Weekly Chit Chat 6/16 - 6/22 - Page 3

[Changed]

Holy hell. I'm so glad I went through this all with my family last time. They're over it. They think I'm nuts, but they're used to it.

I finally had to get to this place. I don't NEED anyone to be supportive of what I know is best for me and my baby. I need them to shut up and not stress me out. It's liberating.

[Baby_Cakes]

Originally Posted by Changed

I don't NEED anyone to be supportive of what I know is best for me and my baby. I need them to shut up and not stress me out. It's liberating.

You know, this is actually very much how I feel. Just don't give me crap about things. I'm so aggravated at my in-laws for how they're being about the cloth diapers - acting like they're gross, acting like they're going to smell more than disposables would, acting like complete and total jerks about it. I would rather them just shut up. Oh, and when I told them that you reuse them on the next baby -- all I got was, "EWWW, ARE YOU SERIOUS!? That's grooooossss!"

I mean, really. I nearly cried just b/c they pissed me off so much. Just shut up and don't stress me out, like you said, Changed.

As for homebirthing, though, they've been very quiet about it. No comments here nor there, which is FINE. I'd rather them not say a word then give me crap. I don't need support, accolades, or high fives. Just be quiet.

It's all I can do to hope that my family's reaction will be the same. But I don't think it will be. I mean, I'm not the biggest kook in the bunch in my immediate family, and they already know I'm weird (vegan, etc), so maybe it won't be that much of a surprise when I tell them. But I'm still dreading it. I would prefer no reaction to a bad one.

[Changed]

Tell them that! Have you? When your IL's start in again just politely say "I don't need approval but if you can't be supportive, I'd rather we just drop it."

I am a little stunned at the snobbery really. *gasp* reuse WASHABLE cloth on another person? My god, that's worse than thrifting clothes!

And remember, you don't owe anyone an explanation for your choices.

[Faerieshadow]

Jumping in late on the weight gain topic - I'm getting really discouraged there, too. I'm up almost 14 lbs now - considering I started at 102, and I'm only 5'2, that's a big difference. Last pg I weighed more to begin with but had only put on 9 or 10 lbs by now. But the numbers don't actually bother me as much as seeing my thighs and bum grow no matter what I do. I'm not eating that much, or at least I don't think I am. Baby growing healthy is great, and I'll put on whatever weight I need to for that to happen, but what do my bum and thighs have to do with it?! I think I'm feeling even more sensitive about it right now because DH is talking about getting a part time job working at a gym. With the wedding last month, closing on our hosue in two days, and saving for the baby, we haven't been able to afford a gym membership, which he really misses. He wants to get a part time job so I don't have to work so much because my job is definitely taking its toll on me - which is really sweet of him - but why does one of his options have to be working in a place where scantily clad, well toned women will be prancing around? : Sigh. Pre-pregnancy, I WAS one of those well toned women, and now I feel huge in comparison at the thought. It's depressing. Not that I worry about him doing anything, it's just being pg and extra sensitive has me feeling worse about myself now. Silly, considering he seems to love my pg body just as much as my non-pg one.

On another note, had a great appointment with my midwife yesterday. Well, with both midwives at the practice, actually. They found the baby's head and showed DH how to find it, and also let DS feel. And they told me that they don't see any need for me to have an u/s, judging from all other signs, baby is doing great. I'm really glad about that. I just really have no desire to have one, however crazy that makes me. But I had a bad experience last time and was having u/s every 2-4 weeks for a problem that turned out to be nonexistent, so I have pretty strong feelings about it.

[birthdancedoula]

I've come to care very little about what family members think of our choices. My mom still thinks that Lotus Birth is weird and somehow dangerous, despite her last 3 grandchildren being Lotus Birthed. She still can't get her mind around our family being vegan, despite being so the last 10 years of my life. She even thinks we'll do some grave damage to our babes by sleeping with them too long. The list goes on and on. I used to let it really bother me that she (and other random family members, too) didn't agree with my choices but at this point in my life and parenting I let it bounce off of me. Life is too short and time with my kiddos too precious to worry about what others think. Its a lesson Id wished I'd learned waaay earlier on in my mothering journey.

[Faerieshadow]

Originally Posted by Changed

Holy hell. I'm so glad I went through this all with my family last time. They're over it. They think I'm nuts, but they're used to it.

