If your house is truly too messy to have company...

[kamilla626]

We're really bad at housecleaning, and we actually seem to be getting worse - not better. It's not just that kind of clutter where we can do a whirl-wind cleaning when we're expecting company in a couple house. You know those shows where people call in the experts to help them declutter and clean because it's hard to even walk around, no one eats at the kitchen table, and stuff is just everywhere? That's us.

We have a 3-sided breezeway that connects the house & garage, and even that area is filled with clutter. I feel ashamed even when the mailman comes through the porch door to drop off a package.

I'm hoping I can't be the only one. Maybe this is more of a "Personal Growth" issue, but how do you get past the shame? How do you come up with more and more excuses for why people can't come to your house?

Dd's dance recital is this afternoon, and my parents, sister and neice will all be coming. They are probably assuming that we'll invite them back to the house afterward, but there's just no way.

When I have the time and energy, I have no problem just trashing stuff. Holding on to unnecessary things is not too much of an issue. I just feel like I could take a 2 week "vacation" to clean and still not be done.

Please tell me I'm not alone. How do you deal?

[kewb]

I have had that house and sometimes I still do. I just invite people over. True friends do not care. When I am old and gray I want to look back on my life and say I lived not regret that I did not see friends and family because I was a slob.

That said, when it really gets to me I pick a corner and start there. Even if all I accomplish is that corner for the day I feel good. I have to make it a priority and it is not one in my life. I dream of a museum showpiece home but there are so many things I would rather be doing.

I feel your pain. If you can ship off the family for a day and have a good friend come help you start.

[KaliShanti]

*hugs*

I would probably hire a professional/friend to come take over and ruthlessly declutter/clean.

True friends do not care.

Not necessarily true. They may come over because they love you anyway, but if your house is truly gross, I'm sorry, but they will care.

My in-laws house is like this, but it is also dirty ie: pet urine/mess on the carpets, stickiness on the floors, etc. They are great people and I love their company but I really hate taking my DS over there because it's so dirty. It's stinky too. I've wish every time I go over there I could hire a professional cleaner FOR them to come once every few weeks at least, but that might be offensive and I certainly have no money for that gift. They used to use a housekeeper, but moved to a more expensive home and that was taken away in the budget I guess.

[riaketty]

Honestly, I've seen a lot of houses like this, and cleaned a few of them, too. The first step is to trash practically everything. :-/ A lot of houses like this are filled with garbage, old mail, old newspapers, ucky food, stuff like that.

After that, start in one corner. Mark out a 4ft by 4ft space, clean it until it's shiney, and then move. Even if you only do one space a day, it'll add up.

And then you have to change your habits so it doesn't end up the same way again. :-/ It's rough! I wish I could come help you. I love tackling big jobs like that

[sapphire_chan]

I grew up in a house like that and I still don't have a habit of inviting people over regularly.

My friends might not have cared, but I did care. (Not enough to clean up the living room and my room, mind you.) I think because I'd also visited houses that were like ours and was simply not comfortable there.

For friends (family, especially family with super clean homes, is a whole 'nother story), and speaking as someone who notices clutter, all you really need is:
1. A not dirty house. Messy yes, dirty no. Sounds like you've got that.
2. Places for people to sit. Even if you have to dump things into paper bags or something to clear the couch off, it works.
3. A way for people to get to the places to sit. Even if you just shove things aside with your feet, it works.
4. A clean bathroom and ways to get there.
5. Light, lots and lots of light. This one's counterintuitive, because you'd think it'd show the mess more, but what it does is make the mess friendlier. People'll be able to see clearly that they aren't about to knock into something or step on something. (One house I remember hating visiting as a child I always think of as filled with junk, but it was actually just so dark there that it felt filthy.)
6. A place to set food/drink if being served.

If you get those 6 things, even a fussy person like me will have no problems with a nice chat at your place.

[UUMom]

Mess and filth are not the same, remember. Toys and papers are not upsetting to visitors. I would mostly focus on bathrooms and maybe the kitchen. A goss bathroom is hard on visitors and sticky surfaces on chairs is as well. I wouldn't worry about clothes tossed about, but would more concentrate on cleaning food and waste areas. : Small steps.

[2 in August]

My house always cluttery and messy too. Seem like I can keep it clean for a few days and then it all falls apart again. It was just clean a week ago, now it's not. My parents are coming over tomorrow and I'm spending the rest of today cleaning up. It's never really dirty, just tons of stuff everywhere.

