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Teen Pregnancy / Reaction - Page 7

post #121 of 189
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jessy1019 View Post
That place is obviously anti-abortion, but they ARE pro-adoption. I looked at the site for less than five minutes and found references to adoption under "counseling." They say they're neutral, but considering they also seem to be teaching that parenting is miserable -- a la "baby think it over," a program normally used to make teenagers think babies are awful -- I'd bet anything they're just like our local CPC: parenting is hard, say good-bye to your hopes and dreams (ie: we will say nothing positive about parenting here) BUT adoption is loving and unselfish, what a beautiful choice (ie: nothing negative about adoption).

All these places really care about is imposing their values on everyone they touch.


I have no problem at all with anyone who wants to discuss what the realities of parenting a child or children are with young moms. I wasn't a young mom and I appreciated those wise talks. Raising a child requires a willingness and awareness of the need to set your needs aside to care for someone who is amazingly and exquisitely helpless. There is a level of maturity one would wish for, ie that the mom has had an opportunity to complete the developmental tasks associated with her own phase of life, in order to assume such responsibility, but sometimes this doesn't happen.

It's an awesome and wonderful task to parent, and under the best circumstances can be stressful. I don't think anyone benefits from not knowing, to the degree you really can, what the experience might bring. Options for parenting are just that..options. Your agenda doesn't hold any water with me, sorry.
post #122 of 189
Quote:
Originally Posted by karne View Post
I have no problem at all with anyone who wants to discuss what the realities of parenting a child or children are with young moms.
The only people who seem to have a problem doing this are the people at CPCs like the one linked -- they're the ones who limit their discussions to focus only on the negative aspects of parenting and say nothing about the positive ones.

I think it's very possible to give people a realistic look at parenting that includes the many rewards as well as the potential challenges.
post #123 of 189
:
post #124 of 189
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaterPrimaePuellae View Post
I haven't read through, but I thought I would add--
When I was waiting for a midwife appt at around 39 weeks, I heard the midwife doing the first prenatal check on a 13 yo in the room next to me (the nurses let her age slip to me while I was getting a blood check)... and it was NOT going well. The girl kept screaming "stop stop stop" while the midwife was doing the exam; I couldn't help hearing that the girl already had some STD complications and a bleeding, untreated yeast infection. Anyway, I was sitting in my room, thinking about how blessed I was to have a husband, great support, a good knowledge about how to stay healthy, etc-- but I heard the midwife say, as she was leaving the room, "Your next visit you'll have an ultrasound and you'll get to see your baby! Congratulations!" and she said it with such sincerity... she was celebrating the existence of the baby, not the circumstances. So yes; I would probably just say congratulations.

13 years old??? Wow, that is sad.
post #125 of 189
Quote:
Getting back to my original post, there is not much positive to say about a teen parent who is most likely dropping out of school, financially digging herself into a hole, and probaby raising the baby without the biological father.
I am not a teen or a parent, but as someone who left high school without graduating (and am proud of that choice), does not make very much money and most likely never will (again, a choice that I feel is right for me), and plan on never marrying (and I do plan on having children, and honestly having a relationship with my future child's bio father isn't very important to me - though it would be a nice bonus to have a loving partner/father), I find this statement very offensive.

I know plenty of parents of all ages who aren't college educated; who depend financially on their parents, or are in a large degree of debt.. and I sure know a lot of single parents.

Do you truly feel that a mother's education level, the amount of money she m makes, or her marital status are most important? Or predictive of her worth as a parent or person?
post #126 of 189
Quote:
Originally Posted by rhubarbarin View Post
Do you truly feel that a mother's education level, the amount of money she m makes, or her marital status are most important? Or predictive of her worth as a parent or person?
That's how it hit me, too! There's just so much that's positive to say about everyone, regardless of those three factors.
post #127 of 189
I would say a definate congratulations, how are you feeling, etc...if she was planning on adoption, I would support her and let her know it was great that she was bringing this child into the world, and maybe ask her about her adoption process. I know a teen who went this route. She felt that this was the right thing to do, and she has no regrets.
post #128 of 189
I would take the time to find out all the info first. What if she had hoped her pregnancy would be kept private for a while? What is she's really upset about this pregnancy and people are just congratulating her left and right and just not "getting it?"

