Quick! Should I let her go????

[southernmama]

My almost 6 year old dd has been invited last min. to go to the beach with my MIL/FIL, SIL and her two kids for FOUR days. They have rented a condo and leave on Thursday to return on Monday. I have not decided if I should let her go and have not told her about it.

I know if I let her go she would have a great time- she loves her cousins, is secure in being away from us (but never for FOUR days) and has a great relationship with my ILS all. Problem is,it is FOUR days and I know that she would be exposed to things there that we do not allow at home or in our family. SIL and kids are totally plugged in (as are ILS) and go to sleep watching movies (could be movies with a PG 13 rating as seen as perfectly okay by that family with a six and eight year old- G movies are considered baby movies) I also am afraid of the things that come out of MILS mouth= she often talks without thinking of how it could be taken (some may have read the "gifted" thread). For example, she will tell the kids if they give her a kiss she will give them a dollar and really just (good heartedly) says the wrong thing and puts value on the wrong things. She also talks about weight constantly and has lost and gained 100 lbs twice since I have known her. Despite this she feeds the kids junk from sun up to sun down. ( I am okay with this once and a while and my kids know this is not the way to eat to make your body happy)

I know she will feed dd and make sure that she is safe, put sunscreen on her, make her use a booster, etc., but.......it's FOUR days without a parent, with people with completely different values than we have.

Last week dd was sick with the stomach flu and was miserable and missed lost of fun stuff, this week, of course ds has it and we are grounded at home again so I feel kind of bad for her- two weeks of summer sitting at home sick or caring for a sick brother--- so I'd love for her to have some fun. Is it a mistake? What's your opinion???

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

You know -- the 4 days thing cuts both ways. Its ONLY 4 days -- you have had 6 years to instill a love of healthy food, reasonable media habits, body image and values, etc. It will not all be undone in 4 days, no matter what people say and do. And unless you home school and keep her from interacting with her peers, its all stuff she is or will be exposed to soon. At some point they have to begin to filter the outside world through their values, and six seems like a pretty reasonable time to start.

If you had safety concerns, then I would have a really different reaction. If she didn't want to go I would, of course, not suggest that you force her. If she won't sleep without you, then she's probably not ready to go. But if the basics are all OK and its just a concern about different values... You can't keep her isolated from different values forever.

Will you have some, um, interesting conversations when she gets home? Probably. Will she ask questions about why your family is different? Probably. Will you be able to explain things so that she is comfortable with it? Probably. Might she be a bit wild when she comes home? Probably.

My vote is let her go, as long as you know she will be safe.

[ma_vie_en_rose]

I would be concerned about it, too. However, I don't think four days of exposure to something different will be enough to do any real damage. kwim In fact, I doubt she will pick up on a lot of what you are concerned about. I think the biggest thing would be if you made a big deal out of it. She would take clear notice then. kwim I would just let your IL's know that you would appreciate them keeping any tv viewing to something appropriate for her, and leave the rest alone since she really won't realize the rest in such a short time.

[AuntNi]

As long as everyone is clear on safety procedures (sunblock, supervision around the water, booster seat,) I would let her go. I bet going on vaca with her cousins is a memory she'll treasure forever. My 6-yo DD absolutely worships her cousins, and she's spent 3-4 days with them at my parents' house several times with no problems. She's going for a week later this summer, which will be her longest trip to date.

Yes, you might get lots of questions when she gets home, but kids this age are masters at figuring out what flies at one relative's house vs. at home. I bet she'll have a great time!

[A&A]

No, no, no, and no--for my child, at least. (And yes, I have an almost-6 year old, so I can really picture the situation in my head.) And, no. My ds would be SOOOOO homesick after 2 days; 4 days would be way too hard on him. And me. Even with the perfect relatives. So, no.

[New_Natural_Mom]

I wouldn't. My ILs are...not my cup of tea...and though I think my DS (if he were that age) would come home alive, I wouldn't be comfortable with them around him w/o me present. I wouldn't even let him go with DH if I wouldn't be there.

If your DS is feeling better why can't you and he go as well? Though that would be my personal idea of hell on earth.

I NEVER understood this grandparent fascination of having the grandkids sleep over or go on vacation w/o the parents. It is weird to me.

So now that I was so unhelpful in just talking about *me*, I would say no.

What does your DH say?

[soygurl]

As long as you don't see her having any major homesickness issues, and you feel completley comfortable with physical safety issues (as you said you do) I'd say let her go! There's a fine line between protecting and sheltering and sometimes (not saying this time or anyone in particular) I feel that some people on MDC have a tendancy to lean more towards the "sheltering" which IMHO can sometimes be more harmful than helpful.
But EVERY child, family, and situation is different, so follow your heart!

[prescottchels]

Talk to your DD about it. All the details, what days she'd be gone, how many, where to, with whom, what activities are planned. See what she says. Let her know you have some concerns, that you just want to talk about it, that you haven't made a decision yet and go from there. Also talk w/DH as pp said. Get everybody on the same page and then make your decision.
Good Luck!

[Ks Mama]

How far away is it? Will you be able to regularly keep in touch? Can you come get her if she needs/wants you?

I wouldn't worry about the other stuff - things they say, watch, eat... 4 days of this isn't going to make a dent in what you've taught a 6 year old in her life. She knows what's right & wrong. And she can download with you after the trip.

If you feel comfortable about her SAFETY with your in laws & sister in law, then it sounds like a fun trip; go for it.

For me...? Well, I'd ask to come - not just because I'd miss my babies, but because I'd hate to miss out on a beach trip!!

