I'm REALLY struggling with homeschooling - talk me off the ledge, please!

[tammyw]

I don't even know where to begin. My daughter just turned five in March (so technically starts kindergarten in two months). We've always said we'd homeschool, and honestly I have no desire of her being in a school setting (so many things bother me about the "system"). Up until this point, we've been VERY unschoolish. She occasionally plays on the computer (starfall, headsprout), she plays with the talking globe (she actually shocked us the other day when we discovered she knows a GREAT number of countries), we read all kinds of non-fiction books (variety of subjects) do Story of the World on cd sometimes, she knows all about the classical composers through Classical Kids cds, etc.

I recently told my husband that in the evenings, he needed to put together some "stuff" for us to do the following day, because frankly I just don't have time in the evening and he agreed. For the past two days, we've had what I would sort of call worksheet stuff. On day one it was math stuff (coloring in which is biggest/smallest, patterns, etc.). Day two we learned about coins. Today it was learning about the y sound (long i or long e). All sounds like good stuff, right? Except that not too far in, she didn't want to continue (tired, bored, just not paying attention). Then I start feeling frustrated because I feel like I'm failing - like I'm not good enough, like I can't motivate or teach her.

I'm starting to doubt my ability to homeschool this girl (and later her 2 yr old brother). She's doing quite well in learning to read (reading a lot of the bob books, sounding words out, doesn't need TOO much help) so I know she's definitely making progress, but I'm feeling stressed. Maybe my expectations are too high. I really think unschooling is a great way to go, but I also am feeling like I need a little structure because otherwise I don't think she'll learn what she needs to learn. And also, part of the problem is ME - because I don't see myself as book smart, whereas my husband totally knows quite a lot about everything and me, well, not so much. I know about the stuff that's interesting to me, but I find myself glazing over with a lot of this stuff and it's always been the thing that made me fearful of homeschooling. I wish my husband could stay home and homeschool the kids, but he has six more years of the military, so it's not doable, unless he does it all in the evenings and weekends (and don't get me wrong, he does teach her stuff - more along the lines of "learning all the time". They are playing chess together.

I know she's very smart. She's a bright girl, but I fear shortchanging her. I'm trying to set up a Spanish class/group and hope it's enough, but I know our neighbor sends her daughters to a private school where they start Spanish in preschool.

I just want our kids to have the best possible education and later to get into the best possible universities if that's what they want. Those are things that are important to me. But I'm putting so much pressure on myself and all she wants is for me to read to her - ALL.THE.TIME. I love reading to her, but it's not enough, right? Oh sure, she loves doing art projects and I should start playing more games with her (but there's also the problem of her extremely high energy and destructive 2 year old brother who makes life just about a thousand times harder.)

Help! I feel like I'm drowning. I told her if she didn't want to learn from me she'd have to go to school to learn. She said she didn't want that (even though she doesn't know what that means) but really I don't want to send her to school - I just don't want to do the lion's share of the teaching either. Sigh, if only we were independently wealthy and then my husband could do it all.

If you've gotten this far, bless you. If you have advice, I'm all ears.

[4Blessings]

Honestly, it sounds like you are doing a fabulous job!

She's only five. My second DS also turned five in March. We do very little sit down work because he isn't ready to sit and learn. We read, he hears me working with his older brother, he listens to books on tape, I read to him and we play, play and play some more! He does some writing (thank you notes for gifts, etc) and loves math but I don't push too many work sheets. He'll only sit for a sheet or two.


We follow the Well Trained Mind in a very relaxed way. Have you read it?
Also http://www.amblesideonline.org/ might help if she loves to be read to.


One idea that has worked for us with our five year old is setting out a week's worth of material at one time. We use five plastic boxes labeled with the days of the week but file folders or shoe boxes could work too.

Monday might have one worksheet, paint and brushes, paper and a puzzle.
Tuesday would have another worksheet or two, playdough and tools and another puzzle
Wednesday might have beads and string, a coupon to bake cookies with me, etc...

We set this out over the weekend and he get so excited to see the things he has coming up for the week. When I need to attend to the baby or my older child DS2 can work on his box of the day.

