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16 yr old home alone for a week - help, urgent! - Page 3

post #41 of 50
So even though the mom is GLAD you told her, people here continue to bash you. Amazing!
post #42 of 50
Originally Posted by mamato3cherubs View Post
You tell OP to mind her business, it was made her business when she was asked to come to the same home the UNDERAGE teen was staying in alone.
The parents told her to mind her own business before they left -- they told her in no uncertain terms that she was not in charge of their daughter. They only changed their tune when said daughter turned out not to be so trustworthy (as if having friends over is a big deal anyway . . . I don't get that). And the OP wouldn't have even known *that* was a problem if she hadn't read a note that was left for the daughter's eyes, not hers.
post #43 of 50
That is my issue, too. The note was for THE DAUGHTER, not for THE DOGSITTER. And I'm really bothered by the e-mail to the mom. Instead of talking to the girl, telling her (if she had to) that she didn't feel comfortable and was going to talk to the mother again, she sent that "Gee, I'm SO glad your daughter told you all the bad things she did while you were away" e-mail. It was like once last dig.
post #44 of 50
Please, it is the gloating and manipulation that is so obvious that is irking me.
post #45 of 50
There is a world of difference between "you are not responsible for our teenager" and "completely refrain from telling us if you happen to see something strange going on while you're there".

If I told someone they weren't responsible for my kid, I would expect them not to try to direct his/her behavior, and I wouldn't hold them accountable if my daughter burned down the house/got pregnant/drank all my booze. I'd still like them to mention it if they, say, came in one morning and saw several passed out teenagers in my living room. Or anything else they knew that I'd disapprove of. I'm really surprised that people seem to think this is wrong.

Edited to add: And regardless what people on the internet think, the parents of the teenager, who hired the OP to dogsit , and who are also her employers - they are satisified with her decision, so I think she navigated that incredibly ackward situation very well.
post #46 of 50
Originally Posted by PoppyMama View Post
You don't have to stay over there and you don't have to tell the daughter what to do or remind her of her parents rules all you have to do is let the dog out. This is between the parents and the daughter and not your responsibility or business.
Originally Posted by Inci View Post
I wish the parents had not put me in this situation.
They didn't put you in that situation; YOU PUT YOURSELF THERE. They explicitly told you that you were NOT responsible for the 16 year old. That is pretty clear. You way overstepped by doing anything other than walk the dog. If I asked you to housesit, and came home to my living room repainted, would that be ok? Not your call to make.

Originally Posted by ArielMomma View Post
You brought all this hardship on yourself. You have nobody to blame your tiredness on but yourself. You asked whose responsibility this girl is, the answer is her parents.

My advice is, mind your own business.
Originally Posted by Arduinna View Post
You seriously need to learn to mind your own business.
: You are climbing on your moral high horse about a girl who is not your dd, and whose parents told you explicitly was NOT your responsibility. What she does or doesn't do is NONE of your business. No calls, no tattling via email - I honestly can't imagine what you are thinking.
post #47 of 50
I wonder what people would be saying about the OP "interfering" if the 16yo had got into real trouble and Inci had done bugger all about it...
post #48 of 50
There are more mature and kind ways you could have handled this with the parents, if you were really concerned about the teen. With the way this was done, as a parent I would actually be less comfortable with you as a nanny. Purposely ratting the teen out in a backhanded way really bothers me, when you could have had a quiet, straightforward chat with the mom about your concerns.

Yes, she lied, and you've caught her. It doesn't take that much to outwit most 16 year olds, especially as we've been there. I really think this could have been done in a much more loving way, if you felt it was that important to share what went on with the parents (I would have been torn on what to do, honestly, so I understand why you would decide to tell).
post #49 of 50
Um, wow, I'm kinda late, and yeah the mom said she was glad to hear the daughter broke the rules, but seriously, it's no wonder she broke the rules! If the parents didn't trust her to obey whatever their rules were they shouldn't have left her alone. And asking a 16 yo not to have friends over when they're away for that long is simply too much IMO. Those parents are the ones who put both the OP and their daughter in an untenable position.

I have left my now 18 yo son home alone for the last two years in the summer when we went away for 10 to 14 days. He had to take care of the cats and the garden and the lawn and the house, but when he specifically asked if he was allowed to have friends over, my reply was that as long as the house was in the same shape as we left it, he could do what he wanted to. I don't believe in setting my kids up for failure the way those parents did.

As to whether the OP should have 'interfered' - I don't think she should have, but what's done is done. hopefully the next time she'll do things a bit differently, if there is a next time.
post #50 of 50
Thread Starter 
The situation is over and I don't need any more feedback on it. My employers were satisfied with the way I handled it and told me they believed I did the right thing.

So I'd like to end this thread.
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