[southernmama]

I would totally go, but I was not invited (nor ds or dh) so..... that's out. (in fact that kinds makes me mad, they want dd who is super sweet and easy- but not the rest of us- ds is two and a sweet wonderful wildman and sick right now so its out anyway)

My Ils would keep her safe and follow all directins I had the forethought to provide! I would have to think of everything though and they would roll their eyes...a lot....and talk about it at bridge!!!

I know it would be a great time for her and I truly do not think she would be homesick- I would miss her terribly though! I have not asked her about it because honestly I do not want to be the bad guy here- dh will let me make the decision but he thinks why not??? He spent EVERY weekend at his grandparents growing up!

[tootersmom]

Originally Posted by soygurl

As long as you don't see her having any major homesickness issues, and you feel completley comfortable with physical safety issues (as you said you do) I'd say let her go! There's a fine line between protecting and sheltering and sometimes (not saying this time or anyone in particular) I feel that some people on MDC have a tendancy to lean more towards the "sheltering" which IMHO can sometimes be more harmful than helpful.
But EVERY child, family, and situation is different, so follow your heart!

:

But it sounds like you may be uncomfortable with her being away. So, I think it's probably going to boil down to how you feel about it more than your daughter. From what you've said it sounds like she'd be fine, and probably have lots of fun. But only you can say for sure where you want to draw the line.

ETA: lol! It would kind of make me mad that I (as well as my other child) were not invited as well. But we've been trapped in a house all summer, so I'm totally jealous of anyone on the beach right now!

[lyttlewon]

I would do it. Sounds like it would be fun. The key is if you trust the people to have a safe environment. DH and I went on a vacation away from DD for 4 days when she was 3. She stayed with my in-laws and they had a blast.

[lovemybubus]

Wouldn't do it. I think a couple hours with them is one thing but in the 4 days she's gone she probably will need you, if not just your guidance and presence.

[lawgrrl]

I want to preface my response by sharing two things: (1) I am the most overprotective parent I know (no media exposure, very fews sweets, no junk food and when it comes to safety issues I am a TOTAL FREAK) and (2) I am the mother of an almost six year old boy who has spent exactly 3 nights away from me during his entire life.

Here's what I would do, I would tell DS that he had been invited, discuss the situation with him and ask him if he wanted to go and if he wanted to...I would totally let him go. I know that DS is self-aware enough to decide if he could handle the separation from Mommy and Daddy for four days.

DS is lucky to have all four grandparents and while none of them are perfect IMHO, they are who they are. Most importantly to me, they love DS enormously. I *wish* DS had cousins with whom he could frolic at the beach, but alas he is the only grandchild on both sides of our family.

[jeteaa]

# of days exposed to your ILS won;'t change the amount of crap she absorbs. So I don't think it is a question about the # of days. But rather, do you want her w/ ILS without you around (at this age).

[southernmama]

good point. I don't really want her around them w/o me or dh to kind of filter for her some of the wackiness. But, honestly, I am leaning toward letting her go because I know she would have fun and it is probably ME with the doubts/discomfort- not her.

MIL and I are just totally different people and I can't let that get in the way of their relationships. Of course, i'd need to spell out the rules- and they will be four hours away- see if I could come get her on Saturday if she needs/ wants me to.


Its scary letting her go- my mind races through all of the (very unlikely) horrible things that could happen from car accidents on the way there to drowning (she's a great swimmer and we have a pool so it could happen here) to her kidnapping. I guess as long as she is with me I feel as though I have some sort of control (haha) over these horrible things or would at least be there to stop them!

[lyttlewon]

If you don't feel comfortable with the entire four days can you have them take her for maybe two and then you can come pick her up?

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

Originally Posted by southernmama

Its scary letting her go- my mind races through all of the (very unlikely) horrible things that could happen from car accidents on the way there to drowning (she's a great swimmer and we have a pool so it could happen here) to her kidnapping. I guess as long as she is with me I feel as though I have some sort of control (haha) over these horrible things or would at least be there to stop them!

Ah, but this is a logical trap -- any of these things could happen whether she goes or not. And the sense of "control" is completely false, as I suspect you realize.

We have to let them go at some point. Kids aren't ours to keep, they are ours to nuture to the point of independence. A healthy part of that is to let them try their winds in short, safe circumstances along the way. And really, this is pretty short and pretty safe, if you take away your own anxiety about it. You can get her if you need to, she's with people you know and trust, even if you don't seem to like them much, and you can make arrangements to speak to her each day. Seems like a good thing, to me.

My 5 YO DD spent her first week without me at my parent's house a few months ago. Yes, it was hard to let go. She, however, had a great time, and came back a more confident kid. My parents and I have all sorts of differences, but she survived just fine, can articulate ways that the families are different and why "our way" is better.

I think we have a hard time realizing that they really can get most of their needs met without us by this age, at least for a short time and when they are with other loved people.

[Marilde]

I wouldn't let her go, you know i'm overprotective in the aspect that no one will take care of my kids like I do. Sorry, it freaks me out, my son is 8 and haven't been away for more than a day, he goes to sleepovers with his friends just for one night and seriously that's enough for me.

[pajamajes]

If she wants to go I would let her go. She will have a great time and it sounds like your in-laws love her very much, even though they might not have the same parenting ideals. As long as you know she'll be safe and have fun, then I don't see anything wrong in letting her go. I don't think 6 is too young for four days away, but of course you are the only one that knows whether your daughter is ready for that or not. HTH.