***High Risk Mamas Support Thread*** - Page 6

[Sage_SS]

No pain meds because I haven't seen my OB yet.

The pool feels good after about an hour or so. My bones just hurt, but I'm sure the pool will help alot as I get bigger and the pressure on my bones is increased.

[ChesapeakeBorn]

Why do I bleed in the middle of the night? Can someone please explain this to me? I mean, I am lying in the same position when I sleep as I do all day long, so why, in the middle of the night, do I bleed briefly then stop? I mean, I'm not complaining too much; it is much better than those terrifying gushers. But I'd rather not bleed at all. This pregnancy is most definitely a test of faith and trust and when this little guy is born alive and well at a safe gestational age I am going to shout from the rooftops that he is a miracle.

Okay, I'm done now. I'm still pregnant and grateful.

(Oh, but sage, I like wholly guacamole for a snack. And sugar snap peas dipped in Annie's Goddess Dressing. Stock a cooler with ice packs.)

[soulshine]

chesapeakeborn,
well, i can't explain it but it happens to me too :
the last 2 nights, at like 5 in the morning, i wake up bleeding. brown, but, still it is so disturbing to be woken by that sensation. i am not getting zonked-out sleep, so i am pretty aware of what position i am sleeping in. i have been on progesterone shots on alternating sides for 16 weeks now, and my hips are a little sore, so sometimes i find my sleepy body wanting to sleep on my belly. i end up compromising in a contorted position! all the while trying to imagine that i am giving my uterus enough room not to be squished or pushed up against anything!

i wish i knew why it was happening at night! maybe the body's clock has to totally relax and wind down to release the old blood? i've no idea! but, what a relief it is to wake up and be able to use the doppler. after bleeding, if i didn't have the doppler, i am sure i would have gone in for an u/s check at least 3 or 4 times in the past weeks. its such a relief to know that at least the baby is doing alright!

sage,
good to know pool is helping even if it takes a while. i was thinking about what aviva wrote, about forgo-ing the bathing suit... i would forgo all difficult clothing! if you are staying in, i would find some mu-mu-type attire and exist in them! no undies, either!

and, about asking for help from friends... i was thinking about this too. i find it uncomfortable to ask. even though some have offered anything, anytime... its weird having to ask for help, because i know that they have their own lives going on... but, a way to get around this is to plan the help way ahead in advance, like by a week or 2 weeks on revolving rotations, spread out between friends. so they can plan it into their schedule, plan around helping, and then you don't have to feel like its such an imposition.

[Sage_SS]

I'm sorry you guys are bleeding! I can't even imagine the stress that would cause me. Kudos to you guys for having the fortitude of strength and faith to keep a positive outlook!

[Sage_SS]

no sleep + pain + feeling bad for asking so often for stuff to be brought to me, which means I eat like, twice a day + missing out on life around here = an hour and half long crying session.

I am going to start asking for something to eat, no matter how annoying I think I am.
I can't be feeling hunger pains on top of the rest of it.

I have to call my aunt still. We planned a big camping trip with her and her two kids for the first week of Aug. We planned it about two months ago, when I was still counting on being fine.
So they were stretched pretty thin, financially, for the summer. So they cancelled their big trip and are counting on this camping trip to be the highlight of the summer. Now I have to tell her that we're still going, but I can't walk anywhere or participate in anything and assure her not to feel guilty for leaving me at the campsite while they go to the lake, or for a hike. I know her first response is going to be ticked off at me. She's going to think the whole thing will be lame, and it will be my fault, however indirectly. I really don't want to call her and say this to her.

I've been putting this call off for two days. Maybe I'll call her tomorrow.

[avivaelona]

Are you sure you can go Sage? Will it be worse pain than being home? Or maybe better somehow? If its going to be worse than don't go, no matter how they are looking forward to it, your needs do count. I think you really need to let go of the guilt, this isn't your fault, and well, however dissappointed anyone feels, they aren't the ones in pain who have to be on bedrest. Of course my other thought was to wonder if they could pull you down to the lake on a travois and let you float all day

Same thing with eating. Can you set up a meal schedule so you are automattically getting food brought to you a few times a day? It might be easier than having to ask. This is one of the reasons I set up shop in the living room...its not as easy to be forgotten and when my husband makes our child lunch its easy for me to ask him to make me something too.

