New Posts  All Forums:
 

unconventional bedtimes - Page 2

post #21 of 126
6/24/08 at 3:55pm
Well, my daughter has always had an unconventional bedtime, but on the other end of the spectrum. She goes to bed really early and always has.

Why? Because it is her nature and because she has always, like since birth, not slept much during the day, so she is really tired very early in the evening. I took me awhile to realize this was her nature. By the time she was a few months old things were not going so well sleep-wise and I finally decided to drop my expectations and really start listening to her, and I stopped worry about what other people were doing.

By the time she was probably 5 months old or so, she was going to bed at 5:30pm and sleeping until 7am, only waking a few times to nurse. Mind you she only took 2 30 minutes naps during the day. She was much happier this way and slept so much more peacefully. This continued till she was well over a year.

Things have been a little less predictable since then. Her sleep need has decreased a bit and her napping habits have gotten very erratic. However, she still goes to bed really early most days. She doesn't nap most days and is asleep by 6pm. On the days she naps, she is asleep by 7 or 8pm depending on the time and length of the nap. No matter what time she goes to bed, even if it was unusually late, she is up between 5:30am and about 6:45am.

I have tried to gently shift her schedule before to no avail. I just end up with a grumpy tired baby. My husband and I would love her to stay up a bit later and sleep later, but that just isn't her. My husband almost never gets to see her after work, but he gets a lot of good morning playtime in with her. He has shifted his work day a bit to accommodate this.

Her early bedtime has gotten me some funny looks and some gasps of astonishment and a few chuckles. It has meant passing on a few social engagements that I am sure she would have had a blast at. I am sure our friends probably secretly think we are nuts. But we've grown to accept and even enjoy our little early bird's schedule. Now I just hope our next one has the same idea. I don't think I can handle and early bird and a night owl.
Sponsored Links
post #22 of 126
6/24/08 at 4:06pm
Thread Starter 
Wow, guess I hit a nerve! A lot of people were glad to talk about this, and raised some good points. Guess I take staying at home for granted...the only "schedule" I even thought of was my husband's, cuz it's the only one we deal with! I can definitely see wanting to prepare a kid for getting up for school, too. (Though, man, there's only so much you can do. Every morning for four years I got up at 6:45 to go to high school, and every morning for four years I HATED IT! ). I also 100% agree that enough sleep is even more important for a child than for an adult (and that's saying a lot, and I LOVE my sleep), and that, sometimes, the child doesn't know that they need to go to sleep. Happily, mine right now will sleep plenty if I'm just alert to her cues for naptimes, but when she was younger, it was a battle, and I'm sure we'll be there again.

I guess I feel pretty comfortable with how we're doing now, though I might try to ease her bedtime a shade earlier to give us some couple time (more likely some "quick, let's do the dishes!" time ). I guess what we can all guess now is that we're not such big freaks as we thought we were! Thank god for MDC, eh?
post #23 of 126
6/24/08 at 4:25pm
My DS has always been a night owl. As a newborn, I could not get him to sleep before midnight. These days (now 2yo) I aim for 10pm, but it is often later. Fortunately we have a flexible schedule and he can always sleep as late as he needs to.

He never seemed to want or need as much sleep as the "typical baby" despite my best efforts. He sleeps about 9-10 hrs at night and 1-2 during the day. A friend's child the same age sleeps 15 hrs a day! I think there is a wide range of normal.
post #24 of 126
6/24/08 at 4:46pm
My kids both start getting ready for bed around 10:30. By the time we're done with teeth, pajamas, story & snuggles & they actually *go* to sleep, it's anywhere from 12-2, for the oldest anyway, the younger one is almost always asleep by 1. They sleep until they wake up, though, usually around noon, so getting enough sleep isn't an issue. When we visit my mom, we usually go to bed a bit earlier & get up a lot earlier (she's definitely a morning person & gets mad if we sleep much past 9).

I used to go to bed with them & just stay there. Being a major night owl myself, there was no way I was going to bed at 8 or 9. Now that ds2 doesn't nurse at night anymore, I often get up after he's asleep (ds1 is sometimes still awake) and stay up until between 2:30-4.

My dh worries about what people will think that our kids are up so late, so he refuses to let them play outside after about 8pm, which I think is awfully unfair & silly. I think it's partly because he still remembers some woman saying that "letting" little ones stay up past 8 is child abuse and he's worried if the kids are out playing that someone will report us.
post #25 of 126
6/24/08 at 4:56pm
Why do you feel that 7 or 8 is an early bedtime? I think that whatever bedtime gets you enough sleep to wake up naturally without an alarm clock is the right bedtime My kids get up at 630am so that they can have a good breakfast and some time with mommy before all of the daycare kids show up. To do this my 8yo son needs to be in bed by 830, my 11yo dd by 9pm. I, myself, prefer to be in bed by 830pm because I get up at 5am.
post #26 of 126
6/24/08 at 5:07pm

When we had a normal schedule, it was like the unconventional ones described. Dh works nights, and leaves at 10:30 PM for work. Bedtime never began before he left... our bedtime range was anywhere from 11PM to 1AM, asleep by 2. Kids would sleep until at least 10 (although they could get up earlier if there was an activity that day) and I would get up at 8, when Dh comes home, and be guaranteed a couple hours of adult time with him (or alone).