The fun of homeschooling for us is letting our children be children. They aren't pressured to learn yet they learn! Relax, continue to research and follow your heart. You and your kids are off to a great start. Keep it up

[Lillian J]

Whoa! Actually, it sounds as if everything is going really, really well - she's learning like crazy, and much more than she would in school - but you feel you need try to make it more school-like by bringing in worksheets and things that are neither necessary nor helpful. I don't know what your expectations are, but maybe it would be helpful for you to get a clearer picture of exactly what they are - because you may be a little out of touch with how they fit into the big picture. There's no reason in the world why a child that age should need to be learning even a fraction of what she's learning right now in order to get into the college of her choice someday. The fact that she is learning so much is wonderful for its own sake, and she's discovering how much fun learning is, which is the thing that will matter most in the long run - but there's certainly no reason for you to worry about it not being enough.

She doesn't need to go to school in order to learn - she's learning right there with you right now, and it will continue to grow. Reading to her and playing with her is plenty - she's learning from it! - stop tearing yourself apart. And her little brother won't be two for long - everything will be getting easier. So chill - and have fun! You're doing great. - Lillian

[maxymum]

yeah, all that!
sounds like she is a very bright girl and you are doing tons more than she would ever get in a school setting (i would think) it is easy to fall into that self-doubt routine. try to just relax and enjoy it some more! i think one of the keys at this age is to instill that love of learning.

[applecore]

My experience with very young children is that the more you try to "teach," the less interested they become. The more your nurture their need to play and explore, the more they learn on their own. IMO, kindergarten aged children shouldn't be expected to do book work. Academics are much more readily accepted in the form of songs or verses at that age.

I understand the pressure to feel like you are giving them what they need. I originally planned to unschool, but realized that it wasn't for me. We use Enki now, and it is perfect for our family. I like that the *when* isn't as important as the child's readiness.

Give yourself a break. You're doing a great job! If you want to feel more like you are actively *doing* some homeschooling, maybe you could focus on doing a circle time with songs, fingerplays, etc, or spending time doing crafts. Just involving children in the daily life around the home is a wonderful way to teach. Baking, cooking, cleaning, etc. are all great learning experiences for kids. And at that age, they still want to do it!

[Leersia]

The first year of homeschooling is the hardest, because although many of us have intentions of being "relaxed", it is hard to relax and not feel like you have to shift gears and get into "school" mode. I know, because I've just gone through the first year of HSing with boys about to turn 6. I started out with an ambitious plan, which it took me about two months to realize wasn't really working for one of my kids. He has since then mostly been unschooled, and he's learned a tremendous amount; honestly though, the majority of this year for him was read-aloud and playing with Legos. The other child I've done more academic stuff with, but I slowed way down from my original plan.

Read-aloud is an excellent curriculum for this age! If that's all you do, she's learn an astonishing amount, and all the other stuff will come that much more quickly when she's ready for it. I read my boys tons of folklore and mythology this year. The quality of picture books now for this type of material is fantastic. My boys already know part of the Beowulf story because I found a picture book adaptation.

Last fall, HSing caused me daily anxiety, and I considered many times that I was doing the wrong thing by all of us. Then, I read here on this very helpful forum, that if your HSing to-do list is causing daily anxiety, that you really are trying to do too much. And I relaxed my expectations and let them play a lot more.

My friends with kids in public school remind me all the time that much of the kids time spent there is not being fully engaged, for one reason or another. Thirty minutes of one-on-one with your daughter, aimed right at her level, is probably worth countless hours at school.

Really, you're doing fabulously!

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by applecore

My experience with very young children is that the more you try to "teach," the less interested they become.

And I'll even add that I found that true at any age. What did work well was to provide lots of rich learning opportunities the way Tammy does when she's not trying : - ways they can learn more on their own than they can from being taught. - Lillian

[Kelly Jene]

I soo agree that the first year of hs is the hardest. And honestly, my boys and I didn't find our "groove" for the first two years! I, too, had huge expectations of myself.

One of the biggest parts of unschooling is what you are doing with having the globe around. It's having learning opportunities there for them when they want to learn it. You said she surprised you with how many countries she knows - that's unschooling. If she wants you to read, by all means! My home school advocate told me kids can learn to read just by watching you read.

I used to cry all the time, thinking I wasn't doing enough. When I truly become willing to guide them through what they wanted to learn, and didn't leave all the pressure on me to figure it out, it all became so easy.

And from the sounds of it, you are doing a GREAT job!!

