Irritated with prospective MW/student

[mustangtbn]

I am switching midwives for this birth. I've decided to interview the MW of a friend of mine, who raves about her after EVERY visit. Really, I was about ready to this MW, I just wanted to find out how she would handle it if I went past 42 weeks (family and my prior birth history indicates I probably will) and make sure we're compatible, personality-wise. DH wants to meet her, which means we have to find an appointment time that would fit in his work schedule, so I had to schedule almost a month out to find a time that would work for us. That appointment was supposed to be today and I was so excited that I've been about jumping out of my skin all week!

Luckily, I called to confirm the appointment before driving over there. I talked to the student MW, the same person who made the appointment with me. The student told me that the MW I wanted to interview was not going to be available for my scheduled appointment this afternoon after all, but that the student MW would be there to show me around the birth center! Huh? When I made the appointment, I told this person specifically that I wanted to interview the MW, for a HOMEBIRTH, that I live an HOUR away, and that my husband would be taking time off from work for the appointment. What good is it supposed to do us to see the birth center when the MW isn't even there? And why didn't she or the MW call to tell me there was a change in plans? Also, when I made my new appointment, the student MW said something about how I wouldn't be able to meet HER (the student) that day. Why would that even be relevant to me? I'm starting to wonder if they're trying to warm me up to go with the student as my main MW or something, which if they are, I think this is a strange way of going about it.

I'm so frustrated and disappointed. I made another appointment, but now I feel like if this is how I am treated before the initial interview, which is when you'd think they'd be showing their best side, how will I be treated after I hire them? I don't have a ton of other good options either, since there aren't many other midwives in the area and no other ones that I know of who are willing to assist mamas after 42 weeks. I guess I'm mostly venting, and it's probably not that big a deal, but what do you think? Are they trying to "give" me to the student? Should I take this as a warning of possible things to come? Or, since my friend who recommended this MW has nothing but glowing reports, should I just chalk it up to bad judgment on the part of the student? If anyone has a story of a bad initial impression with a birth assistant that later turned out to be great, I'd love to hear it. Thanks for reading/listening.

[Limabean1975]

Maybe you've already looked into this - but is it possible the MW is at a birth? Wouldn't you want her to cancel someone else's interview appt to be at your birth?
The MW clinic I used actually had a policy that the patient should call in the morning of their appt to confirm that the MW would be there, because there's always the chance they are out at a birth. They also noted that it would always be possible for you to show up for you appt to find you MW not there, and that they would do their best to have you meet with another MW or student...but it's the nature of the business that even they might not be available.

P.S. I really wanted to meet the student that would be at my birth well ahead of time. It was very relevant to me.

eta: Oops. I think I read you wrong as I understand it now you are fine with a reschedule, but they shoul dhave called you to see if you wanted to rebook OR were ok with meeting with just the student...and since it was an interview, you obviously would want to meet the MW. I get it!
Still - it would be important to me to meet the student also, at a future, rescheduled appt. BUt unless she was really awful, the student would not be a deciding factor for me. :-)

[nashvillemidwife]

I was thinking the same thing. When you have a busy practice, you do every thing you can to have your office run "business as usual" even when the midwife isn't available. Depending on where the student is at in her training, she may be just as involved or even more so than your actual midwife.

[mustangtbn]

Thanks for your insight. I'm feeling a bit better about it now.

No, the MW wasn't at a birth, the student told me she was unavailable because she was teaching a class - she indicated that they had known for a while that she wouldn't be there. And it's not even the unavailability itself that bothered me (I expect that will happen at some point during the process, probably more than once). It was the fact that apparently no one thought to tell me about it beforehand that irked me, even though they did have prior knowledge, and that since this is supposed to be my interview where I decide whether to hire the MW, her absence kind of defeats the purpose.

That's a good point about the student midwife being very involved. If that is the case, then you're right, that would be relevant as I would want to meet her at some point and be sure I'm comfortable with her as well. That could probably wait for later though, as there are so few MWs around that I probably wouldn't decide for/against one based on her student. The MW herself is the one who decides policy in any situations outside of normal, and so I need to talk directly to her to bring up my concerns and find out whether she will be able to help me. I wouldn't want to ask the student those kinds of questions, hire them based on her answers, and then find out too late that the student was mistaken, you know?

[jessitron]

Since there are very few MWs around, and plenty of demand, they don't have to have great customer service. In fact they probably have really crappy service until after you're her client, and then she meets you, and then you become high-priority, more and more so as your birth nears. It's backwards from other industries.

Yeah, it totally sucks that they screwed up that appointment scheduling. But if you connect with the midwife and like her, it's probably worth dealing with stuff like that.

[Limabean1975]

Originally Posted by mustangtbn

Thanks for your insight. I'm feeling a bit better about it now.

No, the MW wasn't at a birth, the student told me she was unavailable because she was teaching a class - she indicated that they had known for a while that she wouldn't be there. And it's not even the unavailability itself that bothered me (I expect that will happen at some point during the process, probably more than once). It was the fact that apparently no one thought to tell me about it beforehand that irked me, even though they did have prior knowledge, and that since this is supposed to be my interview where I decide whether to hire the MW, her absence kind of defeats the purpose.

