when to stop bathing with the kids? - Page 2

[harrietsmama]

We've just been facing this issue with dd and xdh and come to the conclusion that it really depends on the family. My il's and my parents are going nuts about it but I know it isn't a big deal in our situation.

[Kira's mom]

I see nothing wrong with bathing with your children at any age. it seems they will let us know when it's no longer appropriate. BTW when gramps was unable to bathe himself my mom took a shower with him. He was 83 and she was 63!!

[Marilde]

What's the Look?

Anyways, i bathe with my kids sometimes, not everyday but sometimes.

[angelcat]

I would be in the "til they say they don't want to" camp, but I remember beign so embarrassed to still bathe with my mom, but I was afrid she'd be hurt if I said anything. So I'd say stop by about 8 if they haven't said.

[KMK_Mama]

Our kids are 6, almost 5, and 2 and they still take showers with Daddy. Sometimes with me, but not often. I take a bath in the morning and DH takes a shower at night which is when we bathe the kids so it's just easier that way.
I've actually been wondering the same thing with DD1. We always said we'd stop when they started being uncomfortable with it and so far they haven't said anything and they don't seem uncomfortable. I guess it's just "their normal." My DD's are completely capable of taking a shower by themselves, but I have to badger them the entire time because they would rather play than wash up and they get water all over the floor from splashing....so the shower with Dad is just easier!

[soygurl]

Originally Posted by milehighmonkeys

I would be surprised if an any age son would look at his mother's body in a sexual sense. I don't really think that's the point. At some time in their lives, they will have to learn to deal with the shower and the water in their faces and how to keep it off or to be comfortable with it.

and

Originally Posted by velochic

8 seems a little old - not because he might look at you in a sexual sense, but just in the fact that this seems to be a task that at his age he could easily be doing independently.

: That's how I see it too...

Originally Posted by angelcat

I would be in the "til they say they don't want to" camp, but I remember beign so embarrassed to still bathe with my mom, but I was afrid she'd be hurt if I said anything. So I'd say stop by about 8 if they haven't said.

That's my only worry with the "until child/someone is uncomfortable" plan... I took baths with my mom until we couldn't both fit in the tub (never took showers or bathed with my dad), but I can think of a lot of things I kept doing so I wouldn't hurt my mom's feelings (nothing harmful of course! Just can't think of a good example right now)

Originally Posted by SAHDS

DH showered with them as infants (I never felt comfortable holding their slippery bodies in the shower) until I could 'safely' take baths (PP). I bathed with them until they were probably...18 months? After that, I sat by them and helped them until they were 6. Now (7.5, 8) they take showers by themselves.

I bathed with my mom until I was 6 or 7 and I loved it She worked 2 jobs and it was our time. We'd play, laugh and sing.

I have fond memories of baths with my mom too!

Just out of curiosity, why did you stop bathing with your DD (and DS for that matter) so much earlier than you stopped bathing with your mom?

[MayBaby2007]

Originally Posted by ccasanova

At what age did you stop bathing with the kids? I saw an article on TV once and the lady said that at age 2 one could start showing the child how to shower on their own, and that by 4 or so a parent should not bathe with their children anymore. That seemed so young! Especially picturing a 2 y.o. in the shower alone!

My therapist told me (today actually) that family showers should stop around age 3, in the best interest of any child. She says that age 3 is when *some* kids start preschool and that's the age when they need to learn boys are different from girls, privacy, etc.

I do think that mama's/children showering/bathing together is far more appropriate than dada's/children--at least past age 3. My dd's dad is way too paranoid to ever be unclothed around dd...but I'd be okay with him showering with her until age 3ish, but not after that.

Being a single mama, I can't keep my toddler away while I shower. I have one of those "shower only/no tub" things and she crawls right in the shower with me and I'm okay with that. (OT when I do bathe her (instead of showering with me), it's in a rubermaid container because she's too big for the sink and I don't have a tub ) But I don't think I'll allow it past age 3.

