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I wish someone had told me that!! - Page 3

post #41 of 58
Breastfeeding, and watching my child as she nurses, is my favorite aspect of motherhood.
post #42 of 58
Originally Posted by trancechylde View Post
[LIST][*]How judgemental other Mamas can be. And how much it can hurt/send you into a downward spiral of self-doubt. Don't take everything you hear/read as gospel. Dance to the beat of your OWN drum. YOU are the Mama-you know what is best for YOUR family.
YES! I found that out the hard way when in the haze of post-partum depression I posted a thread and got fuh-lamed here. I cried for days and beat myself down for not seeing my baby as others saw him. I then realized that there will always be someone out there in the cyber world that will be "more AP/crunchy/green/super-parent than thou art" and be "appalled" at my feelings. Heck, I even get guff from my mainstream parents/friends and it slides off my back like water off of a duck's back. They aren't here in my here and now.

Originally Posted by GISDiva View Post
Do what works for your family. If the advice doesn't feel right, then don't do it. This goes for ALL advice, not just your MIL...

Just because you find you can't make some "AP" thing work doesn't mean you love your child less. See above.
Yup! I used to have a mental AP list that I'd check off (non-circ--check, BFing--check, yadda yadda--check) Now I have a "feels right for me, my children and my family" checklist. Most of it still falls in the AP category, but I am not so uptight about it and I am a much much happier person and thusly a happier mother and wife.

The best advice I have ever seen was in someone's signature here "Parent your child like their adult self is looking over your shoulder."
post #43 of 58
that not all BF babies are chunks...some are long and lean and THAT'S OKAY!!!
post #44 of 58
judgment might not be wrong, but it sure isn't helpful.

And also:
that not all BF babies are chunks...some are long and lean and THAT'S OKAY!!!
All babies are built differently, Thank Goodness! Wouldn't it be boring if they all looked the same??
Try not to get too upset at people commenting on your DC's size. Especially if they are breast-fed. Nature knows what it's doing. They are the way they are for a reason.
post #45 of 58
Originally Posted by saimeiyu View Post
The poop can go REALLY, REALLY FAR when it shoots out, those first couple of weeks.

Yes!!! I've been able to block my LO's poop fountains, but my niece will never live down her 6+ foot projectile poop!
post #46 of 58
You don't need any of the stuff you registered for at Babies R Us. Really

Seriously, you need, plus or minus a few based on your particular living situation

1. Car seat
2. Carrier/sling/wrap
3. Diapers
4. A few temperature-appropriate sleepers

Ta da! You are now ready for a baby
post #47 of 58
Originally Posted by saimeiyu View Post
The poop can go REALLY, REALLY FAR when it shoots out, those first couple of weeks.
Originally Posted by riverside knitter View Post
Yes!!! I've been able to block my LO's poop fountains, but my niece will never live down her 6+ foot projectile poop!
: Already planning to EC, besides that what do you do about that? My dh is like this: right now.
post #48 of 58
1) Your whole day and existance will revolve around the baby and his naps and feedings. For a couple years.

2) You may be really stressed, depressed, lonely and anxious. That's normal and treatable. Or you may be ecstatic and have a ton of energy. That's normal too.

3) Rest after the baby is born, even if you had an easy birth and feel fantastic after. Your body needs to heal even if you feel 'ok'.

4) Relax. The world will not end if your MIL doesn't totally sanitize her hands before holding your baby. He will not get the plague. And take her advice with a grain of salt. She's just reminiscing how she mothered 30 years ago and is missing it a bit. And she only remembers the good things, not how much some of the days sucked.

5) Join a mommy group and make some friends with moms who have babies the same age as yours. Only they will care about your baby's poop and how he never seems to sleep.

6) Your dh is going through a lot of changes too. He feels pressure he's never experienced before and doesn't know what the right thing to do is. Go easy on him.
post #49 of 58
1. Everyone and their dog will want to give you advice even if they are complete strangers.

2. You don't need anything except clothes, diapers, a car seat, and a carrier. If you are working you need bottles and a breast pump. That's it. All the other gadgets and gizmos are nice to have but completely unnecessary. Your baby does not need special "baby" washcloths and towels.

3. The Bjorn will hurt your back. Get a different carrier.

4. Take all your "What to Expect..." books and throw them in the trash.

5. Believe in yourself. YOU are the mother.
post #50 of 58
Originally Posted by yaseensmommy View Post

5. No one told me how EVERYONE would have advice (some good, some (mostly) bad) on how to raise our baby, and that most of what we are doing is wrong, i.e. holding him too much.

(I love MDC).
This I think has been the most surprising one for me.... I am hoping it is only with the first child, but there has been a steady flow of advice from annoyingly funny to downright awful and insulting.... but then again I have never taken well to unsolicited advice.

