What is with Family Court Judges? My friend needs our help!!!

[TattoMomK]

Hi everyone, KC here, and I have been asked for help with my friend Susan's case. I will post, not in it's entirety as to not violate the UA, and without personal info, a letter she sent me. She has specifically given me consent to post this in order that someone out there may help.

..a female family court judge ordering the mother of an 8 month old to
wean her child because she thinks breastfeeding is interfering with
the noncustodial father's access to the baby for 4 hours each of the
two days on the weekends.

On tuesday 6/10/08, I had to appear without counsel to address
visitation and custody issues for my son Ian because I could no longer
afford the attorney I had retained. By law, I was supposed to be
granted the continuance I requested so I could seek new counsel or be
given time to properly prepare on my own. The judge decided it would
go forward anyway.

During this hearing, Ventura County Family Court Judge Gaye Conroy
stated that she had fed her children cereal at 6 weeks and dairy
products (cow) by 6 months and they had survived, so I was to begin
weaning Ian so that his need to nurse would not interfere with the
father's right to an extended visitation schedule.

I was not allowed to speak on my own or Ian's behalf. There was more
than one instance of inappropriate conduct by the court which another
attorney who was in the court room stated had implications at the
appellate level, and I am trying to understand how to address this
ignorant and preposterous situation on the human and legal levels.

Does anyone have any insight into legal or other support/activism with
La Leche or another entity that might be of help?

(Emphasis mine)

Is this LEGAL? Even among the hallowed halls of family court? A little back story here: Susan never married Ian's father. She does have a restraining order filed against him for domestic violence (I do not know the details, but know that obviously something happened for this to be in place.) but that was not allowed to be entered into the case. Until recently all visitation had to be supervised. Heck, I've known Ian since he was 2 months old, his father wasn't even interested in him then. :

I am trying to recall all the stories I read here about who took over cases like these. Does anyone recall if it was the ACLU? Or if they would condescend to be involved?

Does anyone have any wisdom and experience to pass on to Susan? I'll be linking her here.

I think I'll be writing a letter to this judge, with a petition attached, as well as WHO guidelines for the feeding of infants. Any good links that anyone knows about concerning breast-fed infants and family court/custody issues?

Thanks in advance everyone!

[Equuskia]

Can she consult the judge who gave her the restraining order? I would also consult maybe the DA or something, she has the right to counsel. There must be a lawyer out there willing to take the case pro bono. Usually they have to serve a certain number of hours pro bono.

[elanorh]

I know there will be good information, support, and suggestions shared soon in this thread - I've seen some great suggestions in the past. It is the weekend though so it may be a little slow at first!

I don't have any experience with this, other than a child development course in college where the prof spoke about this sort of situation (split custody etc. in children who are younger than 4 or 5). She believes it is very harmful to the child and to the child's relationship with both parents. Of course, Mommy brain, I don't remember her name.

Kathy Dettwyler has good information on this which is sometimes used in court cases. Her website is here, and includes a letter which can be used with courts:

http://www.kathydettwyler.org/dettwyler.html

How supportive is your friend's Ped? Can the Ped provide a letter stating that the AAP minimum for breastfeeding is 1 year and therefore s/he doesn't recommend weaning until that point at the earliest? (Or even better, if she sees a Family Practitioner, the letter could note *two years* ).

Has your friend checked out the LLL website to see what they might offer? Also I know that there was a lawyer (now deceased) who specialized in cases like this, and I think her dh is still doing that. It's been mentioned here before but again I don't recall names.

Hope this is somewhat helpful. I really don't know what to tell you from a legalese angle, it sounds like she needs help figuring that out too but it's not an area I've any familiarity with.

[menomena]

The now deceased LLLLeader who was a lawyer is Liz Baldwin. You can go to LLLI.org and search for her articles. I definitely suggest having her contact her local LLL. There is a whole division of LLL that Leaders can access dedicated to helping moms with legal and/or medical issues. to your friend and her son.

[aprilv]

this isn't legal advice, obviously, but what if she pumped and provided breastmilk for the father to feed the baby? perhaps in this situation it would make the judge feel that the mother is trying to compromise so the judge would back off? the father would have to be preparing formula bottles anyway so it's not like it would be creating a hardship...

even if he insistes on giving the baby formula, there is no reason why she can't continue to breastfeed while she has the baby. she can pump to keep her supply up.

these ideas are not ideal, i know, but better than weaning. sounds like this judge is hostile to breastfeeding.

[Emmeline II]

She could try legal aid, law schools, and calling a domestic violence shelter. She may actually want to go to a shelter and get help through them so the judge cannot ignore the fact she has a restraining order.

BREASTFEEDING AND FAMILY LAW

http://www.llli.org/Law/LawUS.html?m=0,1,0

• Information for Mothers in Family Law Situations (10/15/06)
• The Breastfeeding Relationship and Visitation Plans (from NEW BEGINNINGS)
• Breastfeeding and Divorce (12/31/95)
• In the Best Interest of Breastfed Babies (custody issues) (1997)
• Extended Breastfeeding and the Law (reprinted from Mothering Magazine, 1993)
• Extended Breastfeeding and the Law (from BREASTFEEDING ABSTRACTS, February 2001)

[shllywlly]

If your friend is able to get an attorney in any way, that would be the first thing that I would suggest. Just on my limited knowledge, I would assume that this decision could be appealed because the judge based the ruling on her own personal experience. She is no medical expert. In order to make a judgement call like this she would need evidence from a medical expert. If she were looking at the recommendations of the AAP and the WHO she would know that she is putting the health of that baby at risk. I would definitely do what ever I had to do to get an attorney.