Teen Pregnancy / Reaction - Page 2

[rhubarbarin]

Yes. I think the negative attitudes towards pregnant teens (or even young women, who perhaps look like teens) is despicable. Having a baby changes your life, no matter what age you are - it does not 'ruin' it. I feel very strongly about this. And a young person is not any less capable of being a mother than an older one.

I am always positive about women's pregnancies. I certainly don't gush or rub their bellies, but I am always interested to hear about it and wish them the best.

And I never tell horror stories about pregnancy and birth experiences!

[chaoticzenmom]

I would congratulate her. She's probably scared and dealing with negativity. A congratulations could help her see past all of that. If she is considering abortion or adoption, maybe she would decide things differently if somebody gave her some encouragement.

Lisa

[Ruthla]

Originally Posted by ArielMomma

I just wonder if I should tell a teenager Congratulations. Most of me says YES, but then I wonder what message that will send my daughter since I am always on her about taking her pill AND using condoms. I don’t want her to realize what a blessing children are just yet! I worry she might be like, "Damn, maybe I should have a baby!"

I think it will send the message that every child is a blessing and every expectant mom deserves respect, support, and a positive outlook. It's modeling how she should treat her friends and aquantances. There's plenty of opportunity (when not in the presence of the pg friend) to talk about why it's a bad idea for her to get pg right now.

[FondestBianca]

Just wanted to chime in here. I got pregnant at 20 and although that isn't "teens" strangers always assumed I was much younger than I was. Honestly, I got REALLY tired of dirty looks from people (especially elderly ladies and girls my own age). Having a stranger say something like, "you look great!" or "how do you feel (about physical things... not emotional as that isn't anyone else's business)", or "how exciting!" etc really made my day. I was happy about being pregnant, my family was happy, my friends were happy, so why did strangers and aquaintences seem to have so muc htrouble stomaching it???

Saying congrats isn't nearly the same as saying, "hey, good job not using protection" or something of the like so even if you are somewhat apposed to the person's decisions that doesn't have to effect the way you treat them. However, not saying anything IS almost like saying, "way to screw up your life little girl." to a young person who is already getting tons of harsh words and negitivity in their daily life.

Besides, young moms can be good moms. She is pregnant, it is done, help her to be happy and confident about her ability to be a good mom.

The fact that you're asking probably already means your thinking about her feelings and well being so I assume you're on the right track.

[bellymama]

Originally Posted by ArielMomma

When you find out a teen is pregnant, do you typically congratulate them the way you would an adult?

I remember when I was pregnant people were congratulating me left and right, but I was a little bit older. A friend of my daughter's is coming over tomorrow and I found out she's pregnant. I am wondering if I should congratulate her or say nothing at all.

What do you think?

congratulate her of course.

[flapjack]

My first thought was to wonder how she'd feel knowing that people were discussing her pregnancy- and lets face it, a huge number of her classmates probably are gossiping about it. I'd be gentle, whatever you decide to say.

[rightkindofme]

Every year as a high school teacher I have 2-5 kids come tell me, "I'm pregnant." I always blink a few times before responding. I generally say, "That's some big news. How're you feeling?" I've had students choose every option from the list. I always make sure to let the kidlets know that I support them 100% no matter what their decision.

It doesn't mean your life is ending to have a child when you are a teenager. It just means that some things will be harder. I don't just say, "Congratulations" because most of the time when kids come talk to me about their pregnancy they are very upset and confused. I do my best to be supportive while staying neutral on judging the situation. It really isn't my place to influence a kid into thinking that having a kid would be a great idea. Neither is it my place to suggest that pregnancy is awful. It's a tightrope.

[xixstar]

Another voice chiming in that a positive response is a great option, whether it is congrats or the "oh, exciting news!" -- I was also a teen mom and got very little, maybe none even, positive feedback. Thats a difficult situation to be in, especially when you're planning to keep the child - because you are exciting about the life coming into the world, even if the circumstances aren't perfect.

