Ideas how to talk about nursing with 2 1/2 y.o.

[eko_mom]

My daughter is 2 1/2. I am in favor of CLW but am completely isolated from others who may be supportive. My dh seems indifferent/supportive/embarrassed depending on the situation. I am sort of embarrassed in public, but try not to show it because I don't want my daughter to think that there is anything wrong with nursing. She is wiggly and often wants to lift my shirt up while nursing and I have explained that I don't want other people to see my "ninnies" --that I don't want to share them, they are only for her. She seems to understand this, but I am wondering about how to continue to talk to her about it so that she doesn't sense any shame. I think she will start soon to realize that she never sees any other children her age nursing. How do I say this is private without it seeming like its something to hide?

Maybe I should just get over it. I am preparing for the long-haul. There is no sign whatsoever that nursing will ever stop. I am thankful, but could use a road map.

[Koloe]

So far I occasionally talk to my DD about how what she can do when we are home alone is different than from what she can do in public or when company is over. Not any different from letting her run bottomless at home vs. not allowing it in public. Different rules for different places. I have also been working on the being polite and asking to nurse and not just yanking my shirt up when she wants to nurse.

[Limabean1975]

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[glowan1]

I agree with Koloe, kids understand different rules for different places. We really try to limit nursing to home. "Home" may mean the room we sleep in at Grandma and Grandpa's house, it may mean upstairs if we must nurse when guests are over, it may mean a hotel room if on a trip, etc.

I have told DD, 3 yo, that not all of her friends have num-num and one day she won't want it either. She either looks at me all confused and not understanding or she laughs. Clearly not ready to stop nursing.

[eko_mom]

Making the transition from public to private

What have you said to introduce these new "rules." We've always nursed on demand pretty much, but that isn't really working now. I've thus far delayed, but eventually, I am going to need reasons and I'm wondering how to talk about how we now are doing things differently. Her response these days to everything is, "why?"

[Koloe]

Originally Posted by eko_mom

What have you said to introduce these new "rules." We've always nursed on demand pretty much, but that isn't really working now. I've thus far delayed, but eventually, I am going to need reasons and I'm wondering how to talk about how we now are doing things differently. Her response these days to everything is, "why?"

I'll use terms like "It's not polite" or "It's rude" in regards to things I don't want her to do. Such as: "It's not polite to lift other people's shirts up in public." Or "I would like you to ask nicely when you want to nurse, do not go yanking on my shirt, I do not like it."

You could be truthful and say you are uncomfortable nursing a wiggling, twisting acrobat in public and would prefer to only nurse at home, or in the car, or some where private. That you feel more relaxed in such places and DC may nurse longer if they wait. [My local mall actually put in a nursing room a few years ago. Which is very nice if you are not comfortable NIP or it's hard when the other children are running amok and you need to contain them.] That DC is old enough to wait to nurse. I do find it helpful to have other things on hand to offer my DD in this case - a snack or drink is always handy to carry around if she is resistant to waiting.

[tubulidentata2]

Originally Posted by eko_mom

I think she will start soon to realize that she never sees any other children her age nursing. How do I say this is private without it seeming like its something to hide?

: I wonder how to do this, too, without putting down other mamas.

[eko_mom]

I usually do have things to offer her, but I don't think she's hungry as much as wanting to make sure she can nurse. She usually, but not always, refuses my food offers. So, sometimes I do think she is hungry or thirsty. When she refuses food, I wonder about pushing food because if what she wants is comfort or reassurance, I don't want to insinuate that food is just as good...know what I mean?

[mamak05]

DD will be 3 in Sept. We are lucky to have friends nursing children her age, so she still does see nursing. We also have friends who no longer nurse and so she knows one day she won't nurse either. She has said she'll nurse until she's seven (she just picked a number, but it's probably true).

She likes to nurse sitting next to me, but I've explained that when we're out, I lift up my shirt and unhook my bra and that she has to be laying on my lap to nurse. I've said I get cold with my shirt up, so I ask her to help me keep it down - she's really good about that.

I generally don't use "I don't want to share them" because I hope to tandem nurse someday and will want to share them then, so figure I'll lay the ground work now!

I think that talking about nursing is best when you're both relaxed and perhaps just finished nursing, not focussing on getting to it.

By the way, I recently read Mothering Your Nursing Toddler and really liked it - could be helpful for you in feeling supported for the wonderful gift you are giving your child and help with talking with her about it.

[Wittyone]

Ds is 25 months and an avid nurser still...I'll often nurse him in public when he asks but there are times when I just need him to wait. I can usually get him to understand by telling him that we need to do XYZ and then we can "have boo" (i.e. let's pay for our things in the store and go sit in the front seat of the car - a treat, or walk the 1/2 block home from the shopping center and nurse at home in the comfy chair, etc.). If it's a hungry/thirsty request he'll be satisfied by the offer of something to eat/drink. If it's a comfort request he'll persist with wanting to nurse, but is willing to wait a minute when I explain that yes he can have it but here's how we are going to go about it.

As for less than desirable nursing behavior, I don't have much of a problem limiting that. If he's squirmy I ask him to "have boo nicely" because it's uncomfortable for me. Usually really squirmy = done/just messing around, and I"ll ask him "are you finished?" If yes, he'll get down and do something else. If no, I'll repeat the request to have boo nicely or mommy will be all done. If he wants to pull my shirt up (fortunately rare) I'll tell him that is not polite and please stop.

PS, Eko - I'm in Santa Rosa too, and have several toddler-nursing friends, so you are in good company