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I'm an old prude, I guess - Page 4

post #61 of 161
Thread Starter 
FTR, I have no problem with a cute spaghetti strap tank - looks cool with some cargo capris or a flowy loose skirt. It's the really skimpy tops (not just cleavage, but half the breast hanging out) PLUS the tight shorts that barely cover the butt. It looks like a bathing suit.

Actually, I think I'm wearing a pretty skimpy top in my siggy picture - but the shorts were at least mid-thigh. And, BTW, no age-guessing for my pic, I'm 37, thank-you-very-much

I do think there is such a thing as appropriate clothing for your setting. Like there should be some demarkation between beach wear and clothes for school. Comfort, weather, etc should all play a role, but I don't buy it that shorts that are basically like boy-cut underwear are soooo much more comfy than ones with a 5 inch inseam (like mid-thigh.) It has nothing to do with what people can afford, it's not like shorts are priced by the yard. The 1 1/2 inch inseam ones cost the same at Old Navy as the Bermuda shorts.

School is still in session (public local high school.) My neighbor is the librarian and she says she is constantly (discretely and sensitively, though) having to remind the girls to adjust their clothes when their whole thong is hanging out.

I can't speak to the boys, they all looked pretty much identical in baggy shorts and tees.

It's really more of a fashion issue, I guess. I hope I can convey to my daughter that "displaying" one part (showing off your legs in a flowy mini-dress or a tank that accentuates your shoulders and neckline) is more attractive than letting everything hang out. JMHO - I know everyone has different tastes.
post #62 of 161
Quote:
Originally Posted by milkydoula View Post
The two bolded statements just don't sit well me. It is very "blame the victim" A sort of "Well, if she hadn't been asking for it type" mentality.
I don't believe any woman "deserves" unwanted sexual advances, no matter how she dresses. I do question the wisdom of dressing as if for a cocktail party or cookout when you are at school or in an office.
post #63 of 161
The turn this discussion often seems to take, to a blaming mentality for girls who dress like they are "asking for it," makes me extremely sad. We should be striving for a world in which everyone respects the body boundaries of everyone else, even if we're all stark naked. If you are "distracted" or "disturbed" by someone else's dress, that ought to be firmly your problem, not their's.
post #64 of 161
I love school uniforms for this reason. If the girls want to dress this way on their own time, but at school, there should be a certain amount of decorum.
post #65 of 161
Quote:
Originally Posted by SwanMom View Post
When a girl shows up in spaghetti straps, I can tell her to cover up or she goes to in-school suspension. And I've had male students thank me after such an episode. SOME students go to school to learn.

I am a prude, but this crosses a line. I don't like the implied mysogony at all.
post #66 of 161
Quote:
Originally Posted by SwanMom View Post
When a girl shows up in spaghetti straps, I can tell her to cover up or she goes to in-school suspension. And I've had male students thank me after such an episode. SOME students go to school to learn.
.
Could you clarify this statment? It really comes that you're trying to protect the boys, who want to learn, from the girls, who don't, because they're wearing spagetti straps. From a woman who wore spagetti straps in highschool (and, gasp, the occasional miniskirt), was on the math and science team, went to freshman year at college with 12 credits from AP classes and graduated with a 4.0 from highschool, that statment seems comes across as extremely sexist.
post #67 of 161
My ideas of what is just plain ugly or tacky vary quite a bit from those of most people on this board. Some things that I wouldn't wear on a bet, and wouldn't have worn even if they had been in style when I was younger, are considered perfectly acceptable to wear in public. On the other hand, I realize that I dress more conservatively than most people, and I can't change what's in fashion and what other people like to wear.