That's a good point about the student midwife being very involved. If that is the case, then you're right, that would be relevant as I would want to meet her at some point and be sure I'm comfortable with her as well. That could probably wait for later though, as there are so few MWs around that I probably wouldn't decide for/against one based on her student. The MW herself is the one who decides policy in any situations outside of normal, and so I need to talk directly to her to bring up my concerns and find out whether she will be able to help me. I wouldn't want to ask the student those kinds of questions, hire them based on her answers, and then find out too late that the student was mistaken, you know?

A scheduled class and they knew well ahead of time? Well then that there is definitely crummy. BUT, I would still meet the MW and see how you feel...maybe it was an oversight, an administrative snafu, etc (Since there was still someone to meet with you, maybe they just did not realize that this was a meet & decide for you as opposed to a meet & greet). If this MW is as fab as your friend thinks, it may be worth a little forgiveness. I hope it all works out for you!

[_betsy_]

If you're already feeling iffy about this office/practice, maybe you should look into other MW options?

[MamaSong]

Yeah, this is a tough one because you want to trust your instincts and you are kind of getting a weird/bad vibe on the one hand...but of course you do want to meet the student eventually anyway and it could have been a really honest mistake on their part. Hmmmm....

My first MW appointment (AFTER the inital interview) the MW was at a birth - and it was rescheduled from a birth the week before - so when I got there it was her assistant and her student. At first I thought that was weird, but then I was appreciative to meet them early beause if I would have had a strong bad vibe towards either of them then it would have been early enough for me to easily change MW's or make other arrangement, ya know? Luckily I thought both of their energies were nice and mellow...

Tough call. Trust your gut.

[mustangtbn]

I talked to my friend and now I feel SO MUCH BETTER! Turns out this student MW is a bit flaky with this kind of stuff, but apparently isn't that involved with the actual care. So it probably was just a snafu. She'll be at the visits and the birth, so I will meet her before long if I go with them, and she is supposed to be super-nice, if a bit unreliable. But then, I'm not really relying on her anyway - the MW herself is who I will deal with for the most part for my care and in the future with schedules, and normally they do call you in the event of a change (I will definitely state that I want that to happen in the future whenever possible). And, the midwife has a cell phone that she's super-responsive with, so if I go this route I'll just be sure to keep that number on me.

Jessitron, that's a really good point about few midwives and bad customer service. I guess they don't really need to work that hard to get you in the door when they're always going to be at capacity. I should be happy we can find them at all for now, and hope there are plenty when DD grows up and is thinking about starting a family.

MamaSong, thanks for the MW story with a happy ending.

I'm going to wait and meet the MW this Friday, and hope for the best. Partially because she comes so highly recommended, and partially because of a lack of other options. Hopefully I'll love her and never have a problem again! Thank you all so much for your input and allowing me to vent.

[Belle]

As much as I love my midwives I have to admit that they are a bit flaky when it comes to administrative stuff too. They are great and with women and all that but this is not really their forte. My dh thinks our midwives should hire an office manager. I'm not sure if this is a trend among midwives but it seems to be. We were always having our appointments rescheduled for one thing or the other. A couple of other minor things suggested that they were not the most organized people. We're not either so I'm not one to judge. I totally understand that midwives lives can be hectic and unpredictable so we never complained about it. I think maybe the type of person that would manage an efficent office would not be the type of person who is called into midwifery.

[1972momma]

I think the main problem is that no one called to tell you of the change.

If it were me, I would keep the appointment with the midwife your friend raved about, and right off the bat, tell her in a nice, non-threatening but totally direct way that you were concerned about the way the change in your first appointment was handled. You can also ask questions about what percentage of births she vs. the student midwife attend, and whether she expects that ratio to change at all by the time you are due. Make it clear you are interested in HER, and that you'd appreciate her forthrightness.

Good luck and keep it posted!

[Kim919]

Well, as annoying as that situation is (thats the type of thing that drives me CRAZY) I would still inteview the MW. We all get bad employees sometimes & if you cancel because of that you might miss out on a great MW. Maybe you could gently let her know you were displeased with the initial contact if you do end up liking her & going w/ her so she is aware you were a little upset about the rude inattentiveness(or whatever it was.)

[wombjuice]

Originally Posted by Belle

I think maybe the type of person that would manage an efficent office would not be the type of person who is called into midwifery.

I think this is very true.

[mustangtbn]

Update

Just an update for everyone - thank you so much for your input last week!

We ended up going to see the MW on Friday. The student ended up being there as well after all, so I got to meet them both. They had also just come from a birth, so they'd been awake for about 2 days at that point. I was really touched that they still made it out, although I definitely would have understood if they'd rescheduled because of THAT!

MW is awesome, I love her! Student MW seems pretty great as well. I brought up the whole situation with the lack of phone call from Tuesday and I don't even know if the MW was aware there was a problem, because she seemed pretty surprised - and was also adamant that they'd always try to call if they weren't available for some reason. Her attitude regarding my postdates concerns, as well as pretty much everything else, was exactly the relaxed one I was looking for. Plus, she was just really fun to be around. I'm so excited, we've found our midwife!

Thanks again, everyone, for your feedback and for letting me vent a bit. Those darn pregnancy hormones make it tougher to look at things with an objective eye sometimes!

[Limabean1975]

Yay!

[Kidzaplenty]

It's great that you found your MW! Congratulations!