:

[Graceoc]

WHen my DS #1 was about say 4 I stopped showing/bathing with him. At age 6 he started wanting privacy, and now at 8 he showers himself but is ok with me being in the bathroom (if I happened to need something) and seeing him naked, but perfers not to see *me* naked (like if I take a shower and forget my towel and have to run across the house LOL!)

DD is 6 and stopped showing with DH at around 2. He got more uncomfortable as she got taller and was eye level with his parts LOL! SHe still showers with me on occassion, no biggie.

DS #2 is 3.5 and LOVES LOVES LOVES to take showers and baths with whoever will let him in LOL! He often showers with me and isn't phased in the least by my nakedness.

DD#2 just took her first shower with me today and loved crawling on the tub floor Of course DS#2 had to jump in too LOL!

[Kleine Hexe]

Originally Posted by Montessorimom8

I stopped when ds started giving me The Look. You will know The Look when they give it to you. Ds gave it to me at around 3. We stopped then.

I'm not sure what The Look is either. I think The Look has more to do with an adult being uncomfortable than a young child giving The Look. That's just my opinion.

[NoHiddenFees]

Originally Posted by MayBaby2007

My therapist told me (today actually) that family showers should stop around age 3, in the best interest of any child. She says that age 3 is when *some* kids start preschool and that's the age when they need to learn boys are different from girls, privacy, etc.

I dunno, maybe we're OK because I didn't send them to preschool, but my kids understand that we can walk around naked at home but not in public.

[PassionateWriter]

Originally Posted by MayBaby2007

My therapist told me (today actually) that family showers should stop around age 3, in the best interest of any child. She says that age 3 is when *some* kids start preschool and that's the age when they need to learn boys are different from girls, privacy, etc.

I do think that mama's/children showering/bathing together is far more appropriate than dada's/children--at least past age 3. My dd's dad is way too paranoid to ever be unclothed around dd...but I'd be okay with him showering with her until age 3ish, but not after that.

wow...what a therapist! i think my kids know at or before 3 that boys are different than girls (i know my 2 yo knows and im pretty sure my older 2 boys know) and i still never limited showers w/ them at any age. im certainly not showering w/ my 17 yo and cant remember the last time i did (prob. 6ish or so) but my 8 yo frequently gets in the hot tub nudey b/c its soo much easier than going to get a suit, etc. etxc. etc.

what is your dh paranoid about? im just really struggling to wrap my brain around that comment.

Originally Posted by Kleine Hexe

I'm not sure what The Look is either. I think The Look has more to do with an adult being uncomfortable than a young child giving The Look. That's just my opinion.

ive never heard of The Look either. *shrug*

[MayBaby2007]

Originally Posted by PassionateWriter

wow...what a therapist! i think my kids know at or before 3 that boys are different than girls (i know my 2 yo knows and im pretty sure my older 2 boys know) and i still never limited showers w/ them at any age. im certainly not showering w/ my 17 yo and cant remember the last time i did (prob. 6ish or so) but my 8 yo frequently gets in the hot tub nudey b/c its soo much easier than going to get a suit, etc. etxc. etc.

what is your dh paranoid about? im just really struggling to wrap my brain around that comment.





ive never heard of The Look either. *shrug*

Bolding mine. He's paranoid for all the right reasons I guess? He's a cop and has been to way too many houses where child sexual abuse is an issue--way too many. He's 100% UNcomfortable with the idea of being undressed infront of his daughter. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I think he (like a lot of people) view showering together as a "lover" thing. That's understandable. Everyone has different comfort levels. (He also won't allow daughter to see brothers and vice versa. We're very conservative. It works for us).

[treemom2]

Originally Posted by kaylee18

Other cultures also commonly bathe as families regardless of age (they just don't see nudity or bathing as necessarily sexual), so I don't think there's any kind of inherent problem with children and parents bathing together.

