unconventional bedtimes

[Squrrl]

I'd like to hear from those of you out there (I can't be alone) who don't really do the "7 o' clock, let's go to bed!" bit (or 8, or whatever, but early for an adult and at a fairly set time). My daughter's 10 months old, and she's always just gone to bed when we did. We moved our bedtime up to 10 to accommodate this, but since she would only sleep while nursing until quite recently, it's not as if I had much choice. Also, if she'd gone to bed at 7 or 8, most days she wouldn't have seen her father at all.

I still wonder, though...no one else ever talks about this. Of all the things that we question on MDC, bedtime never comes up. Is there some actual _reason_ that people put kids to bed so early? Is my child missing out on something? And now I'm more curious than before, because now she's starting to actually sleep on her own (once I nurse her to sleep, always. But that's another story).

So ladies, what do you do, and what's your rationale?

Oh, and I should add that if she's not sleepy when I first try to put her to sleep, I don't force the issue. Last night I twice tried to nurse her to sleep. The first time it failed, we went back downstairs and I didn't mind at all. The second time, we stayed in the dark in our room, but I let her play until she started rubbing her eyes and looking sleepy again. A little trying for me that time, since *I* was all geared up to sleep, but survivable.

[mama2elisabeth]

Good topic! My DH works 2nd shift and doesn't get home until 2am. Before DD was born in November, I often stayed up until then, and we'd both sleep in until 10am . Until recently she has fit into our mold really well, oftentimes staying up until 11 or 12 and sleeping until 9-10am. However she's now tiring out at 8-9 and waking at 6, so I'm just going to bed earlier myself (since I'm the one who has to get up and play with her at the crack of dawn ). IMO, as long as our LOs are getting enough sleep, that's all that matters.

[zoe196]

my ds is 2.5 and we generally go to bed at the same time-- about 10:00pm.
The few times he has gone to bed earlier have been bliss as I crave some "me time" in the evenings but seems like a very difficult change to make. Sometimes I stay up after he goes to sleep ( it usually takes nursing and singing for 20-30 minutes before he settles down) but then end up staying up til 1am which backfires in the morning.

I look forward to reading other replies...:


Zoe, mama to Thomas 1-06

[thixle]

No one does talk about it! It seems to be a dirty little secret with most families...
DH gets home around 7pm, so if DD went to sleep : she'd never see daddy. But truthfully, how do you MAKE a kid sleep? Without CIO, I mean. DD seems to thrive on very little sleep compared to others her age. And that is fine with her. I, on the other hand, could sleep 12 hours straight and feel so much better
I would like her to be asleep before midnight, because we all have to get up at 7:30, but that is just for me. I *could* go back to sleep after they leave (preschool and work) but I feel too guilty.

[xtara2003x]

My DD is 14 almost 15 months old...and only now have we begun a bedtime..which we do around 9-1030 depending on our day and her tiredness level.

Before this...she has always just gone to bed with us.....either 9pm...or 12pm.

We sleep in late too. It's 930am-ish and we both just woke up!

[jemama]

When our oldest was a baby, bedtime was whenever I went to bed. Now that there's two of them and I work full time bedtime is 8:30pm for them. We all wake up around 5:30ish every morning so they need an earlier bedtime. They usually burn out around Thursday of every week if I don't force the early to bed rule. My oldest I can just say "Lay down, go to sleep" but the baby takes some cajoling.

[bczmama]

"Is there some actual _reason_ that people put kids to bed so early?"

Yup. I think sleep is as important as good nutrition for current and future health (both mental and physical). Since I'm not willing to let the kids sleep until noon (they're up at 6:30 M-F to have breakfast and time with Dad), they go to bed earlier. I've been using guidelines that recommend (including naptimes) 13.75 hours for 1 year, 13.5 for 18 months, 13 for two years, and 12 for 3 years.

I have noticed an improved difference in temperment when I moved towards earlier bedtimes and more sleep. I really prefer having the mornings be kid and dad time, while having them to bed earlier at night leaves time for adults.