The bleeding at night thing is odd, but hormones do change at night, muscles relax in a way they never do during the day and lots of bodily housecleaning gets done. I hope it all isn't too scary. You two are both very brave to get through this worry and stay positive and cheerful.

I'm doing good, nothing really to report. I kind of wish I would start showing more so everyone would know why I waddle like a duck when I am out, but I didn't really show til 7 months with my last, and while this one seems to be trending earlier than that, and I look pregnant naked its still not really a noticeable pregnancy belly when I'm dressed.

[soulshine]

sage,
your family may have alot hanging on the fun-factor of this vacation, but, i am sorry... your situation trumps that!! it doesn't sound like anyone really understands the kind of acute, constant pain that you are in... i didn't really understand it until you told me like 3 times in 3 different ways why and how and how much pain you are in. is this something that your husband can sort of take on the communication with? maybe she won't be so mad if she hears it coming from him? i am sorry but she sounds very insensitive and selfish, or at the very least misguided in priorities if she is going to be mad at you for you being in this situation!!! it will be hard enough to be up there camping, and you don't need to have every one else's 'comfort level' and happiness to worry about too. they need to cut you some slack!! its OK for you to be needy and have to have this be a priority. it won't be forever, but it is top priority now!! and that goes for the meals too!!! you are the pregnant momma!! you need proper nutrition, and it has to be consistent! don't feel bad about asking, and aviva's idea of making a set schedule is a great idea. i was starving the other day and had ZERO food in the house and zero way of getting it myself, and it made me so so sad. so that has to be a priority!! its for the baby!! and YOU.

aviva, i have the same thing going on. i look pretty pregnant naked in front of the mirror, but i look- and feel- like a flubby-bubby when i am dressed and out in public. i didn't have to switch over to maternity clothes until the early 20's last time, and actually, i was thinking if this bedrest continues, so much for maternity clothes!! i have one pair of shorts that i bought before the bedrest in a bigger size, and that's the extent of my maternity 'wardrobe' right now... i don't really need anything yet though!

i have been having round ligament pains, which is a first for me. not very pleasant! especially when i was thinking it was my placenta tearing away. but i realized it was the round ligaments. i hope its just a phase!

[Sage_SS]

I talked with my hubby about the need to eat and he got kinda angry with me, or at least very frustrated, that I would be concerned about him at all. He said it doesn't matter what he's doing, I need to eat. He's far more worried about me than he is about having to come up here every hour. And he said besides that, he just likes to have a reason to come up and see us. The baby is kicking him all the time, he told me to call him whenever the baby gets active and he'll be here in half a second.

You guys are right, I have to stop feeling guilty about this. The guilt is just making me feel so much worse. I think everyone else's reactions are (or will be) a reflection of my own feelings about this. If I'm apologizing for this, its not a wonder people will hold me accountable for it.

I can't cancel our camping trip. We haven't been able to go for so long. Last summer we were moving and the summer before that I was in the hospital. It wouldn't be fair to my girls to cancel so I'll go, I'll paste a smile on and try to conceal my pain. I'm most concerned about getting the tent up. We have a massive tent and usually its hard for me and my hubby to get it up. The rest of the trip, I'll be laying around. I won't go on any walks and I can't participate in anything more than a card game.

Ah, the baby is awake now. Its been kinda freaking me out all morning, I haven't felt it once. Now I can feel it. Phew...

So how are you guys feeling? Aside from the worry of bleeding? What do you guys do all day? I think I'm the only who spends this much time online. I have no book to read I can use my laptop alot because I can lay back to use it, or sit up, or lay on my side. I can move around to various positions. But if I'm doing something else, like organizing photos, or working on my herb lessons, I have to sit up and that hurts to do for more than 15 mins or so.

