Originally Posted by ~NewMa~
I should, I really should. But I'm having some trust issues I guess.
My hubby and I have been together for 8 years now (married 2 years in September) and have always gotten along great.
Things have been sorta stressed since the baby came though.
I'm figuring this is normal and will pass.
It's not really that bad, we love each other and, the majority of the time, we get along really well still but I have a fear of something bad happening with him home alone with the baby.
I know it has to happen sometime but the baby's still so little
DH gets easily frustrated by Levi crying and has very little patience.
He hasn't had luck giving him a bottle yet either.
And I'm worried about him taking a nap with the baby.
He's a hard sleeper and I've seen him start to fall asleep with the baby in his arms and as he gets deeper into his sleep his hands start to slip and the baby starts falling off of him and he doesn't even realize it!
I'm just so paranoid!
I have to get over these fears!
I feel like I'm babysitting DH when he's got his hands on the baby.
I'm still just super overprotective I guess...
Now I understand! I do think that this is normal. This is one of the reasons I've been happy to have twins - DH HAS to be involved, and I HAVE to let him... I have bit my tongue often, and he has surprised me with good fathering skills. And when in doubt, he often mirrors me!
Have you talked with your DH about (your desire to get out and) your natural mom fears? I mean, we moms have hormones in us to make us uber protective of our babes. If you start sentences with 'I feel...', it will make him less defensive and maybe more open to your concerns. Also, do you have any parenting tips around the house? For instance, a one-page print out of ideas of how to calm a fussy baby might be a good way to offer him some advice without being prescriptive, and then throw in a confidence builder (for instance, "I found this list of ideas for how to calm a baby. I bet you'll be able to find one that works.") Does he know how to swaddle, shoosh, gently shake/swing, and offer a pacifier? I've found that these steps (in order) never fail to calm a wailing little one. You'll, of course, have to LET your DH calm the baby and not step in. It will be awful to hear your LO cry, but even worse in the long run if your DH feels that he cannot calm the baby or that you won't let him try/do his part as a parent - also harder for you in the end! Maybe if you two work together to calm your fears and to increase his parenting skills, it won't be too much longer before you can leave the baby with him for a while.
Oh - and as for the napping thing, I think it is okay to set some ground rules, and no dad napping with the baby except in a safe location is certainly reasonable. My DH had actually read in Dr. Sear's Baby Book about how only a mother is aware of her infant while she is sleeping, and that no one else, NOT EVEN DAD, should co sleep with the infant due to the risk. So when I raised concerns with my DH about one or two incidences in bed at night with the little ones (where a newborn head was too close to the book shelf or etc.), he totally understood - what father would want to put their infant at risk? So if you approach this one with some education (I'm scared b/c of this fact, and b/c of what I've seen when you sleep with Levi... etc.), maybe he'd understand.
Sorry for the novel... hope something could be useful. I feel for you! And either way, here's a hug!