Other than that, there would be days when heading off to the supermarket would no longer be the horrid hassle that I avoided and become the welcomed break from a long day of tending to babies needs alone at home.
post #51 of 58
. . . That after you have the baby, friends and family will all want to swarm your house to "help." But their idea of "help" will be holding the baby, not doing the practical help that you so desperately need like dish-washing and dog-walking. If anything, they'll leave your house more cluttered than it was.

. . . On that note, that it's OK (gently) to kick them out . . . or leave that role to DH/DP.

. . . That the crib was a waste of MIL's money.

. . . That being a SAHM can be profoundly isolating; you have to make many extra efforts to get out and meet people.

. . . That babies are sooooooo cute they are when they're pooping!
post #52 of 58
*that i would laugh so much
*that they are just very tiny people with huge personality from minute 1
*that babies don't always poo with every diaper--and it's ok!
post #53 of 58
Originally Posted by yaseensmommy View Post
Your post brought tears to my eyes!!!
OMG me too! I agree with ALL of it! Also, just wanted to add how glad i am that i came across the "case against circ" threads because I was completely uneducated about it and because of all the reading i did over there my son is intact!!:
post #54 of 58
1. I wish I'd had a breastfeeding buddy in the first 6 weeks...she might have told me that if the pain was so excruciating in the first 10 seconds after baby latched on, then the latch is not right. I had to figure this out for myself (with help that good ol' misogynist and his Baby Book ) and when I finally got it right it was like the heavens opened up.

2. I wish someone had told me that asking for help is not admitting failure or defeat. We're not meant to be new moms by ourselves and still manage our homes and families. We are meant to be nurtured while we learn to nurture our new babies (each one is different), and we need help...there is no shame in asking for it or accepting it when it is freely offered.

3. I wish I had known that baby-wearing is not an automatic cakewalk. I had no idea how to size a sling, nor what to expect was "normal" as far as physical effect of trying to wear Baby...and then wearing Baby incorrectly. I also wish I'd known that it sometimes takes a couple of slings to find the right style...

4. I repeat everything everyone has said about how dramatically your relationship with your partner changes in the first year after a baby. This has been the most difficult year of mine and my husband's relationship...and it has been very hard to be able to focus on our relationship because I've had a new baby to take care of. It's hard to get your priorities in order when your sleep-deprived, hormonal, stressed out...

5. Be gentle with yourself. It's easy to criticize every move and mistake you think you make...don't beat yourself up. Do the best you can with what you know and when you know better, do better. Don't be afraid to ask questions, but don't feel obligated to follow everyone's advice.
post #55 of 58
... that one day, when DD was around 3 months old, I would bawl and cry and carry on for over an hour at the mere thought that someday, she'd go off to Kindergarten. And that that's a normal thing for a new mama to go through.

... that when you think "We have GOT to get that on video," you really have to grab the camera and get it on video THAT DAY, because tomorrow, she'll stop doing that cute thing!

... that just thinking about the lyrics to some songs will make you tear up. And sometimes that song is Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

... that you really, really, really need to figure out a way not to have to go back to work at 7 weeks PP. Really. There has to be a way to afford more time off, even if it means racking up some credit card debt.
post #56 of 58
- grunts dont automatically equal pooping until they are a couple months in. ds just grunted all the time when he was a noob

- its not as horrible as everyone will tell you it is

- the first time your baby smiles at you will be one of the happiest moments of your life

- you need to have people deliver food to you in the first month or so of breastfeeding

- newborns DO NOT nurse for 30 minutes every 2-3 hours!!! more realistically is that newborns nurse every 30 minutes for 2-3 hours.
post #57 of 58
that you need support and so much love and nurturance when you are nurturing someone else all day long.

that life wasn't going to be more or less back to normal by about 6 weeks, or months!

that it wasnt going to get any easier to leave my baby - in fact its got harder!

that it's OKAY for them to need to breastfeed all the time, NOT something 'abnormal' as i was led to believe by health visitors and well-meaning friends.

that I would feel SO attached that I feel like one person in two bodies at times

that i would also feel anger, frustration, and a lot of other yucky stuff, yes, even at my baby, and that that's okay too.

ditto on the cooking and freezing meals things

and ditto on the sleeping with your baby thing. I WISH i'd done it right from the start and saved myself so much agony.

that the health visitor, your sister/mother-in-law, or midwife don't know it all, really.

to listen to my gut ...i'm still trying to find out where it is sometimes, but i'm getting there!
post #58 of 58
I wish someone would have told me:

How much I profoundly love this new little person - and - that is how much MY mom loves ME. It is truely an amazing thing to comprehend.
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