If your house is truly too messy to have company... - Page 3

[DaughterOfKali]

At my last apartment, things were really yucky. Clutter like you wouldn't believe.

I ended up finding a Professional Organizer on Craigslist. We did a barter and she came to help me tackle ds's room (he wasn't using it at the time, it was a storage/box room.)
She was fabulous. She sat down with me and asked a ton of questions about my lifestyle, etc. She then gave me a chore while she drew up some plans.
She really listened and came up with a layout (and ideas) that would suit my own personal needs. She gave me great tips, etc. She then rolled up her sleeves and worked with me to help clear out and organize the room.

I used her services just before moving to my new place (I needed help getting rid of stuff and packing.)

Now that I keep her tips/ideas in mind, it's very easy to clean my new apartment.

She's in MA and I can give you her email address. She's writing an organizing book so she may not be taking on new customers but she can probably help via email or phone. (pm me if you'd like her info.)

[Owen'nZoe]

Originally Posted by llamalluv

http://www.squalorsurvivors.com/

This was so interesting to me - reading the descriptions of the levels of squalor, at its worst, I would say my house fits level 1. The house I grew up in probably reached level 2 (with twice as many kids contributing to the mess ). Yet the reaction my mom and I have both always had to our houses matches level 3 ("Essential household repairs may not be done, because you are too afraid to let a tradesperson see your house. Just the thought of someone seeing your mess causes you great stress.").

How funny. Maybe my problem isn't as much being messy as it is needing to relax a bit.

[Collinsky]

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[Collinsky]

Originally Posted by nancyw

Pick this up as soon as humanly possible!!

Clear Your Clutter With Feng Shui!!!!!!

by Karen Kingston

I just ordered this book... can't wait to read it! This thread has helped me so much. A bazillion thank yous to the OP, I hope it's been helpful for you too!

[Kinguk]

I am so glad I found this thread! After I had my baby I found I couldn't keep up with the housework whatsoever. Unfortunately, my husband wasn't much help once he got home.
I'd ask my friends how they did it b/c their houses are always spotless. They do it while their babies nap (mine only has very short naps a few times a day) or they feel comfortable putting their babes in an Exersaucer or leaving them on a blanket in the living room while they get all the housework done.
This may work for them but, then I came to the realization that I am a very hands-on mother and my baby always comes first. If I put housework before her I feel very dissatisfied with myself at the end of the day.
So, I've accepted the fact that my house isn't going to be as clean as my friends and honestly, it's not even baby-proof enough to have my friends over.
I just tell everyone that my house is too messy for guests soalways do things at other peoples houses. It's become a bit of a joke amongst my friends and I. However, when my house is clean I savour the rare occasion and invite my friends over everyday until it's messy again!

www.HolisticMamma.blogspot.com

[UptownZoo]

Here's what I've learned about myself: I hate to clean. I hate to get off my butt and put things away. I have lots of wonderful things to do, none of which include maintaining my home.

I've found that the only way to minimize my time cleaning is to minimize what we own. Each and every drawer, closet, shelf, and cabinet in my home is only allowed to be 2/3 full. That way, when I want something, I can find it fast, and when I need to put it away, I can open the drawer (or closet, or whatever) and toss the thing back in. No rearranging, juggling, shoving, stuffing, or struggling required. I also have trash cans and wastebaskets all over my house. Yes, this is an admission of laziness. We do not consistently pick up our trash, and in allergy season, the tissue issue (as we called it) got pretty extreme.

Not that it's easy. It took me 18 months to completely declutter a VERY overstuffed house. It was 100% worth it, though. Of the hundreds and hundreds of pounds of things I sold, gave away, and threw away, I have regretted getting rid of exactly one thing. Yes, ONE. I've saved far more money (by not replacing things that I owned but could not find, paying late fees for bills I couldn't find, etc.) by decluttering than it cost to replace that one thing. When my home is not cluttered, it doesn't ever get very dirty. If the floor is clear, it's not a big job to run the vacuum around and to do some quick dusting. If the kitchen counters are not covered in dishes, it's a 15 minute job to wipe the counters and sweep and mop the floor.

Several people have made some limiting suggestions - fill two trash bags every day, use a timer, etc. I think it's not so important what limiter you use, as long as you choose something that works. I used the timer technique and usually did 30 minutes twice a day. Also, don't start with the worst part of your house; start with the best. Counter-intuitive, I know, but you need to see some quick results for the emotional boost it will give you. For me, the kitchen was the least cluttered part of the house (not common, I know, but I don't like to cook and never bought much for the kitchen, so it wasn't so jammed full), so I started there. When it was shiny, sparkly, beautiful, I was so energized that the next room I tackled (the living room) went like butter.

Remember, too, to take small bites! This was key for me, too. Don't look at the whole room. Don't even look at the whole closet. Just the one shelf, or the one drawer, or the one 2x2 section of the floor. Make tiny, manageable goals and give yourself rewards. Decluttering is emotional work and you need to love yourself through the process.

[philomom]

Not to guilt the OP further, but do you really want your kids to remember their childhood of a messy home? Especially one that was so messy you had no folks over? Your home is the base of all their memories. Don't you want better for them when they are grown? How will they have/keep a nice house if you don't show them how?


Start small. Do one room at time. Get rid of everything that is not useful or beautiful. Keep only a small amount of memorabilia. When done, paint a room or have the carpets cleaned. Have a party! Celebrate the only life you have and show your kids how to live life to its fullest.

[Collinsky]

Originally Posted by UptownZoo

I've found that the only way to minimize my time cleaning is to minimize what we own.