[tammyw]

Thank you all sooooooooooooo very much. You've helped me more than you can imagine. I've been having a horrid week (a cold on top of it) and the pressures just started to build up for some reason. I think part of it was this - Lillian, I had pointed my husband to your web site and told him he needed to get involved a little just putting some stuff together for us to have a bit of direction the following day (or week) so that I could pick something fun up once a day that was also guided learning. Well we talked about it today how what he provided was not what I had in mind (I had in mind games from our books - Games for Reading, Games for Writing, Family Math). I think he took the easy way out and found "worksheet" type stuff on the internet and printed them off. Not his fault, this is a learning exercise in itself, but I think that just pushed me over the edge.

And of course you all are right - we ARE learning all the time. Heck, we got a Children's Shakespeare book from Amazon this week and you wouldn't believe how much she wants me to read the stories from it - every day! Now I'll admit the talk of killing and death really does make me take pause, but it's shakespeare in plain language and so I figure what the heck. And by the time she's ready for the full deal she'll already know the stories and it will make it so much easier for her to understand.

I really do appreciate it. I knew you guys would help get me back to a good place!

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by tammyw

I think part of it was this - Lillian, I had pointed my husband to your web site and told him he needed to get involved a little just putting some stuff together for us to have a bit of direction the following day (or week) so that I could pick something fun up once a day that was also guided learning. Well we talked about it today how what he provided was not what I had in mind (I had in mind games from our books - Games for Reading, Games for Writing, Family Math). I think he took the easy way out and found "worksheet" type stuff on the internet and printed them off. Not his fault, this is a learning exercise in itself, but I think that just pushed me over the edge.

Oh, no! I hope he didn't find the worksheets through links in my site . The Gateway to the Internet section has a few links to sites that have some worksheets mixed in with "funner" stuff, but I mostly try to avoid it - there are so many other things around that are really great.

At her age, there's so much to learn just by plain old playing of all kinds - not even with any of the 3Rs specifically in mind. Those things are already taking care of themselves - he could be hunting around for other kinds of enrichment, like the fun little science tricks and experiments on Vicki Cobb's Kids' Fun Page - they're great. Or little projects in Enchanted Learning's Crafts for Kids site. Or wonderful stories to listen to from Kiddie Records Weekly old classics. Or things like making a finger puppet theater from the links to craft ideas in the Artists Helping Children site.

He can have a lot of fun finding treasures online - especially if he avoids pages with words like "for teachers," and "worksheets." Lillian

[tammyw]

Had to come back and read this again when I had a few more minute. What you all say makes total sense. And when I do reflect upon what we do - she really is doing great. I think panic just sets in sometimes and I somehow don't see ALL that she is doing. I mean just last week I had decided we were going to make some healthy muffins (it's a vegan recipe with no regular sugar - just a little honey and unsweetened applesauce!). Anyway what I did was print out the recipe and let her tell me, line by line, what I needed to put in. I was really surprised when she was able to tell me things like "1 cup flour", etc. She actually read most of the recipe without much help from me! But see, in the heat of a panic attack, I totally FORGET stuff like that!

I do have from the library the book Homeschooling our Children, Unschooling Ourselves. Maybe it's time for me to read it. Because even though unschooling really does FEEL the best to me, sometimes I get caught up in the moment of "oh crap, is she learning everything she needs to learn".

[tammyw]

Originally Posted by Lillian J

[COLOR="Indigo"]

Oh, no! I hope he didn't find the worksheets through links in my site . The Gateway to the Internet section has a few links to sites that have some worksheets mixed in with "funner" stuff, but I mostly try to avoid it - there are so many other things around that are really great.

LOL! I'm not quite sure where he came up with the worksheet stuff (maybe from that gateway link) but in any case, I'm going to show him this thread and it will help us both communicate and figure out a different approach going forward. It's a learning process for us all. I know I need to cut myself some slack, but sometimes that can be really hard. Plus, I tend to spiral downward occasionally, and then everything in my life feels icky for a while until I snap out of it. I think that's definitely what happened this week.

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by tammyw

Had to come back and read this again when I had a few more minute.

.

Nice to know someone else around here is crazy enough to be up as late as I am tonight!

Your anxiety attack is not uncommon. Those moments come less and less. They just come with the territory - but there are all those amazing moments like the ones you just mentioned, too.

Good grief - my mind is fuzzy. Time to go to bed. - Lillian

[tammyw]

Okay, now as I'm reflecting, I had to bring up one more funny story. Last week, she had taken a water bottle (removing the wrapper from the outside) and started putting all kinds of stuff in it - little toys, hairbands, even colored and cut up a paper doiley. She told me it was an aquarium and I thought what a great idea. It wasn't until a couple days later when she showed us the 101 Science Experiments book she had seen it in (usborne) and apparently she was browsing through the book and just thought to do it on her own.

