I was visiting my parents and... - Page 5

[Emmeline II]

Originally Posted by GoddessKristie

my whole family was around the table talking about the economy and how times have changed over the course of our lives. My dad says: "I don't know anyone who can make it with only one spouse working. You just can't do that anymore."

Her dad said the above and the OP said "WE do" and explained how. It's not an insult to your character if you can't.

We moved for me to SAH (from Alaska), but the military moved us, the ils housed us for awhile, dh got lucky (finally), and the CLO is relatively low. It is a mixture of planning and opportunity (GI Bill, VA Loan, military training) that allow us to live on one income. If we lived in my hometown we couldn't do it.

DH has a coworker (who makes more than dh, now much more) that just can't figure out how we do it (one income) no matter how many times dh points out that we worked for years to pay down our debt and avoid accumulating more; our spending habits and money philosophies are very different.

[Amys1st]

Wow! the frugal forum hasnt seen this type of fun in a while!!

I am a sahmom and I am also frugal. I was frugal before a parent so I spend a great deal of time in this forum. Geez, it seems like yesterday when we first put up this forum after our tribe got soo huge! Then I remember the sahm forum went up too.

I knew after I read the first and then second post, this thread was doomed. I would like to stick to frugal lessons here not debate just like the rest of the forums here, no one wins!

Yes, my frugal lifestyle (by choice, for the environment, simple living, etc) has made it easier for us to have me home. But mainly, our saving that we started at a young age has allowed us to have 150K already for our retirement. We were lucky we knew to start this but even luckier because we both had our educations paid for before we were married at age 25 as well as smaller cars that were paid off within months.

Now, a lot of couples starting out have 2 student loans, cars to pay for (even small ones) credit card debt, and larger rents or mortgages than we had 10 plus years ago. And their salaries are not much more than we made back then.

For us, the sacrifice would be not here to be with my two girls full time.

As far as medical- DH's company (he is a partner) pays for our benefits which would be 2K monthly otherwise. When our dd2 was born 16 weeks early, the nicu bill alone was 300K. Nevermind the emergency c section, Drs etc and after care. All paid for by my medical benefits. If we had to pay that, God only knows what we would do.

We live in a neighborhood that houses the best public school in the town. The homes surronding us are 500K- 1.4M. But there is some normal housing which would run about 350-400K. We live here because we bought the house on the block that needed to be renovated which we did. To live in our neighborhood you need to have higher income earners or both people working. IMHO and IME, its worth it for what this neighborhood gives back to us. ITs close to town, everyone is down to earth, and the village manager, county tax accessor, and Chief of Police all live on my block. As well as some news reporters for the local news station. Its safe, clean, and the snow is cleared real fast in winter.
For us, this house costs $300 more a month than what our old house did. We have also put 50K in work to it so far. We DIY so its not bad and we are both very handy. Because of this and I cook scratch, am creative with getting things done, as well as bartering etc- we have been able to make it like we have. We both can fix anything, make use of what we have and still live well.

Not everyone can do what we have done and really not everyone should. House remodeling is for couples who both are 150% on board with what goes into it. Some people are better working to pay for it IMHO! Somedays, I think- I wish I was one of those people LOL! Just as those on the other side think the same.

OK done babbling for now.

[WNB]

Originally Posted by SAHDS

And staying at home isn't work?

Of course staying at home is work. But a good chunk of the work that stay-at-home parents do is the exact same work that work-outside-home parents do when they get off work.

I will totally admit to a slightly envious feeling when considering the situation of people who do not shoulder a responsibilty to a third-party employer, and can thus balance the demands of child-care and the rest of the work of keeping a home going with fewer intrusions. I'm sure that some SAH parents experience the same sort of slightly envious feelings thinking about the benefits that derive from employment. I think one can feel envious in this way and at the same time affirm the choices you've made, given the cards you've been dealt.

[texmati]

ok... I havent read all of the responses, but I think OP's kind of being treated unfairly here.