Georgia, my 4.5 year old and youngest thus far, came in earlier and snuggled with me to watch a movie. She shared my breakfast with me and said that she's sad that I have to be in bed, but she's glad that we'll have a baby soon.
My hubby said last night that maybe this will be the last one. I said, "if you'd have said that after the first time this happened, we wouldn't have Georgia. After she was born we barely ever thought about the pain I went through when I was pregnant with her, because it didn't matter anymore. But she does."

He said, "You're right. I never thought about it like that, its just really hard for me to see you go through this."

I am so blessed.

[shoelace]

Sage I've been reading through your posts because I have recently been diagnosed with PSD. I'm so glad you've been writing them. It's given me a real picture of what I'm in for. My midwife keeps saying it only gets worse from here. She has sent me to an osteopath which has made a significant difference for me. She is way more gentle than a chiropractor. Like she basically rested her hands under my back for a while and well, I don't even know, it was just extremely gentle no pushing or squeezing. I was skeptical but man, it worked. I went from having to lie on the couch all day to okay enough to make an occasional meal. Granted, you seem to be the PSD guru, and are probably more than sick of people giving you suggestions, but I couldn't help myself even though it makes my skin crawl when people make suggestions to me. I think we live in the same area. Let me know if you want the name of the osteopath.

[Sage_SS]

Originally Posted by shoelace

Sage I've been reading through your posts because I have recently been diagnosed with PSD. I'm so glad you've been writing them. It's given me a real picture of what I'm in for. My midwife keeps saying it only gets worse from here. She has sent me to an osteopath which has made a significant difference for me. She is way more gentle than a chiropractor. Like she basically rested her hands under my back for a while and well, I don't even know, it was just extremely gentle no pushing or squeezing. I was skeptical but man, it worked. I went from having to lie on the couch all day to okay enough to make an occasional meal. Granted, you seem to be the PSD guru, and are probably more than sick of people giving you suggestions, but I couldn't help myself even though it makes my skin crawl when people make suggestions to me. I think we live in the same area. Let me know if you want the name of the osteopath.

I love hearing new ideas and advice! The only times I get irritated is when others treat me with suffering impatience, as if I haven't put any thought into this. But most people are really amazing at showing understanding and compassion, while offering ideas they're not sure if I've thought of.
Try to remember that most people don't get it this bad. But if you are one of them I'm here if you want to bounce any thoughts off of me.

I haven't seen an osteopath. Mostly because its so hard for me to get anywhere. How far along are you? Where do you live?

[shoelace]

I'm glad my suggestion didn't bug you. I'll be 17 weeks tomorrow. I'm having twins so I already feel like a whale and I walk like one too. I live in Vancouver, BC. I can't imagine having other kids to care for while dealing with PSD - the pain, the depression from bedrest, and the guilt of having others help out is a lot to juggle. You're a rockstar.

[Sage_SS]

Aw, twins! Congrats! When's your due date?

Rockstar.. lol. Thank you for saying so, but really, I'm not. I'm just surviving. I'm trying, but feel like I'm failing, to be optimistic.

Is this your first pregnancy?

[shoelace]

This is my second pregnancy, but the first to get this far. I'm due Dec. 22. Hopefully I'll make it that far. People keep telling me I won't - that twins always come early.

You had PSD with your other pregnancies, didn't you? Were you able to have a vaginal birth? If you did, how'd you do it without opening your legs too far?

[Sage_SS]

Not with my first, it came with my second and third. I can't explain that pain. If given the choice, I'd have chosen death in a heartbeat. My third was an emergency c/s as she flipped breech.

I don't know how I'll handle it this time, since I will not agree to another c/s again. I'm still working on dealing with that pain, I have no idea how I'll do it. I have a very, very high pain tolerance, but that tops my ability to cope.

[Sage_SS]

Originally Posted by Sage_SS

Not with my first, it came with my second and third. I can't explain that pain. If given the choice, I'd have chosen death in a heartbeat.

nice. Sorry bout that. I shouldn't have been so direct.