[rmzbm]

Mine go to bed when tired. Whenever. Sometimes after me. I believe people should sleep when tired. We don't do bedtime.

[FREEmom1120]

My dd usually goes to bed around 9, that's when she is tired and ready. Last night, however, it was midnight.

I don't make her go to bed at any certain time. For the most part she is pretty regular though. I'd just prefer her to go to bed earlier because dh and I are both home and it's nice to have time together after she is asleep for the night.

[bellabear]

I'm right there with ya. My dd goes to bed around 9:30ish. She has always...or rather we have always gone to sleep when she does. She's 3 now and we do have a routine to ease he to sleep. We usually take a bath around 8:30, get dressed and hop into bed and read some books for a while,then she's ready to nurse to sleep. It works well for us. She has never gone to bed at 6 or7 (except when she was a newborn)! She's gone thru phases of going to bed at almost 11pm...not much fun, I like to go to bed early!

[ann_of_loxley]

My son goes to bed when he is tired. I have always done it this way. But it just happens to be rather consistant and around 7:30ish. If he doesnt want to go to bed, he doesnt. This usually only happens when hes had a nap during the day though - which is rare as he stopped having a nap two weeks before he was two so only tends to have a nap if he has been in the car and out all day long...which does then mean he doesnt tend to want to go to bed until 10-11pm.
No matter what time he goes though - hes always awake around 8ish in the morning. Its an early 'bedtime' to me, because I am not tired until 10-11...sometimes on here until 2 in the morning lol... But he is clearly tired and sleeps until about 8 that its not 'early' for him.

I am very glad he goes to bed earlier than we do though. DH and I get to have some time together, get to have some sex every now and then (crucial for future babymaking lol - way too tired to attempt sex at like 2 in the morning trust me lol), or do whatever it is we would like to do that we cant with DS around like watch some tele not appropriate for his viewing or just sit there and do...nothing (its a wonderful doing nothing lol).

I dont really consider what we do 'unconventional' though - mostly because I enjoy the fact he goes to bed hours before us far too much (I love my son to bits, but I am also one of those people that just really likes to be alone) and we did encourage it a bit - we had a 'routine' (not a schedule though) since the day he was born but I always went with his biological clock - never forced, we live consensually...so I guess we are sort of inbetween?...We dont do 'bedtime' but if I notice my son is getting tired I will then ask him if he wants to go to bed and if he says yes - he goes! lol

I suppose all of this becomes a 'problem' when people are stuck to a set time and regime and get hung up on that (I have lots of 'mainstream' friends that do) - especially when the baby becomes a toddler. - This has never been an issue for us though because we are pretty lax about it. But the way it works out - works out great for our family. I plan to do the same with the next child.

However - I am glad we dont do school lol... Then I think you would have to get pretty strict about 'bedtime' having to be up at a certain time and all. So from that point of view, I can see why people do it...the sooner you start the better - no point in trying to insist on a schedule with a 5 year old when for the whole 5 years before that things ran differently in your house...wouldnt make much sense and seem like an awful lot of work lol

[Ellen Griswold]

When my oldest was about 18 months to about 3yo, he and I worked at a day care 2 days a week. He would NEVER nap there. So, he took about a 2 hour nap when we came home from about 5 to 7. Not great for bedtimes, so frequently he and I would stay up until 11 or 12, or even later. Since I sah, I have the kind of flexibility that I could sleep in if I wanted to. Then, we stopped working, and his bedtime evolved to about 8 and he sleeps until about 7. As long as your child gets enough sleep, and the schedule doesn't bug you, I can't figure out why there would be any need to change it.

[snuffles]

Originally Posted by bczmama

"Is there some actual _reason_ that people put kids to bed so early?"

Yup. I think sleep is as important as good nutrition for current and future health (both mental and physical). Since I'm not willing to let the kids sleep until noon (they're up at 6:30 M-F to have breakfast and time with Dad), they go to bed earlier. I've been using guidelines that recommend (including naptimes) 13.75 hours for 1 year, 13.5 for 18 months, 13 for two years, and 12 for 3 years.

