Originally Posted by milkmommie
Last night he came and told me that he's figured out why he's been such a "prick"(his words, not mine
). He says, "it's not your fault, it's not my fault. I just have to get over it." He doesn't want to talk about what it is.
I'm having a hard time letting it go and not badgering him into telling me.
I'd love to find a way to help him deal with the sressors of life in a more healthy way. I'm just SO out of ideas. It also doesn't help that his Dad has not been a great example of that during most of his life. It seems like whenever DS has something stressful going on, he completely falls apart. I wish I was better at helping him. It seems like at this age, his patterns are on their way to being set...
Dunno, I'm SO lost when it comes to teenagers.
is how ridiculously hard it is to be a teenager. People want you to "grow up" and "act mature" but theres almost nothing a teenager is allowed to do in our society that lets him "grow up!"
Im really not liking all the get-his-head-checked type suggestions from PPs. The most mentally messed up kids Ive known in my life all benefitted the most from simple physical excercise
. I have punched and kicked my fair share of holes in my parents walls... Its this overwhelming buildup of frustration.. Teenagers arent given any control over their lives and it really sucks to be caught in that situation. Take that man to kick boxing! Rugby! Or regular boxing, or track and field, just something
physical to get that frustration out. Otherwise its just going to keep getting released in the forms of holes in your walls! I dont understand why parents miss this obvious fact, It's sooo much harder to be pissed off and frustrated with your life when you are busy going from one physical activity to another and coming home feeling accomplished, wiped out, and ready to just relax.
And dont even think about badgering him to tell you whats bothering him. Hes probably never going to. Its fine to let him know "Hey, Im interested in helping you solve your problems, if
you would like
to share them with me" but when a parent follows a teenager around the house nettling and asking "Whats wrong!!" all the time, holy crap is that a recipe for disaster.
So dads not around and the son hasnt learned how men deal with stress... Meet him up with a group of mentor types (sports educators, something like that, church members even) who can help guide him. If he releases his stress physically (maybe because he doesnt know how to before it comes down to that), let him, just in a more acceptable way than messing up your house.. punching bags are a great outlet!
His patterns are just beginning to be formed and anyone can change, so dont give up on him. Remember, hes a man, just a young really pissed off one who (from the sound of it) has no appropriate way to express lifes many frustrations.
edit - i dont mean to sound like i disapprove of your parenting or anything, God knows i put my parents through hell until recently. it just seems like its such an obvious solution to excercise an angry person. but i know its also easy for ppl whove never met your family to say "oh you should do this!!" ou know, like they know you or something lol. so good luck, im just throwing out what worked for me and my angry teenaged posse :P