If you find out she's going to keep the baby and raise it, then congratulate her and perhaps get her a sweet little baby gift.
post #129 of 189
Quote:
Originally Posted by rhubarbarin View Post
I am not a teen or a parent, but as someone who left high school without graduating (and am proud of that choice), does not make very much money and most likely never will (again, a choice that I feel is right for me), and plan on never marrying (and I do plan on having children, and honestly having a relationship with my future child's bio father isn't very important to me - though it would be a nice bonus to have a loving partner/father), I find this statement very offensive.

I know plenty of parents of all ages who aren't college educated; who depend financially on their parents, or are in a large degree of debt.. and I sure know a lot of single parents.

Do you truly feel that a mother's education level, the amount of money she m makes, or her marital status are most important? Or predictive of her worth as a parent or person?
No, these factors are not predictive of her worth as a parent or a person; however, they are predictive of her ability to provide for her child.

Who is going to support this baby? Welfare??
post #130 of 189
Quote:
Originally Posted by AbundantLife View Post
No, these factors are not predictive of her worth as a parent or a person; however, they are predictive of her ability to provide for her child.

Who is going to support this baby? Welfare??

I think it depends upon the choices one makes, but I think one can have a very rich life without much money if one applies oneself to cleverness and minimalism. If you keep what you have clean and don't get too much, you don't have to make a lot of money to live well.
post #131 of 189
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jessy1019 View Post
I'd bet anything they're just like our local CPC: parenting is hard, say good-bye to your hopes and dreams (ie: we will say nothing positive about parenting here) BUT adoption is loving and unselfish, what a beautiful choice (ie: nothing negative about adoption).

All these places really care about is imposing their values on everyone they touch.
You are exactly right.

I hate Crisis Pregnancy Centers. They do women a disservice by giving young women misinformation or selected information. Their goal is to avoid abortion at all costs regardless of lying or methods used.

http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/blog/2...lated-by-a-cpc

http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/blog/2...t-against-cpcs

http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/blog/2...eive-dont-help

http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/blog/2...license-to-lie

http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/blog/2...llege-campuses

http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/blog/2...wont-be-fooled

http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/blog/2...fooled-by-cpcs

It also pisses me off that they don’t give young women information on birth control. They usually counsel on biblical terms promoting abstinence, but ignoring all the other alternatives.
post #132 of 189
Quote:
Originally Posted by ArielMomma View Post
You are exactly right.

I hate Crisis Pregnancy Centers. They do women a disservice by giving young women misinformation or selected information. Their goal is to avoid abortion at all costs regardless of lying or methods used.


It also pisses me off that they don’t give young women information on birth control. They usually counsel on biblical terms promoting abstinence, but ignoring all the other alternatives.
Yup, and frankly, all of THAT is a lot "sadder" than teen pregnancy!
post #133 of 189
Wow, those sites are really interesting. I've volunteered at a crisis center for almost two years now and haven't heard of such things. I wonder if it has to do with particular organizations or areas?

The one in my area requires the women to take child-care classes, apply for a job, take "life betterment" classes (for women who don't know how to clean, budget, eat healthy, etc) and get have a stable living area and insurance before leaving.
post #134 of 189
Quote:
Originally Posted by claddaghmom View Post
Wow, those sites are really interesting. I've volunteered at a crisis center for almost two years now and haven't heard of such things. I wonder if it has to do with particular organizations or areas?

The one in my area requires the women to take child-care classes, apply for a job, take "life betterment" classes (for women who don't know how to clean, budget, eat healthy, etc) and get have a stable living area and insurance before leaving.

I'm confused. "Requires" before leaving? What does that mean?
post #135 of 189
Quote:
Originally Posted by claddaghmom View Post
Wow, those sites are really interesting. I've volunteered at a crisis center for almost two years now and haven't heard of such things. I wonder if it has to do with particular organizations or areas?

The one in my area requires the women to take child-care classes, apply for a job, take "life betterment" classes (for women who don't know how to clean, budget, eat healthy, etc) and get have a stable living area and insurance before leaving.
I also used to volunteer at a crisis pregnancy center. They are not in the "business" of offering birth control because they are run by the local Catholic Church. (I personally disagreed with their stance on this issue) However, they did provide all of the above - child care classes, support groups for young mothers, assistance with acquiring insurance, housing, etc.
post #136 of 189
I think every pregnancy unless their are serious social issues are involved needs to be congratulated and wished well. yes, the incidence of teen pregnancy has perceptibly increased - more so in tropical countries where girls menstruate earlier, sometimes around the age of nine years. Normally a woman's body to bear the demands of pregnancy is fully developed by the age of 18 years; it is recommended if one conceives a few years later still . I had conceived when I had completed 20. In western countries I learn under the impact of urbanization and almost all women taking up vocation out of home, the pregnancy is planned until a convenient time and often beyond the age of thirty. Well, the issue is how you take it and deal with it if one becomes a teen mother. Besides wishing her well, depending on the nature of relationship with her and the family, some words of caution may also be said provided there is a need for it.