How you guys doin today?

[soulshine]

i'm well, sage, thanks for askin'

question:
you're not supposed lie on your back when you're sleeping, your left side is best for circulation for baby and you... so,
if you are on bedrest... should you be lying on your left side during the day, too? i mean, i am in bed propped sitting half up with pillows, and i am not on my left side, i am like half on my butt and half on my back. is that ok? or should i really be on my left side, lying flat, etc? another issue is the tv is on the right side of the room, and i can't see it unless i am on my right side or on my back. so... what do you think? trivial? not trivial? am i restricting blood flow to the placenta if i am on my back/half sitting up all day? or is it only when you are flat on your back?

i am so psyched that this is the week we are finding out the sex! husband can't be there so i am going to have them put a picture or just the word in an envelope and open it later on when we are together. my mom's coming with instead. i don't think she's ever been to an u/s scan- they didn't have them when she was having kids (can you imagine?! hahahahaha) so i think she will really enjoy seeing her grandbaby. i hope everything is ok in there.
i've been feeling pretty good, like, i have been more bored than worried, which i guess is a good thing?! baby is always there on the doppler. i am 16wk3d today.

hi shoelace i am so sorry that you have the same thing sage is having. are you on bedrest now?

something my mom told me about having babies in the 'olden' days. so, no u/s or home pregnancy tests. doctor would see you when you missed 2 periods! then, they calculated the due date, and saw you very infrequently. unless you had spotting or another complication. in which case the only thing they did was 'put you in bed'. bedrest for everything! there was so much less technology, so way less interventions at birth. lots of forceps deliveries. and no one knew what the sex was, so all the babies were surprises! and, no dads in the room when baby was born. my dad didn't see any of his 5 kids births... they offered with my little sister (1978) but he declined because it was such a 'new thing'. then, my grandmother!! she was put under general anesthesia for vaginal births!! can you imagine? also, her 3rd child, her only son, died at birth, and she never even saw him, she was 'under' when he was born, and back then, they doctors encouraged the family to forget about the baby that died, not to name him/her, and to get on with their lives as fast as possible. can you imagine? so my mom's little brother never was held by his mother, never even seen, and my mom never knew if her mom and dad gave him a name or not. he is buried next to his father, who died a few years later of tb.
anyway, it just had me thinking of how much things have changed, for good and of course for bad, too. i could take it for granted that i have this little doppler that can tell me the baby is alive, and the high tech u/s machine that diagnosed the sch and explained at least why i was bleeding. they can't DO anything about any of this of course, but knowledge is helpful, at least for me, in my situation and circumstances.

so, i have been really lazy about keeping my mind occupied in any kind of admirable ways... i could be reading the classics, catching up on great films,
writing letters to old friends, journaling... but no. i am on the computer reading about angelina jolie's babies and what 'name experts' think of the names they picked out. i have a pile of bills and other paper-chores to do and i am totally ignoring all of it. i think i am in mid-bedrest crisis. not knowing how much longer this will last, i don't know how 'into' it i need to be getting. i am really hiping my scan on friday will yield a 100% sch free result! hahahahaha! you never know!

chesapeakeborn, are you going to be getting any more active now that you know baby is on track growth-wise and sch is getting harder? or do you have to stay on bedrest because of other things? or stay on it just to be on the safe side? i guess its tricky because they never know what is causing the bleeding, and whether it is healed or not... the sch could be getting smaller, but the initial bleeding area could just be in remission so to speak...
have they ever told you why they think you started bleeding?

[ChesapeakeBorn]

Originally Posted by soulshine

...chesapeakeborn, are you going to be getting any more active now that you know baby is on track growth-wise and sch is getting harder? or do you have to stay on bedrest because of other things? or stay on it just to be on the safe side? i guess its tricky because they never know what is causing the bleeding, and whether it is healed or not... the sch could be getting smaller, but the initial bleeding area could just be in remission so to speak...
have they ever told you why they think you started bleeding?

