posted to my blog on April 15th. Micah was born on April 12th.
Saturday morning @ 2:15 I got up to go to the bathroom, like all
previous days for a month. contractions woke me. went back to bed and
breathed through a bunch. Finally got up @ 4. Walked around house,
made some RRL tea. Tried to wake Albert up unsuccessfully. Tried to
find heartbeat with fetoscope. no luck. But it was hard to get a good
position and such as contractions were only 3 minutes apart pretty much
from the get-go. I tried to check dilation, could not get in there far
enough.
backing up, I did have a mw appt on Thursday morning. With mw #2 shall
we say
(mw #1 is a personal friend and very talented) and she
thought she felt head up as did I. I declined the doppler and she was
unsuccessful finding the heartbeat her stethoscope. This was the 2nd
time though so didn't really think much of it. Then she asked about
movement and I stopped in my tracks and said, "The baby hasn't moved
much for a day or two" still didn't think much about it cuz that
sometimes happens at the end of a pregnancy. I declined the U/S and
made appt with mw #1 for the following Tuesday (today actually).
back to the birth,
water broke @ 5ish. TONS of water. never seen that much water. and
all diarrhea colored. Colton was a meconium baby and his was like pea
soup. That's what everyone says about mec water. This was not. AND
the mucus (this is the first time I've said this) also was rather
orangish and not pink or red stained. I'm guess this is because Micah
died a few days before and released his bowels and that what it does as
it ages?
back to the birth again
contractions started feeling pushy, but not great pushing. I kept
saying to myself, "do not actively push, WAIT for your body to do it so
that you KNOW it's at the right time" Well that never happened.
Pushing was really bad. The baby was breech. No hard head to push
against. Contractions kept petering out. Pushing was just NOT good, at
all. Pushed hard as I could from 7-8. Pushing the head (with the arms
both up against it) took three pushes. Albert caught up and put him on
the floor. He did not move at all. He is blue. He really is
BEAUTIFUL. I pick him up and rub his back. James (age 12) puts down
the camera and calls 911. We flick Micah's feet. I blow in his mouth.
I hear gurgling in the lungs. I get the fetoscope, I can not find the
heartbeat. My neighbor (a volunteer EMT) comes over @ 8:06 AM (Micah
born @ 8:00) and tries everything. a few minutes later the ambulance
arrives. They try and try to get him to come around. They load me on
the gurney @ 8:15 or so and put Micah on me. I grab his wrists to find
a pulse. It was a LONG and very painful ride to hospital. Neighbor
stayed in ambulance with me and did chest compression on baby the entire
way. I'm still contracting and am on very bumpy roads. They cut the
cord in ambulance. When we get there they take Micah and wheel me into
ER where they are inserting IV's and crap. Albert stayed @ home for
just a few minutes to clean up the birth mess then gets in van (other
neighbor took all the kids and they ended up scattered throughout the
town of Dannebrog) and ends up with a police escort to hospital @ over
80 mph. While they are still hooking me up to stuff the NICU nurse
comes in and says the were unable to get the baby to breathe. Seconds
later my husband comes in with Micah. It was TERRIBLE. worse moment of
my life. I held it together really well. I *knew* from the moment I
saw him that he was gone. Albert took it harder @ this moment. I never
want him to have to go through this ever! Micah was starting to look
purple and splotchy. I didn't like that. He was so beautiful when he
was blue.
Albert handed him over to a nurse. The dr on call (my mws are in
another city) was putting traction on the cord. I told her to quit it.
"Is it detached?" "no, not yet" "then quit pulling on it!" so I pushed,
hard to get it out. I had just heard about a mom whom this happened to
and she ended up with an inverted uterus and lost half her blood supply!
I never shed a tear until I heard Albert calling the funeral home. That
was about noonish on Saturday. Not been the same since. We are having
Micah cremated. Memorial service is tomorrow @ 10:30. I sure do hope
the county attorney signs the stinkin death certificate. No dr will
since none were here. He (the attorney) could cause a stink and order
an autopsy which we do not want.
Today I have to go to the hospital to get the placenta and the picture
that they took.
My breasts are engorged and I'm emotional.