This is coming from someone who doesn't belive that staying at home is the automatic best thing to do in every situation.

[monkey's mom]

Originally Posted by Belleweather

Also, as far as smug SAHMs talking about how much they've sacrificed so they can stay home and how "worth it" it all is, I'm going to put in for a medal -- we don't have cable, cell phones, new cars, eating out or spontaneous trips, and I STILL work outside the home because that's what it takes to make ends meet. I pump BM to feed the littlest ones, earn a paycheck for the groceries and garden for the veggies, so if you want to talk about the "sacrifice-for-the-family" olympics, perhaps you're not such a shoo-in for the gold after all? (Honestly, I believe every mother deserves the gold, and it's not a race. But the smugness gets to me sometimes, you know?)

People all over this forum talk about how much they've sacrificed and how it's been worth the things it's gotten them. It is the frugality forum, afterall.

Singling out one group as being "smug" seems really, really unfair.

I am proud of the sacrifices I've made to get the lifestyle I have. I would hope that *everyone* out there is. I don't think that equates to smugness.

People here run the gamut from hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt to hundreds of thousands of dollars in net worth. We're all sharing our experiences and tips and supporting and commiserating. I would hate for people who have managed to save lots to be pegged as smug when they advise others here on how to do the same. Or the mamas who have dug themselves out of a huge debt.

I know I sometimes get envious when I see the incomes some folks here post. We are very much a blue collar family and I can only imagine how much that income would ease our lives. But I can't begrudge those families their higher income. They've made different choices than us. And probably made sacrifices I was/am not willing to make. I certainly hope they wouldn't hesitate to post about the pride they felt at being able to pay for their kids' college and how those long hours working double shifts really paid off.

As someone else said, it's the glory of the frugality working for someone! That someone was able to maintain a frugal lifestyle and have that help them meet a personal/family goal. And feel good about it, to boot! I think that's awesome!

[hookahgirl]

I really jsut htought her post was about making "frugal look good."
My DH and I brag about that all the time. We make it look good LOL There is no shame in that.
Alot of people assume that if you are frugal that you cant do XYZ and you have to drive a XYZ car ect. Its nice to throw that sterotype on its head

[miss_sonja]

I'm stunned at the negative responses here to the OP's post. I guess that's all.

[Knittin' in the Shade]

Originally Posted by miss_sonja

I'm stunned at the negative responses here to the OP's post. I guess that's all.

that

[katheek77]

There are families who have made significant "sacrifices" so one parent can stay at home.

There are families who are able to have one parent stay at home without significant sacrifice.

There are families who choose to have one parent stay at home for emotional/personal reasons.

There are families who have both parents work so that they can enjoy the "luxuries" of life.

There are families who have both parents working purely so that they can make ends meet.

There are families who choose to have both parents working for emotional/personal reasons.

There are families who do/have done a combo of all of the above to adapt to their particular station in life.

My needs are not your needs. My luxuries are not your luxuries. My sacrifices are not your sacrifices. My situation is not your situation. But, at the end of the day, we are probably doing what we feel is best, overall, for our family.

[SusanElizabeth]

Well said Katheek. There's no need to judge other people.

[GoddessKristie]

Who is judging? I'm certainly not.

[Sonnenwende]

Originally Posted by GoddessKristie

Who is judging? I'm certainly not.

That is where you are wrong:

Originally Posted by GoddessKristie

When I meet people who say "you're so lucky that you get to stay home!" They never know until I tell them, and I always tell them they can do it too.

You seem to believe that whatever it is that is stopping one parent from staying at home must be frivolous and easily done away with. Even if you have since reversed your stance on the issue, that flippant remark was fairly annoying to people who just can`t stop working. I really don`t know why you created this thread in the first place. You are only one job loss away from being thrown back into the workplace.

[hookahgirl]

She created it to share her happiness in the fact that she works hard to stay home.
Get secure with your choices and you wouldn't be so up in arms about hers.

