Originally Posted by riverscout
And that is your personal experience. However, I don't know anyone personally who does that type of thing, at least none of the people I talk to about parenting stuff with, not even the ones that could be stereotyped as "mainstream." And yes, they all have a regular bedtime for their kid. Maybe it just depends on where you live and who you hang out with.
I am sure the type of thing you are describing happens. I know about books like Babywise and Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child, and I agree with wallacesmum
that some of the sleep "expert" dogma advocates for set bedtimes and CIO if needed to get that result. However, I still don't see how anyone can make the argument that there is correlation between set/early bedtimes and CIO because of that or even because they know someone who does a set bedtime coupled with CIO. For every person someone could name that does that, I could name one that doesn't. I just really don't see the point in conflating the two issues.
its actually not my personal experience. its what i have heard from many mainstream parents, whom i do not hang out w/ for the most part.
i was simply stating why some of the posts earlier on seemed to believe that CIO was happening with rigid bedtimes. i dont think anyone here used CIO to get their kids to bed..i was NOT saying that. What i was saying is that depending on family and friends, many ppl who dont have a "set" bedtime are left to feel (by many) that they arent parenting and are the ones "too lazy" to put their kids to bed...to work on it, etc. etc.
i have friends that go from one spectrum to the other as far as nap time. a friend of mine is going to miss a viewing of BOB b/c its at 6:15 in the evening. her son goes to bed at 7:30 and her dh isnt good w/ night times. If my son were his age (1), i would have missed teh viewing also b/c i wouldnt have been able to leave him, but it wouldnt have been b/c of bedtime. I have other friends whose kids run around at all times of the night and there is never any attempt to get them to be quieter, relax, or anything...they do simply "fall over asleep"....
I never said there was a coorelation between CIO and bedtime....i think the 2 things can happen independent with each other..the problem is that most mainstreams uses the CIO method to achieve the earlier bedtime. Again, I do not believe thats what is happening here and i think both sides are a bit on the defensive in this thread.
Originally Posted by Collinsky
Just for the record, there's a difference between just leaving kids' totally on their own, and simply responding to their individual sleep needs regardless of what time that happens to be. Not having a "bedtime" isn't the same thing as not parenting children when it's time for bed - at least not in our home. We do NOT have a set bedtime, it changes all the time here - but it is something that I am very involved in. Since letting go of the whole "regular bedtime" idea (which was imposed by mama) bedtime has become a time of intense connection, fun, and sweetness for us. It is one of my favorite times of day. Whatever time it happens to happen!
I guess what I would say is that each family should follow their bliss (as corny as that sounds!) and if that means an early bedtime, a late bedtime, or a totally unpredictable winging it bedtime... go for it with confidence and joy. There is no time that is the "right" one for making your children happy, healthy adults. There really isn't.
i completely agree. i think there are judgments on both sides here and i think every post should be prefaced with "this is what works for my family and especially my child...your child is probably different and that doesnt mean you are doing something wrong".
thats pretty much my take on it after an unsuccessful night of attempting to come up with a "bedtime routine" as suggested by Sleepless in America. Im hanging in there for 3 weeks b/c i was told thats how long it takes to create a "habit" but thus far, we are not doing well.
I may just have one of those kids that HATES schedules and will resist beyond when he normally goes to bed if i try to institute any type of bedtime...im not sure yet.