DH Showers with dsd.. Is this OK? - Page 2

[moondiapers]

My dd will be 12 next month. The only reason she doesn't still shower with me is I don't want to share my only private time, lol. I had to kick her out because I want to be alone for a few minutes a day. She's still comfy being nude around DH (step dad since she was 2yo) but he's starting to avert his eyes uncomfortably....so I've asked her not to hang out nude outside her room, but everyone's ok with her just walking from the shower to her room nude etc.

[PassionateWriter]

i dont see this any different than a mom showering with a 10 yo son or mom in the hot tub w/ a 10 yo son. we do have a pretty lax attitude about nudity in our home but i think its sexist to think a mom/son would be ok but not a dad/daughter (not that anyone said that but thought i would put that out there...would ppl have such a hard time w/ a mom/son combo??). If so, i think thats being a bit prudish.

[Ruthla]

If DH isn't comfortable showering with her anymore, then they shoudln't be doing so anymore. If DSD isn't comfortable showering together, then they shouldn't be doing so. If both of them are comfortable, then it's not a problem, no matter what their ages.

Oh, and a "troll" is an internet troublemaker- somebody posting for the express purpose of stirring up trouble. It's also against the UA (user agreement) to call somebody else a troll. If you suspect foul play, report the post.

[Porcelain Interior]

Little hairs on the back of my neck are standing up, I'm a little confused.

I wonder why a grown man would shower with his step daughter if he wasn't comfortable....why is he doing it?!

Why would a grown man shower with his 10 year old step daughter rainstorm or not?

And why would you come here and say "well if it happens again...."

Seems really strange. Why would it happen again if your husband doesn't like it?

I have a feeling he wouldn't do it if he didn't like it.

It just doesn't make any sense at all.

[New_Natural_Mom]

nak

maybe i am uptight or a prude or somethinng, but ICKY! That wouldnt fly for me.

something funny....DH used to sleep naked before DS was born, but now since we co-sleep he feels that he has to wear undies to bed. DS is 9 weeks old. I find that so funny.

[Ruthla]

Originally Posted by Porcelain Interior

I wonder why a grown man would shower with his step daughter if he wasn't comfortable....why is he doing it?!

This involves OP's DH and the OP's stepdaughter- which implies that it's the man's biological child (though they may not live together full time.)

[thixle]

I'm trying to figure out how to word this.
If he is uncomfortable, why is he doing it?

With that being said *ahem* caught in a rainstorm, took a warm shower together... and this--

If, like on other occassions, it does happen again, I may be back for a little more feedback!

makes me think either this story is not entirely true, or that there IS something to be worried about, his biological child or not.

And nope, I'm not a prude. I was abused, and this story has my radar up.
So, opinion from a mama that is comfy being nude, but totally uncomfortable with this situation (of course, I don't know the whole story, but neither does anyone else).

[BelovedK]

Hi all, several posts have been removed for casting suspicion. The concerns that some of you have are better handled by reporting the posts and if there are grounds for removing the post/thread, it will be handled.

Thanks

[aniT]

Originally Posted by PassionateWriter

i dont see this any different than a mom showering with a 10 yo son or mom in the hot tub w/ a 10 yo son. we do have a pretty lax attitude about nudity in our home but i think its sexist to think a mom/son would be ok but not a dad/daughter (not that anyone said that but thought i would put that out there...would ppl have such a hard time w/ a mom/son combo??). If so, i think thats being a bit prudish.

I wouldn't think mom and son would be OK either. And it's completely different than a hot tub as you wear a swimsuit in there.

I also don't think it is prudish. I think at that age children need their privacy just as much as adults do. I know a woman who used to force her way into the bathroom to wash her son's hair until he was 14. He was completely uncomfortable with that but mom didn't care.

I think that four is a good cut off age for taking baths/showers with children of the opposite sex.

[mamaofthree]

i think people are to quick to supect nastiness for a loving family. that is sad. if the dad is no longer comfy showerinfg with his dd then he needs to nicely tell her so.
i think it is a shame that a dad would feel uncomfortable horsing around with his dds. just because they are girls they no longer get physical attention? how messed up have we become that families seeing each other naked has become this sex crazed act?

h

[mamaofthree]

i am glad there is a specific cut off age of bathing with your kids. : i will be sure to let my boys know this. sheesh. everything becomes nasty at 4? how about if you nurse at 4 or co-sleep at 4? does that all stop too and become perverted? i have a wee-one turning 4 in july... he still seems like a baby. i can't even wrap my mind around this... seriously.

h

[Porcelain Interior]

Originally Posted by mamaofthree

i think people are to quick to supect nastiness for a loving family. that is sad. if the dad is no longer comfy showerinfg with his dd then he needs to nicely tell her so.
i think it is a shame that a dad would feel uncomfortable horsing around with his dds. just because they are girls they no longer get physical attention? how messed up have we become that families seeing each other naked has become this sex crazed act?

h

The author is the one that framed the question. I didn't say nasty, I said the whole thing just seems rather peculiar. The wording and explanations of the dad.