[Sonnenwende]

I am secure in my choices. I love working. I have zero interest in being a SAHM. I tried that and it sucked. I don't go around saying that everyone should find a way to afford daycare and work out of the home because it didn't work out for me.

[hookahgirl]

So you wouldnt even be one of those people she would have said the quote too. So dont worry about it, the OP was saying she was trying to force eveyone to live her life style, just that if they thought she was lucky, they could always try to figure out a way to stay home.

[monkey's mom]

Originally Posted by Sonnenwende

I am secure in my choices. I love working. I have zero interest in being a SAHM. I tried that and it sucked. I don't go around saying that everyone should find a way to afford daycare and work out of the home because it didn't work out for me.

Is anyone saying that, though? I thought she said that when people resond with, "You're so lucky....I wish I could do that." I wouldn't be at all offended if a working mama said that to me if I had expressed interest or envy for her situation. That seems like a logical response. What are ya gonna say, "Yeah, too bad you could never do what I'm doing. Sucks to be you."

And really, aren't we all one disaster away from huge life-altering changes. Why do we need to keep pointing that out? It seems so mean-spirited. I don't know...Can you imagine if someone posted that they saved and scrimped to buy a house and folks said, "Yeah, well....one flood or tornado and you can kiss that sucker goodbye."

[SarahGuinn]

Originally Posted by Sonnenwende

I am secure in my choices. I love working. I have zero interest in being a SAHM. I tried that and it sucked. I don't go around saying that everyone should find a way to afford daycare and work out of the home because it didn't work out for me.

She is telling this to people who want to be able to do it too, she's not running wild eyed through corporate picnics and grabbing women with childbearing hips and telling them to get home to their mayun and their baybees because it's the right thing to do.

[monkey's mom]

Great visual!!

[Garden~Lover]

interesting. I do think it is unfair to think everyone mom (or 1 parent) be a SAHP. I always call myself a sahm, even though im not. I work at night after dh gets home, I have done this for as long as ive been a mom. (which is a long time). I feel very lucky that I am able to be home for my babies and preschoolers, so they are not in day care not that we could afford that anyways. I have to work, I dont think I could be home everyday without ever leaving LOL. I know I get looked down on by my bils and sils, b.c they all work , their kids are all in day care, they all have $50K-$70K a year jobs, my measly little job pays a step up from min wage, but oh well, it pays the bills, I only have to work part time. This works for us, I cant tell you though how many times I get the "OMG how do you do that, your dh must be so deprived ? that sounds awful. " What ever.

[Tradd]

Originally Posted by SarahGuinn

She is telling this to people who want to be able to do it too, she's not running wild eyed through corporate picnics and grabbing women with childbearing hips and telling them to get home to their mayun and their baybees because it's the right thing to do.

If a mama who works expresses a wish to a SAHM that working mama would love to be able to stay at home but doesn't think she can do it, good for OP for giving them some ideas! I've known not a few working moms who've expressed the same wish, and simply telling them about The Complete Tightwad Gazette, for example, has helped give them the HOPE that it is possible. Some families might be able to go to mom being a SAHM right away by simply cutting a lot of bills/spending. For others, it might take a while (with 2nd kid, for example, not the first) - they have to sell a house, move, make a job change, etc. Or maybe a woman can't be a full-time SAHM, but working part-time is a good choice for her. Or maybe it works better for DAD to be the SAHP.

Given our extremely consumeristic/materialistic society, giving stuff up (whether it's cable TV, going to one car, not eating out as much, etc.) is scary to a lot of people. Talking to other people who've done it or reading about it can give them that boost to think it IS possible to be a SAHM.

It's great to hear OP's DH is totally supportive of her being a SAHM. I've actually had first dates with guys who told me they did NOT want a wife who wanted to be a SAHM. They liked their toys and gadgets and didn't want to make ANY sacrifices for a wife to be SAHM. Yes, this was on the FIRST date. Good thing, because it helped weed out the guys with different values.