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Teen Pregnancy / Reaction - Page 3

post #41 of 189
I think "Congratulations" sounds cheesy too.

I like "How are you feeling?" a lot better.

Maybe later ask "Do you need anything?"
post #42 of 189
Definitely say congrats. Even when I was 22 and preggers with DS1 people acted like it was the end of the blinkin' world on occasion. Heck, I was 26 with this last pregnancy and had one person say upon finding out, "Oh my, was it planned?" Dude, I'm married and I have a 4 1/2 year old, it's planned.
post #43 of 189
Quote:
Originally Posted by hattelatte View Post
I got pregnant when I was 20 years old - not quite a teen but not stable and mature, either.

When I tearfully told my Mom, she gave me a big hug and a heartfelt "Congratulations, Honey"
I think she was truly as scared as I was, but she wanted to let me know that it was going to be OK.
She knew we had chosen to remain pregnant, or we wouldn't have told her at all.

It really did help, hearing those words. So many people doubted that we would make good parents.
My man's Mom yelled at us like naughty children.
But my Mom believed, and it helped us believe.

We are still together, and our 13 year old is amazing.
What a wonderful mum you have I wish mine had said/done the same, unfortunately when I told her she asked me how I could have been so silly!!! I miscarried with my baby and she said that it was for the best! I'm still with my husband who was my boyfriend at the time but her words couldn't have hurt me more.

I'd congratulate her, give her support and love as pps have mentioned, this is an important time in her life where she needs all the positivity possible.
post #44 of 189
Quote:
Originally Posted by ArielMomma View Post
I took the advice offered here. I started asking how she was feeling. After she sounded a little excited I launched into a Congratulations. I think it worked out pretty good.
Oh good! I was 16, and yes, although not planned, summer before my senior year of highschool as well as my second year at college, I knew my life just took a MAJOR turn, I felt blessed, excited, and embarrassed all at the same time.
Congradulations was the best word i ever heard!
post #45 of 189
I think I would ask how she's feeling and get a feel for her situation. Then depending on her answer give her my Congrats.
post #46 of 189
I was 18 and pregnant, and I really don't remember any congrats. I got weird looks....kinda like the ones I get now when people see that I'm pregnant and say "Oh is this your first?" and I say "No, its my third." I'm 29, married, work full time and own my own house and still it shocks people that I can have 3 kids. Go figure. I congratulate all mommies to be, it may not be the ideal situation for them at the time, but its a baby, and all babies should be celebrated!!
post #47 of 189
Quote:
Originally Posted by feest View Post
YES!!! i got pregnant when i was 15 and everyone treated it like my life was DOOMED... i wish i would have been congratulated instead of told how my life was over. doesn't matter how old she is she's is still capable of being a wonderful mother and her pregnancy should be treated joyous occasion!
IA. I was 20-21 when I was preggo, and people acted as if I had somehow been cursed and my life was over. Y'know, it's one thing to be realistic and realize a baby may complicate things, but the whole your life is over cuz you had a kid young attitude is a bit much for me.

It's like if you have a child before a certain age, you don't have to right to be happy.
post #48 of 189
Quote:
Originally Posted by rhubarbarin View Post
And a young person is not any less capable of being a mother than an older one.
I disagree with you. I think being a mother is the hardest thing we do in our lives, and I don't think that the average 14 or 15 year old girl necessarily has the patience, maturity, life experience, emotional and financial resources to mother to the same level of capability of your average 25 or 30 year old. Are there teen moms who do an outstanding job - sure! But in general, there is a reason why we wait past childhood to become mothers.

Quote:
Originally Posted by rhubarbarin
I am always positive about women's pregnancies.
That stuck out to me - as the OP was talking about a child's pregnancy, not a woman's.

Quote:
Originally Posted by rightkindofme View Post
Every year as a high school teacher I have 2-5 kids come tell me, "I'm pregnant." I always blink a few times before responding. I generally say, "That's some big news. How're you feeling?" I don't just say, "Congratulations" because most of the time when kids come talk to me about their pregnancy they are very upset and confused. I do my best to be supportive while staying neutral on judging the situation. It really isn't my place to influence a kid into thinking that having a kid would be a great idea. Neither is it my place to suggest that pregnancy is awful. It's a tightrope.
This is a really impressive stance to take, and I am glad that you are working with teens. They need more people like you.

To answer the OP's question - no, I don't congratulate middle school or high school kids who become pregnant. I think you can be supportive without congratulating her.
post #49 of 189
I got pregnant at 18 and I would have loved for someone to congratulate me. Or even give me a hug and tell me I was going to be a great Mom. Any words of encouragement or support would have been welcome. Being treated like a giant disappointment is awful.

I had my second child at 28 and am pregnant with my third at 31 and neither of those younger children are any more important or more loved than the son I birthed at 18.
post #50 of 189
Wow! As a teen mom I LOVE this thread!

I got PG at 17 and got a lot of crap. I had my 3rd at 21 and still get a lot of crap. But we are happy! We are family! We love each other! We try and ignore the ageism in our society. I will say though that when someone shows happiness for us and views our lives and children as a blessing and takes a minute just to be nice it makes my day like this thread has.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kirsten View Post
I disagree with you. I think being a mother is the hardest thing we do in our lives, and I don't think that the average 14 or 15 year old girl necessarily has the patience, maturity, life experience, emotional and financial resources to mother to the same level of capability of your average 25 or 30 year old. Are there teen moms who do an outstanding job - sure! But in general, there is a reason why we wait past childhood to become mothers.
Yet not so long ago having children so young was the norm. This is societies fault not a numbers. Teen moms are just as capable and will do just as well given the chance. But when we devalue them by labeling them children and having the attitude that "more than likely" they will fail we are setting up for disaster. I know plenty of immature 30 year olds. As a matter of fact most the moms I know teen and not were matured by motherhood. "Stability" and "maturity" and very relative and waiting for them in order to have children can take well into one's 50s I would say in general teen moms succeed when we look at more societies than our own and at different times. We're the ones shooting them in the back when we make statements like the above.