Pregnancy among teenagers in my country is also becoming a matter of concern because, besides health issues, it causes, distraction in studies and quite often the girls were not married. Moreover, adventuring in sex at the tender age of 10 or a few years more can have serious mental and physiological consequences. Of course, thanks to awareness easily availability of family planning advice and techniques, the erstwhile phenomonon of simultaneous pregnancy in three generations - grandma at the age of mid-fortyor late-forty, mom at the age of around 30 and girl at the age of around 14-15, has truly becoming rare. Young girls need not mind their siblings (and even uncles and aunts) along with their own children whenever they visit their parents' place.
Uzra
post #137 of 189
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kirsten View Post
I
This is a point that seems to be made over and over. Just because some of us wouldn't say "congratulations!" to a pregnant teen DOES NOT mean we are shaming them or being negative or giving them hell or any of the other things mentioned so far.
.
Nor did I say that. Maybe YOU don't shame young moms, but it's out there.

The reality is that many young moms are being shamed, maybe more than we'd like to admit. For example, after I had a miscarriage people told me the most horrible things.

-Called me a whore, told me I should have kept my legs close and it wouldn't have happened

-Told me I had nothing I mean NOTHING to offer a baby, not emotionally, financially, or in other way. Sound familiar???

-Told me my baby was a mistake that was going to ruin my life

...All because I didn't meet their age or education criteria of what they thought would make a good parent. Nobody mentioned TO ME that being loving or caring would make you a good parent. People seem to be extremely caught up in money, age, etc as if those things guarantee good parenting.


And that's with me being 20/21. I can't imagine how hurtful and disgusting people are being to moms even younger than that.

So I guess I used the word "shaming" b/c that's been my reality.

post #138 of 189
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by honeybunch2k8 View Post
...All because I didn't meet their age or education criteria of what they thought would make a good parent.
I hear ya! I experienced a lot of what you mentioned and I was in my early 20s with a bachelors degree already! I couldn't imagine the reaction I might have received if I had gotten pregnant as a teen still in high school.
post #139 of 189
Jessy1019, if it was you who posted in relation to Adoption: Legalized Lies
could you please tell me more about the program?
As a woman who knows many mothers who gave up babies for adoption and adult adoptees who have been hurt by adoption (there are so very many here) - and indeed the often forgottne groupl father of hilden givne up for adoption - I would love to know more about it.
I personally believe in reproductive freedom also. The fact that I believe I would not abort does not endow me with the arrogance to assume I have the right to make the same decision for others.
We also have such programs / centres here and they have been exposed as rogue CPCs - mainly by the lies they tell to vulnerable women and the restrictive "options" they put forward. Now, unless an organisation is prepared to discuss all options with women - including their legal right to referral abroad for abortion, then they cannot be included in the government list of Crisis Preganacy agencies.
post #140 of 189
I wanted to throw in here that I knew/know many many teen parents and EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM went on to graduate from high school, find jobs, etc. Yeah, they may not be rich but they are supporting themselves and happy with their lives. Who is anyone to say they are failures by being teen parents??

BTW-I opted to drop out, I'm the only teen I know who did, but having my son had nothing to do with it. I HATED school and wanted to move on. My counseler at school even agreed with me. I quit school and went and took the GED test on my own (no classes before hand). I passed every single test with a perfect score, except math, lol. But I even passed the math test. When I finished I couldnt help think wow, why did I just waste 3 years in high school? I could've passed that test so easily...

In any case, I wouldnt say any of the teens I've met have been failures. None of us had a horribly difficult time of it either-yes, there were the logistics of school and childcare and income to buy the baby things, but adults have these issues as well. They had the typical work of learning to take care of a baby but, again, they didnt have a horribly hard time of it, their lives were not over, and I think honestly, a lot of them followed their instincts a lot more than some older parents do.

The one thing that has stood out to me is this: the teen parents that did the best had the most support from family, friends, etc. even if it werent financial or even physical support. Never underestimate the power of emotional support.
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