I was visiting my parents and... - Page 7

[PJJ]

Op

I think all of your posts have been fine---it if funny about how apologies have to come from the OP when there was nothing wrong with the posts.

Here on MDC, there is a fine line for folks to get very upset quickly over their own issues.

Sometimes, the truth hurts others and it is all about them, and not about you.

I think you made fine points about F&F--which is this forum.

Good luck.

PJJ

[GoddessKristie]

Originally Posted by PJJ

I think all of your posts have been fine---it if funny about how apologies have to come from the OP when there was nothing wrong with the posts.

Here on MDC, there is a fine line for folks to get very upset quickly over their own issues.

Sometimes, the truth hurts others and it is all about them, and not about you.

I think you made fine points about F&F--which is this forum.

Good luck.

PJJ

Thank you

[oneKnight]

It is hard to live on one income, but we did it and kept our DSL too. That's the kind of thing I know you (the OP) were talking about. If things had pressed harder, we would have cut out the internet (our only luxury at the time). Since when did cable, frilly cell phones and internet become necessities? We rent $1 movies occasionally, use tracfones for quick calls, and visit the library regularly - even now that we both work again.

[fullofgrace]

Since this seems to be veering into who can and cannot reply, I'm going to put my mod shirt on for a moment.

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Many things re: life on one income vs. two have been asserted in this thread. While we can sometimes want only certain replies, all members are allowed choose to continue posting opinions and information regarding any and all topics contained within a thread (in this case, making ends meet on one versus two incomes, difference in salary and cost of living from one area to the next) should they so choose as long as they adhere to the User Agreement. No one poster gets to plot the course of a thread; all thread participants steer it together.

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That said, it has been interesting to read the differing viewpoints and experiences shared here. So back to your chat!

[fullofgrace]

Originally Posted by GoddessKristie

I don't mean to be snarky, but the intention of the thread was general discussion about perception of a one income family and the real needs of a family vs the elevated standard of living many people have.
We could spend all week comparing different locations and the cost of living and median incomes etc and never get anywhere. I just didn't want things to get too specific about any location in particular. I'm sure there are places that it's easier to make it on one income than others, and I believe that's been addressed here. In fact, as I said previously, that's why we moved one county over it's easier here.

With all due respect, to have a real and full discussion regarding what you say you intended, we do need to get into the variables different families face.

It is inappropriate (and against the UA) to make sweeping judgments about groups of people on both sides (making the assumption that some just don't want to give up a material lifestyle, or that people who make sacrifices have the luxury to do so, etc), but especially so without all the facts.

This is why the discussion has been allowed to move on as it has. I hope that clarifies for everyone.

[koofie]

Originally Posted by PJJ

I think all of your posts have been fine---it if funny about how apologies have to come from the OP when there was nothing wrong with the posts.

Here on MDC, there is a fine line for folks to get very upset quickly over their own issues.

Sometimes, the truth hurts others and it is all about them, and not about you.

I think you made fine points about F&F--which is this forum.

Good luck.

PJJ

:

I think this topic can just bring out the worst in people. On Mothering, there is a large group that want to stay home, but can't or are not yet willing to risk the possible financial issues (like me), and there are also WOHM who constantly feel the need to defend themselves for making that choice. I think by sharing your story, you hit that nerve.

I for one, am glad to hear that it has worked out for you! I understand what you were saying when you tell people that they can do it to. Online, we need to remember that we are missing a big part of communication that includes tone and non-verbal communication. Your statement can take on so many different meanings depending on your tone, the context of the conversation, and your relationship with the person.

You have been wonderfully positive in your responses to posters and I want to thank you for not becoming more upset. Thanks for sharing your story!

[koofie]

Originally Posted by fullofgrace

With all due respect, to have a real and full discussion regarding what you say you intended, we do need to get into the variables different families face. It is inappropriate (and against the UA) to make sweeping judgments about groups of people, but especially so without all the facts. This is why the discussion has been allowed to move on as it has. I hope that clarifies for everyone.

Hmmm... I should have multi-quoted, but it was not posted when I started.

I have read all of posts (unless some just posted) and I have enjoyed the discussion. I think we all acknowledge that there are some situations where a parent just can't stay home, and some situations where it is is possible, but may not be the best idea. There are many who have shared stories of becoming SAHM only to find they need to bring in income to keep from going into debt each month. It is important to remember that each family needs to make a decision based on their situation.

