annoying kids having playdates

[forrestguy]

There are just those kids who I dread having over. One of them, in particular, I like his mom very much and I know she is very excited to have found another homeschooling family and I was excited to...until we had this kid over a few times. Everything just goes wrong, you know. The kid cries over everything and is mean to my five year old and they all fight the whole time they're over. Finally my son has actually told me he doesn't want this kid over anymore. How do you handle this? I feel like I need to tell his mom that somehow my son doesn't want to be friends with her son. But she's sooo nice and I really enjoy talking with her and I don't want to hurt her feelings.
Whadda y'all think?

[Peony]

We've had some friends that despite the mom and I getting along really well, our DC just did not. I've had to take a step back, we see them once in a while, but not that often.

[One_Girl]

Is he doing this when his mom is there or when he is there without her? If he acts out without her then you might try telling her and asking her to stay for the playdate. It may also help to have it at a different time of day, my friend's son was not a lot of fun if he played in the afternoon but in the morning and right after lunch he was a ton of fun. Having the playdate at the park or somewhere with a playland may also work better if she is there also.

If all else fails maybe she would be willing to have some mom time and do things without kids.

[forrestguy]

we've only had playdates without the other parent there. This is true, might help if we all went somewhere together.

[Embee]

Playdates have always been more or less, a miserable experience for me and my DS.

When it was clear to me and fellow mom friend of mine that playdates were getting nuts, we started a trade: one morning a week I was the sitter and one morning a week, she was. This changed the tone of the playdate incredibly and the kids usually got along well. And then the added bonus of having a free morning was pretty great too! Then, once a month we left the DH's in charge of the kids and met for dinner or lunch for some together mom time.

Sometimes, it helped to have a few planned activities, like having art supplies out, or some water play in the backyard. If we started with a mom-sitter/kid activity first, they would then more easily transition into playing together.

All in all, it was wonderful for us and the kids.

Best of luck. Hope you find a workable solution.

Em

[forrestguy]

This is what our intention was, to have a trade off every week, which I was really looking forward to but I don't think it's going to work out. I just dread this child coming over and now my son doesn't want to go over to his house. It's so tricky because sometimes it's just a bad first impression and once I've gotten to know a kid it turns out to be okay but I think we've had enough interactions with this kid to know that it just doesn't work.

[limabean]

I think that if your son doesn't want to spend time with this boy, then he shouldn't have to -- playdates should be mutually agreeable for the kids, right? I know it must feel really awkward to tell the other mom that you'd like to back off -- I hope someone gives you (and me, for future reference!) a polite way to do so. The best I can come up with is something vague like, "We're just having such a busy summer that it's hard to make plans right now" or "DS is having a hard time with playdates right now, but I'd love for the two of us to get together for coffee sometime!" Those don't sound great, though -- someone more clever than me will come along shortly, I hope!