This really resonated with me - I hate cleaning too, and as much as I *want* to like it (you know, the whole June Cleaver package) I just don't and never have. And I think it's so true, that it's the clutter that makes cleaning such an ordeal. I might enjoy wiping a counter if it's not a hassle to even clear the counter in the first place.

I thought your whole post was very helpful!

As a PP said, clutter gets in the way of living. It absolutely ruined my last pregnancy. I couldn't even enjoy it, because of all the mess and the stress and the shame and the resentment. I cried the day before I went into labor because I needed to clean and it was horrible and people were going to be COMING. And I cried when I went into labor, because my house was too messy to have a baby in. I spent the first hour of my labor frantically throwing stuff behind the futon in the kids' room so I could at least not look at it while I labored.

My house is the worst its ever been... it's never been "under control" but I've been able to pull it back from the brink. I haven't pulled it back from the brink in a while now, not since my last pregnancy, so it went over that line. We're doing a massive declutter this weekend, when Dh can help me get this stuff out of the house. It's gone.

Looking at the squalorsurvivors.com site - it was scary to me. Because I'm absolutely and unquestionably headed that direction unless something changes. I'm already at level 2 in my bedroom and the dining room!

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by UptownZoo

Also, don't start with the worst part of your house; start with the best. Counter-intuitive, I know, but you need to see some quick results for the emotional boost it will give you.

I'd actually do like 45 minutes on the best part and then like 15 on the worst. Kind of build up some momentum with the easy stuff and then tackle something annoying. That way, when it was finally time to really address the worst room it was already less of a problem.

[elisent]

I know how you feel! I think my friend thought it was weird yesterday when I asked her to babysit my kids at her house because it would be easier on me than her coming here.

I have managed to get the public rooms decent but the rest is awful and I'm too scared of people snooping around when I'm not there to block doors, you know?

[His Own]

Uptown Zoo

I think your advice is simply wonderful! Recognize your own personal 'style' and work within it. If you know that you don't like housework, keep the house spare and bare!

We have so much stuff that I would like to pitch, but my husband is a pack rat, so I always feel blocked. Your post inspires me to just pitch my own stuff, and try to work around his. Someone else said that 'anything worth doing is worth doing poorly', and I find that helpful too. I can be a perfectionist, but it isn't working for me with respect to my house and the whole clutter problem.

So, if I get rid of every darn thing of my own that I don't want or need, the house should become less cluttered, just not perfectly so. I think this will help me feel better, just having the house look better, not necessarily good.

This may be a goofball outlook, but if it succeeds, to any decent degree, I think I will feel pretty good about it.

I am really appreciating this thread. I don't feel so alone in my clutter.

[UptownZoo]

Originally Posted by His Own

I think your advice is simply wonderful! Recognize your own personal 'style' and work within it. If you know that you don't like housework, keep the house spare and bare!

We have so much stuff that I would like to pitch, but my husband is a pack rat, so I always feel blocked. Your post inspires me to just pitch my own stuff, and try to work around his. Someone else said that 'anything worth doing is worth doing poorly', and I find that helpful too. I can be a perfectionist, but it isn't working for me with respect to my house and the whole clutter problem.

So, if I get rid of every darn thing of my own that I don't want or need, the house should become less cluttered, just not perfectly so. I think this will help me feel better, just having the house look better, not necessarily good.

This may be a goofball outlook, but if it succeeds, to any decent degree, I think I will feel pretty good about it.

I am really appreciating this thread. I don't feel so alone in my clutter.

Awww, thanks. : I think that's what's great about message boards like this one. You can almost always find someone somewhere who's BTDT.

I think that's an awesome point about perfectionism. I don't really do the FlyLady thing, but she makes great points about that. I won't do something at all if I don't have the time and energy to do it perfectly. Crazy! I'm trying to learn to just do things with a lick and a promise. It's truly ludicrous some of the things I do. If you came to my house right now, I could show you a stack of the most perfectly folded and stacked dusting cloths in the world. :

About your DH, I thought I'd share my experience and see if any of it help. My DH is somewhat of a packrat, too. When I started decluttering, I didn't even address his stuff. There was plenty else to occupy my time! When I started to get things more under control, his stuff was more visible and I started asking him to contain some of it, offered to help him work out storage for it, etc. I didn't ask him to get rid of anything. He'd of course been watching me get rid of tons of stuff and he was enjoying our tidier space and when he was working at storing things, he decided to get rid of some of it, and eventually quite a bit. It's impossible to know how wonderful open space is until you have some!

The one place he dug in his heels was about clothes. He's a clothes horse and our closet was jammed, in spite of my bare-bones wardrobe. It was a PITA to put laundry away in there because it was so full. He refused to store or donate any of it, so I told him that I wouldn't do any of his laundry until he got at least 40 items out of the closet. That worked. When the closet was at a reasonable capacity, we set the rule that every new article of clothing that comes in requires an article to go out. Saves us a lot of money!

[His Own]

Uptown Zoo,

Thanks for the encouragement on the husband front. I don't dare suggest getting rid of anything of his belongings, but maybe, like your fellow, he'll see the benefit himself.

Boy do I know about clothes horses!! I have completely moved all my stuff upstairs so he would have room, and he still cannot squeeze his clothing all into our large walk-in closet. I do his laundry and try to squeeze the things in there. Sometimes I think I should just not bother with hangers. The pants and shirts could probably just hold each other up since they are so tightly packed in!

[A&A]

Also let me say that 1-800-GOT-JUNK is extremely helpful! (If you book online you can get $10 off.) They will recycle what they can, and give to charity what they can, so you don't even have to sort stuff out. Just make a pile and they'll haul it away!!!!!!!