another night down the tube. I was awake until after 1 am. I could not sleep. Shiza.. during my last round with this I just didn't bother trying to keep a schedule. I thought maybe this time I could try a schedule but convincing myself to be tired, while acknowledging that I won't get any rest anyway is very difficult.
I should find a group of insomniacs and befriend them. lol... it doesn't help that my hubby's been on night shoots for the last few days so I'm alone all eve and night.
I have to dig deep and find the courage to call my friends and ask for help this time. I don't think being alone all the time helped my depression at all. I want to do everything I can to avoid it this time.
My 9 year old daughter is already getting tired of me asking her to do stuff. Its only been a day and a half since I explained this to her, but I'll have to do it again today, just so she understands how important her help is to me and how much I appreciate it.
My 7 year old is in the kitchen right now, she's making herself bacon and eggs for breakfast.
We have a pool. When we bought this house and were planning on having another baby, we thought the pool would be an awesome resource, as floating it in takes away the pressure from my pelvic. Finding the courage to get undressed and into a bathing suit is daunting. Lifting a leg a time to get dressed hurts, really bad. And thanks to the size of my belly I can't just bend over and do them both at the same time.
There are 3 stories in our house. The top floor is bedrooms and laundry, the middle floor is the kitchen and such, and downstairs in the media room and bunker room. The stairs to the pool are off the sundeck off the kitchen. Thats 4 sets of stairs just to get down to the pool, plus the stairs to get down into the pool. I'll run a test swim when my hubby is here so that he can help me in and out, up and down. Thank gods I married a big man!
Soulshine, thank you for all your suggestions. Someone else's point of view wil always be different and I appreciate all points, from anyone. I have cried, at length. I can't seem to help myself. I worry about indulging stress but right now, I'm trying to keep it in perspective. I'm hoping today my hubby will set up an area for me in our room.
I already take omega 3's. LOL.. but I didn't know about the other way they're helpful so thanks for the info!
I'm glad that your mom can be there to help, and just be there! Its so nice to have someone to talk to, isn't it?
I can imagine how worried you must be about bleeding, my thoughts would be bent on that concern. But it sounds like you have a pretty good handle of keeping balanced.
CB, I do the same thing when I'm in pain. I scrunch up and tense everything. During my months with pancreatitis I constantly felt like I'd been hit by a bus, my body ached so bad. My hubby is going to the video store today to rent me a whole swack of shows. I barely watch TV normally, so this should be interesting...
I suppose now is a good time to reply to letters and write a bit. I guess I could also bring up that huge box of pictures and get those sorted too. *sigh*...
Aviva, thanks for your suggestion about moving my post around a bit. I could do that, have one base set up in my room, but create another in the livingroom and one outside. Its just getting to the other posts thats scary for me. The more I move, the more pain I'm in. I have no pain meds. I can't sleep and expect any rest. I close my eyes and lay down because it seems that I should, but actual rest is not happening. I have to move every 5 - 10 mins to avoid pain, after moving I spend the next 5 mins recovering from the pain of moving, while the aching of my bones settling begins.
Previously I took a couple of T3's and an atavan to get some drug induced sleep. While it worked and gave me mental rest, I woke up in excrutiating pain. Its not ok to not move when my bones are warning me that they're sagging too much. Its a catch 22.
I want to tell you guys how much I appreciate you being here. I know that there are a few of us on this board but I'm different than you guys. Since I'm the only one whose pregnancy is not in danger, and the only who is in this pain. But you guys don't leave me out because of it, and that means alot to me. I tend to shut in pain and sadness to my friends and family, I don't like people worrying about me and I hate them giving me that look like "ok, could you find anything else to talk about?"
So thank you.