Micah had curly strawberry hair. I look forward to the resurrection so
I can raise him and nurse him and see how his hair turns out
Saturday morning @ 2:15 I got up to go to the bathroom, like all
previous days for a month. contractions woke me. went back to bed and
breathed through a bunch. Finally got up @ 4. Walked around house,
made some RRL tea. Tried to wake Albert up unsuccessfully. Tried to
find heartbeat with fetoscope. no luck. But it was hard to get a good
position and such as contractions were only 3 minutes apart pretty much
from the get-go. I tried to check dilation, could not get in there far
enough.
backing up, I did have a mw appt on Thursday morning. With mw #2 shall
we say
(mw #1 is a personal friend and very talented) and shethought she felt head up as did I. I declined the doppler and she was
unsuccessful finding the heartbeat her stethoscope. This was the 2nd
time though so didn't really think much of it. Then she asked about
movement and I stopped in my tracks and said, "The baby hasn't moved
much for a day or two" still didn't think much about it cuz that
sometimes happens at the end of a pregnancy. I declined the U/S and
made appt with mw #1 for the following Tuesday (today actually).
back to the birth,
water broke @ 5ish. TONS of water. never seen that much water. and
all diarrhea colored. Colton was a meconium baby and his was like pea
soup. That's what everyone says about mec water. This was not. AND
the mucus (this is the first time I've said this) also was rather
orangish and not pink or red stained. I'm guess this is because Micah
died a few days before and released his bowels and that what it does as
it ages?
back to the birth again
contractions started feeling pushy, but not great pushing. I kept
saying to myself, "do not actively push, WAIT for your body to do it so
that you KNOW it's at the right time" Well that never happened.
Pushing was really bad. The baby was breech. No hard head to push
against. Contractions kept petering out. Pushing was just NOT good, at
all. Pushed hard as I could from 7-8. Pushing the head (with the arms
both up against it) took three pushes. Albert caught up and put him on
the floor. He did not move at all. He is blue. He really is
BEAUTIFUL. I pick him up and rub his back. James (age 12) puts down
the camera and calls 911. We flick Micah's feet. I blow in his mouth.
I hear gurgling in the lungs. I get the fetoscope, I can not find the
heartbeat. My neighbor (a volunteer EMT) comes over @ 8:06 AM (Micah
born @ 8:00) and tries everything. a few minutes later the ambulance
arrives. They try and try to get him to come around. They load me on
the gurney @ 8:15 or so and put Micah on me. I grab his wrists to find
a pulse. It was a LONG and very painful ride to hospital. Neighbor
stayed in ambulance with me and did chest compression on baby the entire
way. I'm still contracting and am on very bumpy roads. They cut the
cord in ambulance. When we get there they take Micah and wheel me into
ER where they are inserting IV's and crap. Albert stayed @ home for
just a few minutes to clean up the birth mess then gets in van (other
neighbor took all the kids and they ended up scattered throughout the
town of Dannebrog) and ends up with a police escort to hospital @ over
80 mph. While they are still hooking me up to stuff the NICU nurse
comes in and says the were unable to get the baby to breathe. Seconds
later my husband comes in with Micah. It was TERRIBLE. worse moment of
my life. I held it together really well. I *knew* from the moment I
saw him that he was gone. Albert took it harder @ this moment. I never
want him to have to go through this ever! Micah was starting to look
purple and splotchy. I didn't like that. He was so beautiful when he
was blue.
Albert handed him over to a nurse. The dr on call (my mws are in
another city) was putting traction on the cord. I told her to quit it.
"Is it detached?" "no, not yet" "then quit pulling on it!" so I pushed,
hard to get it out. I had just heard about a mom whom this happened to
and she ended up with an inverted uterus and lost half her blood supply!
I never shed a tear until I heard Albert calling the funeral home. That
was about noonish on Saturday. Not been the same since. We are having
Micah cremated. Memorial service is tomorrow @ 10:30. I sure do hope
the county attorney signs the stinkin death certificate. No dr will
since none were here. He (the attorney) could cause a stink and order
an autopsy which we do not want.
Today I have to go to the hospital to get the placenta and the picture
that they took.
My breasts are engorged and I'm emotional.
Micah had curly strawberry hair. I look forward to the resurrection so
I can raise him and nurse him and see how his hair turns out
Follow Mothering