I finally had to get to this place. I don't NEED anyone to be supportive of what I know is best for me and my baby. I need them to shut up and not stress me out. It's liberating.

Same here... last time, I was really sensitive to disparaging remarks about my choices. This time, I KNOW what works and what is right for us. Just like a couple weeks ago when DH told his mom we'd be cding, and she said "Oh no, the whole house will smell, you don't want to do that!" I just laughed and said, BTDT, you can't scare me. The house didn't smell last time and it won't this time.

[farmerjess]

Today my MIL pulled the are you sure cosleeping is safe card. As in, she called us at 7am to say that there was a news story on Good Morning America or some crap about the "pros and cons" of sleeping with your baby. Hello, we were asleep and don't even have TV! I think she really thinks that we have just gotten these ideas out of thin air, and have not researched anything. We talked to her later, and with DH she was like what if this happens, what if that happens, the baby's gonna get stuck between the wall and the bed, etc...With me, it's as if she feels she needs to "educate" me because I have obviously not heard all sides of the story. I just basically said that I had read several books on the subject (sort of true ) and that I had made up my mind, and that I don't think that a news story was going to tell me anything I didn't already know. Ugh...she did say that maybe it was more important, then, for her to see the news story, not us. At least she admitted that she doesn't really know anything about the topic...Ugh.

She is ok with the homebirth so far, but I have a feeling that it's because she hasn't really thought about it yet. I am sure that will be my next "education" to come....

Sorry for the rant.

[Changed]

I started out doing everything wrong. My family told me the best they knew, I listened and I learned the hard way. I know better now. I am, for the most part, the parent I want to be. Since I feel pretty lucky to have it somewhat figured out, I want to share that with people I love. I don't want them to hurt from the same mistakes I've made. It's the same in a way as what our older relatives are doing when they try to "teach" us. The difference is that we're able to base our ideals on fact due to technology. ;P

[TaraRae82]

Update on baby Deliah. DFS removed her from the home. Grandma has temp custody. Mom has been court ordered to go to a live-in rehab center for drug abuse. She tested + for GFB and pot and when they inspected the home, there were empty alcohol containers in her room and the home was filled with mold and smoke, and the basement had standing water. I guess they'll re-evaluate in 6 wks and go from there. Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers everyone. I know it helped this little girl.

My OB called me back this morning about the "enlarged renal pelvis". She said anything less than 4mm is normal and our baby's are 2 and 3mm so there's no issue. She said she's not sure why the radiologist flagged it as enlarged because it's not but the pic from the u/s he was measuring with was a strange view I guess. She said if we're concerned she wouldn't have a problem ordering the u/s at 36wks but of course that's what I was try to avoid so I'm happy to hear her say there's no problem or reason for concern. I think we must've misunderstood her when she told us about it at our last appt. She must've been saying that the u/s at 36wks was an option instead of what I heard which was, we'll repeat the u/s at 36wks since the radiologist seems to think it's enlarged even though I disagree. So, that was nice to hear from her! No more u/s's for us!!!

[Baby_Cakes]

Oh jeez, co-sleeping. I mentioned that we were thinking about getting a cosleeper to go alongside the bed, but ruled it out when we realized the cats would think it was for them (). My stupid BIL was like,"Isn't the baby supposed to sleep in a crib?" and my MIL says, "Well some people just put the baby in the bed with them -- but it's not safe," I rolled my eyes, and was just going to let it go, when BIL goes, "Who would DO that, that's so stupid!" At that point I had to jump in. I had to point out the flaws in what they were saying.

FLAWS, FLAWS, FLAWS!! Argh!

Tara - yay no more u/s! I'm glad everything is good with the Hufflette!

[triple07]

Last time around I wanted a natural birth from the beginning. DH would always say, why do you think you are better than women who get epidural, etc. which really pissed me off. I said, no, other women can do whatever they damn well please and I will do what I want. And of course HIS mother (scheduled c/s with both her children) said that was crazy that I was gonna need an epidural etc, cuz ya know, she even remembers her birth experiences, considering she was knocked out for both. Then on my side, my mommy naturally birthed ALL SEVEN of us, and not a damn whimper out of her... I think DH didn't think I could do it either without an epidural.