I'm not going anywhere unless that SCH totally disappears (and if that happens I will still be taking it super easy)! I asked if they knew what was causing it, but unfortunately, they just have no way of knowing. And I am too scared to risk anything, especially when I get crampy after being up and about. So bedrest it is for me!

Sorry I've been kinda quiet. I had to meet a deadline for part of my dissertation yesterday and have been fighting some kind of cruddy bug that the rest of the family had. Hugs to all!

[Sage_SS]

CB, I've said it before and I'll say it again (I've said that before too) pregnant women should be immune to all colds and flus! It should be made a law in nature and when I ascend and become a Goddess, I'll make it so.

So I went to see my OB today. The damn elevator was broken and his office is on the 4th floor. Can you believe that??? By the time I got to his office I was fighting off tears.
I told him what was happening and he said "well, that sucks." lol.. no kidding. He checked and said that my pubic bone had definitely seperated, then shook his head and looked down for a while.

He said, "Here's the problem. This hurts, really really badly. I know it does. Your pelvic bone is the main support core for your body. Anything you do moves it. Standing, sitting, laying down. Anything. And everytime yours moves, it will hurt really bad. I'm really sorry this is happening and I wish I could help more, but we don't have alot of options. Option number one - don't move. At all. Thats impossible to do, but you can try to do as little as possible. Option number 2 - physiotherapy. I don't know how well it will work, but you can give it a try if you want. I can give you some pain medication, but there's a problem. Addiction. I don't care about you, I can get you off the drug when the baby is born, but I care about the baby. If the baby gets addicted to drugs it will go through some pretty severe withdrawal when it born, and that can include dangerous siezures for newborns. So I'll give you some pain meds, but please only take them when you feel desperate. Do as little as possible and try to take it easy. I'll see you in two weeks."

About the physio. Thats pretty much a no-go. Just moving to get to the office will hurt and I'm going to try not to use the pain meds. And due to my previous experience with this, my first reaction when anyone touches my pubic or pelvic bones is to smack them. It hurts like hell. I'm not going to willingly do that to myself.

So here I am. I sit and lay on my bed, trying not to move. This little monkey is so active, just feeling it inside me makes me feel happier. t must know I take comfort from it.

My friends have surprised me. Three of them have offered to come stay with me for a few days. I suppose the fact that its 30 degrees outside and we have a pool doesn't hurt. Nor does the fact that our house is air conditioned so being inside is nice too. Its lucky this is happening in the summer, tho in the winter I'll use the hottub as bribery.. lmao.

[specialdoula]

Hi there this thread is great. I had my little one at 33 weeks. I am a doula and practice natural the best that I can. I plan to do a home birth but my OB's want to be a little to agressive than I want. Next week at my 20 week visit I have to make a decision to do the progesterone shots or not. I am leaning towards not. I just feel that it happened once not a pattern and willing to let my body do it's thing. Is that wrong of me?
Bobbie 28 (Robbie:2)

[avivaelona]

Hi Bobbie, welcome! I think whatever you decide is what you decide, the medical research just isn't there to say "this is the best option" always and a lot of these decisions just fall to us to do what we think will help the most. If you still aren't sure maybe make a pro and con list and see where the weight of that falls. For sure no one here is going to judge even if they would have made a different decision.

Sage that sucks, the elevator being broken especially that's just evil. I agree that you shouldn't take the pain meds irresponsibly but don't rule them out as an option for when you really can't take anymore and need to sleep. They might not be ideal for the baby, but neither is a mama who hasn't slept in weeks.

I'm having kind of a bad achy day, I woke up really dehydrated for some reason, and I just haven't been able to quite right myself since. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow. I've been drinking a lot more water today, but I still don't feel quite caught up. We had to drive my husband's car up to the mechanic, half an hour away. I'm finding that while I can sit in the car for up to an hour with no problem, driving is quite tiring and makes me achy, it doesn't seem like that much more work, but I guess it is. It won't be a problem for the next few days though as DH will have to take my car.