15 yr old temper tantrums vent

Is he just behaving this way with you, or does he do it with other family members, friends, or at school?

ahhh but we'll never be free will we? ok i can joke because I have a dd who is still having rages .. and she is 19

anyway I don't have anything wise to say .. just that I feel you.. and just hold on, your his mother and you know nobody will ever love him like you do so you are his safe zone .. .you know ... not to say that you should allow him to be abusive .. just a glimpse into his point of view.

with my ds when things start to spiral out of control i find some bonding time for just the 2 of us really helps

when my dd first started raging i discovered that she was doing meth - it was very scary and i hid in denial for a while, but she finally stopped and started taking zoloft and it reduced her outbursts tremendously

she stopped taking the zoloft and was just fine for 1 1/2 years until she was 6months post pardum and they started back again.. i really dont know what to say about that ... i would love for her to take the zoloft again but she refuses

Oh mama, I can relate to this. More than I like, I've had periods where I felt, if I didn't have to there's no way I'd be around my DD. She has at times displayed the same obnoxious bullying behavior. It was affecting the entire family.
I realize that overwhelming emotions are part of adolescence (and life in general)but I don't see tantrums as a given or acceptable behavior. They become habitual and self destructive. I encourage you to not only set limits for your own emotional safety but for your son's mature emotional development.
He may need a fair amount of support and specific strategies for changing the behavior. It certainly will require more effort to help him than it does to just ride out the rages.
We finally sat down with DD and her dean who she loves and brainstormed strategies for her to pull it together.
Recognizing that under all the bravado was a lack of self esteem, we came up with the following plan. Perhaps it can give you some ideas for supporting your son.
First and foremost, DH and I examined where we are being too controlling. We do not take responsibility for her choices but had to look at where she wasn't getting any and how we could give her more. The dean gave us this book about Choice Theory...very enlightening.
We created a contract of sorts with our daughter, highlighting all her strengths and listing specific behaviors that were undermining to herself and her relationships. The list isn't long but we have zero tolerance for them and she is asked to leave when they come up.
She attends her Kung Fu class twice a week and Tai Chi once a week. She's good at this and doing it frequently helps her to feel good about her self.
She agreed to listen to a self confidence guided meditation CD at least once a day.
We bought her LOTS of journals. She is a prolific writer.
She is attending a Buddhist Warrior camp this summer which focuses on transforming aggression into compassion.
So far, things are going pretty well although she still grumbles about going to "Buddhist Military Camp."

Personally, I'd look into having him examined by a doc to make sure there are no chemical imbalances going on, and then have him start seeing a counselor. 'Cause that behavior just isn't typical.

It sounds like maybe more coping mechanisms are in order. Whether that's something he can figure out himself, you help him figure out, or a professional counselor helps with. He needs acceptable means to vent, maybe punching bags or video games or chopping firewood. And then language to express his feelings and needs once he's calmed down past crisis mode.

Were his lead levels checked as well? I have heard that behavioral problems are a symptom, in littles at least but seems reasonable it could be for bigger ones too.

I have a copy of Beyond Anger: A Guide For Men here that you're welcome to borrow, if you think he'd like to read it, or even if you'd like to read it and try to incorporate. Goodness knows my H is never going to bother.

Your DS sounds a lot like mine. He is 15 also. He has ADHD. I think that explains some of it in our case. We didn't know he had it but I suspected...just found out last summer. He has trouble coming to terms with it. Plus my dh is bipolar and has been awful to him, which doesn't help matters.

You might find this book helpful. I have really gotten a LOT out of it! Yes, Your Teen is Crazy by Michael Bradley. I don't feel so alone after reading this book. Most moms I know seem to have perfect teens...but maybe they're just ashamed and struggling alone, like me.

You are welcome!

I just discovered this website and a related forum:

http://www.yesyourteeniscrazy.com
http://www.docmikebradley.com/vBulletin/

My son is 15 and being horrible lately too. He isn't punching holes is the walls, but he did do that for years. And we live in a very old house with thick, plaster walls! He called me a b**** the other day and it wasn't the first time. That was it. I told him I was done. He could make his own dinner, wash his own clothes, go to school (we homeschool) and find someone else to talk to when he has a problem because I'm done. I meant it too. Everytime he asks me to do something for him I tell him no, because he's been such a jerk to me for so long and because he called me a b****. He acts like I need to stop being so sensitive.

I know this is him pulling away and becoming more independent. I know most kids do it in some form- maybe just not as obnoxiously. Still, I feel like I'm living with a bully or at the very least, the world's most obnoxious roommate.

You have my sympathy.

It is how ridiculously hard it is to be a teenager. People want you to "grow up" and "act mature" but theres almost nothing a teenager is allowed to do in our society that lets him "grow up!"

Im really not liking all the get-his-head-checked type suggestions from PPs. The most mentally messed up kids Ive known in my life all benefitted the most from simple physical excercise. I have punched and kicked my fair share of holes in my parents walls... Its this overwhelming buildup of frustration.. Teenagers arent given any control over their lives and it really sucks to be caught in that situation. Take that man to kick boxing! Rugby! Or regular boxing, or track and field, just something physical to get that frustration out. Otherwise its just going to keep getting released in the forms of holes in your walls! I dont understand why parents miss this obvious fact, It's sooo much harder to be pissed off and frustrated with your life when you are busy going from one physical activity to another and coming home feeling accomplished, wiped out, and ready to just relax.

And dont even think about badgering him to tell you whats bothering him. Hes probably never going to. Its fine to let him know "Hey, Im interested in helping you solve your problems, if you would like to share them with me" but when a parent follows a teenager around the house nettling and asking "Whats wrong!!" all the time, holy crap is that a recipe for disaster.

So dads not around and the son hasnt learned how men deal with stress... Meet him up with a group of mentor types (sports educators, something like that, church members even) who can help guide him. If he releases his stress physically (maybe because he doesnt know how to before it comes down to that), let him, just in a more acceptable way than messing up your house.. punching bags are a great outlet!

His patterns are just beginning to be formed and anyone can change, so dont give up on him. Remember, hes a man, just a young really pissed off one who (from the sound of it) has no appropriate way to express lifes many frustrations.

edit - i dont mean to sound like i disapprove of your parenting or anything, God knows i put my parents through hell until recently. it just seems like its such an obvious solution to excercise an angry person. but i know its also easy for ppl whove never met your family to say "oh you should do this!!" ou know, like they know you or something lol. so good luck, im just throwing out what worked for me and my angry teenaged posse :P