I still don't think that changes the fact that some types of clothing can be distracting or disrespectful in certain settings. When someone, male or female, bares a lot of flesh, people, male and female, are going to look.
post #68 of 161
I would seriously wonder where I went wrong with my son if he was unable to concentrate at school because some girl's bra strap was showing. I mean seriously! And I really don't like the "SOME students go to school to learn" comment. My son managed to graduate high school and be on the honor roll even though he looked at a thong every single day!
post #69 of 161
I see alota of weird stuff at the mall,I think the hair styles worry me the most .I think its just me getting older.Heck when I had the body I used to wear some risky stuff and that was a few years ago. I have a picture of me wearing some extra short track shorts that said abercrombie on the bum area,a tank top with a little sweater over and a rainbow scarf that hung down to my feet LOL I had on a pair of uggs on with this look and a really dark fake tan I was 23..............If I lost 20 lbs who knows what I would wear,I know I would buy some mini skirts but now I would probbly pair it with leggins..............I think the girls our just enjoying the weather,and like another PP stated it was probbly the dance team or something....I think most schools have a dress code.I can see how you would be worried though...........
post #70 of 161
I used to wear shorts and a spaghetti tank top every way *with* my bra straps showing. I didn't realize people in our generation still had issues with the strap showing.
Now I wear scrub pants and a tank top daily. Still showing my straps. Why hide them? It's not like people don't know I'm wearing a bra.

And the blaming the clothing for the boys not able to do school? Really?
post #71 of 161
I've been a prude (by this standard) since I was in junior high school. I don't wear skirts that are shorter than my knees and I pretty much don't wear shorts. I recognize this as my personal style though and don't think that it decides what other people should wear.

That said: as a high school teacher I told my students in the first week of school that I am a complete and total prude. I don't think that revealing clothing is school appropriate and I *will* enforce the dress code rigorously. I also mentioned that if they wear skimpy stuff I will probably tease them once we get to know each other. I just don't want it in my classroom.

I often saw my kids wearing skimpy clothes on days they didn't have me (we had a rotating schedule) but they didn't dress like that in my classroom. I get the impression that they weren't angry about it and I tend to be wildly popular.
post #72 of 161
Maybe your students weren't angry about it. I'd have been angry as hell about it and gone out of my way to wear things that were "questionable" under the dress code in your classroom. Teenagers have their autonomy infringed upon enough without crap like this.
post #73 of 161
Quote:
Originally Posted by avengingophelia View Post
Maybe your students weren't angry about it. I'd have been angry as hell about it and gone out of my way to wear things that were "questionable" under the dress code in your classroom. Teenagers have their autonomy infringed upon enough without crap like this.
Yeah. I have trouble with this dress code crap, anyway. We never had one, and I'm glad. It was bad enough that I was required to be there in the first place. (I wasn't there "to learn" - I felt from a very early age that school interfered with learning and it eventually pretty much killed my desire to learn. I was there because I was legally required to be, and because I needed the stupid diploma to get a half-way reasonable job.) I find the whole idea of dress codes for school really annoying - the ones about spikes and studs and such I can see, since those can be weapons (I'm glad those codes weren't in place when I was in school, though - I'd have felt stifled). I can kind of see the reasoning behind banning profanity on clothing, too. I don't get the "you're showing too much skin" or "your pants are hanging down too low" or whatever stuff at all.

Mind you - I also don't get it from a fashion standpoint, because fashion doesn't even register on my radar. I've been totally unhip my whole life, and I'm okay with that.
post #74 of 161
Dh enforces the dresscode in his classroom. As a male teacher he can't comment if a girl is violating the dresscode though. He has to get a female teacher to do it.

I am constantly hearing stories of girls coming to class with skirts so short they don't cover them at all. They yell the seat is cold when they sit. I have also heard stories from other teachers about the one day a girl was wearing a short skirt and no "pants" in the front row. I'm sorry, that's not freedom of expression that is just being inconsiderate.

When I was in school, no one ever thought of dressing like that for school.

I don't care what you were when you are not in school.
post #75 of 161
Quote:
Originally Posted by mirlee View Post
Dh enforces the dresscode in his classroom. As a male teacher he can't comment if a girl is violating the dresscode though. He has to get a female teacher to do it.
ummm....why? The whole dress code things seems to be predicated on the idea that nobody can help but look if the kids are dressed inappropriately, but your dh can't point out to a girl that her bra strap is showing or whatever? That makes no sense at all.