[angelpie545]

I would say congratulations and gently ask how she's feeling. A mother is mother, no matter what age, and young mothers deserve the same level of respect and courtesy as older mothers do. It really makes me sick to think that some people actually feel as if they have the right to give young-looking mothers a cold look, or a make dirty comments, and that some feel as if they don't have to be as polite simply because of their ages.

[Magali]

Absolutely! Mothers need support and love no matter how old they are. Quite possibly many people in the teens life are going to be negative about it. No one gets negativity from me!!

[anjelika]

Say congrats and celebrate this new life!

[bellymama]

Originally Posted by kittywitty

:

I was 16 when I got pg with dd#1. I really wish someone would've said Congrats or been supportive.

that sucks.

here is a cool website for young moms:
http://www.girl-mom.com/

[mommy68]

I guess it depends on the type of relationship you have with the girl more than anything. I certainly wouldn't put someone down for being pregnant with a little blessing at any age so depending on our closeness I would likely tell her how happy I am for her and that I am there for her if she needs anything. I'd definitely want to offer my help.

I used to volunteer for an organization that helped teen moms, some were as young as 12 yrs old. Some of these girls were horrible, horrible moms but without that organization they wouldn't have had the help they needed because their own mom or dad wouldn't help them. They had no good role models themselves. I was glad to be able to help the girls that I did help. I was a single mom at the age of 26 so I was much older but I know how hard it was for ME. I can only imagine being 15 and pregnant and how much support they need.

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by anjelika

Say congrats and celebrate this new life!

Amen to that! And, like others, I'd also ask how she's feeling, just as I'd ask any other expectant mama.

[zinemama]

I would take my cue from the young woman. If she said, "I'm pregnant!" obviously excited and planning to keep it," I would congratulate her.

If it were more "I'm pregnant." in a tone of dread and anguish or even plain old ambivalence then, like rightkindofme, I might say "Wow, that's big news - how are you feeling about it?

[angelpie545]

Originally Posted by zinemama

I would take my cue from the young woman. If she said, "I'm pregnant!" obviously excited and planning to keep it," I would congratulate her.

If it were more "I'm pregnant." in a tone of dread and anguish or even plain old ambivalence then, like rightkindofme, I might say "Wow, that's big news - how are you feeling about it?

I think this is a good idea also.

[hattelatte]

I got pregnant when I was 20 years old - not quite a teen but not stable and mature, either.

When I tearfully told my Mom, she gave me a big hug and a heartfelt "Congratulations, Honey"
I think she was truly as scared as I was, but she wanted to let me know that it was going to be OK.
She knew we had chosen to remain pregnant, or we wouldn't have told her at all.

It really did help, hearing those words. So many people doubted that we would make good parents.
My man's Mom yelled at us like naughty children.
But my Mom believed, and it helped us believe.

We are still together, and our 13 year old is amazing.

[fresh_water]

I used to work with pregnant and parenting teens. When one confided in me that she had just found out she was pregnant, and her daughter was only 4 months old, I looked at her and said "How are you feeling about that?" She was homeless, trying to finish her high school eduation, and had just gotten back to work. She thought about it, and said "You know, I think I'm happy. I'm shocked. I wanted more kids, just not now." I told her congratulations, and reminded her that I was going to be there for her through her whole pregnancy if she needed anything. That seemed to ease her mind, and we went on. Her pregnancy progressed, everyone was excited for her, she was excited, as was her boyfriend and their families, and we helped her welcome a healthy baby boy into the world that spring. I think it is just as important to congratulate teens on their pregnancy, because they will be mothers soon, and need to feel that people still love them and will support them, even if they have made a choice you don't agree with.

[ArielMomma]

I took the advice offered here. I started asking how she was feeling. After she sounded a little excited I launched into a Congratulations. I think it worked out pretty good.

[angelpie545]

Originally Posted by ArielMomma

I took the advice offered here. I started asking how she was feeling. After she sounded a little excited I launched into a Congratulations. I think it worked out pretty good.

That's great!! You never know, you could have made all the difference for her. Sometimes a kind word is all takes.