Well, I went to 7 cm with no problems in the way of pain when Dr. pressured me into an epi so I think this time he knows I can do it... now its that his parents want to be there for EVERYTHING (despite being hours away on a plane... like seriously Im giving birth, I really don't need a party while I am in labor and afterwards I am going to be cuddling my two babes in bed and breastfeeding! But whatever.

I could care less what my ILs think... them I can just let it roll of. But DH after playing the whole oh yeah, I want you to have the birth you want card now pulling all of this. It makes me madsadhurt etc.

And in the way of the "I don't want to be there" thing, first I said NO husband has a freaking choice. They are there. Period. Then I went with the whole Fine you don't have to be there if you don't want to. I will have my beautiful Petri with me, my mom, and my midwives... If he is going to be like that then I probably don't want him there. I just want him to know that I will be having my son there for the birth, which he thought was stupid.

[Changed]

OMG Carrie- How do you stand those people?! Sure, babies are supposed to sleep in cribs. That's why labor is so hard- the kid drags a crib out with them!

[PassionateWriter]

Originally Posted by triple07

Then he said HE doesn't even want to be there. If I am having my mom here, then why does he have to be there because it grosses him out and I about ripped off his head...

Eventually it was dropped without resolving a damn thing and we watched in disgust as the Celtics killed the Lakers...

im so sorry. what an assinine thing for him to say. thats so hurtful.

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes

You know, this is actually very much how I feel. Just don't give me crap about things.

As for homebirthing, though, they've been very quiet about it. No comments here nor there, which is FINE. I'd rather them not say a word then give me crap. I don't need support, accolades, or high fives. Just be quiet.

It's all I can do to hope that my family's reaction will be the same. But I don't think it will be. I mean, I'm not the biggest kook in the bunch in my immediate family, and they already know I'm weird (vegan, etc), so maybe it won't be that much of a surprise when I tell them. But I'm still dreading it. I would prefer no reaction to a bad one.

same here. i dont care what others do (prefer if they get educated) but dont try to tell me what im doing isnt safe.

i dont get the whole cosleeping thing. i have coslept for over 17 years..nothing has ever happened. my babies just always sleep w/in my arms until they get larger.


i am sooo excited though. our KING size bed is coming this week!!!!!! Yeh!! right now we are in a Queen w/ a crib side carred...and w/ ds3 (2.5), me and my huge tummy and my partner, im done! lol!

we spent the money that most other ppl spend on baby crap to get a new bed! and new sheets and a new quilt. yeh!

[OrchideZ]

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes

Oh jeez, co-sleeping. I mentioned that we were thinking about getting a cosleeper to go alongside the bed, but ruled it out when we realized the cats would think it was for them (). My stupid BIL was like,"Isn't the baby supposed to sleep in a crib?" and my MIL says, "Well some people just put the baby in the bed with them -- but it's not safe," I rolled my eyes, and was just going to let it go, when BIL goes, "Who would DO that, that's so stupid!" At that point I had to jump in. I had to point out the flaws in what they were saying.

FLAWS, FLAWS, FLAWS!! Argh!

Tara - yay no more u/s! I'm glad everything is good with the Hufflette!

We worry too a bit about the kitties thinking the co-sleeper is for them but are still going that route...gonna use a mesh tent over it to help discourage.

[PassionateWriter]

just looked this up:

im 26 weeks now:

Fetal size: weight almost 2 pounds (910g). By this week, its crown-to-rump length is around 9.2 inches (23cm). Your baby is beginning to put on weight.

Mother's size: Uterus is about 2.5 inches (6cm) above bellybutton or nearly 10.5 inches (26cm) from the pubic symphysis. During this second half of pregnancy, mom will grow about 0.4 inch (1cm) each week. By following a nutritious, balanced meal plan, total weight gain is probably between 16 and 22 pounds

im cool w that

http://www.visembryo.com/baby/26_weeks.html

[Baby_Cakes]

^Oh, yay, I can live with my 18 lb gain, then!

[lee1203]

We'll be using a crib from day one, here. Multiple reasons, the biggest being that we have a waterbed and that's not safe for a little one. Another big one is that even though it's a king size, I often end up with a third or less of the bed with only the husbandperson with me, and I'll be darned if I end up with even less than that!