Quote:
I am constantly hearing stories of girls coming to class with skirts so short they don't cover them at all. They yell the seat is cold when they sit. I have also heard stories from other teachers about the one day a girl was wearing a short skirt and no "pants" in the front row. I'm sorry, that's not freedom of expression that is just being inconsiderate.
I'd call the girls on it if they were "yelling" about the seat being cold. I just don't get what's inconsiderate about someone showing skin...or more. The simple fact is that nobody has to look.
post #76 of 161
Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueStateMama View Post
Yeah. I know It's been hot, but what about a tank top that covers your bra, some 5 inch shorts, or a sundress?

I guess it it a phase, but I wish moms (or dads) were monitoring and saying (um) NO. Fun, sporty and fashionable is OK - nearly naked is not.

It bothered me from a mama standpoint *and* a fashionista standpoint -like a huge episode of "What not to Wear."

I am really, REALLY happy that young women are comfortable with their bodies, but what about an "appropriate for what you're doing" wardrobe?
I strongly encourage my daughters to dress modestly, and I certainly have community support to do so.

But honestly, it's not a battle I'd choose to fight with a teenager if she REALLY wanted to dress that way. I'd talk to her about why I think it's a bad idea, and I wouldn't buy her any skimpy clothes (except maybe some tanks that I intended as layering pieces) but if she wanted to use her own money to buy them, and she was attending a school that allowed them, I'd let it go. There are more important things to worry about,

I can undestand why this would be a complete non-issue for a less religious family, for whom modesty in dress wasn't a value they wanted to teach.

I am surprised that the school allowed clothing that skimpy- honestly it's not any less comfortable in hot weather if you're wearing a tank with wider straps or the shorts come a little lower. In fact, it's probably cooler to have a layer of fabric between your legs and the chair- sweaty skin sticks to stuff!
post #77 of 161
Quote:
Originally Posted by avengingophelia View Post
Maybe your students weren't angry about it. I'd have been angry as hell about it and gone out of my way to wear things that were "questionable" under the dress code in your classroom. Teenagers have their autonomy infringed upon enough without crap like this.
So true. I would have fought it in high school, too.

If my kids were schooled, I would be behind them 110% if they wanted to challenge the dress code.
post #78 of 161
it's interesting for me to think about why some modes of dress would be inappropriate in certain circumstances such as church, school, or office.

on the one hand, i would say that there is nothing wrong with anyone showing however much skin they wanted, even to the point of simply being nude at all times--and yet our laws clearly state that this state of undress is 'indecent.' i'm not sure why this would be so, as there is nothing inherently wrong or indecent (imo) about the human body.

i'm not sure the issue is really about distraction. there are places in the world where nudity is considered perfectly allowed and/or normal, and most people in these places are not at all distracted by it. so, i don't think that's the underlying reason why we have such a strong reaction to certain modes of dress in certain locations.

i tend to think of school as a sort of formal environment, which is also how i think of offices, churches, fancy restaurants and hotels, art museums and the like.

of course, i don't necessarily think that someone who seems to be inappropriately dressed for such a place is necessarily indecent, or even a distraction, but simply isn't conscious of what the appropriate mode of dress is.

and i'm curious as to why i feel this way. i haven't come up with an answer.
post #79 of 161
Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueStateMama View Post

Actually, I think I'm wearing a pretty skimpy top in my siggy picture - but the shorts were at least mid-thigh.
, I was going to comment You are so pretty! I love the pic of you, and you do a skimpy top quite nicely .

I am constantly shocked by the VERY short length of the Catholic school girl skirts here, absolutely SHOCKED! I am certainly some form of prude
post #80 of 161
Quote:
Originally Posted by zoebird View Post
i tend to think of school as a sort of formal environment, which is also how i think of offices, churches, fancy restaurants and hotels, art museums and the like.
The single biggest difference, imo, between any of these places and a school is that the places you list lack the requirement to be there. I had to WOH for many years, but I had the option of finding another job if the dress code was too onerous. I don't have to go to church or fancy restaurants or museums. I think it's unreasonable to require kids to go to school, then further require them to dress in a fashion they're not comfortable with while they're there. It seems doubly unreasonable to require this, then to state that it's about "respect and consideration" for others.
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