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DH Showers with dsd.. Is this OK?

post #1 of 137
6/10/08 at 11:49pm
Thread Starter 
Hi everyone,

I'm looking for a little input, and so here I am at MDC! Here's the thing- my dsd is 10. The other afternoon, they got home from school and were caught in the rain. They immediately went upstairs to shower together. I absolutely do not have a problem with parents showering with our kids. Just want to clarify that. I am a little concerned in this case because dsd is older now and is quite, shall we say, curious about adult things. dh has said that he's not comfortable showering with her anymore. Any input from mamas (or daddies) who have been there?

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post #2 of 137
6/10/08 at 11:51pm
I wouldn't feel comfortable with that.
post #3 of 137
6/10/08 at 11:56pm
I (as the mom) showered with my dds when they were quite a bit younger and they still shower with each other about half of the time (two girls who are sisters and 2 yrs apart in age). However, neither of them would be comfortable showering with me anymore and they certainly would not be comfortable showering with their dad. They are 9 and 7. I think that they stopped showering with me by about age 4.

I would not be comfortable with a 10 y/o showering with an adult at all especially an adult of the opposite sex.
post #4 of 137
6/11/08 at 12:06am
In all honesty I would not be comfortable with that. Not saying that is some families it isnt just fine but for me it is outside my comfort zone.
post #5 of 137
6/11/08 at 12:23am
Personally, I believe that to be very inappropriate behavior.
post #6 of 137
6/11/08 at 12:29am
If it is his natural born daughter then I do not have an issue with it but if it is his step daughter then I think it is strange.
post #7 of 137
6/11/08 at 12:34am
I would not be comfortable with it, natural born or step.
post #8 of 137
6/11/08 at 12:37am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vancouver Mommy View Post
To quote another thread from earlier today, interesting first post, TipToe.

I imagine that I wouldn't want to reveal too much about my identity if I had concerns of this sort, either. I'm assuming that this is not this person's first time to MDC .
post #9 of 137
6/11/08 at 12:38am
If her father has already stated that he is no longer comfortable with showering with her, then what's the issue? It doesn't sound like it will happen anymore, anyway, which IMO is a good thing.
post #10 of 137
6/11/08 at 12:40am
I don't think I would be comfortable with it.
post #11 of 137
6/11/08 at 12:44am
If he's uncomfortable, it should stop. I think I'd be concerned if he weren't uncomfortable, though, at that age. Around 9 or so, my dh wasn't comfortable even wrestling with our daughters anymore, so he switched to other ways to play with them. He absolutely does not want to see them nude, and that's 100% reciprocal.
post #12 of 137
6/11/08 at 12:44am
I would not be comfortable with my 10 yo showering with her dad.
post #13 of 137
6/11/08 at 12:45am
Thread Starter 

Nice to get feedback

Thank you all for sharing your opinions. Sometimes you just have to bounce things off of people and make sure you're not overreacting, especially in a step-parent situation. If it doesn't happen again, then I guess it won't be an issue. If, like on other occassions, it does happen again, I may be back for a little more feedback!
post #14 of 137
6/11/08 at 12:50am
Quote:
Originally Posted by TipToe View Post
Hi everyone,

I'm looking for a little input, and so here I am at MDC! Here's the thing- my dsd is 10. The other afternoon, they got home from school and were caught in the rain. They immediately went upstairs to shower together. I absolutely do not have a problem with parents showering with our kids. Just want to clarify that. I am a little concerned in this case because dsd is older now and is quite, shall we say, curious about adult things. dh has said that he's not comfortable showering with her anymore. Any input from mamas (or daddies) who have been there?
If one of the parties isn't comfortable anymore, it's time to stop. Simple!
post #15 of 137
6/11/08 at 1:07am
Quote:
Originally Posted by TexasSuz View Post
If it is his natural born daughter then I do not have an issue with it but if it is his step daughter then I think it is strange.
agreed.
post #16 of 137
6/11/08 at 1:32am
It is not soemthing that I would be comfortable with.
post #17 of 137
6/11/08 at 9:30am
This brings to mind an issue at our house that I have a hard time figuring out.
Dd is 13, quite developed and quite modest. Fine.
DS1 is 11, small, no signs of puberty and very comfortable being naked. I ask him to respect other people's modesty and at least put on underpants. DH thinks it's fine that DS is comfortable with his body and I should ease up a bit.
I'm not sure. I totally see DH's point.
Feedback?
post #18 of 137
6/11/08 at 10:18am
As long as it's his natural daughter, I don't see the big deal. We have friends with opposite sex older kids who still use the bathroom or are naked in front of them in other perfectly appropriate situations, and as long as both parties are comfortable, it doesn't concern me. I will not be surprised if my daughter and (male) partner are still comfortable seeing each other naked at that point.

If your partner is no longer comfortable, then he needs to find a way to tell her that WITHOUT making nudity seem like something that is shameful or embarrassing.
post #19 of 137
6/11/08 at 1:31pm
One person isn't comfy, then that is the end of it under any circumstances.

Simple.
post #20 of 137
6/11/08 at 1:36pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by elisent View Post
I wouldn't feel comfortable with that.
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Mothering › Mothering Discussion Forums › Parenting › Ages and Stages › Preteens and Teens › DH Showers with dsd.. Is this OK?