[A&A]

Run, don't walk, to the library or bookstore and get the book It's All Too Much by Peter Walsh. (He's one of those TV guys that does the major decluttering.) He will inspire you like you've never been inspired before, but he does it in a nice, non-shaming way!!

One trick from his book:

start with two garbage bags a day. Fill one with trash, and the other one with things to donate. Then get rid of those bags (throw the one away, of course, and take the other one to a donation center.) You'll end up with seven bags of trash and seven donation bags a week, which adds up to a big difference over a year's time!

[blessed]

Dh is too much of a neatnik for us to deal with that now, thank god.

But I grew up in a home that was too messy for visitors. It really affected my and my siblings. To this day, I have this underlying sense of shame about myself and my home, as though there is something dirty or not right that I have to keep hidden from people.

I hope that you'll be able to find some ways to improve this, for your kids and for yourself too .

[~Megan~]

If you have good friends I'd ask them to come over and help. I think most friends are willing to help you fix this.

Then you need to prevent it from happening again. Simplify dramatically.

My home is often pretty dang messy but if given 2 hours I can straighten it well enough for my in laws to come over (my bedroom would still be a mess but that's lack of space because I'd have to move a few things in there).

But if you are talking trash, old food, pet stains, and/or mold those are health hazards and need to be taken care of quickly.

I agree with a PP that your friends might still come over but if its bad enough they will care. If I can't walk or sit down that's a problem.

No one I spend time with now, but I've had friends who's homes were gross to me. One in particular comes to mind. She never had toilet paper or soap, there were what appeared to be pet stains all over her carpet, her home stank, her kitchen was always, always filthy. I did not like going over there and avoided it.
If she had asked me I would have left the kids with dh and gone over to help her clean it though (with gloves on!).

[4evermom]

Our place has been pretty bad. I always make sure the kitchen is clean (still will be piles of odds and ends on counters but not crumbs or crud on them, the floor, or the stove. I've hidden dirty dishes in the oven before I had a dishwasher, lol, and will rinse dishes in the sink so they aren't festering in smelly water). And I make sure the bathroom is clean. After that, I make sure there are places to sit. My place doesn't smell funny, either. Those smelly spray things people use to cover up odors just make things worse.

I figure some amount of clutter at least makes people feel better about their own places, lol. Now that ds is older, it's been easier to declutter. I also can judge better what he might use in the future, what I should hold onto for him, and what to get rid of.

One thing that has worked well for me is to think "a job worth doing is worth doing poorly." Many people get hung up on wanting to do a job really well and thoroughly but they never have the time so they don't do anything. It's better to do some quick damage control more frequently. I just make sure I don't make things harder by hiding messes. I leave things out and have an honest mess rather than packing things into a closet and then not be able to find things. I find it helps to have a few clean spots to rest my eyes on such as a cleared end table, even if there is a stack of books and papers on the floor next to it.

[bwylde]

I have been there and if I'm not careful, I get back there quick. Babysteps. I take each day at a time and while I still have my problem areas (family bedroom and kitchen!), I am comfortable having people over. Heck, spur of the moment I invited my dad and brother over for supper and my brother is a neat freak!

I have learned that living mess and filthy/dirty mess are two different things and for the most part, we are the former. As long as I am doing something every day, I am getting closer. I overwhelmed myself thinking it was too much to handle, ignored it and my problem got worse. I had to realize it wasn't going away unless I did something and I spent the last year ruthlessly decluttering. I am taking a little break as I was to the point I couldn't get rid of any more (although there is more, but I need to mentally prepare myself to get rid of it). But now I can have my living room company ready in 5 minutes, 10 if I want to vacuum and dust. The kitchen I could get clean in about 15 minutes if I don't do dishes and if I ignore some of the piles (still bad at those, lol!) and the bathroom, I just have to make sure there isn't stuff all over the floor since the kids like to play in there. I used to hide when people showed up unexpectedly and prayed they wouldn't look in the windows!! No my house is not perfect, just getting things clean enough as not to be embarrassed . We aren't meant to live in show homes!

Basically, : to what everyone else is saying

[Aries1985]

I grew up in a house like that and my parents are still like that. It's so hard. It's just clutter everywhere and leaves their beautiful home feeling completely disheleveled and overwhelmed. It doesn't help that my dad is a huge pack rat and just refuses to get rid of things he hasn't used in 30 years!

When there's a special occassion (I had my wedding at their house) my mom spent 2 days overhauling the house and then had a service come in to fine tune everything. When I was younger we usually did have a cleaning lady come every week. My parents both worked full time and no one had time or energy to clean after a busy week.