Okay, so maybe I'm feeling just a wee bit better now

[mommy68]

At the age your child is now she is doing fine. They are learning even when you think they aren't.

My DD is 6 and will start 1st grade H/S in the fall. I figure if she does a few worksheets each day along with what I talk to her about verbally then that will be good. And then there's all the life learning that will be going on each day. I won't push anything at this age. I'm hoping by the age of 7 she will be better able to listen and follow more directions. She already has a wonderful memory and knows a lot from kindergarten.

I know how it feels to worry though. I do it with my kids. I'm taking my youngest two out of school to start H/S in the fall along with their older brother and I am really starting to get nervous. I'm wondering how I'll do it, will they all still learn like they did while in school, will I teach them what they need to know according to age, etc. The usual worries. I'm sure a lot of us feel this way at some point or another.

Try to remember that your child is learning constantly. They may learn some academic things earlier than other kids and some later. But the main thing is that you have 12 years to get it all in.

You sound like you're doing just fine.

And goodness you guys are up early this morning!! (You call it late and I call it early.) We are early risers. I'm up at 5:30am every day.

[saintmom]

I hate worksheets,always have,always will.If you lean more towards a hands on learning experience make some of the free lapbooks here www.homeschoolshare.com

Put them where your child has acsess to them and sit back and watch what happens.It's magical,! promise!

This lady was one of the first to incorporate visual kinesthetic manipulatives into her classroom teaching.The beauty of those ideas is they translate wonderfully to homeschool. www.dinah.com

This place is my favorite to go to for ideas,Tammy Duby also has a lapbook instuction book that coordinates with Dinahs big book of books.
www.tobinslab.com

Lastly my favorite online bookstore www.waldorfbooks.com checkout the family crafts section for simple, inspirational,homemade toys.

[jplain]

Sounds like she's way ahead already!

Even if you have no intention of following a classical curriculum, you might want to pick up The Well Trained Mind at the library and skim through chapter 4 ("Unlocking the Doors: The Preschool Years"). You can even read a few pages online if you use Amazon's Search Inside function. In 15 pages, the authors outline what they believe to be a good preschool/kindergarten experience. TWTM is a rather academic approach to homeschooling, but even these authors recommend taking it fairly slow and easy in kindergarten. I found that reassuring, even though I don't intend to use a strictly classical approach.

You might also really like Ruth Beechick's short book, The Three R's. It is an easy, reassuring read. You wouldn't necessarily start using it right away, but I think it would give you confidence!

Good luck!

[applecore]

Glad you're feeling more positive about things! I think most of us periodically have freak out sessions. It just comes with the territory.

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by tammyw

I do have from the library the book Homeschooling our Children, Unschooling Ourselves. Maybe it's time for me to read it. Because even though unschooling really does FEEL the best to me, sometimes I get caught up in the moment of "oh crap, is she learning everything she needs to learn".

I got so sleep last night all of a sudden - but meant to comment on this. The book I resisted was I Learn Better by Teaching Myself by Agnes Leistico (available from Amazon for 40 cents now). I finally took it down off the shelf and devoured it one day when my son walked through the living room and once again made a comment about something I had no idea how he'd learned. His dad and I had been commenting to one another about all these things he seemed to be learning out of the thin air. I stood right there for a while reading it, and laughed out loud at myself for not having realized earlier what was going on - and then I read it in one sitting. I'd been so stuck in the "educational" mindset, that I simply wasn't seeing the obvious. It was a lot like your daughter - he was finding things everywhere and sucking them in. Because that's just the curiosity and ability that nature gives us - if we didn't have all that, people would have died out a long time ago.

So yes - by all means, get the book out and read it, because all that kind of thing adds reinforcement and insights to your own observations, so it helps a lot when you start to freak out. Lillian

[Ruthla]

Hey- there's nothing wrong with using worksheets if the child is enjoying them. DD likes to "play school" once in a while- but honestly she learns much more from day to day living than from any of the workbooks she sometimes does for fun.

I think the main problem is that you have a pile of prepared worksheets and you feel compelled to finish all of them because they're there- but DH probably put together stuff with little understanding of DD's attention span, or with the assumption that you'd stop when she'd had enough and if he prepares some extra, the "leftovers" can be used another day.

I'm glad your "mommy freak out moment" is over now- we all get them sometimes!