Here in Japan families bathe together in the home and out at public baths (called onsens). When my DD goes to her Japanese friends' homes she will often bathe with her friends and an adult family member even sometimes *gasp* the dad (jk, I have no real problem with this as it is part of the culture). I've been asked several times to go to baths with my friends and one of these days I think I will accept despite my body issues. I guess when children start asking parents to bathe alone or when there just isn't time for the children to bathe with the parents then it is okay to let them bathe alone. My DD has been able to wash herself since she was 3 (not her hair, but we only do that once a week anyway) and my DS is getting there (he'd rather just skip the washing part altogether, so we still have to help him with it).

[MayBaby2007]

Originally Posted by treemom2

Here in Japan families bathe together in the home and out at public baths (called onsens). When my DD goes to her Japanese friends' homes she will often bathe with her friends and an adult family member even sometimes *gasp* the dad (jk, I have no real problem with this as it is part of the culture). I've been asked several times to go to baths with my friends and one of these days I think I will accept despite my body issues. I guess when children start asking parents to bathe alone or when there just isn't time for the children to bathe with the parents then it is okay to let them bathe alone. My DD has been able to wash herself since she was 3 (not her hair, but we only do that once a week anyway) and my DS is getting there (he'd rather just skip the washing part altogether, so we still have to help him with it).

Bolding mine. I would have stroked out by now. Litterally. But, that's the culture you live in. That image terrifies me...but all I know is what I've been exposed to.

I've never looked into the Japanese culture and why the have the public/family baths. What is the reasoning behind that? How long have you lived there?

[treemom2]

Originally Posted by MayBaby2007

Bolding mine. I would have stroked out by now. Litterally. But, that's the culture you live in. That image terrifies me...but all I know is what I've been exposed to.

I've never looked into the Japanese culture and why the have the public/family baths. What is the reasoning behind that? How long have you lived there?

OT:
Honestly it was a little strange for me as well at first, but then I just realized it is part of the culture (if you watch the movie My Neighbor Totoro, you will see the father bathing with the daughters and the ritual of washing before getting in the bath) Bathing is a religious ritual, cleanliness and relaxation are a huge thing here. Actually, you shower and get clean before relaxing in the bath. Usually the bath water is saved for a couple days too before it is drained and new water is added (most tubs have heaters that will reheat the water for you). Nudity also isn't really a big deal here, often toilets at parks will not have doors and you will walk past and see someone urinating or you will see men urinating off the side of the road. I can't tell you the number of times a man has taken his pants part way down to retuck in his shirt in public. Just a totally different way of life. We've lived here 3 years going on 4 now.

[PassionateWriter]

Originally Posted by MayBaby2007

Bolding mine. He's paranoid for all the right reasons I guess? He's a cop and has been to way too many houses where child sexual abuse is an issue--way too many. He's 100% UNcomfortable with the idea of being undressed infront of his daughter. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I think he (like a lot of people) view showering together as a "lover" thing. That's understandable. Everyone has different comfort levels. (He also won't allow daughter to see brothers and vice versa. We're very conservative. It works for us).

i used to be married to a cop and i know he did see a lot of child abuse in his line of work (before becoming a detective).

its fine if your dh is paranoid (i guess) but i dont view being paranoid about nudity around my kids as "normal"....i just dont think my partner needs to feel paranoid..but thats just me and the way i raise my kids...we arent conservative at all. and that works for us.

treemom, i think i would LOVE to live in Japan..how open, and liberating that must feel (after you get used to it im sure).

[Kleine Hexe]

Originally Posted by MayBaby2007

My therapist told me (today actually) that family showers should stop around age 3, in the best interest of any child. She says that age 3 is when *some* kids start preschool and that's the age when they need to learn boys are different from girls, privacy, etc.

This therapist is American I assume? That is a very American opinion. America is so Puritan and paraniod about nudeness. In Germany this therapist would be laughed at for this opinion. Goodness, there are completely nude children running around at public pools (as well as topless women) until they are around 8-10.

I think my posts show that I am not conservative at all! Well, I was raised in a non-conservative German family.

I think my 7 yr old DS has seen more breasts than my DH ever has.

[MeadowMom]

I stopped showering with ds around age 7. It was very gradual. We never talked about, he just stopped hopping in with me. Now I get all the hot water

[phathui5]

I wouldn't personally be comfortable bathing with my older two.