And that was our idea of a conventional schedule. I'd hate to see what you all thought of our "bedtime" now.....
post #27 of 126
6/24/08 at 5:28pm
My husband and I both work, and have to be up at 5:30 (opposite days, one of us is always home) so we try to stick to a regular bedtime for everyone. It's no problem getting the 10 y/o to go to bed, but the 13 y/o wants to stay up til 3 or 4, then sleep til 1 or 2. Not gonna happen in this house! They go to school, so we try to keep the bedtime consistent on weekends and during the summer, but it's hard. If the older one stays up late (or gets up after we go to bed) we usually get a call from the school the next day saying he's "sick" and needs to come home.

DH and I like to spend some time alone together before bed, which we would like to be around 11, but with all the bedtime drama usually winds up being 1 or later. Any suggestions?
post #28 of 126
6/24/08 at 5:29pm
Lemmie does not have a conventional bedtime either. Perhaps she would if DH did not work in the evenings until 10 p.m. I do start a bedtime/calmdown "routine" around 9 p.m. where we start reading a story and have a larger bottle of milk, etc., but if she's not tired, she just goes on her mats and plays. We do usually try to put her to bed when we go to bed though.

I don't exactly know why people put their children to bed so early. Most of the time we are lucky enough to have her sleep in until 8 a.m., and she has two really decent naps during the day. This "schedule" works for us.

Take care,
El
post #29 of 126
6/24/08 at 6:43pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Squrrl View Post
I still wonder, though...no one else ever talks about this. Of all the things that we question on MDC, bedtime never comes up. Is there some actual _reason_ that people put kids to bed so early? Is my child missing out on something? And now I'm more curious than before, because now she's starting to actually sleep on her own (once I nurse her to sleep, always. But that's another story).
because we need to train them to sleep or else they will not know how to get up in the day time. they will never be able to be on a set bed time and a set wake up time. you have to train them for when they go to school and have to go to work

Quote:
Originally Posted by rmzbm View Post
Mine go to bed when tired. Whenever. Sometimes after me. I believe people should sleep when tired. We don't do bedtime.
yes agree 200% i look at a child as my equal and they know when they are tierd and will sleep then. bed times are much beter when a child is tired not because it is 7pm. i can try to get my dd to go to bed early can take 6 hours she will not sleep till she is tired and if she knows we have to get up and still wants to stay up late that is her choice. she is 6
post #30 of 126
6/24/08 at 7:02pm
Well, around here we just sorta go to sleep whenever. dh works and I'm the one who stays home with ds so whenever he goes to sleep is when I do. usually is before between 10-12 but there for a while he was going to bed at 2 (which I didn't have a problem with - I seem to function better when I get up later)
post #31 of 126
6/24/08 at 7:29pm
Thread Starter 
Yeah, I guess when they wake up is another part of the picture. Mine goes to sleep 10:30-1ish, same as us (I never was good at schedules, and, thank god, even DH has a moderately flexible work schedule) and wakes up 8:30-9:30 and always seems sufficiently refreshed, which works well for us. About half the time she's up to snuggle her papa goodbye, but when she sleeps a little longer I get to put myself together in peace and quiet--which is awfully nice. I agree with those who wonder, though, if this will be such an easy, organic process if they end up with two kids with different needs...hmmmm.
post #32 of 126
6/24/08 at 7:32pm
While I was still a SAHM - my DD went to bed with us at 11pm. She would sleep until 10am and get up. DH got home from work at 5pm - so that gave them 6 hours together.

At about 14 months I started babysitting some other kids who were dropped off at my house at 8:30am. That woke her up - so we had to change something. I was also taking her to the in-laws for 9am another day.

So we switched her bedtime to 8pm. We tried making small changes - but it took a big one to do it.

Our goal is not to wake her up. We feel that she should wake up on her own - and that means she's getting enough sleep. So we pushed her bedtime back to where she was waking at ~8am on her own and seeming well rested.

