DH Showers with dsd.. Is this OK? - Page 5

[choli]

Originally Posted by GoBecGo

Yeah, i'm in Europe too. This is totally normal to me. I would shower with my kids any age we both felt comfy doing so. I shower with complete strangers at the gym and sit nude with strangers of both sexes and all ages in the sauna, so to me it is nothing at all.

I think all children begin to want privacy just around when puberty hits, i was about 10 when i suddenly began wanting to dress in my room instead of in front of the fire while my parents had breakfast. My folks never pushed it. A child seeking privacy is one thing, a parent inflicting it is a form of shaming i am WAY less comfortable with than nudity.

FWIW i was sexually abused by a male member of my family for 7 years. The form of the abuse was not that he had showers with me. It was that he had sex with me. If there is no difference between a shower and sex in your mind then either your sex life is moribund or your showers are VERY exciting.

Considering that spagettie straps are thought "immodest" and "asking for sex" by some in the US, are you surprised that a shared shower causes foaming at the mouth here? Skin = sex to a lot of Americans. This is the country that was founded by the Puritans and they never went away.

[pranamama]

was the door locked???

[EnviroBecca]

I took showers with my father until puberty. There was nothing sexual, abusive, or otherwise inappropriate about it. Showering together saves water and can be a pleasant, relaxing time together. No big deal.

Not all 10-year-olds are pubescent.

I completely agree with the point several people have made: Shared showers should end when either party is uncomfortable. This is a problem in the OP. Her husband should tell his daughter he doesn't want to do it anymore and find another, clothed, way of bonding with her.

[MadameXCupcake]

Growing up I would not have showered with my father or mother but that was because I got picked on for my body, bodies were sexual, and it just wasn't the environment where it would ever happen.

My three month old babe is welcome to bathe with me or her father for as long as she is comfortable. I guess all families are different. We are always walking around naked, its just more comfortable.

Its sad to see the posts that think this is a red flag. I guess I shouldn't be suprised this is the society where people are on edge if a dad wrestles or even holds hands with his children.

Maybe I should move to Europe?

[pranamama]

I got molested as a child, and the grooming process started in the bathroom, complete with naked pictures of me, Children get molested in Europe too, please, this is not her child she had with the man and has seen interacting for the whole childs life, this is a guy with a failed marriage behind him and she is new on the scene, at least that was my take on it. Why people become outraged at the possible wrong accusation of something innappropriate is going on, I will not really don't understand. Go look up the registered sex offenders in your neighborhood. I am sure you will find some normal looking people on it.

[choli]

Originally Posted by pranamama

I got molested as a child, and the grooming process started in the bathroom, complete with naked pictures of me, Children get molested in Europe too, please, this is not her child she had with the man and has seen interacting for the whole childs life, this is a guy with a failed marriage behind him and she is new on the scene, at least that was my take on it. Why people become outraged at the possible wrong accusation of something innappropriate is going on, I will not really don't understand. Go look up the registered sex offenders in your neighborhood. I am sure you will find some normal looking people on it.

So now a failed marriage is a red flag for pedophiles? Does this refer to women as well or just men?

[PassionateWriter]

Originally Posted by choli

So now a failed marriage is a red flag for pedophiles? Does this refer to women as well or just men?

i believe its just men. b/c we have already established here that its the men we need to worry about.

[thismama]

Originally Posted by PassionateWriter

i believe its just men. b/c we have already established here that its the men we need to worry about.

That's just facts. Unfortunate facts.

[theretohere]

I'd be uncomfortable with it in this society.

[MayBaby2007]

Originally Posted by thismama

That's just facts. Unfortunate facts.

:

Pull up the sex offender list at anytown, USA and what do you see? 99% men. I live in a small town of 800 people (one gas station and a church, very crime free, older people, etc). There's 5 MALE sexual offenders in my small town alone. (And how many more that just haven't been caught to wind up a registered sexual predator???)

[MayBaby2007]

Originally Posted by PassionateWriter

wow...i dont think CPS should be called b/c a loving father showers w/ his dd. thats just sad. And I do find it sad that the implication is that men cant handle themselves around their nude dd's.

I'd call CPS in a heartbeat. It's not normal. Nobody will ever change my mind or make me feel bad for my convictions. Just. Not. Normal.