I have noticed an improved difference in temperment when I moved towards earlier bedtimes and more sleep. I really prefer having the mornings be kid and dad time, while having them to bed earlier at night leaves time for adults.

I agree.

Some of my kids are just early risers, no matter what time they go to bed. So, it's 8pm for kids under 10. This gives me and my husband time together before I go to bed at 10.

[bottomsup]

Originally Posted by bczmama

"Is there some actual _reason_ that people put kids to bed so early?"

Yup. I think sleep is as important as good nutrition for current and future health (both mental and physical). Since I'm not willing to let the kids sleep until noon (they're up at 6:30 M-F to have breakfast and time with Dad), they go to bed earlier. I've been using guidelines that recommend (including naptimes) 13.75 hours for 1 year, 13.5 for 18 months, 13 for two years, and 12 for 3 years.

I have noticed an improved difference in temperment when I moved towards earlier bedtimes and more sleep. I really prefer having the mornings be kid and dad time, while having them to bed earlier at night leaves time for adults.

I completely agree with this. I never "force" my son to sleep, but I do encourage him and set up the evening and the day as much as possible,s o that he is generally sleepy around the same time each day. For him, that falls around 8:00 or so.

I also think it is healthy to respect a young child's sleep needs and cycle. They may be able to power through and stay up until all hours out of sheer will and exuberance for life, but it is not always good for them. They are not little adults, and can't function like we do. Heck, I cannot function well on an erratic sleep schedule.

I think the fallout for erratic sleep shows up later, much like the fallout for starting solids too early, etc.

That said, my 14 month old was up until 11:30 last night! Whoa. So I am not so rigid it is bedtime no.matter. what. But I do set up a routine and a day to encourage it on more nights than not.

[jennchsm]

I'm really glad to see this thread, as it's an issue I've just recently been struggling with. We have a 5-month-old and we co-sleep. Until recently, it's been a non-issue for him to go to bed when we do, somewhere between 9 and 10 pm. He will generally fall asleep in my arms around 7:00 and then wake up when we go upstairs around 9:00. (In fact, we often time our own "going to bed" time by his waking up around them.) That's when we do our baths on bath days, change into PJs, and settle into bed for more nursing. I was starting to get concerned that he should be going to bed earlier based on things I've read and seen on TV, so we started heading up around 8:00, but that seemed to disrupt my son's sleep routine!

So now I'm thinking that the way we were doing it was fine all along. He gets plenty of naps during the day, so I know he's getting enough sleep. He is ready to get up and play around 7:00 these days (affecting *my* sleeping in, LOL), but will nurse himself to sleep in my arms again around 9:00 am.

I'm not sure how things will change as he gets older, so I'm looking forward to reading the other comments here. :-)

[Ks Mama]

Originally Posted by Squrrl

I still wonder, though...no one else ever talks about this. Of all the things that we question on MDC, bedtime never comes up. Is there some actual _reason_ that people put kids to bed so early? Is my child missing out on something? And now I'm more curious than before, because now she's starting to actually sleep on her own (once I nurse her to sleep, always. But that's another story).

So ladies, what do you do, and what's your rationale?

I've always put my children to sleep when they were sleepy; which typically, is around 9pm, but really depends more on their level of sleepiness - sometimes is closer to 8, sometimes closer to 10. DH gets in from work around 7, so a later bedtime is necessitated.

I've never put them to sleep at the same time as we go to bed - but that's because we usually go to sleep around 1 or 2am. We own our own business, and often work late into the evening; pretty much around the clock, haha, so the very late evening is when we get couple time.

Now that DD has started school, which is on a regular morning schedule, obviously, we're trying to move bedtime back just a bit - closer to the 8pm side of 9pm. But I have never seen the point in putting an untired kid in bed just because the clock says its a certain time.

I don't do it myself, no reason to enforce it on a child. I am sure once we settle into the earlier morning routine, the earlier night routine will naturally follow.