Personally I feel that getting enough sleep is important - but I don't think that the particulars of 'when' are.
post #33 of 126
6/24/08 at 7:54pm
Thread Starter 
Oh, and all apologies to those who don't consider 7-8 to be late. I'm well aware that some people are morning people and others are...not. I have a good friend who actually requests a 5am-2pm work schedule. Me, I wilt anytime before 8:30 am, and don't really start thinking until dinnertime. When the two of us dated, that was actually one of our biggest problems. I'm sure that a similar mismatch with a child could be equally unpleasant.
post #34 of 126
6/24/08 at 10:26pm
We have a bit of a later schedule. DD has bath at 9:30ish and goes to sleep between 10 and 10:30. We wake up at around 8:20 am. That's worked well for all of us. However, DD will start pre-school this fall and she'll be there from 8:45 to 11:45 every morning so we anticipate a schedule change for that. Stay tuned!
post #35 of 126
6/25/08 at 1:53am
My dd goes to bed sometime between 11 and 12, there is really no point trying to get her to go to sleep before then because she just isn't tired. If it gets to be too late and I am ready for bed dh puts her in the sling and carries her around for about 15 minutes and then puts her in bed with me to go to sleep. DD and I both sleep until about 10 am. To some this sounds lazy, but I actually get most things done in the later evening. I am lucky to be a SAHM so DD and I can make the schedule that works for us, regardless of what is "normal". I say if it works for you and everyone is healthy-go for it!
post #36 of 126
6/25/08 at 2:03am
My 5 1/2 year old is in bed pretty routinely by 8:30 at night. My 3 next month year old usually stays up until 10 or so. I nurse him to sleep in the living room on the couch while watching tv, reading, or talking to dh. He usually nurses for 30-45 minutes straight before conking out, and then I slip out form under him. Whenever I go to bed, which is often around 2, I move ds into the bed with me. Until then he just sleeps on the couch. Neither kid gets up before 8, it's usally around 8:30. My little one still naps for 2-3 hours every day. I suspect that if he napped earlier he would go to bed earlier, but we are usually out doing stuff in the morning and nap gets pushed back....

I actually like it like this because I spend my 1 on 1 time with my 5 year old while my little guy naps and then I spend my 1 0n 1 time with him at night after his sister is in bed. Everybody wins! And I am an incurable night owl so I get to spend time alone after everyone else is asleep.

If my kids were the in-bed-at-7-up-by-6 kinds of kids I'd freak. This is exactly the way I like it.
post #37 of 126
6/25/08 at 2:12am
ds goes to bed anywhere between midnight at 4am. hes always been a night owl, he had a short stint where he wanted to be in bed by 10, so we did, tgghen he went back to his normal self.
post #38 of 126
6/25/08 at 2:31am
No routine here. I work 3 pm-11pm 3 days/week and 11pm-7am 2 days/week. Sometimes I feel guilty having a baby centered w/in this schedule but currently, there's nothing I can do about it.

3-11 shift: Sometimes dd is tuckered out from playing hard and she stays asleep from car to house. In that case, she'll get up about 8am (and may wake through the night for something). Other times, she's wide awake by the time I get off work and has missed me all night and stays up until 4 am playing. 4 am was her record. It's usually 1am or 2am. Begging a toddler to go to sleep doesn't work, although I still try If we stay up late, we sleep in until 10 or 11 am. Luckily she's not picky and "goes with the flow" of my schedule.

11-7 shift: She goes to bed fairly early and wakes a couple times through the night. She just gets too excited to see mama at 11pm and she perks up I guess. It's all good though...any time spent is a blessing

My neighbors must hate me. Windows are open with a toddler happily screaming, babbling, and running around at 2am :
post #39 of 126
6/25/08 at 2:44am
Quote:
Originally Posted by MayBaby2007 View Post
My neighbors must hate me. Windows are open with a toddler happily screaming, babbling, and running around at 2am :
I think about this a lot... I've talked to my kids (several times a month ) about our sleeping neighbors and how if we're noisy it wakes them up and then they may be very tired and feel bad all day. We're in townhouse style apartments, so thank goodness, no one below us - just on either side. I try to keep nighttime shenanigans downstairs. They try to remember. But... yeah, : sums it up.
post #40 of 126
6/25/08 at 4:20am
My dd sleeps when she's tired, as well. Really, can anyone force an almost 2 y/o to sleep? She sets her own routine and we follow it. She naps 2-4 hours after she wakes because that's when she is tired. She goes to bed for the night 7ish hours after she wakes from her nap because that is when she is tired. Some days bedtime is 10pm and other days it's 8pm. She sleeps 12-13 hours a night and naps for 90 minutes a day, so I'm not worried about her sleep.

When she was an infant she would go to sleep late- between 10pm-12am. She went through a phase around ten months old where she wanted to go to bed way earlier, like 7pm. (That was also around the time when she began transitioning herself to one nap a day- that took a good six months.) Now she has an 'average' bedtime of 9pm, though it varies depending on different factors: if she woke up a little earlier than usual/napped a little longer or a little later than usual/played hard all day and was super tired earlier than normal/etc.

Oh, and my dd never wakes earlier than 8am- and that's really pushing it. She's usually up between 9-10am, though closer to 10am. I'm glad. Although I'm more of a morning person, I couldn't do 5:30/6:30am (though I would if I absolutely had to).