I'l give an example based on my own situation. DH is very supportive of me staying home, but I make almost as much as DH and I carry the insurance since it is a lot cheaper. Although I would not have to pay for daycare for DD2 if I stayed home, that savings would not cover the rest of the bills I pay, and we would be in serious financial trouble. At this point we can't move because of DH's job (and our condo is not selling), and our fixed bills (mortgage, HOA, electric, student loans) are more then DH's income brings in. Our thought right now is to wait until DH's income improves and/or we pay down bills such as Student Loans and mortgage.

I think the OP realizes that her situation is not something everybody can manage to do, but she also realizes that our society sees two-income families as the norm and I think she would like to let others know that they don't have to be a two income family because everyone else is. My understanding of her message is that she would like to have people take a look at their situation to see what works best for them.

[fullofgrace]

I think it was great that people asked questions and requested clarification. But I think we all really need to move past trying to disseminate or defend what someone else (the OP or otherwise) meant. We all also need to move past the assumption that other families can live on one income, because some simply can't. To say everyone can is one of the sweeping statements I was talking about. The same goes for the flip side. We can't know a stranger's circumstances.

It is better to discuss our own situation and how we make our own situation work within our own income and cost of living because as you said, and I totally agree:

It is important to remember that each family needs to make a decision based on their situation.

We can better learn from each other that way.

[yogafeet]

Originally Posted by jentilla

The point the Op is making is that A LOT of people are not willing to make the kind of changes it takes to be a one-income family. I don't think it's a critique for those who honestly can't afford to do it. In America we seem to think "we need" way more than we do.

[Tradd]

Originally Posted by fullofgrace

We all also need to move past the assumption that other families can live on one income, because some simply can't. To say everyone can is one of the sweeping statements I was talking about. The same goes for the flip side. We can't know a stranger's circumstances.

It is better to discuss our own situation and how we make our own situation work within our own income and cost of living because as you said, and I totally agree:


We can better learn from each other that way.

This is kinda OT, kinda not. It's from the other side. Reminds me of someone I worked with at one time - because she had been a SAHM with two young kids 20+ years ago and then her husband abandoned her (he was NEVER heard from again), she thought NO ONE should ever, ever be a SAHM again. It was her goal, as she put it, "to re-educate women on the stupidity of being a SAHM."

YIKES! Just because she had issues with being a SAHM, doesn't mean everyone would!

[Amys1st]

Originally Posted by Tradd

This is kinda OT, kinda not. It's from the other side. Reminds me of someone I worked with at one time - because she had been a SAHM with two young kids 20+ years ago and then her husband abandoned her (he was NEVER heard from again), she thought NO ONE should ever, ever be a SAHM again. It was her goal, as she put it, "to re-educate women on the stupidity of being a SAHM."

YIKES! Just because she had issues with being a SAHM, doesn't mean everyone would!

Funny, I had a similar experience several years ago. I was 18 and worked at an office part time while a freshman in college. One of the women was about 30 and had 2 kids about my kids ages right now. She was just coming out of a nasty divorce and went thru the same things as this lady did. She found her goal in life was to make sure anyone that was a female knew all men were low lifes who all cheated and didnt pay child support or enough of it! Xmas and Valentines Day was the worst with her. I remember thinking no wonder he left and left skid marks!

[Daniel's Kitty]

Congrats to the OP. It is great when you realize you are happy.

I am a SAHM (but I do some secretary type stuff for my dh so he doesn't have to find someone to do it). Technically we can't afford for me tto stay at home, but I know I wouldn't be able to do the jobs I have seen since my college degree seems to count towards great minimum wage jobs. I am in school to become a Realtor so I will be working with dh so one of us wil be home with the kids while the other one works. We are living very tightly right now, with food stamps too since the housing market is slow and we are paying out of pocket for my midwife.

[Alare]

GoddessKristie

Kudos to you for making and choosing a life you are comfortable with and for giving people information when they seem to ask how on earth you are able to do it. Also, you have done a GREAT job of keeping cool when some posters seem to be ganging up on you because of their PERCEPTIONS of your thoughts.

I'm not sure why some people on here seem to think they need to spew out all the information about where you live when the only point that really gets made is that "one choice some people make in order to make it on one income is to move from a higher COL place to a smaller COL place." Which you said you did. Not sure why dollar specifics are needed here.