Originally Posted by aquarian
f you don't mind my saying, I find that what helps us in our marriage is to *not* think about things as a cultural problem but a me and dh issue. DH and I can't control cultural attitueds and norms, but we can change what our attitudes are, and what is normal for our household, so it really helps me feel way less hopless. (does that make any sense?)
i have to say i agree. i try very hard to not blame our issues or my issues with my ILs on culture and just say, it is us/him/his family.
dh and i have a lot of the same issues. we have just such totally different views on so much about parenting and life. i mean, there is a lot we agree on-the big stuff (co-sleeping, bf, SAHM), but it is the details that are serious issues.
we used to joke that the only thing we had in common was we loved to go dancing. but...with little ones, we don't do that very much anymore.
it is a real struggle sometimes and although i really love him, as much as i did 9 years ago when we first got together, sometimes i wonder if it wouldn't have been easier marrying someone else.
he is from South america and came here when he was in his teens. his entire family is also here and i think that their proximity makes it difficult cause he sees how his siblings are and hears what his mother's opions are and it does affect how he thinks. and they really tend to drive me nuts.
i sometimes tel myself that it would be just as hard with anyone, marriage is hard...
sorry, don't know if it helps you, but at least you know there are others in your boat!