For my own house, DH and I split cleaning weekly. We do spot maintaince as needed throughout the week, but really concentrate on cleaning on the weekends. We do get clutter, but it gets sorted out every week at least. I've found that doing a little cleaning here and there really helps things go faster and look decent for company.

That said, I still don't like having people over. I think it's because of growing up in a messy/cluttered house that I feel like my home has to be absolute perfection before I can have people over. People don't care though. I know I don't think any less of people if their home is messy.

[nancyw]

Pick this up as soon as humanly possible!!

Clear Your Clutter With Feng Shui!!!!!!

by Karen Kingston


This is a PHENOMENAL little powerful, change your life book.
REALLY and TRULY.

you think Im exaggerating....but it was mentioned several times in a thread about two years ago titled something like 'books that changed your life'.....
and so I bought it, and it HAS. I now have four copies which I regularly loan, or end up just giving away, because I feel it is that important. It is a very clear, straightforward, uncluttered look at:
a) the emotional reasons behind clutter
b) the fact that clutter is really 'stuck energy' in various aspects of our life
that coincides with where the clutter is
c) how, why and where to start clearing clutter,
d) how to continue,and,
lastly, how to begin living with a new relationship to the 'stuff' and 'clutter' in our life spaces.


this book has been amazing for me in my life, as you can see!

just wanted to share that--and the very best of luck to you!
-nancy

[GruppieGirl]

One room at a time.

Start with the breezeway. When that is clean you can think about moving on to the next room that bugs you the most.

Once you have things under control, you can keep it up by continuing with your one room cleaning plan. Personally, I work on one room per day.

Good luck to you!

[baileyandmikey]

Originally Posted by 2 in August

My house always cluttery and messy too. Seem like I can keep it clean for a few days and then it all falls apart again. It was just clean a week ago, now it's not. My parents are coming over tomorrow and I'm spending the rest of today cleaning up. It's never really dirty, just tons of stuff everywhere.

same here... not reallly dirty, just truely messy.

[DesireeH]

I'd call your friends to help too. Make a fun day of it..provide pizza and drinks maybe and just chat and clear stuff out?

I agree that true friends would not mind helping at all.

[sapphire_chan]

If you have friends having more kids, try to time the cleaning party to hit as many second trimesters as possible. My nesting instincts kick in in other peoples' homes, and back in the second trimester I could actually bend and lift stuff.

[gcgirl]

Originally Posted by KaliShanti

*hugs*

Not necessarily true. They may come over because they love you anyway, but if your house is truly gross, I'm sorry, but they will care.

Yes. Absolutely true. We won't go to MIL's house because it is disgusting. Especially with little kids, we can't take the chance. It's not just clutter (though that's overly abundant), but cat poo, rotten food, and probably a ton of black widows interspersed through all the junk.

She is more than welcome to come visit us; in fact, we pay. But we had to lay down the law about visiting her house.

I hope your house isn't as bad as all that. Good luck!

[Down2Earth]

That is exactly how I grew up. I thought it was normal but I was so ashamed as a child. And it is so hard to get rid of those old habits as an adult. But I did it! I joined Flylady.net. I know others have mentioned other books to help and here's another one: Sink Reflections by Marla Cilley.

What I liked about it is that you start out slowly. She gives you practical ways to form routines and habits that you won't burn out on. Yes, you could hire some kind of expert or have a group of people come over and clear out your clutter, but that doesn't solve your problem! Your house will become cluttered again. But by having good routines like Flylady recommends you will slowly get rid of your clutter and not add to it. It is so liberating getting rid of your junk and actually quite addictive. I love my clean, decluttered home now. It's not anywhere close to being perfect, but that's not the point. It takes me less than 15 mins to get ready for company at any time. And you won't get burned out! And I forgot to mention, you will never ever spend hours and hours cleaning your house (that is how you burn out and give up!) You spend 15 mins picking up or decluttering your home each day. And only 5 mins a day rescuing a room that may be overflowing with clutter (you know the type of room, the one you just close the door and pretend it doesn't exist.) You can easily do that.

This isn't a quick fix. This takes time. It might be a few months or only a few weeks before you see significant changes. But don't you think it would be worth it? Wouldn't it be nice to have a decluttered home 6 months from now? Or you can do nothing and 6 months from now your home will be exactly the same or worse.

I don't mean to sound preachy. I've BTDT, but I decided that I didn't want to live like that anymore. I just wanted you to know that this is doable. You don't need to take two weeks to clear out your home. This is something you can do while going about living your life. Good luck! I hope you find something to works for you.