[Septagram]

We have experienced a roller coaster in bedtime variations. DS1 started out sleeping his life away as most newborns do.. Then started staying up until 10pm or later most nights.. Then when he was 18 months or so he would stay up as late as 1am some nights. Now he's tired around 7:30 or 8 most nights, but again, some nights stays up until the wee hours. DS2 is only a few months old.. How things will go with him is yet to be seen.

I'm a big fan of letting kids sleep when they're tired. Bedtime schmedtime.

[AnnaLaughs]

I'm glad to see this thread. I've been contemplating starting a thread but couldn't bring myself to do it. That should show you the stigma attached to a "non conventional" bedtime. I just get tired of people acting like I'm doing something wrong. DD has always been a night owl. Always! I have no idea how to change this or if I even should. We homeschool (unschool) so it's not like she has to be anywhere. Since day one I have heard "you need to fix this".....I don't consider her broken...lol! On the other hand, DS has a more conventional schedule. I have to be up with him in the morning so DD's schedule is a bit of an issue now. I am torn between letting this go and trying to swing her around to our schedule.

[KimPM]

Originally Posted by bczmama

Yup. I think sleep is as important as good nutrition for current and future health (both mental and physical). Since I'm not willing to let the kids sleep until noon (they're up at 6:30 M-F to have breakfast and time with Dad), they go to bed earlier. I've been using guidelines that recommend (including naptimes) 13.75 hours for 1 year, 13.5 for 18 months, 13 for two years, and 12 for 3 years.

I have noticed an improved difference in temperment when I moved towards earlier bedtimes and more sleep. I really prefer having the mornings be kid and dad time, while having them to bed earlier at night leaves time for adults.

Yeah, that'd be great...if it actually worked for us.

I cosleep with DS. I usually go down to sleep (and nap) when he does. Unfortunately, he doesn't seem to need as much sleep as I do. And for the first 2 years or so he was such an atrocious sleeper. He's one of those kids who was just "on the go" until he literally crashed to sleep.

For the first 2 years, DS's bedtime was anywhere between 10 PM and 1 AM. He simply would not go down to sleep anytime sooner. Then he would wake up early, between 6 and 9 AM. He would also have multiple nursing sessions at night. Often he would have night terrors. When I tried to put DS to bed earlier (if he's tired enough that I can get him down), he simply woke up earlier in the morning. There's no way I'm putting him down at 8PM (if I could even get him to sleep!) just so he can get up between 4 and 5 AM. It's just not happening. We have nowhere to be that early in the morning.

We do take a 2-3 hour nap during the day. Occasionally he misses his nap and he's cranky, so when I put him down earlier at night, he is in the bed for the extra 2 hours...BUT...he wakes up screaming multiple times during the night. His sleep cycle is disturbed.

Lately we have been having luck getting him down around the 10PM timeframe. He gets up between 6:30 and 7 PM. We take a 2-3 hour nap in the middle of the day. This has been the best, most consistent sleep pattern he has ever had in his short 2.5 year life.

[Tangled Hill]

We're co-sleepers. When ds was small, he had his days and nights mixed up. Since I was staying home with him, I just switched mine, as well. No biggie. I figured that was much easier than trying to get him to sleep at a prescribed time, earlier and earlier (or later and later) each day until his sleeping schedule matched what I wanted it to be. He eventually got turned around.

Now, he's ten, and his "bedtime" is 11:00. He can stay up and play, read, draw, spend time with the dogs and cats, or listen to music or audio books. He usually falls asleep around 1:00 or so, and I come to bed sometime later. Since we homeschool, there's no real reason to get up early, except on days where we have something scheduled, and then, I remind him of it the night before. Of course, if he's having to get up early, I am too, so we generally just go to bed together, and he falls right asleep.

If we had to get up every day for school or work or whatnot, it would probably be much different, but as it is, I don't see any reason for him to have an early bedtime. As long as he gets enough sleep, I'm happy.