?

This is a great point. I missed this post yesterday when skimming. I, too, read all of the "happy" stuff about it not hurting too much. But, I also read the gory, brutally honest stuff about the pain being close to unbearable during transition, and feeling like it would go on forever.

My UC was also my first (and only) birth and it was very much a success. I feel like I was prepared for any outcome - be it a 60 hour labor, a breech baby, or whatever. You have to prepare yourself mentally for these situations, and then handle them calmly and with confidence if they arise.

On the other hand, I wonder sometimes if those who have already had a less than positive experience in a hospital birthing might be a little less confident that a well informed first time birthing UCer? Because hospital staff likes to make everything out to be a big deal, and "wrong" and I would imagine its hard to get that out of your head.

[mamagranola]

Originally Posted by MyBoysBlue

Orange Juice is just wonderful after giving birth. So is Rescue Remedy. I was surprised how much less shaky I felt after taking it.

Speaking of Rescue Remedy....also great for helping calm those transition fears.

[BirthFree]

Also, honestly, I had one of those "oh my gosh, WOAH" starts to labor last time - contractions weren't so much close together as they were POWERFUL and super intense (and kinda long). For the first time there was no standing still at all, I had to walk to keep the intensity and pain manageable for me.

That labor was 1.5 hours from the first contraction to baby-out.

All of my labors were intense and all the contractions hurt - but there was a definite shift in the type last time (my fast labor). I'm sure this one will be just as dramatically different from the others as they were from each other - but that's one thing I both appreciate and keeps me on my toes - I never do know what to expect... there is no "way" for my body - I just know at this point that I can do each of the types of labor I've had - and I take it from there.

[EmmaWoodhouse]

I'd say the biggest realization for me was that labor is a process and doesn't just start all of a sudden and then you have babe in your arms hours later. It can start and stop weeks ahead of the 'big day' and babe will not come until he/she is good and ready to come no matter what I try.

The other thing I might have handy next time is a sign I could hold up to DH that says "QUIET, Talk later." My last birth he kept asking if I was pushing yet, right when I was in the middle of doing just that!

[skyblufig]

Hmmmn... well, for the birthing part of UCing, I think in retrospect I could've still used more clean towels. Just because I kept getting in to and out of the tub, and going from bathroom to living room and back (couldn't use the bedroom until ds was awake, lol). Yes, more towels and a bowl handy for the placenta to avoid having to roll it across the bed and into said bowl.

Clean sheets under the ones that got messy so we could snuggle in bed right away.

Yes, tasty, hearty, comforting food.

And everything everyone else said about transition. I almost transferred to the hospy because I was at the point of "I just cannot cannot cannot do this one more minute!". Then a small wave of nausea and shaky legs made me realize *lightbulb* I'm in transition! And that gave me that surge of energy to keep on going.

{{{Happy birthing vibes to you}}}

eta: Oh yeah, and I shouldn't have told dh it was ok to go to a night baseball game 3 days post-partum and leave me at home with ds and the newborn. Apparently even though I felt like Superwoman, I was not ready for the cord to fall off, ds to not want to go to bed and the newborn to all of a sudden start crying inconsolably, all at once. Big mistake on my part, it was NOT OK, lol!