my dd is driving me crazy

[mamatosaskia]

So, my dd was in full-time daycare until this last Friday. Now she is home with me for the summer. I am going absolutely nuts and have now broken down crying for the second time today. I just don't know how I am going to take care of a newborn and deal with a bossy, stubborn 4 year-old!

Anyone who has btdt have any advice for me? She napped at school but absolutely refuses to nap for me, even if I lay down with her. I was going to take her to the farmer's market today but I just revoked that because she refused to spend quiet time in her room so I could take a much-needed nap. I feel like the worst mother ever, but I also can't risk her falling asleep at 5 pm in the car on the way home.

I am enrolling her in a few summer activities, but they are only 50 to 60 minutes long at the most. What is a tired, pregnant mom to do???

jacqueline

[BlueMoonBean]

First off, . It's so hard to be in that spot, especially when you're so tired yourself.

Second, speaking as the DIL of a career kindergarten teacher/early childhood education specialist (M.A. in Early Childhood Development and Literacy), I would advise you to see if you can get in touch with her teacher. Most of the teachers I know have a set of special cues (light flashes, particular songs, etc) that they use to signal to the children that it's time to transition between activities. Knowing and using those signals and the language that your daughter is familiar with might be invaluable in getting her to go along with the new routine you're trying to establish.

HTH!

[mamatosaskia]

Thanks! That is a good idea. I feel so bad, like i can't even raise my own child anymore! I was a sahm until she was 2.5 and I seemed to have it all figured out then!

I sat down and tried to have a talk with her about how there were certain routines at school that we are going to have to relearn now that she is back home with me. I am mostly reacting (in advance) to how it will be with the baby, but i can't panic.

Jacqueline

[elfinbaby]

No advice. I just feel for you. I have a 9,4,and 6 yr. old. What I can't handle is the 9 and 4 fighting constantly. I panicked last night and asked dh "What's going to happen if they start fighting when I'm birthing?!?!?" I'm already nervous about pp. Dh has less patience than me and lots of yelling in the house will not be relaxing. I want to have a great babymoon and enjoy it but I'm afraid my 9 and 4 yr. olds are going to make it very stressful. It already makes our house stressful. With a baby? I have no idea what we are going to do. I can't promise that my kids aren't going to be plugged in to the tv for part of the summer. I can't deal

[BlueMoonBean]

Originally Posted by mamatosaskia

Thanks! That is a good idea. I feel so bad, like i can't even raise my own child anymore! I was a sahm until she was 2.5 and I seemed to have it all figured out then!

Right there with you... I put my youngest two dds in preschool/home care two days a week when I went back to school last year and it seemed almost instantaneous.... Poof, our schedules/routines/habits were out the window!

My MIL really helped me to understand that it wasn't about me or that I wasn't less effective at parenting than their teachers... it was just that their teachers/caregivers had the "herd effect" on their side. When our children see a number of other kids doing exactly what the teacher says, it's "cool" to belong and follow the routine. That's when she suggested to me the idea about using the same cues at home. It really, REALLY helped keep me sane this year. I wish you luck with this.

[BirthFree]

Well and you have to remember that she is adjusting to being home full time now too. For us, when we changed from school (preschool) to home for the summer like that, it took about 2 weeks to "settle in" to regular life. We also sent our son to a pre-school (a non-public-school one) one day a week for 3 hours. That seemed to break up the "boring" of being home.

Maybe you can make a schedule of one event a day (like you had planned today) and let her know that this is the plan for tomorrow, etc. so she knows what to expect? 4 years old is a tough age (I have one of those ), it gets better.

[blessedmom68358]

I would say that a lot of it is her transitioning. If you stick to what you say and be consistent in your expectations (reasonable ones, of course) of her at home, she'll come around.

FWIW, I'm a SAHM and we homeschool, but this past week my oldest three have been fighting way more than usual and my toddler's been extra whiny and demanding. (My parents had our two oldest for some special bonding time all last week, which is nice, but now I'm getting the aftermath of their having to come back off of vacation and into "reality"...sheesh, though, it's not that bad here!) Being so pregnant and uncomfy, patience is not my virtue right now either...so I've had a lot of those "feel like a horrible mom" instances lately... I hear ya!

[Qerratsmom]

Is something in the air or is it pregnancy hormones? My kids, who never used to fight, are fighting like crazy and my dd is so bossy and demanding lately I am just at a loss as how to keep peace in my house. ugh. I don't have any advice but I do feel your pain. I almost lost it with my kids the other day and locked myself in the bathroom to calm myself and get a break (its the only room in our house with a door). They cried and banged on the door for a few minutes but when I came out they stopped fighting and agreed to have a quiet time with me. (they new mom was about to lose her marbles!)

[greenbeing]

I am right there with you, and at times wondered how in the world I was going to make it this summer with a newborn and a 3 1/2 year old. Dh's work schedule changed, so ds has been home with me after lunch until after bedtime. The past week and a half have been hard!!! Yesterday, was the first day I felt we had things going pretty well.

She napped at school but absolutely refuses to nap for me, even if I lay down with her.

No naps here at first either!! I thought I would go and couldn't believe the amount of energy he had, when I was absolutely dragging by 1:00. Everyday, I would tell him we're going to have a "relax" time (read books, watch a video, lay down). Finally, the past two days, he sat down and actually then fell asleep!!

It will get better, mama!! Hang in there and enjoy this time you have with dd!