Y'all have been too chatty for me to keep up with! I'm sorry so many of us are stressing about weight - too bad it can't be easier for a pregnant woman to *know* what our bodies will do. I'm slightly concerned, because I've now seen a number on the scale I've never seen before, and both my mom and my sister were thin like I am before they had kids and have now been overweight for years. But I think I'd be more concerned if I wasn't gaining (and I haven't gained much, really) because I know the little critter needs it. That, and I'm banking on the awesome weight-loss properties of breastfeeding. (Yes, in my ideal world the weight will just melt off through breastfeeding alone, no change in diet or exercise needed. Please don't tell me otherwise and burst my bubble. )

24 weeks tomorrow here. Am I the only one who's actually kinda freaked out at being at the cusp of viability?!

[crosscat]

celesterra Hope you're feeling better today!

triple07 I'm sorry to hear about your IL woes and the fight you had with your DH. I hope things smooth over soon, and that he comes to his senses.

TaraRae That's great news about the ultrasound results! I'll continue to keep little Delilah in my thoughts. What a sad environment for a child. It makes me angry.

Faerieshadow Hope you're feeling better about your body soon. You look beautiful. I'm sure your DH would agree.

Carrie Sorry to hear your ILs are acting like nitwits.

Originally Posted by Changed

Sure, babies are supposed to sleep in cribs. That's why labor is so hard- the kid drags a crib out with them!

In that case, please sign me up for the epidural.

Originally Posted by lee1203

24 weeks tomorrow here. Am I the only one who's actually kinda freaked out at being at the cusp of viability?!

I reach 24 weeks next week, and actually I can't wait. Although I am beginning to feel as if I'm running out of time. I think I'll freak out when I reach the third trimester, actually.

Well I talked to HR yesterday about maternity leave and left feeling more confused than before I arrived. I think I have some difficult decisions ahead of me. I'm sure it will all work out for the best. No matter what, I will be staying home with my baby for one year minimum. That's non-negotiable.

I hope everyone is having a good week.

[Amber Lion]

Very chatty this week Mommas! So I'll just say to those having to deal with unsupportive family and partners; I think we're all a little more emotional and pg seems to unhinge people's sense of what's ok and not ok to say to someone.

Luckily my family has been totally onboard with all our choices and have been really reassuring that it's no big deal to parent that way (and actually easier!) and I've had no real contact with Dh's side to know what they think. Dh's sister did make a comment that I needed to breastfeed and cloth diaper (except the way she said it was rather condescending, like if I made the decision to do it it'd be b/c of her advice ) but then went off on how you just really shouldn't breastfeed for longer than 2 years at the max and anyone who breastfeeds for longer than that is just asking for trouble. I just said something along the lines of that different things work for different families and changed the subject.

I'm having the opposite weight gain issue from you ladies!! I'm worried I'm not gaining enough!!! I was measuring right at my navel at my 21 wk appt, which I know is still within normal range, but now I'm feeling like my belly is really small. And I've lost a lot of tone and have been feeling ungainly, but I don't feel like I'm gaining enough weight. Everyone is always telling me how great I look for halfway there too, but they have no idea it's just adding to my insecurity. I've no access to a scale to actually see how much weight I've gained either. Oh well, it's always something about weight for us pg women!

About Me: I'm enjoying my 3 weeks off before summer school starts!!! My days off from work are actually "off" time instead of "should be studying" time! I've been reading for pleasure a lot! My mom & dad came up last weekend and we spent some good quality time hanging out and my mom brought up some maternity clothes that she's kept all these years. They are the most awesome hippy clothes!!! Also, one of my midwives let me borrow her fetescope with the long tubing so I can listen to the babe's heartbeat. I've been able to find it every time I've looked, always in the same spot nestled up against the placenta. Dh and my Mom got to hear it too, which was super exciting for them.

Happy Hump Day for everyone who's working!!!

[heidirk]

Hi Mommas,
I wish I'd been here more often, but the rest of my life has kind of overwhelmed the whole PG thing. I'm actually feeling very guilty because I feel like I'm not loving this baby enough since I hardly ever think abiout it. I really want to feel happy and interested, but I just feel. . . complicated.


I'm measuring smaller this time than with DS, and I've gained a total of 7 lbs at 23 weeks. I think I've been eating enough- but who knows.


It's great to read all about what you all are up to. BB is very active, and gets stronger every day. She/he kicks me in the cervix a lot, which I remember DS doing, so much it gets irritating after a while, it's just so sensitive.

Hugs to you all.

H