Horsing around and showering are two different things. If I saw a 10 year old girl horsing around naked with her dad in the shower yeah red flags...

[aniT]

Originally Posted by mamaofthree

i am glad there is a specific cut off age of bathing with your kids. : i will be sure to let my boys know this. sheesh. everything becomes nasty at 4? how about if you nurse at 4 or co-sleep at 4? does that all stop too and become perverted? i have a wee-one turning 4 in july... he still seems like a baby. i can't even wrap my mind around this... seriously.

h

Wow you are really reading a lot of things that were not said. No one said anything about being nasty or perverted. What was said was that children like their privacy as well. I think 4 is a good cut off to stop taking showers with the opposite sex because that is generally when they start getting curious, asking questions, and trying to touch.

If you are comfortable with your four year old daughter grabbing for her dad then by all means that is your problem. But my DH would NOT be comfortable with that so four seems like a good age. What you do in your own home is your business. No need to get so nasty.

[mamaofthree]

teh wrestling comment was in reguards to 5in9years post about her dh not wanting to wrestle with his dds anymore. i think that is just sad. not all touching is bad touching. not every man is out to molest his children. maybe i am just a weirdy here that my family actually touches each other and *gasp* nothing nasty happens.

h

[mamaofthree]

see it isn't a PROBLEM to ask questions. to educate your kids. my children have had no privacy issues.. the boys are all comfy being naked, maybe it is because I haven't made it out to be nasty. my dd is now very modest and we all respect that. dh is modest too, and we respect that.
as to the op if you dh is uncomfortable showering with his dd then he can nicely tell her to stop and leave it at that. but my first reaction isn't nasty thoughts.
curiousity isn't a sin in my book and education isn't a dirty word.
all this being said if you or the child is uncomfortable then it needs to stop. BUT it should never be in a shaming way. maybe we could end up raising children who aren't so freaked out about nakedness together.

h

[kennedy444]

Originally Posted by ChristaN

I would not be comfortable with a 10 y/o showering with an adult at all especially an adult of the opposite sex.

Yeah that! It just doesn't seem appropriate, at all.

I can't imagine ever showering with my own 10yr son or my DH showering with our 10 yr old dd.

[thismama]

Originally Posted by PassionateWriter

i dont see this any different than a mom showering with a 10 yo son or mom in the hot tub w/ a 10 yo son. we do have a pretty lax attitude about nudity in our home but i think its sexist to think a mom/son would be ok but not a dad/daughter (not that anyone said that but thought i would put that out there...would ppl have such a hard time w/ a mom/son combo??). If so, i think thats being a bit prudish.

Well the vast majority of perps of sexual abuse are men who are heterosexual in their adult orientation. Sooo... i tend to trust mamas a heck of a lot more than I do fathers. There's sexist and then there's reality, yk?

Not that I'd be too cool about a mother/son combo of this age showering together either. But I always see the 'omgz reverse sexism' card pulled in these discussions and I think the logic is seriously flawed.

[elisent]

Originally Posted by PassionateWriter

i dont see this any different than a mom showering with a 10 yo son or mom in the hot tub w/ a 10 yo son. we do have a pretty lax attitude about nudity in our home but i think its sexist to think a mom/son would be ok but not a dad/daughter (not that anyone said that but thought i would put that out there...would ppl have such a hard time w/ a mom/son combo??). If so, i think thats being a bit prudish.

I have a 9yo son and I would not feel comfortable showering with him, either.

[choli]

To me, it's up to the comfort level of the two people showering. If I am not one of them, my comfort level is not an issue.

[Cherie2]

I think it really depends on the family nudity comfort level, but it sounds like your dh is not comfortable with it.. so why does he continue?

I know our family has a pretty low level of comfort around nudity, but others don't and I would never pass my comfort level on to another family. In fact I wish we were not so uptight, I really admire people who can teach their children that its just a body, and not give it sexual connotation.