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Is this unreasonable?  

post #1 of 12
6/10/08 at 4:50pm
Thread Starter 
I'm going for a MW appointment today that could very well end up being my last before the birth. Up until now 90% of our appointments have been small talk and watching my dd run around the room...but now I'm starting to feel some urgency in discussing a few birth specifics. I'm seeing a group of 3 MW's, two of which attended my last birth, so I think they know me pretty well, but there are still some things I would like to clarify, especially since we had some issues dealing with the placenta and tearing last time.

I'm thinking for this birth I would like to be left alone, as in no internals, no checking of the baby's heart rate (unless I feel there is a need), pretty much laboring alone and/or with my DH while the midwives stay in the other room until the actual birth. And for the actual birth I would like to have minimal interference, maybe one midwife in the room either catching the baby while DH supports me, or helping/watching DH catch the baby. After the baby is born I do not want him out of my arms for any kind of bathing/weighing/suctioning/checking (they were great with this last time so it shouldn't be a problem). And finally, the part that is worrying me... I don't want to be touched, poked around at or checked down there until after I have delivered the placenta and had a chance to look down there myself and evaluate weather I would consider needing stitches if I ripped (there was a big controversy over stitches last time and they got really pushy and touchy ).

So basically I want to ask the midwives that they hang back and not interfere with me, even after the baby is born. Do you think these requests will be unreasonable or offensive to them? I mean who knows how I will end up feeling or what I will need/want when I'm actually in the throws of labor or in the moment of having to deal with a pp bleeding/tearing/placenta issue....maybe I will throw all these "plans" out the window. But I feel like after last time now I know what things I'm resentful of and what I wish I would have done differently.
post #2 of 12
6/10/08 at 5:01pm
I just homebirthed last wednesday, and my midwife did everything as you are asking. It doesn't seem unreasonable to me at all.
post #3 of 12
6/10/08 at 5:31pm
I guess I don't think it should be unreasonable to most MWs but it sounds like your particular set of MWs had some different priorities last time. So I might be hesitant to say that they sound super supportive. Regardless I would definitely address all of these issues, perhaps have them written down so you don't forget anything. If I take a list in I am much less likely to chicken out about talking about something or to forget altogether.
post #4 of 12
6/10/08 at 6:24pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by balancedmama View Post
I guess I don't think it should be unreasonable to most MWs but it sounds like your particular set of MWs had some different priorities last time. So I might be hesitant to say that they sound super supportive. Regardless I would definitely address all of these issues, perhaps have them written down so you don't forget anything. If I take a list in I am much less likely to chicken out about talking about something or to forget altogether.
Good idea, I think I will do that. I'm also thinking I should not take DD with us today because she is such a huge distraction for everyone.
post #5 of 12
6/10/08 at 7:58pm
I don't think it's unreasonable...even if they didn't go along with everything than you would have it off your chest and they would have the opportunity to explain why or why not they would do something so you would maybe the be okay with it.
post #6 of 12
6/10/08 at 10:50pm
I dont think anything is unreasonable, except most MWs would probably want to listen to the baby some. I basically got all of that at my last birth except my MW did listen to teh baby every so often. I didnt even mind, barely noticed and since I was vbac'ing I wanted that done. Otherwise, no my bottom was not checked til the placenta was out and I had got out of the tub and sat and bonded with my baby for awhile. and no cervical exams at all.
post #7 of 12
6/11/08 at 2:38am
Thread Starter 
Well I got a chance to discuss most everything with the one midwife that was there today. The other had just delivered two babies so she didn't make it, and the third is kind of a flake and didn't show up...I don't think she'll be at the birth anyway.

So the midwife that I saw today (she's the new one that I have not birthed with before) was pretty reassuring. She said that the request for no fetal monitoring/HR checks has been coming up a lot lately, and she has decided that she is fine with it as long as we are willing to sign a waiver, which is just fine with me. I also discussed my tearing from last birth and discussed what would happen if I needed stitches. Just the fact that she can do them herself makes it a lot better I think...last time they were going to have to call in an outside person for the stitches they were trying to talk me into and that was really unappealing at the time. Overall I really like this MW and I'm feeling pretty good about everything... I almost wish it could just be her there, even though I love my other midwife I wish they didn't always work in pairs because the less people I have around for the birth the better IMO.
post #8 of 12
6/11/08 at 12:06pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by BensMom View Post
I dont think anything is unreasonable, except most MWs would probably want to listen to the baby some. I basically got all of that at my last birth except my MW did listen to teh baby every so often. I didnt even mind, barely noticed and since I was vbac'ing I wanted that done. Otherwise, no my bottom was not checked til the placenta was out and I had got out of the tub and sat and bonded with my baby for awhile. and no cervical exams at all.
I think a lot of that depends on the state you are in as well. The protocol can be pretty spelled out in states where direct entry midwives are regulated. Where I am, heart checks are not something that can be waved.
post #9 of 12
6/11/08 at 6:19pm
Weeeell, those seem like requests that some midwives would be fine with, and many would not.

So, while I don't think the requests themselves are unreasonable (except perhaps having no fetal monitoring at all), I think waiting until you're about to pop to bring them up is pretty unreasonable

Edited to add: Oh, they're on board with you. Great!
post #10 of 12
6/12/08 at 2:13am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by prothyraia View Post
Weeeell, those seem like requests that some midwives would be fine with, and many would not.

So, while I don't think the requests themselves are unreasonable (except perhaps having no fetal monitoring at all), I think waiting until you're about to pop to bring them up is pretty unreasonable

Edited to add: Oh, they're on board with you. Great!
It's not that I "waited until I'm about to pop" to bring this up...it's that as the birth approaches I'm just now realizing I had some resentful feelings about my last birth and want to try and avoid some of those specific things this time around.
post #11 of 12
6/12/08 at 3:11pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ooey View Post
It's not that I "waited until I'm about to pop" to bring this up...it's that as the birth approaches I'm just now realizing I had some resentful feelings about my last birth and want to try and avoid some of those specific things this time around.
Fair enough. Like you said, it's not like it's impossible to suddenly have your feelings/needs/desires change at the last minute, even during the birth itself.
post #12 of 12
6/12/08 at 7:46pm
I felt great after having a similar conversation with one of my two midwives.

I'm glad you had the conversation and it went well.
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