Teen Pregnancy / Reaction - Page 10

[holyhelianthus]

Originally Posted by nursemummy

I completely agree with you on age not being a good indicator of worth, but I still maintain (with exceptions, as always, people *are* individuals before anything else) that an eighteen year old will likely be better equipped to deal with parenthood than a thirteen year old.

But does a likelihood really make it ok to condemn the 13 year old? Even the attitude of "oh this mama is not going to do well" is condemnation. I say give her as much as a chance as the 18 or 30 year old. She just might surprise you.

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by kmeyrick

I feel bad that so many outsiders already know her business. Maybe she was hoping the whole world wouldn't know. I don't see why her privacy isn't an issue here.

Well, when I've shared the news that I was pregnant, I've assumed that it would be passed along since I never added an admonition of, "Don't tell anyone, I'm not ready for everyone else to know yet."

So, I don't think privacy would be an issue unless this girl has asked her close friends and family to keep quiet about it, and they're not respecting her wishes.

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by magstphil

But does a likelihood really make it ok to condemn the 13 year old? Even the attitude of "oh this mama is not going to do well" is condemnation. I say give her as much as a chance as the 18 or 30 year old. She just might surprise you.

I agree with you. Again, I think it's highly disrespectful to sit in judgment over the wisdom of someone else's pregnancy. When I tell people I'm pregnant, it's an invitation to them to share in my joy, not a request for their assessment of my situation.

[OhDang]

YES YES YES congratulate her!!! just because she is young doesnt mean she is stupid or going to be a bad mother.

[rhubarbarin]

I certainly think that it's doable, being a teen parent, but I have seen a lot of parents just not do it. For one reason or another. Rhubarbarin, you sound like an awesome, self-disciplined and savvy person to pull that off, and I wish there were more people like you.

Well, thanks. I know I wouldn't have been ready to be a mom as a teen, myself. However I was abstinent at the time. And I am ready now, and I'll be a great mom however it happens.

My real point is that age doesn't have all that much to do with it. Yes, some people grow in maturity throughout their lives (a lot never grow much at all, unfortunately). Yes, some teens are basically babies. Some are old souls. I'm more responsible and self-aware, at 23, than people I know who are 33 or 73. Age truely doesn't have that much to do with it. There are a lot of just plain bad parents out there, but in my experience, age doesn't have much to do with it. I've seen a lot of 30 and 40-something parents who are unable to parent their kids. It doesn't seem right that they get a free pass from people's judgement and negativity because they were the 'right' age when they got pregnant.

[kijip]

Originally Posted by CompostMom

She may be unaware that you already know.

Talking to any woman about their pregnancy when they have not told you themselves or know that you know is just plain bad mojo. There's always someone who may have miscarried and not feel ok talking about it, someone who was never pregnant but just gained a little belly weight or is the subject of a rumor.

[avivaelona]

probably not that relevant to this thread exactly but:

I've seen a lot of 30 and 40-something parents who are unable to parent their kids.It doesn't seem right that they get a free pass from people's judgement and negativity because they were the 'right' age when they got pregnant.

Its not quite true, 40+ parents often get a lot of negative judgement because of course they aren't the "right" age either.

Mostly our society likes to pass judgement a lot.

I think that there is probably an age range where more of the people in that age range are likely to be good parents, there is no automatic dividing line though around that median so even if there is a "perfect" age statistically to be a parent, are you going then to condem everyone that isn't that perfect age? (say its 28...so only 28 year olds deserve congrats? or perhaps 27-29 year olds? How about 18-38? Or maybe just perhaps 10-48 year olds? How about just anyone who is pregnant and happy about it?)

Statistical likelihoods tell you nothing about individuals and when you are talking to someone you are talking to an individual. They should be treated as one.

[ArielMomma]

Originally Posted by avivaelona

Mostly our society likes to pass judgement a lot.

I agree completely, but I think that is really sad. If given the right support and circumstances, age doesn't decide what makes a good parents. I think a person's character is the primary deciding factor if they are a good parent or not.

Are they willing to put their old life behind them and focus on nurturing their child? 15, 25, 35, 45, 55, it doesn't matter. Successfully raising a child requires a person put their lives second. Some younger people will have more problems with money, school, job and the stresses of entering adulthood. Some older people will have problems having enough energy.

[oranrene]

Ahhhh, yes, congratulate her - make her feel like the mommy she is to become. I can't imagine how I would have felt had people told me all the bad and not the good of having a baby. Nowadays, there are a lot of supportive groups for teen moms and options (parenting classes, child care so she can finish school, college, hot lines where she can talk to professionals who will help her cope with being young and pregnant, etc.). My husband and I were very fortunate. I became pregnant at 19 and was already living with his family (due to parental neglect from my parents). His parents, although were kind of upset at first I think, did a lot for us. Thanks to mom-in-law, I got EVERYTHING I could possibly need for my baby (stroller, crib, swing, clothes - just everything). They also encouraged hubby to treat me like a princess (haha - he has done that with every pregnancy I've had) .

Obviously, teen pregnancy should be avoided, but if she's already pregnant, no sense in bringing her down about it. Pregnancy should be a happy time no matter how old you are. I think the more support you have during pregnancy, the more likely you will be a great mom!