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Birthdays with DSC-How do you do it? - Page 2

post #21 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by JSMa View Post
I feel awful about it, but he did see my point, but he still feels like he is skipping out on her... but we are throwing her, her own party with our family! Is there anything I can do to make him feel better about it?

Or should I just tell him to go? But I know DSD will be confused if he goes without me and she will be sad... she may even be sad that we are not there at all... But I just can't get around this in my head about her getting two parties and us being at both, when my child will only ever have one... it's not really fair.

How do you guys handle these things?
Well, I imagine if you could suck it up and go with a smile on your face your dp would feel awesome.

What bronxmom said about the two parties--really, your child has the advantage. Getting two parties and two christmas's doesn't make up for your parents not being together.

And who says your child can't have two parties? Do a party with kids and do a party with family.
post #22 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by JSMa View Post
She will likely love having two parties... what kid wouldn't?
Some kids don't as they get older. That's what I've read in books about kids and divorce.

So far, we have done combined parties and all has gone well.

My ex also comes over to the house on Christmas day for breakfast and presents. It means a lot to our boys.
post #23 of 28
My stepdaughter has a party the weekend before her birthday and the weekend after her party, depending on who she's with that weekend. There's too much bad blood between her Mother and Mother's family and us to do it any other way. I do agree that, if he goes, you should go as also, but unless both families are very close (and it doesn't sound like it from your post), it would be too awkward.
post #24 of 28
Thread Starter 
DP really doesn't want to go now either... It has been made pretty clear to us that we are the shadow/part-time family.


We had DSD's dance recital last weekend and DSD's Mom sat us and my Mom at the end of their row... when DSD came out she took turns visiting with each person, her Mom, her Mom's BF, her Mom's BF's parents, her Grammy (Mom's Mother), and her Mom's two friends that went... EVERY TIME she tried to come down to say hi to us, her Grammy stopped her.

By the end we were all pretty agitated, especially DP as it's his daughter and she couldn't even come say hi to him! It was pretty ridiculous and they spent the night rolling their eyes in our general direction, and even my Mom, who this was her first time meeting them picked up right away we really weren't welcome there.


The party would just be the same thing except for longer... all it would do is hurt us tremendously... I'm sorry, but there is putting the child first, but when the child isn't even allowed to acknowledge you are there and has to be with the family that is "running the show" that day... I don't see how it's possibly worth it to put ourselves through that...
post #25 of 28
I wouldn't want you go if I was in your shoes, either. What is the point if your dsd won't even be allowed to talk to you?
post #26 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by JSMa View Post
DP really doesn't want to go now either... It has been made pretty clear to us that we are the shadow/part-time family.


We had DSD's dance recital last weekend and DSD's Mom sat us and my Mom at the end of their row... when DSD came out she took turns visiting with each person, her Mom, her Mom's BF, her Mom's BF's parents, her Grammy (Mom's Mother), and her Mom's two friends that went... EVERY TIME she tried to come down to say hi to us, her Grammy stopped her.

By the end we were all pretty agitated, especially DP as it's his daughter and she couldn't even come say hi to him! It was pretty ridiculous and they spent the night rolling their eyes in our general direction, and even my Mom, who this was her first time meeting them picked up right away we really weren't welcome there.


The party would just be the same thing except for longer... all it would do is hurt us tremendously... I'm sorry, but there is putting the child first, but when the child isn't even allowed to acknowledge you are there and has to be with the family that is "running the show" that day... I don't see how it's possibly worth it to put ourselves through that...
Geez, it sound like your stepdaughter's family and my stepdaughter's family were cut from the same cloth. It's the children who lose unltimately.
post #27 of 28
I think your partner should have a discussion with his ex about her family's behavior at the dance recital. That is unacceptable and WILL be picked up on by your stepdaughter. It is damaging not only to you but to your stepdaughter. It may be possible to make her aware of the damage and to shift behavior. No guarantees, but I think it's worth talking through. There's going to be more joint events like this (graduations, etc) and better to talk it through now.
post #28 of 28
Thread Starter 
He has tried to talk to her about it... they did the same thing to him last year at DSD's birthday party... Her family is very snobby... I'm not trying to come across as the Step-Mom that talks badly about the other family... but there are facts that are pretty crystal clear to any outsider...
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