Quote:
That stuck out to me - as the OP was talking about a child's pregnancy, not a woman's.
Keep in mind that we are not talking about children. We are talking about young women who are closer to being adults then childhood.
Quote:
To answer the OP's question - no, I don't congratulate middle school or high school kids who become pregnant. I think you can be supportive without congratulating her.
If you believe in being supportive then why not congratulate her? I'm a little lost on that.
post #51 of 189
Absolutely! I got pregnant at 18 and I wish more people would have congratulated me instead of acting like my life was over - because it definitely wasn't.
post #52 of 189
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kirsten View Post
I disagree with you. I think being a mother is the hardest thing we do in our lives, and I don't think that the average 14 or 15 year old girl necessarily has the patience, maturity, life experience, emotional and financial resources to mother to the same level of capability of your average 25 or 30 year old. Are there teen moms who do an outstanding job - sure! But in general, there is a reason why we wait past childhood to become mothers.


.
I was going to come in here and say being a young mom used to be a norm but Magstphil beat me to it.

Kinda off topic-
In my area there are these "Teen pregnancy is not cute" billboards featuring pregnant bellies. Everytime I see one I want to cringe. I find it hard not to see something beautiful in a pregnant belly.

Oh yes and not to mention having a first babe at 15-21 is biologically the norm. *nods*
post #53 of 189
I'm 20 years old, unmarried but with a wonderful partner, and 34 weeks pregnant. I got pregnant less than a month after turning 20.

When DP and I started telling people we were pregnant, we got a lot of "woah, what're you going to do?" and "have you told your parents?" kind of replies. At the point when we were telling people, I was 12+ weeks and our parents had known since I was 4 and a half weeks and were keeping mum at our request (my fear of m/c.)

When I went to the WIC office, almost every person I talked to congratulated me right off the bat. At church, the women were all so excited and asked me how I was feeling ALL the time! It made me much less depressed and much more excited about everything.

I'm so glad you (OP) took the advise of the women on here and were kind and supportive of your DD's friend. I hate it when people just ignore the issue, I know that not everyone approves because we aren't married and we're quite young but we made this decision. No, the baby wasn't planned but I don't deserve to hear "did you PLAN this," "do you know who the father is?" (of course I do, I've had ONE sexual partner in my life!) or "well, are you at least getting married before the baby is born?"

Every woman who is having a baby deserves to be supported, loved, and congratulated.
post #54 of 189
I was 18 when I found out I was prego and LOVED when people said congratulations! It made me feel feel good about it and reassured me I was doing the right thing
post #55 of 189
"Congrats" does seem a little cheesy. Especially if this isn't exactly what the expectant mother had in mind. Some people tend to gloss over the fact that the mother may be feeling afraid and overwhelmed and less than thrilled right now.

That being said, I don't think it is appropriate to launch into a tirade or treat it as some great tragedy. What's done is done and what she needs now is support. Parenthood is hard, but good support makes all the difference in the world.

I try to acknowledge the mothers feelings first then go from there.
post #56 of 189
I got pregnant when I was 16. it was a diffucult situation as my daughter was concieved by date rape. I was confused and afraid. My parents, teachers, friends parents all treated me like I was infected with the plague. But one day a friend's mother congratulated me. My mother wasnt thrilled but it made me feel like not giving up. I am glad I did not give up because 9 years later, I have an AMAZING daughter who is exactly like me and was the biggest blessing i could have ever been given. If not for my daughter coming along when she did I would have kept being an irrisponsible teen. I would have been using drugs and getting in trouble. So by all means congratulate her. Its hard enough to be pregnant, especially if you are a teenager.. but if ONE even if only ONE person shows support it can make a world of difference!
post #57 of 189
My brother was 17 and his girlfriend 16 when she became pregnant. Privately I told my brother how extremely disappointed I was with him because I had just given him the "talk" about using protection. It was rather devastating news for both families and I could not bring myself to say "Congratulations" because it was simply inappropriate given the circumstances.

I did however make sure that they both knew that I was very supportive and very happy to be an Aunt for the first time.
post #58 of 189


I would tell her Congrats.

I got pregnant with my daughter at 20, she was very much a planned pregnancy and i wasn't married to her father yet but everyone was happy for us. We had been together over 2yrs and ended up getting married when she was 8months old.

post #59 of 189

too young?

I understand how many of you are feeling. I got married at 20 and got pregnant with our first soon after. I had an ectoptic pregnancy and lost the child, and a tube. We have had trouble getting pregnant ever since. When I tried to talk to my OB-GYN about it, she said I was too young to be worried about it. I don't get it. Why should she care? I want to have a baby- it doesn't matter if she thinks I'm too young. I'm now 23. I'm so frustrated!
post #60 of 189
I'm young and married. We tried hard for this baby. I told two coworkers (oops, mistake lol ) and the next day at work I was plagued with people coming up to me to console me....as if I had announced I had stage IV cancer or something.

When I told my manager, she looked at me with a frown and said, "Oh, you poor thing! I'm so sorry!"

lmao I didn't even have a response for her, just one of those blank looks.


Pregnancy is a disease in our culture.
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