Originally Posted by montlake

I am not understanding

1. The need to shower because you were in a rainstorm??

2. That the need to shower because of a rainstorm was desperate enough for people to shower together and someone couldn't wait a few minutes.

The whole thing boggles me.

: Doesn't make sense whatsoever. I've been caught out in the rain (or mud, snow, sweating like a pig in the dead of summer, whatever) with lots of people...but I can't recall ever jumping in the shower with them. And if you're wet from a rainstorm....wouldn't a towel be more appropriate than to get more wet in the shower? The things that make you go "hmmmm".....

[MadameXCupcake]

Originally Posted by PassionateWriter

i believe its just men. b/c we have already established here that its the men we need to worry about.

DH was raped by a woman as a young child.

[bente]

I am scandinavian- live in scandinavia but have also lived in the us for many years. I would like to comment the nudity issue alone (not really the original post).

Why would anyone think that a father/daughter relationship would change as the child gets older - do you think that because the child is closer to being a woman that the father will have other than parental feelings for her?

How does being naked elevate the risk of anything?

Where I live nudity is a non-issue in families. Children are nude on the beach - on warm days you will see children undressing down to their undies og nude in the city parks.

[GoBecGo]

Originally Posted by bente

I am scandinavian- live in scandinavia but have also lived in the us for many years. I would like to comment the nudity issue alone (not really the original post).

Why would anyone think that a father/daughter relationship would change as the child gets older - do you think that because the child is closer to being a woman that the father will have other than parental feelings for her?

How does being naked elevate the risk of anything?

Where I live nudity is a non-issue in families. Children are nude on the beach - on warm days you will see children undressing down to their undies og nude in the city parks.

EXACTLY!!

[bente]

Originally Posted by pranamama

Children get molested in Europe too, please

But not because we are relaxed about nudity.
I would venture go guess that less children are molested in Norway then say the US. There is no shame about a naked body here - I believe that shame plays a role in abuse. The less shame we are made to feel about our bodies - the more likely we are to grow up and become parents with healthy attitudes about our childrens bodies as well as our own.

[H & J's Mom]

Regarding the original post on showering together at that age, VERY innapropriate IMO. That makes me very uncomfortable as it would if the parent and child were to get naked and go to another room to be alone.

Surely there must be other ways to share one on one/bonding time with their clothes on. Nice walk, game of cards, shopping ....

I don't think the nudity is the problem, I think it is the situation.

[pranamama]

Choli, since you are misquoting me, I was pointing out that if you have observed a parent's actions from birth to age 9, as well as been their only romantic partner, you will have more information to base situations on and probably not wonder if something is weird or not. These sorts of questions that an observer has, is this normal???? these can be red flags if you don't see the world only through rose colored glasses.

[Swandira]

I've read that in Japan, group bathing is common, even across genders, and even with fairly old children. It may just be our culture making this seem odd to us. I would say if your DH is uncomfortable bathing with his daughter now, he shouldn't do it, though.

Nealy
mama to T, 5; L, 2; and EDD 12/20/08

[KBecks]

If your DH says he's not comfortable, then they should not shower together.

I think at age 10 a girl should have some privacy and your DH deserves his privacy as well.

[Xoe]

Originally Posted by New_Natural_Mom

nak

maybe i am uptight or a prude or somethinng, but ICKY! That wouldnt fly for me.

something funny....DH used to sleep naked before DS was born, but now since we co-sleep he feels that he has to wear undies to bed. DS is 9 weeks old. I find that so funny.

my dh sleeps with undies on also, just in case the 3 year old crawls into our bed at night. i find it funny, but i really appreciate that he takes the precaution against my dd seeing him nude. i can't speak for the rest of you, but i know if my dd saw my husband's private parts, she'd want to touch them. heck, she's still really fascinated by my breasts, and i don't hide them from her at all. frankly, her fascination with my breasts can be annoying, and I had to ask her to stop touching them so much.

and for the record-- i can not imagine any good reason for a grown, married man to get into the shower, nude, with a 10 year old girl. is it even legal for an urelated male (or a related male) to show his sex organs, on purpose, to a girl of that age???? how's it different from "flashing" or inappropriate exposure/corruption of a minor? this is an honest question and not a flame. somebody on this site must have an understanding of the laws as it concerns these things.

xoe